Category Archives: dating

best friends forever

When I was in High School my best friend D was my partner in crime.  We got ourselves into all kinds of mayhem, we could plot and scheme our way into or out of anything. Harmless stuff really. Need to borrow a car?  Who cared if we were only fifteen and didn’t have a license? Not us.  Home way past curfew?  We could talk our way out of that.  Hell, we even convinced our counselor that we needed to skip fifth  period psychology every Friday, just ‘cuz.

If we needed to figure anything out, between the two of us we could do it, and do it brilliantly.  We felt like Lucy and Ethel, and of course we always had our Rickys and Freds waiting in the wings, scratching their heads but loving every minute of it.

There is something so wonderful about having a best friend  you can totally depend on,  someone who loves you unconditionally and is always there for you.  The keeper of your secrets and dreams.  I’ve been very lucky to have many best friends throughout my life.  I am an only child, so friends are probably more precious to me since I never had a sibling.  My friends where my family.

I’ve also had my share of boyfriends.   But I’ve never had a boyfriend who was a best friend. I guess I always thought  you had your friends and then you had your dates.  How many hours did the “girls” spend trying to figure out the “boys”?  Way too many. I never considered you could have a partner who was also your best friend.

The  first time I saw an example of this was at an Abraham-Hicks workshop.  It was clear to me that Esther and Jerry Hicks had something very special.  They are partners in crime for sure and they love working together, “being” together, and it’s obvious they really enjoy each other.  I love how they are together.

Last Sunday I was watching “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,” on the Food Network.   I wasn’t really paying much attention until I saw this couple.  They were driving across the country visiting as many of the “Dives” that Guy Fieri highlighted on the show as they could.  They were so cool, it was clear that they were enjoying what they were doing, and enjoying each other.  They seemed to be having so much fun, so in sync.  Like best friends. Then it hit me,  that’s what I want in a relationship!  xo-K

My two cents:  Once you recognize what you want you start to see more and more examples of it.

♥♥♥

Yeah, friends and lovers.  Sometimes they’re the same person, sometimes they’re not. During one of my most epic break-ups, mi amor cried and said he was losing his best friend. I don’t know what was sadder: the break-up, or that I couldn’t tell him I was losing my bf, too. Ouch to the nth.

Do we expect too much from our lovers? Sometimes, I think so. We have these ideas about who and what they should be and when they show us who they really are, we’re disappointed.  But I don’t think that the way to avoid being disappointed is to stop loving. Oh, heck no.  This tattered heart of mine will continue to beat for love until I’m wearing angel wings, and then some. The answer isn’t to shut down. The answer is perhaps, to love differently.

What we expect from love has evolved over time. The notion of marriage for love is pretty  new, historically speaking. Marriages used to be a business arrangement to secure countries, farms, goats, you name it. Marriage wasn’t about love, it was a transaction. If you got love in the bargain, bonus!  Now that I have become a woman of a certain age, I might even venture to suggest that much of what could be called romantic love is biology at work. I thought I loved my first husband, but now I wonder: was it my heart that was running the show, or my ovaries? Not that I didn’t love him, I did. But maybe not for the reasons I believed.

Best friends are simple. Love is tricky. As a girl, my grandmother fell in love with a boy who lived in a nearby town, but her parents had already chosen a husband for her, my grandfather. Many years later, after Grandpa passed, Grandma looked up her old beau. By then he was widowed too, and they married. In their twilight time, they finally got to express the love they had sparked fifty years earlier. Were they bf’s? I don’t know. But I do know that the initial love they felt had survived the passage of time.

I adore my friends. If my lover also happens to be my bf, I consider myself one lucky girl. Love, C

My two cents: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your lover closest of all.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vQwrHZWWk

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slow down to speed up

For someone who doesn’t own a TV, I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.  And I never watch the  “news!”  However, one of the funniest, smartest, sweetest new programs around is Modern Family. Love that show!

One of the characters is a goofy dad who is the biggest dork around, but he always manages to ‘get the job done.’ So, in one episode, the family is running around, trying to get out of the house and on a flight to Hawaii for a big family trip. Mom is going out of her mind trying to hurry everyone along while Dad is calmly walking at a snail’s pace, saying, “fast is slow and slow is fast.” And you know what? He’s right! When you try to push things, speed things up, you trip up and then end up having to repeat each step all over again. Sigh.

When things are going right in my life, doors open as if by magic. The right people show up. The right answers appear. Friendly helpful strangers seem to pop in just when I need them. I love it when that happens! Right now for instance, I’ve been seeing someone whom I really like. It’s new, and we’re probably moving slow by today’s standards.  We’re  playing it sort of old school, and its very sweet. Yeah, I’ve moved into these things faster in the past. . .and that didn’t really work out. Now I’m at the point where I’m not working so hard to “get there.” I’m just enjoying the process.

When someone wants to be with you, they are with you. There are no games, no power struggles. It just flows. Not long ago, I dated someone for a short time who insisted he was busy with his kids on the weekends. I know! Then, while having lunch with a friend, talking about how ‘distant’ this guy seemed, my friend asked how old the kids were. “They’re in their twenties,” I replied. “They’re in college.” Dear P looked at me like, you poor dumb thing. “Trust me,” she said. “He’s not hanging with those kids. At that age, those boys are not all about spending time with Dad.”  Hey! I tend to give parents the benefit of the doubt. . .in all circumstances. I’ve heard more than once, “you don’t have kids, so you can’t understand.”  And they’re right. I don’t always understand, but I do know this: when a relationship any relationship —is right, it’s simple. Love, C

My two cents: Trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Always.

