Monthly Archives: May 2010

tuned in, tapped in, turned on

Unless you have been hiding under a rock, out on some deserted island or just don’t have a computer you have undoubtedly seen the YouTube video of Jessica’s affirmations.  We posted it a few weeks ago on our facebook page and it was amazing to see how it was just, well, everywhere.  Suddenly, it was all over facebook, it was on the front page of Aol,  and now the original post is at close to two million hits.  Everyone is loving little Jessica and her robust, enthusiastic affirmations.

That little girl, who was four at the time of the video, is what Abraham calls tuned in tapped in turned on, or, in the Vortex. She is in alignment with herself and what she wants and affirming it to the universe with such joy and clarity, you just can’t help but get swept up in it.  Even the most negative, doubting people I know were mimicking that little girl and posting similar affirmations on their facebook pages or walking around exclaiming to themselves and the world.

We have all known about or have at least heard about affirmations. I use them on a daily basis and have for years, but a lot of people I know don’t, and don’t think affirmations have much power.  Well they do. They get you to focus and line you up with what you want so you can actually start to feel what it would be like to be having or doing or being what you want. Oh, and don’t forget the most important part: it feels good!

Think about it: the reason anyone does anything is because they think they will be happy in the doing/having  it.  Why do you want more money?  You think it will make you happy.  Why do you want a great relationship?  You think it will make you happy and will make you feel good.  This pretty much applies to anything out there that you desire.

Yesterday I took my daughter to the orthodontist. When she went back, I sat in the reception area.  They have a brand new huge flat screen TV that always seems to be on CNN.  I am aware of what is going on out there in the world but I tend to stay away from things like CNN.  It never feels that great when I watch, so I just don’t.  Well, it was on and I was watching for a few minutes and they have one of those ticker things at the bottom of the screen and it is recapping the same 4 or 5 negative stories over and over.  Urrrrg, I felt terrible and went  outside to make a phone call.  Watching that ticker, play over and over is an affirmation, a negative one.  It is repeating something over and over until it is the truth to you.  You can affirm what CNN wants you to think or you can be like little Jessica and affirm what you want to focus on and what feels good to you.  It’s your choice.  xo-K

My two cents:  We say it over and over: focus on what you want, not what you don’t want and be in your joy while doing it.

♥♥♥

I wasn’t crazy about facebook at first. When I joined a year ago, it just seemed like a giant time drain. I checked in once a week, just to see if anyone I knew was there. I wanted to see what clever thing they said, or photo they posted.  It took a while, and then I became a believer. Videos like Jessica’s affirmations are a good example of how we can change the world with one post at a time.

I have come to realize that my fb page is my “station” and I can play anything I want on it. No CNN, no hand-wringing ain’t-it-a-shame media, no filtering out annoying talking heads just to have the good stuff I want flowing into my world. Nice! You may have noticed that Two Girls likes to post graphics and videos. And it’s all stuff we like! Once upon a time, I worked in radio. The best part of that gig was programming the music. So much fun! This is like that, but better.

Two Girls promotes information that feels good, books that are uplifting, teachers who can take us all to the next evolution of our souls, music that puts us in the vortex, and of course videos like sweet Jessica’s affirmations.  I don’t know about you, but my heart just opened like a big flower when I watched her for the first time. There is a lot of good news out there, and it is our mission to share it because that’s the world we want to affirm: all is good, all is well, we are loved, and we are never alone.

For me, being tuned in, tapped in, and turned is a  daily practice. When you consistently affirm the pleasant things you wish to experience: peace, harmony, joy; you begin to look for them to show up. When you look for them to show up and expect them to show up, they do. What you focus on shows up. What you expect to happen, happens.

If you start to “forget” for a minute and catch yourself afraid of what might happen, just pause, take a breath; and affirm a better outcome, allow a better outcome. It’s that easy and it’s that hard! If you are all wound up and needing to release a burst of energy, fear and anger are a shortcut that can work. It’s just better for your peace and well-being if you take a moment to connect to what is your real power. In case it matters. Love, C

My two cents: begin your day tuned in and watch the magic that is your world unfold in a whole new way.

