Monthly Archives: October 2010

never the same…

September was a crazy month. Early on, things started going haywire, Mercury was retrograde, and all kinds of trouble was brewing. Everything just seemed a little extra intense. Then K and I tuned in to numerologist Tania Gabrielle and she shed a little light on the numbers at play, and everything made sense.

We’ve been working at this stuff long enough that when things start to spin out of control, we stop and take a breath.  At such times, we know that something bigger is at work. Such a relief! Well, mostly. I’ve got a shopping list of issues that are up for me. These concerns are like old friends, visiting once more. They have settled in comfortably, waiting for me to see them for what they are: lessons to be learned and let go of. Come on!

The thing is, once you know how things work, there’s no going back. There’s no blaming anyone else for the elements at work in your life. Money? Work? Love? These are the themes we work with, but the lessons all tend to be related to the same source: healing our own sacred wounds, those old friends, the ones we came here to heal.

You know what I mean. The bff who always seems to fall for the married guy, no matter what. Or the friend of a friend who switches jobs, but always seems to land a boss who takes advantage of her kind nature, and never really gives her the props she deserves. Is it a coincidence that these issues come up again and again? Does it mean we’re flawed and doomed to replay our lives Groundhog Day style forever? No. Yes.

Remember Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day? He was cursed to wake up to Sonny & Cher every morning, meet the same small town people, deal with the same annoying dilemmas until he changed his mind. Once he got it, once he realized that he was the force of magic behind it all, he had the power to change it. When he did, everything fell into place, even the love he so deeply desired. As it turns out, we are all the magic we need. Love, C

My two cents: when I allow my soul to govern my decisions, everything works  out better for me.

♥♥♥

Are healing old patterns up now or what?  Seems like all my old dusty patterns that have been stored waaaay down deep are coming up and out to be healed once and for all. Finally!  Wow, that was a mouthful, but so true.

I was telling C a few weeks ago that it felt like someone was taking a miner’s pick  and chipping off any residual anything that is still there. Like plaque between your teeth, it almost becomes a part of you.  I have been working on all this stuff for so long but there was still the really stubborn patterns and beliefs that didn’t want to budge.  All I can say is be careful what you ask for, it’s a bumpy ride.

There were days that I couldn’t get out of bed, not from depression, but I think I was doing so much healing work in my sleep, I felt as if I had been drugged.  Very weird, but after a few days I had some really big aha moments, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.  No, I can absolutely say I will never be the same.

I see the dynamics from my original family so clearly now. For years I felt bad, felt guilty, felt wrong, I was blamed and took the blame for things that were never my fault.  I guess it was the lesser of two evils.  When I think of all the years I tried to right the wrongs that were never really wrong, playing the scenario over and over with different partners, trying to heal the past. I didn’t get it. But now I do.

Writing this blog has helped me so much, between my Ken doll theory and Dating my Dad, it’s all brought me to this place now,  what a fun way to work on your stuff.  I’ll tell you one thing, as seductive as it is to just act like things are okay when they’re not,  just know you are only prolonging the inevitable.  Nothing goes away by itself, nothing gets healed without you working on it, and it may be as simple as just looking at it, honestly.  Everything that comes into your life is there for a reason, to heal your heart   and guide you to  your most amazing life.  xo-K

My two cents:  how many days or dates are you going to have to do over and over again until you get what you came here to learn.

 

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Filed under astrology, Inspiration, Karma, relationships

once you’re clear it’s clear

Clarity is something our souls crave. But we walk around in our dim little haze, comfortable with a gray little world.  We like it. It fits. It requires nothing of us but to keep sleep-walking. But Clarity? That bitch wants things from you!  She wants you to step up. She wants you to take own-her-ship of your life, no more victim, no more wimpy chic. She wants you to let your light shine!

How do you know when you’re clear? You just do.  It’s  a feeling in your blood, a holy presence that sweeps away the mists of doubt and you can see everything  with super sharp focus. You know what that feels like. We’ve all felt it from time to time. Maybe a better question to ask is: how do you get clear? Well, personally, I pray.

Sometimes, I’m bipping right along and I don’t necessarily want more clarity. Right? Things seem just fine the way they are, why rock the boat? Why ask to see things any differently? After all, if it’s different, I might be required to adjust my perception. Change my mind. Change my  expectations. Change my life from mediocre to magnificent. Hate when that happens!

Okay, so there I was: driving from my house up to visit K one day a couple of years ago. I was dating a pretty groovy guy. He wasn’t Mr. Right, but at that time he was Mr. Close Enough. Things were going well.  We were having fun. Why, oh why rock the proverbial boat? Something in me just knew. Something in me wanted to get clear. Dang! So out of the blue, I’m driving along and I just start praying. Show me the truth, I said to the general all-pervading glorious goodness all around me.

Well,  it wasn’t five minutes later that Mr. Man called. I picked up my phone and we started to chat and before you can say Silence is Golden, he spit out a piece of truth. Bless his little heart, he didn’t think it was all that big a deal, but to me? Yeah, super big deal. Deal breaker, actually. Up to that moment I had been happy with fuzzy, and then something changed. In that dazzling, lightning-bolt moment, I got crystal clear. And then suddenly fuzzy just wasn’t enough anymore. Love, C

My two cents: pray for truth and then have the courage to bless what shows up.