♥♥♥

I don’t know about you but when I feel the need to hurry things along, make things happen, it’s because I feel if I don’t it won’t happen.  When I feel anxious about something there is usually a reason.  Whenever you put crazy nervous energy behind something it usually doesn’t pan out, and it’s probably just as well.

When something is right, it’s right.  It takes on a life of it’s own and you don’t feel any need to make it do or be anything.  I have watched friends throughout the years chase after relationships trying to make this one be the one. Hey, I have done it myself.   Wanting so much to seal the deal, cross it off the list, get it over with and get on to other things.  Really?  That’s how you want your relationship to play out?  What is wrong with enjoying the journey,  watching it unfold, savoring it, enjoying every delicious moment?  Just askin.’

Here’s why I think we do this thing we do, it’s because on some level we know it’s not going to happen.  We know it’s not the job, the house, or the relationship for us. But, we don’t feel it’s really possible to get exactly what we want so we figure, close enough is good enough. Better snatch this one up before someone else who is close enough to it snatches it up first.  (I can’t believe I just said that).

We spend all this time and energy racing around trying to make things happen,  then we’re so surprised and disappointed when they don’t and we have to start all over from square one.  Could things go any slower?

So sometimes you have to stop. . .just stop, take a breath. . .and just know. . .whether it comes from what your Mother said, what your girlfriends said or some voice that you don’t even know said. .  .just have some faith in whatever. There is a divine plan, things are working out for you, so you don’t have to worry.  Aren’t you glad someone knows better than you?  Aren’t you glad someone has your back? xo-K

My two cents:  I am so grateful that when I am spinning out of control there is someone or something to show me the way.

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if I wasn't afraid

Woof. I just had a breakthrough that threw me for a spectacular loop.  I got an insight Saturday that I had been trying to ignore. You know the kind I’m talking about: intuition speaks up loud and clear and you jam your fingers in your ears going lalalacan’thearyou! Anyway, I spent the better part of Sunday, my favorite day of the week, moping around in a funk, letting the revelation sink in.

Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe when you learn a life lesson, you don’t beat yourself up for not knowing that thing your soul set you up to learn in the first place.  So there I was, working on myself yet again, when I picked up my journal and read through the notes on my life thus far.

I flipped through the pages and realized that the first quarter of 2010 has been amazing. Together, K and I launched a blog, which has grown into a healthy and thriving chronicle of life, love, relationships. (So cute! And popular, too!) So far, 2010 has been a rootin’ tootin’ ride.  We are living at what Abraham calls The Awakening. If you’re doing your work, things are starting to pick up speed, moving really fast.  Things are moving pretty fast if you’re not doing your work, it just isn’t as much fun. Just sayin’.

Anyway, so there is an inventory in my journal, dated Dec. 31, 2009. The inventory contains a list of all the things I accomplished last year. Impressive, if I do say so myself! What the inventory also contains, is an exercise I picked up from a rebroadcast on Hay House Radio, from Sonia Choquette. The exercise is called “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . . .”  The idea is to take a sheet of paper or a page from a journal, and write “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . .” and then as quickly as possible, without thinking about it, make a list of all the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you. It’s a very illuminating exercise, and I highly recommend it.

What are the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you? Allow love in? Take a vacation? Stand up for yourself? Love yourself more? Lose weight, take a class, make a friend, tell your mother to stop bossing you around like you were still 10?  The funny thing is, when you look at the list of all of the things you’re afraid of, you realize that there really is no monster under the bed. You’ve just pretended that by not living your life fully, you’ve somehow earned a prize for being the most well-behaved person in your PTA/office/marriage. But guess what? There is no prize for letting fear win, and it isn’t too late to decide to live life like you really mean it! Love, C

My two cents: fear is nothing more than our fragile egos wanting to be safe. . . but there really is nothing to be afraid of!

♥♥♥

If I wasn’t afraid, if I only had a brain, if I didn’t give a s**t about what people thought about me.  It’s all kinda the same thing.  If I didn’t worry so much about anything outside of myself and what others thought.  What if I just trusted, really trusted my first thought, my intuition and acted on that.  What if I didn’t really think about it at all?  What if I just went with the flow of the river and let it take me for an amazing ride without trying to control or manipulate the outcome?  Just askin’.

I have been doing alot of work on myself, hard work but so rewarding and it is starting to be fun and entertaining.  I am reflecting back on past relationships and experiences in my life, and I know they always say hindsight is 20/20, but I am really starting to see the gifts in my life and experiences pretty much immediately, I don’t have to wait 2 or 20 years to see, “Oh now I get why that had to play out the way it did.”

As C said earlier, Abraham said it is now a time of awakening, they also say that all those who are looking will  find.  That just makes me feel that all of this work has been worth it and I feel at peace and I know there is nothing to be afraid of.  We re in amazing times here guys, things are moving faster, our intuition is at an all time high, hell just look at your kids,  hand them an iPhone or a new computer game,  they just instinctively know how to do this stuff.   Amazing times, so exciting.

So, back to fear,  it does have it’s place, if danger is lurking in a dark parking lot and you get that ick feeling, listen to that.  If you are alone with someone and get an uneasy feeling, again, pay attention.  But outside of those kinds of creepy dangerous situations my motto has been for the last couple of years, don’t base your decisions on fear, period.  Don’t not do something you really want to do because of what you think might happen.  Don’t stress about that job interview because they might not hire you.  Don’t beat yourself up before a date because he might not think you are smart or pretty enough.  If a situation presents itself and you aren’t sure if you should go for it or not, ask yourself, am I not doing this because I am afraid?  If that is your answer, maybe you need to take another look at it.  xo-K

My two cents:  As one of my favorite teachers, Marianne Williamson says, “You never make your decisions based on fear, you make you decisions based on love.”

 

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