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it takes as long as it takes

I was talking to one of my bffs the other day, a girl wh0 goes in and out of hell  pretty much daily. She’s at war with her ex and it’s a battle of wills, the kind of battle that can never really be won and she knows it but for some reason she just can’t let it go.

My friend wants it to be over but she also wants to be right and wants to win, a  deadly combination.  In one minute she wants it to be done, she can’t stand dealing with him or his drama  for another minute and doesn’t care if she wins or who has to pay.  Then. . . she thinks about it and that’s where the trouble starts.  “It’s not fair,”  she cries, and now she wants to win.

Is she justified? Yes. Does she deserve to win? Oh hell yeah.  Is that stopping the ending from beginning?  Yes my darling it is.

Does she want to be right or be happy?  She wants  both, and frankly that is the problem because both is not an option.  Sorry, you have to choose. It’s hard, but it can be done, and it takes as long as it takes.  I love my friend to death but when she reports on the latest, way he’s done me wrong, I can’t help but think, you could end this right here, right now. . .just let it go.

No one person is your source. No one is responsible for your happiness but you.  If you don’t like what is going on, either get out of it or if that isn’t possible, look at it in a different light.  What other choice do you have?  If you can’t see it in a way that you feel okay about, then maybe you need to look at something else.  Some other aspect in you life that is working.  That does make you happy.  It’s always a choice.

If you are always looking to others to do things in a way that works for you or say the perfect thing or you can only be happy when you hit all the green lights on the way to work and nobody says anything to hurt your feelings, you have a tough road ahead of you.

I have learned from years of looking at things from all different perspectives that there are as many green lights as red, but most people don’t seem to notice the good things as much as the things that annoy or irritate them. You can’t make the light change shades by sheer will but you can change the way you feel when sitting at the red light.  Stop, look around, notice something beautiful.

And if you can’t manage to do that don’t worry, just give it some time,  with a little practice you can master being happy no matter what the circumstances are, but in the mean time, if those red lights are driving you  crazy and ruining your day. . . leave 5 minutes earlier.  Just a suggestion. xo-K

My two cents:  Just like you wouldn’t scream at a two year old, “get up ya little dummy”  when he falls learning to walk, don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t get it.  Just know that only YOU can change the way you look at things.

♥♥♥

Marianne Williamson has a prayer that I adore and which is brilliant in its simplicity. It goes like this: “Dear God, please don’t change this situation before me, but help me to change my mind about it.”

It isn’t that your spouse left you for another woman when you were three months pregnant, it is the thoughts you hold about that affair. There are so many feelings you can attach to a situation like that. Betrayal, sadness, rage, anger, the whole spectrum of pain and suffering. And they are all valid. But the truth is, you are the one who attaches the pain and the suffering, no one else. There is a saying about resentment: it’s like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Love it!

Sometimes life lessons knock us off our pins. Sometimes we aren’t done with the tug of war because we feel like if we stop fighting and just let it be, it will mean we don’t care or that our love never mattered or that no one will love us ever again. We do such a number on ourselves.

Byron Katie had a technique called The Work. It mostly involves taking a position and then asking a number of questions to determine if your thoughts about it are “true.”  For instance, the woman whose husband left her could say, “he should pay for what he did to me.” Is this true? Did she really have no part in the rift that eventually divided their marriage, no responsibility?  The final element of Katie’s work is to turn it around. The abandoned woman could say, “I left me long before he did.” You know when you hit on the truth. Rather, you feel it. You get goosebumps, or let loose a big sigh, or feel a chill. You know.

When you ask God to help you change your mind about a situation, you are really asking for peace. You are really asking to detach from the pain and suffering that you have attached to the scene (which your soul really just created to give you a chance to heal a past emotional wound). The pain only exists in our mind anyway, right? You can’t point to a room in your house and say ‘this is where betrayal lives.’ It’s just an idea. And like any idea, you can either think it over and over and over again until it becomes a belief, or you can let it go. Love, C

My two cents: We are all just bumping around here, doing the best we can, trying to remember that we are all emissaries of love, learning to love again.


