One of my dear new friends in my new home town met the love of her life before the digital dating phenom got rolling. She and her gal pals were sharing dinner out one night lamenting the single life (as women have been doing since the dawn of time), and one thing led to another. Before the night ended, these smart, sexy, sassy women all made a pact to run a post in one of the local weekly papers known for concert reviews, leftist political views, and explicit and not-so-explicit classified personal ads.
My friend ran her ad and got several responses. She made such an impression on one guy she met for coffee that he canceled the date he had with another lady he’d connected with from the classifieds. Throughout their courtship, my friend’s sweetheart wooed her by writing her one romantic letter a month for 36 months. At then end of the third year of love letters, he proposed. omg! Such a love story.
Fast forward to 2010: now we have online dating services and cell phones and text messages. We are dating in a digital age no one ever dreamed of. People still meet in the produce aisle, at church picnics, on the bus. They also meet in cyberspace with photos and bios and various fictional versions of their their life stories. Since venturing into the cyber-classifieds, I’ve taken the necessary precautions to avoid cyber-creeps. But I’ve always said you can meet a creep at an ice-cream social, so caveat emptor is the motto of dating adults everywhere.
So recently, I found myself exchanging emails and text messages with a person of interest. Yes, we met online, so the email and texting are not entirely unrelated to the whole e-dating process. The thing is, we’ve met in-person. Clear and mutual interest was expressed by both parties. We even touched lips, swapped spit. . . And yet? No forward movement. I figured, he’s just not that into me and was prepared to move on. Then we started up with the texts and flirty emails again. It was fun, but no hints about meeting up. Started to feel weird. Of course, K and I talked about it. The radar started to pingpingping. It’s not natural to meet someone you like and not want to spend time together. Unless. . .unless. Okay, girls. We all know what that “unless” means. Something’s not on the up and up. The story isn’t holding together. We’ve all been in that place where our intuition started to warn us off and we ignored it, haven’t we? Can we all agree to not do that anymore?
The truth is, texting is not dating. Emails are not a relationship. Romance at a distance is the safety valve for someone who isn’t really ready for love. Not that any one of these things is wrong. Unless you want an authentic relationship, which every goddess is worthy of, btw. I’m just sayin.’ Love, C
My two cents: be willing to walk away and never settle for less than you really want!
As I have mentioned before, I have been on dating hiatus for a while and don’t have experience with digital dating, but I do know a thing or10 about signs and when actions and words don’t jive. So when C filled me in on what was going on with Mr. e-mailer/texter, something definitely was feeling a little off to me. I totally understand emailing and such in the beginning of online dating, it’s fun, flirty and relatively safe. Who hasn’t experienced the giddy feeling of opening up your inbox in the morning to a fun little note from a boy you are interested in. That can go on for as long or short a period as the two people involved feel comfortable with. For me and my experience with blind dating, I would rather get right to it. Physical attraction is a big thing and I think a lot gets lost in translation when your only communication is email and text. So when I meet someone new for a coffee or a glass of wine I usually get a pretty good read if I am going to be interested in moving forward right away. It is usually a, oh yea, yippee, he looks cool, or, there is no way in hell.
I am not being superficial and I am not talking about just the way someone looks, it’s more than that. It is their vibe, the feeling you get when you are face to face with someone that as flirty as a text is it’s just never the same.
So back to said dilemma, what if there seems to be mutual interest between you and Mr. blind date/online guy and things go back to just texting and e-mailing? I can’t say that that has ever happened to me but it doesn’t sound like something I would spend a lot of time with. . . but hey that’s me. I guess maybe sometimes people want to take things slow but come on!!!
I guess it all goes back to knowing what exactly it is that you want and holding out for it. I know for me no where on my list of things I want in a man is someone who is afraid of getting hurt so much they have to move in reverse, nor am I looking for someone who doesn’t trust his own judgment. But that’s my thing. xo-K
My two cents: Be true to yourself, know what you want in a relationship and never settle.