♥♥♥

Yup, sometimes you don’t want to know, even when your soul already knows.  Sometimes close enough is good enough, until it’s not anymore.  Seems every time I’ve prayed for clarity, it’s been when I already knew the answer, I just needed confirmation. When you are sure of the way you’re going you don’t stop to ask for directions.  But when you feel lost you probably are.

I was just driving home from dropping my daughter off at school, I was listening to the latest Abraham-Hicks workshop.  Someone asked a question about the latest book that has not been released yet called Spirituality, the Final Frontier. They said they named it that because getting in vibrational alignment with your Source is the last thing people try before they completely give up hope, but it is the only thing that ever really works to begin with.  Ahhh! Clarity is alignment. . . and you just know when you’re there.

As good as it feels to be in alignment and have the clarity that we all really crave, sometimes it feels better to be where you are.  With the boyfriend that you know in your head is not really the one but your heart is hoping will someday change. Or at  the job that feels like, if those other people would just leave me alone to do my work  it would be okay I guess.  Really?  We all know that we didn’t come here for okay.  We came here for amazing, and your soul knows it, and will call you on it every single time.

Do you trust your intuition?  Do you know when something comes up if your initial reaction is your fear-ego or your intuition-higher-self?  Try this out for size: next time someone asks you to do something,  don’t just unconsciously do what you always do. Stop, think, feel.  What comes up for you?  Would you just rather do something you really don’t want to do because it seems easier than telling someone you don’t want to?

Would you rather just stay in your comfort zone because it’s easier than trying something new even though you might love it?  I have been asking myself these  questions lately and I’m so happy with what is opening up for me.  I am seeing life in a whole new way. xo-K

My two cents: open your eyes and  see things clearly, possibly for the first time.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w

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Filed under Inspiration, law of attraction, soulmate, spirituality

don’t get mad. . .get furious!

Grr! I had one of those days, you know? My car (leased) had a leak last spring. I live in the rain belt, and was driving around one day after a crazy end-of-times downpour and heard water sloshing around inside the car. What?  After a couple of days, the water noise persisted, so I drove into the dealership, where they discovered that a drainage tube from my sunroof had malfunctioned, and instead of draining outside the car, was pouring water into the passenger side of the car. Seriously?

Recently, I noticed a funky, spoiled milk smell in the car. So today when I delivered my car to the dealer for an oil change, I asked them to check it out. I waited all day, then called the service department to get a status report. After sitting on hold for a suspiciously long time, a guy came on and said they were “just finishing up.”  Really? “What about the leak?” I asked. More time on hold. Well, the upshot is that there is in fact, a leak and while they haven’t exactly pinpointed it, they can’t fix it today because the guy who can authorize the extra-special work is out of town. Oi.

According to the all-seeing Google, my dealership is exactly 2.1 miles from where I work. So I went to a co-worker’s office, where my boss was also hanging. “What’s up,” my boss asked. “I need a ride,” I replied. “My car got serviced today and they didn’t fix it, but I need to pick it up.” Now, I swear to God, this is what happened: the co-worker hunched his shoulders and stared even harder at his computer screen. My boss looked at me and said “wow, that’s too bad,” and walked away.

Seriously?  “Eff that,” I said to myself, and called a cab.  Then naturally, I called K. “Don’t get all spiritual about it,” K advised, “get mad!” So I did. We both blew off steam together, and it felt really good! We ended up laughing because we just kept getting more outrageous about expressing our various reasons for being royally pissed off. You know what? I’m clear now, instead of being in a stew. Thank you, stupid co-workers! Love, C

My two cents: pushing down your feelings is like pushing a beach  ball under water — they’ll just pop up again and again until you resolve them.

♥♥♥

Anger is a valid emotion.  It is in about the middle of the emotional guidance scale I mentioned a few posts back, but we all, for some reason have some issues when we or someone we know gets “angry.” Whether we think we are not entitled to being angry, or as C said before, it’s not spiritual to be angry, anger has been coming up for me and when something keeps showing up. . .there is something there for me to learn.

When you don’t own your feelings, when you don’t honor the fact that you have the right to feel however you feel,  you are doing a disservice to yourself.  If you don’t have your own back, OMG, well that’s a recipe for depression.  We all have the right to feel how we feel.  And if someone does something mean or stupid, well. . . you can be pissed about it! Then let it go.

I can tell you that is 100 percent true.  When we first started writing this post, C was dumbfounded by the complete insensitivity she experienced at work.  I on the other hand was mad at my mom.  We both kinda went off and vented big time.  It felt good, felt clear, I started writing kinda in the middle of all that and then had to go pick up kids or something so I just figured I would go back to this where I left off, but I couldn’t.  I tried twice, we even started a whole other post and I still couldn’t get back to this one, until today. . .   and it just hit me,  since I had released the anger, vented with C, it was gone.  I wasn’t angry anymore so I couldn’t call it back up and continue with the post with the same energy.

That’s the beauty of feeling your feelings, getting furious if that’s how you are feeling in the moment.  Once you get it out, it’s done.  Over.  Awesome!  Sure, you might get mad again, but you won’t go bonkers if someone cuts you off in traffic.You already let all the people from the last month or your whole lifetime, have a pass, which means you don’t have to vent now.  Wow! See? It works out for everyone.  xo-K

My two cents:  everything is energy, and everything has value, even anger.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkgEZa7lDHw

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Filed under Inspiration, law of attraction, self-care, spirituality