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it ain't over till it's over

So many tears I’ve cried, so much pain inside, but baby it ain’t over till it’s over. . .”-Lenny Kravitz

Wow, did I get that in a big way this last past week.  We all have our stuff, family stuff, some worse than others but we all have it.  I know I’ve got mine, hell I kept dating my dad until the thought of dating at all was not even an option until I worked it out.  I have been working on it for years, and have been feeling pretty good about it, feeling healed around it. Spent time in therapy, worked it out in my romantic relationships, it has come up in this blog many times and I think that writing has been the most healing thing for me.  I felt I was good on the subject, and I was, but someone else was not.  And he was waiting for me right back where we left off 30 +years ago.

My dad, who I felt never wanted to talk about this or anything deep for that matter, had been holding onto our relationship just where we left it so many years ago when it went south.  We were never big on communication, I thought he wouldn’t be willing to go there, or maybe that was me not wanting to go there with him.  Wasn’t pleasant the first time around, thought it might be easier just doing the work by myself or with a partner who mirrored  his. . . let’s just say “energy.”

Never thought I would have the opportunity to deal with it directly with my dad, too much time had passed, where do you even start.  So you can imagine my surprise when the other day it happened, I won’t go into what lead up to this confrontation, doesn’t really matter, had nothing to do with anything but I have to say it was the perfect storm.

He came at me out of the blue or maybe out of the oblivion, and in one fell swoop tried to time-travel me back to about age 15. And guess what, I was there, but then I wasn’t.  I didn’t cower, I stood up for myself in a way I never have and didn’t think I ever could.  Granted I wish I would have cooled it on the f-bombs I sent  flying around my living room, but I was calm, I was firm and I was so in my own power it was surreal.  As I was pretty much giving him the bums-rush out my front door, I don’t know who was more shocked him or me.  All the old tricks he used to pull on me, shame, guilt, etc. didn’t work.  Under the circumstances I felt like a million bucks, and then I didn’t.

I started to feel guilty, just a little bit but it was there.  I basically told my dad to get out of my home and my life, I was done with him and his rage.   My daughter, who was not home during the altercation, later asked me, “Where are we going to have Thanksgiving?”  I told her I didn’t know, but we would figure it out.

It’s been almost a week and I haven’t spoken to either of my parents, and I don’t know what is going to happen.  I spoke to two of my spiritual advisers and I now have a new perspective on what is going on here.  This is hard work but I feel so good, like I don’t have anything to be afraid of anymore.  Now I feel I can really get on with things.  xo-K

My two cents:  You can look away, run away, even move away but things don’t go away until you deal with them.

♥♥♥

Wow, this work is so amazing. I am so awed and impressed with the work K has done these past two weeks. We keep telling each other: I’m so glad I’m doing my work because when sh*t happens, it feels really good to remain conscious and heal what has been brought up for a holy healing!  K got the big whammy of healings that led to a spiritual breakthrough, and it was like watching goddess Kali at work.

You know Kali, the goddess of destruction and regeneration. She will burn your ass up and then dust you off your wings and let you fly.  As a close observer of K’s transformation, it was like watching a perfect storm unfolding. I could see/sense the storm clouds gathering, saw the flashes of lightening. And then shazam she was deep into the hero’s journey, all on her own, fighting for her soul, and she won. All I can say is there must have been one h*ll of a flash of energetic release blasting out of K’s living room that afternoon. She healed not just herself in the here and now, but also herself across time and space. Awesome!  K connected with her soul in a way she never had and she will never be the same again.

K mentioned that to her dad, she was that same defiant teenager who told him to stuff it, just before she started off on the journey to become the fierce, holy, and fabulous goddess that she is today. All I can say is he must have been so totally dazzled by her light that it scared the crap out of him and he resorted to all of the old tricks that used to subdue the girl before she became a woman. K met her dad as a fully evolved woman, not a child, and that is a beautiful thing to behold. The apprentice became the master. It’s the hero’s journey, in case it matters. The stuff of all great legends and heroines. Stay tuned. We are almost iconic. Love, C

My two cents: we are all on a hero’s journey that takes as long as it takes.


