Tag Archives: attraction

expecting miracles

Don’t you just love it when the cosmos gives you a little shout out?  I had a shift of perception this morning, an opening where my soul slipped through with an insight. In that moment when I went from feeling stuck to feeling grateful. Nice!

We all have blue moments, right? It’s part of the work we do, just becoming aware of the moment we fall under  what Robert Ohotto calls a cultural spell, start believing that it’s all real out there, when it really is just a movie of our making.  The number one fix for that is meditation and/or prayer. So simple, and yet so easy for the ego to say, “Honey, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. You’re so good, so spiritually evolved, you can get by without it, just for today!” Trust me on this one: doesn’t work!

Another trick I use is to keep myself surrounded by spiritual masters. Sometimes this means going to a church service, a lecture, a concert, a reading.  I recently had two different friends from different corners of the country come to the town where I live for their work. I had heard about James O’Dea coming to lecture at the Unity Church that I attend, and really wanted to see him. I had a dilemma for about half a minute about how to spend time with my girls, then I realized that they would both enjoy hearing O’Dea speak. I told them that our Sunday program included a church service with a world-class speaker, then brunch at my fav local egg and toast joint. It was fantastic, and we all had a great time! (Except for darling P, who was not fooled by that hand-holding Unity business for a minute!)

Another way to connect is with the amazing collection of spirit-related videos on YouTube. Do we live at a great time on this planet or what?? Feeling a little blue?  Check out Jessica’s affirmations on YouTube!  Want to connect to something bigger than yourself? Listen to Eckhart Tolle on YouTube! So easy.

This morning I found my brain worrying a minor life issue like a dog with a bone. I refused to go into a huge drama about it, but I still have some energy around it, or it wouldn’t be an issue at all, it wouldn’t resonate at all. Anyway, I started to go there. You know what I mean!

Then, in the midst of looking for a nice morning message to distract myself, I found a video that contained beautiful celestial music, with images of great, galactic spans of space filled with pinwheels of magnetic gas and columns of light and star dust, and my puny little problems just vanished. Where was Earth? Where was I? It was like looking into forever. I mean, in the perspective of eternity, does it really matter if that parking ticket was fair or unfair? Really? Come on! Get over it already! Love, C

My two cents: I am the writer, director, and actor in the movie of my life and I can change it in any moment.

♥♥♥

I used to pray for miracles, look for them, hope for them.  Now I expect them.  And because I expect them and appreciate when they happen they come more frequently and in many different ways.

I got a very expensive traffic ticket in the mail last week, I had been working on my feelings of prosperity and money really not being an issue for me.  Money is energy and really neutral, it has whatever power or feeling  you put behind it. So anyway, got this ticket, right before I am ready to leave for vacation and I have to say my first reaction was I was pissed.  I was caught on video making a right hand turn on a red light.  I remember doing that, and the light had just turned red.  Yeah right, so what, what I did was wrong so I had to pay.  They had a video of me so even if I was going to fight it, which I wasn’t, no winning that one.

When I opened the ticket and saw the fine I had to put it aside for the night, I felt sick to my stomach and knew I had to get into a better space before I could deal with it.  I had a feeling I got that ticket for a reason so I wanted to sleep on it.  I had been doing so well on my money not being an issue for me, money was flowing in and flowing out, I had plenty and I was feeling good about it.  Now this, okay well I did say I wanted to master this and I was being given an opportunity here.

When I woke up in the morning the first thing I thought was I would call and ask if I could make payments on the ticket, explain I was leaving for vacation and that I needed more time.  That didn’t feel good, I was going to try to convince a total stranger that I couldn’t afford the ticket?  That was not in alignment with what I was trying to master regarding money. Uggg, I did my morning meditation and it came to me,  I would pay the whole thing right now.  I just knew that by doing that everything would be fine and I would be lined up to what I was trying to accomplish around prosperity.

As soon as I made that decision, I felt like well, a million bucks.  Another thing that happened after I made that decision was I opened a pocket in my purse, a pocket that I know I looked through the day before when rounding up my checks from my clients for deposit and I found a stack of checks, $700 to be exact. Now that’s a miracle, oh and another thing, when I looked again at the ticket, I had  read it wrong, it was $100 less than I thought it was.  I think it was worth getting the ticket just to really get the lesson on prosperity. xo-K

My two cents: Miracles are everywhere, even where you least expect them.


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dating blind

I had breakfast with a friend this morning and told her I had a date tonight. “Text me when you’re done,” she said. That’s how we roll these days. Intro online, meet briefly, text results. My girl and I sat there for a while, talking about the perils and pleasures of dating in the digital age. L married her man when she was in her forties, and a decade later, they are still very much in love. They are sweet to be around, and he adores her.  “Remember, everyone has baggage,” L said as we parted ways.

