You know, we Two Girls aren’t just handing out advice here like Lifesaver candies on a road trip. We’re actually doing the work, talking about it between ourselves, chatting about it some more, and then putting it out there for all to read. Fun!
One of the best tools I’ve found lately is the Turn-Around. It’s a Readers Digest Condensed version of Byron Katie’s work, which involves a series of questions. Katie’s work is amazing stuff. I’ve heard about it for years, and I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear it, because I only just recently picked up her book. You know how that is, right? Someone tells you about a great self-help book, and you listen to interviews, read reviews, dance all around it, but don’t actually do the actual work because that’s too scary, right? Oh, wait. Maybe that’s just me. . . .
Anyway, so Katie has this process that involves focusing on something that pushes every hot button you’ve got. And that’s where the work begins. Like a grandma, Katie says, “okay sweetheart, let’s begin.” Seems safe enough to talk to Grandma, right?
The trouble with the work for me, is that it involves a series of logical and armor-piercing questions. But when I’m in the middle of my drama, the last thing I want to do is sit down and run myself through a list of questions. So I’ve figured out a shortcut. I go right to the apex of Katie’s work: the turnaround. The turnaround works like this: whatever it is you’re blaming the other person for, you turn it around and own it. “She’s so selfish!” becomes “I am so selfish!” Projections like “He never supports what is important to me” become “I don’t support what is important to me.”
It seems kind of crazy, but it works. When you reject a part of yourself, your little inner goddess finds it too painful to bear, and so you project it onto someone else, blame someone else. I’m not bad. . .you’re bad! It seems to fix the problem, but the problem never really goes away until you deal with it.
I recently had the chance to work this out with a co-worker who bailed on an important project just a couple of hours before I had to present it to the board of directors. I started to stew. “She’s so irresponsible!” I said to myself, feeling justified. And then I stopped, took a breath, and turned it around. “Wait,” I said to myself. “I’m so irresponsible.” It wasn’t until I said that, that I realized where I had let the project down, I hadn’t given it my best. I immediately felt better. And you know what? My co-worker who had called in sick showed up at the office, completed her part of the project, and then went home again.
This stuff isn’t always fun, and it isn’t always pretty, but it works if you’re willing to work it! Love, C
My two cents: The world is just a mirror of our thoughts, showing us the places we still need to heal.
Like I said before I haven’t read Byron Katie’s book yet but I guess since it keeps coming up, (thanks C), I better get on it. But I have been noticing the same things in my own life C is talking about. I love how that works.
All the things that bother you, or things you simply notice are clues for you, like a cosmic treasure hunt, guiding you along your path to higher consciousness. I have become really aware when I notice something that someone else is doing and it really annoys me, that there is a lesson in there for me. There is something around it that I need to work on and instead of it just being annoyed by it, I am starting to see it as a gift.
This is new to me so I am still bumbling around with it but you have no idea how cool it is when you get to the point that no matter what is happening out there you are still okay. Or better than okay because you really get that everything that gets your attention, that you are noticing is for your benefit.
One of the things that can stress me out and get my panties in a bunch are red lights. Sounds so silly and unimportant but don’t most people get the craziest about the simplest things. I get irritated when I am running late for work and I hit every red light, is someone watching me and pushing a button turning those stupid lights red as I pull up? Of course not but doesn’t it feel like that sometimes? Grrrr.
I now know that red lights only bother me when I am running late. The light is the same, my reaction to them is different depending on what I am doing. If I leave the house with plenty of time I have no issue with sitting at a stoplight. And let’s face it, don’t you sometimes hope you hit a red light because you need to look at directions or apply your lipstick ? Just sayin’.
You can apply this way of thinking to pretty much any issue, big or small. It’s easier to start with something seemingly small and unimportant, but sometimes those are the ones you have to biggest problem with. Do you really care if the waitress or someone you don’t know or care about is rude to you? Does it really matter if an anonymous driver speeds up to cut in front of you on the freeway? Really?
Last week my daughter and I were relaxing at our pool. There was a girl sitting near us on the phone complaining about her life, while her kids were in the pool screaming for attention. She repeated her “story,” over and over to each friend who came to join her at the pool. At first I was annoyed, I wished she would just shut the hell up, then I stopped and realized how interesting it was that we were sitting in the same place by a beautiful pool, on a beautiful day and in that moment having two totally different experiences. Does she have more problems than I do to fuss about? Maybe, but in that moment, she wasn’t even appreciating what she had. xo-K
My two cents: Everything that is happening out there is for your benefit, it really is.