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it ain’t over till it’s over

So many tears I’ve cried, so much pain inside, but baby it ain’t over till it’s over. . .”-Lenny Kravitz

Wow, did I get that in a big way this last past week.  We all have our stuff, family stuff, some worse than others but we all have it.  I know I’ve got mine, hell I kept dating my dad until the thought of dating at all was not even an option until I worked it out.  I have been working on it for years, and have been feeling pretty good about it, feeling healed around it. Spent time in therapy, worked it out in my romantic relationships, it has come up in this blog many times and I think that writing has been the most healing thing for me.  I felt I was good on the subject, and I was, but someone else was not.  And he was waiting for me right back where we left off 30 +years ago.

My dad, who I felt never wanted to talk about this or anything deep for that matter, had been holding onto our relationship just where we left it so many years ago when it went south.  We were never big on communication, I thought he wouldn’t be willing to go there, or maybe that was me not wanting to go there with him.  Wasn’t pleasant the first time around, thought it might be easier just doing the work by myself or with a partner who mirrored  his. . . let’s just say “energy.”

Never thought I would have the opportunity to deal with it directly with my dad, too much time had passed, where do you even start.  So you can imagine my surprise when the other day it happened, I won’t go into what lead up to this confrontation, doesn’t really matter, had nothing to do with anything but I have to say it was the perfect storm.

He came at me out of the blue or maybe out of the oblivion, and in one fell swoop tried to time-travel me back to about age 15. And guess what, I was there, but then I wasn’t.  I didn’t cower, I stood up for myself in a way I never have and didn’t think I ever could.  Granted I wish I would have cooled it on the f-bombs I sent  flying around my living room, but I was calm, I was firm and I was so in my own power it was surreal.  As I was pretty much giving him the bums-rush out my front door, I don’t know who was more shocked him or me.  All the old tricks he used to pull on me, shame, guilt, etc. didn’t work.  Under the circumstances I felt like a million bucks, and then I didn’t.

I started to feel guilty, just a little bit but it was there.  I basically told my dad to get out of my home and my life, I was done with him and his rage.   My daughter, who was not home during the altercation, later asked me, “Where are we going to have Thanksgiving?”  I told her I didn’t know, but we would figure it out.

It’s been almost a week and I haven’t spoken to either of my parents, and I don’t know what is going to happen.  I spoke to two of my spiritual advisers and I now have a new perspective on what is going on here.  This is hard work but I feel so good, like I don’t have anything to be afraid of anymore.  Now I feel I can really get on with things.  xo-K

My two cents:  You can look away, run away, even move away but things don’t go away until you deal with them.

♥♥♥

Wow, this work is so amazing. I am so awed and impressed with the work K has done these past two weeks. We keep telling each other: I’m so glad I’m doing my work because when sh*t happens, it feels really good to remain conscious and heal what has been brought up for a holy healing!  K got the big whammy of healings that led to a spiritual breakthrough, and it was like watching goddess Kali at work.

You know Kali, the goddess of destruction and regeneration. She will burn your ass up and then dust you off your wings and let you fly.  As a close observer of K’s transformation, it was like watching a perfect storm unfolding. I could see/sense the storm clouds gathering, saw the flashes of lightening. And then shazam she was deep into the hero’s journey, all on her own, fighting for her soul, and she won. All I can say is there must have been one h*ll of a flash of energetic release blasting out of K’s living room that afternoon. She healed not just herself in the here and now, but also herself across time and space. Awesome!  K connected with her soul in a way she never had and she will never be the same again.

K mentioned that to her dad, she was that same defiant teenager who told him to stuff it, just before she started off on the journey to become the fierce, holy, and fabulous goddess that she is today. All I can say is he must have been so totally dazzled by her light that it scared the crap out of him and he resorted to all of the old tricks that used to subdue the girl before she became a woman. K met her dad as a fully evolved woman, not a child, and that is a beautiful thing to behold. The apprentice became the master. It’s the hero’s journey, in case it matters. The stuff of all great legends and heroines. Stay tuned. We are almost iconic. Love, C

My two cents: we are all on a hero’s journey that takes as long as it takes.


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the universe always says yes

Have you ever noticed? The universe always says yes. Think traffic always snarls on your morning commute? Yes! Believe that you have no self control? Yes! Convinced that there’s a shortage of money? YES!

K and I have been running an experiment for about a year. Well truthfully, it’s been longer than that, but let’s just say a year, because it’s relevant to the topic at-hand. For the last year, pretty much all of 2009  and part of 2010 — or the period of time I like to call the season of the Great Panic Attack — we’ve been ignoring “the economy.”

What?! Yes, it’s true. We’ve been going merrily about our business affirming that “My income is always increasing,” and “I thrive in any economy.” Crazy? Probably. But let me just tell you something, while many people we know have been lamenting “the economy” with doleful sighs and running around looking for the sky to fall, we’ve been fine. I believe this is because the Universe Always Says Yes.

Am I delusional? Possibly. But I have to say, I’ve been pretty stress-free for the past year. And stress causes your hair to turn gray and your face to pucker up and wrinkle. I mean, who needs it? Are there people out there who are really suffering? Of course, and I have compassion for them. But in the world I live in, all is well. Now, mind you, I don’t watch the TV news or read the so-called newspapers (which is mostly bad news, have you noticed?), so I don’t get exposed to the “ain’t it a shame” game that passes for “news.”

Skeptics will say that positive thinking doesn’t have a real effect. Good for them. All I know is, K is self-employed and her business is as robust as it ever was. I found a job after moving to a new town just after the stock market tanked in 2008 and am doing very well, thank you very much. Does our radical practice of believing in the best outcomes possible protect us from the desperation of the masses? Not entirely. After all, we do live in the “real” world. We just haven’t swallowed the Kool Aid that about 99.999% of folks out there have.

Does it make us better than the rest of humanity? I don’t know about that. But it does make us happier, and call me crazy, but I’ll take happy any day.

Okay, for real: this morning I woke up in a pretty grim mood. But experience has shown me where that line of thinking takes me and for sure, that wasn’t a place I wanted to go. My thoughts|my choice. I changed my attitude from gloom to gratitude for my blessings, and I gotta say, this day has totally rocked. Love, C

My two cents: don’t take my word for it: monitor your thoughts and see for yourself if your beliefs are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for you.

♥♥♥

This is probably my favorite thing to talk about ever.  I could go on and on and on about it.  I have been working on this, living it, being in total amazement for the last few years.  It has always been really interesting to me why people’s realities are so different.  Why do some people seem to have such a hard time, while others seem to just skate through life?   Why are some so sad and depressed and others in similar situations so happy and hopeful?   Was it their outlook on life?  Their thoughts?

Just as C stated before, the universe always says yes. Period.  Think life sucks, yours will.  That might seem a little harsh but it’s not.  It’s empowering, we are not victims, we are co-creators here.  We all get to decide what we believe in, so choose wisely and choose what you like.  I know for me, I don’t watch the news, It’s depressing, and I don’t want to feel bad.  I guess they feel if they scare you and worry you, you will tune back in so you can prepare yourself for whatever they think you need to prepare yourself for.  Uggg.

I have adopted the philosophy: “Not in my world.”  Stuff could be going on out there, bad stuff, scary stuff, but, not in my world.  When everyone started talking about, and panicking about “the economy,” I knew I couldn’t go there. I knew it could go so wrong for me if I didn’t line up with what I wanted.  A lot of people were scared and fired up about it. I knew that as a  self-employed, single mom, I couldn’t afford the luxury of a negative thought. So in one moment I decided to focus on the mantra “I thrive in any economy.”   First thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is how lucky I am and that I thrive in any economy.  If my mind starts to worry about bills, I stop and go to my mantra.   It took some practice but I have to say, my business has never been better, and I have peace of mind that I have never had before, ever.

We really do get to pick the way our life plays out. My dad for example: great guy love him so much, has always had issue with his weight.  He truly believes and will tell you over and over that he gains 5 lbs. every time he goes on vacation.  I don’t know where he got this idea but he really believes it  and guess what?  He gains 5 lbs. every single time he goes away.  I also have a friend: great girl, whose father cheated on her mother then left her.  She believes all men cheat.  She says it all the time. She truly believes it and guess what?  Every single man she has ever dated has cheated and disappointed her.  I have tried to point out to her that she knows lots of married couples where the guy is  totally in love with his wife and doesn’t cheat, but she just can’t see it.  Pity, that one thing that she so doesn’t want is the thing that she has such a strong belief about.  The universe always says yes. . . .  xo-K

My two cents:  I get to choose the life I want to live; me, not my family, not the newscasters, ME….. Yippee!!!


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soul connections

You know what I’m talking about when I say you’ve had soul connections in your life, right? I’m not just talking about romantic love here. You know deep in your core when you meet someone: a friend, a co-worker, someone at church or the PTA, and you feel that zing somewhere in the region of your heart. You just know. It’s like, hello again.

We all come here to earth school with certain soul agreements. Hey! It’s confusing enough to muddle through life here in 3D without knowing there was a plan set in motion, a contract if you will. We made agreements with other souls to show up at certain times, to support each other, love each other, help teach each other lessons.

When you think of it like that, it’s much harder to hate that loser for divorcing you, or that b*tch who got you fired, or that cheating liar who broke your sweet heart into a million pieces. Because think of it: hasn’t adversity made you a stronger person, a better person? Didn’t your soul evolve just a little bit each time your ego got bruised? Michael Beckwith has a great saying that I love so much it makes me laugh. It goes like this: “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul.”

Soul connections are your peeps, your soul family, your backup system. Are your soul-mates just those people who break your heart or hurt you? Heck no! Soul-mates can help you grow and love you, too. K and her daughter are soul-mates, and they are beautiful to behold.

You’ve had dazzling soul connections in your life, and I have too. Our souls want us to be happy. They are whispering in our ears all the time, if we bother to listen. If we get really quiet and still the constant background chatter playing in our head, the soul speaks. It doesn’t always speak loudest, but it does have something to say and if you are even just the slightest bit curious about your life’s destiny, you will want to sit down, be still, and listen.

I read a metaphysical theory the other day that bent my brain all over itself. It went like this: If you have a quarter in one hand, then move it to your other hand, is it the same quarter? The answer is: no. It’s complicated, something to do with the quantum field, and how consciousness rearranges itself in each moment to present a unified picture for us. Crazy! That means you’re not the same person you were last year, or last month. I think this is good. This opens you up to embrace all the soul connections you can, and that’s a beautiful thing. Love, C

My two cents: see soul connections in every encounter you have, and make them all holy.

♥♥♥

That C, she  can practically read my mind.  I was thinking of this very same topic this morning when I was waking up, not quite ready to start my day.  However, I was going to title this post Frustration. Haha, love how the universe works.  She calls it ‘soul connection’ and I want to call it  ‘frustration.’

I have bucked up against a couple of my soul-buddies, friends/ family, recently. Of course, I love them to death but for some reason, our dealings have been a bit frustrating to me.  Initially I thought it was all about them, as in: why don’t they get it?   I thought: can’t they see they are doing the same thing they did the last time, and we know how that turned out!  Grrrrr! But then I thought: wait, why is it bothering me so much?  It’s their stuff not mine, why do I care?

Well of course I care, they are people I care about, that is my job as a friend right?  I thought about both of the instances, it only took two this time to throw me off. Sometimes I can get my panties in a bunch with everyone I encounter,  from my lovely daughter to the dude who doesn’t know if he wants to turn into this winery for a taste or the one that is a quarter mile up the road and is creeping up the highway at a snails pace not exactly sure where he is and where he is going.  Pretty sure that guy isn’t in my soul group but who knows, maybe he just popped in to get me to slow down and look around and really see the beauty that I get to live in everyday.

Well, back to those soul connections, otherwise known as lovers, friends, teachers, kids, angels, aliens. . . when you bump up against someone or something and it gets to you good or bad, pay attention.

We talked about this a few months ago in dating my dad , it seems that you keep getting different versions of the same guy or the same situation over and over again until you learn whatever it is you are supposed to learn.  Guess that blows the whole you only get  one soulmate, one true love theory out of the water, huh?

I feel that most of the people in my life I have a soul connection with.  They just feel waaaaay too familiar to not be.  That is the good news and the bad news.  The good news is they know me, and the bad news is, yep you got it, they know me. I’m not getting away with anything, and I am coming around to the idea that I am kinda glad I’m not.  There is something so comforting and safe knowing that the people in your life really know you and get you, and you can’t really be mad at them if they call you on your s**t.  Just sayin’. . . . xo-K

My two cents: just knowing we are all in this together makes it a little less scary and a whole lot more fun!

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three simple things

It’s no secret that relationships require maintenance. Heck, even the best romance hits a rough patch now and then. When a dull or even sharp crisis arises, our primitive brain kicks in and we (predictably) revert back to cave girl fight or flee behavior. Our primitive brain equates conflict with a sabertooth tiger and then we say and do things that we later come to regret. Does it have to be this hard?

In a word, no. In his relationship bible called Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix has  an exercise he uses with troubled couples and it works so well he uses it in his own marriage as a daily practice. I read about this little drill last night before I went to sleep, and I dreamed about it all night. It is, quite simply, brilliant. Hendrix calls the exercise ‘three things.’

When a pair of anguished lovers come to Hendrix to help resolve their disputes, they agree on the “boundaries” of the therapy, and then they begin with the ‘three things.’  Each partner in the relationship writes down a list of ten things that they would like the other to do for them. These are pleasant things that make them feel safe, loved, secure in the lovingkindess of the other. These could be  things like ‘bring me flowers,’ or ‘rub my neck for five minutes,’  or ‘make me toast in the morning.’ Small things, elegant gestures of affection.

Once the lists are made, each partner agrees to do three things each day from the other’s list, as a gift with no strings attached. They perform the tasks as an act of love, not of negotiation or a barter for something else. Often, these are behaviors that each may have performed when they were still in the rosy courtship phase of their relationship, thoughtful things they did when their only intention was to please the other. Sometimes these are gestures that as a child made the person feel totally safe and loved in the world. Hendrix found that as the partners performed these behaviors, their attitudes and feelings began to soften, that love is able to overpower the jealousy or insecurity or anxiety that the ego had become fixated upon, and love became to most dominant feeling once again.

Sounds so simple, right? Instead of digging in, it only takes one to enter choose grace for the other to put his or her guard down long enough to feel those yummy feelings we only want to feel anyway, right? I think that in a healthy, robust relationship we tend to do things to please our partner naturally. But it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to get caught up in kids and cars and careers and yaddah. The best relationships I know are ones where two people consciously make an effort to make the other a priority. But just in case, it’s good to make three simple things a habit. Love, C

My two cents: good habits trump bad habits every time!

♥♥♥

I love this post C, and I so get it.  Abraham says, if there are nine things you like about your partner and one thing you don’t, if you focus on the one thing, the relationship won’t work, but the opposite is also true, if there are nine thing you dislike about your partner and one thing you adore and you focus on that one thing your relationship will flourish.

Sometimes when I have a new client and after I am clear about what we are doing with their hair, I try to get to know them, their life, what is important to them. Hey, I spend a lot of time with my clients and I really develop a relationship with them.  Some people are a little harder to get to know than others.  A great way to really get someone to talk and open up is to ask them about  how they met their spouse or about their  wedding.  You can’t even imagine the glow of someone who is almost time traveling back to a time when they were young and in love, and probably haven’t felt that kind of love for their significant other in I don’t even know how long.

Forget about how much their husband of 25 years just made them crazy out of their minds just this morning at breakfast, ask them about the way that man asked for their hand and he turns into price charming in the here and now.  I have done this on more than one occasion and I have to say it is quite lovely to see the change in the face of someone who just minutes before was tired, feeling old, possibly unappreciated, and not very hopeful, turn into a beautiful girl, so hopeful and full of promise before your very eyes.

I’m not talking about making someone out to be something they are not, what I am suggesting is that you look for the best in your partner, or business associate, or friend.  Focus on the best parts of them. The reasons why they are in your life in the first place.  And by the way you are not doing this for them, you are doing this for you.  When you focus on all the wonderful things about someone you love, someone you chose to spend your whole life with or someone who you pick to be your best friend or maybe your child, it just plain feels good.  Revisit why you decided to love that person in the first place. xo-K

My two cents:  Focus on what is great about the people you love, not for their benefit but just because it feels so good.


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