Call me reckless or foolish (pick one), but a small corner of my romance-believing heart thinks that maybe happiness can be found online, that expanding the numbers of people you encounter exponentially can work for you, like playing the slots at a casino. That by stirring up the cosmic pot of attraction, fate and destiny will conspire to deliver romance right to my door. Hey! It’s a theory!  So then, here are the results of dating blind thus far:

Bachelor Number One was a really nice guy with boy-next-door good looks,  who is still reallllly angry about the tragic death of his wife ten years ago in a completely random accident and who is tenderly caring for an aging labrador that as a couple they adopted when the old girl was still a pup. That dog is his most loyal and steadfast companion and it gives me shivers to see that heartbreak peering over the horizon.

Bachelor Number Two, was the retired physician who was really smart, I mean really, like Mensa, smart. And interesting. World traveler. Dancer. Smooth, except he thought it was entirely appropriate to try to feel me up as we sat side by side in a romantic little resto on our third date. Come on!

Then, there was Groovy Guy, dude who was hella fun on our first/last/only meet up and who felt safer texting than actually meeting face to face, so risky. Groovy guy, as it turns out was  smart, funny, sexy as all get out. . . and who’s wounded heart stopped him from being fully present. Pity, because among other things, he gets two girls. Tsk.

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a guy who suggested we meet for the first time  right after his weekly yoga class. Seriously, dude?   Man sweat is so not a first date turn-on.   Anyway, when we finally met, I introduced Yoga Man to a fabulous little coffee shop I know, where we talked and swapped stories for an hour or so. I had to get back to work; he said he’d call. Have yet to hear from him. Could be he pulled a hamstring.

And now we are up tonight’s audition for most beloved new friend and potential love interest:  recently retired.  He thinks I’m a spicy little tomato. He wants someone to travel with.  As it turns out, I have a penchant for adventure.  Love, C

My two cents: suit up, show up, enjoy the ride!

♥♥♥

This is the reason why, when dating, especially online dating that you get really clear about what you want.  Whether you are looking for love online or just going out and putting yourself in the position to meet a potential partner, know what it is that you are looking for.   When you are interacting with a number of men, as you do when you are meeting online, you need to have a little bit more to go on when choosing, besides the superficial things like how he looks and what he does for a living.  You could possibly be spending a lot of time with this person, possibly the rest of your life, soooo. . .what exactly is it that you are looking for?

It’s so odd that when dating, and perhaps picking a potential life partner, we just kinda go out and wing it. We just bump around and kinda just go out with whoever shows up.  Well not everyone who shows up, but kinda whoever asks you out that seems nice and is physically attractive to you.  You don’t do that when picking a job, or buying a house. Most people are really clear about what they want in a house and they don’t really think about settling.  I think a lot of people put more thought into picking out an outfit to go on the date than actually what they want in the person they are dating.

Sometimes it is easier to start with what you don’t want and go from there.  C was put off with a guy who was going to meet her all sweaty after a yoga class.  Not what she wants, so what does she want?  Maybe someone who puts some thought and consideration and preparation into an initial meeting.  Don’t want to always have to do all the planning for a date?  I know after working all week, making decisions all day and being a mom, I don’t want to have to decide what to do on a date.  I like a man who asks me out and has a plan, or at least throws out a few options for me to pick from and then he makes the arrangements.

I have made a list and it is divided into negotiable and non-negotiables.  There are some things that I would love to have in a partner but if  I meet someone amazing and he doesn’t have or do those things it’s okay, they would be preferred but they are not deal breakers.  Then there are a few thing that are on my no how-no way list.  It is helpful to me because I have been known in the past to jump into something with a super hot guy who has a whole laundry list of characteristics that I didn’t even know that I didn’t want and then I was stuck in love with them and let’s just put it this way, I wish I would have been a little bit clearer about what I was looking for.

We all know about laws of attraction, and we are getting really clear about what happens when you put your attention on something.  So maybe it’s time to take a little time and give some thought about what the perfect relationship would look like.  Besides helping you get clear and upping your chances of getting exactly what you want, it’s a fun exercise as well.  xo-K

My two cents:  Put a little thought into what it is you would prefer, because the universe wants you to have exactly what you want.

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Get ready so you can be ready

Do you know how special you are? All the amazing things about you?  When is the last time you thought about it? Have you ever thought about it?  The truth is we all have beauty, talent, and that something special that makes you, you. We can all be so hard on ourselves, notice that extra pound or five, or when you hair is not just so, but when was the last time you gave yourself props for how great you looked or how smart you are?   A year ago?  Never?

A lot women don’t value  and appreciate themselves and then wonder why the men they end up dating don’t appreciate them.  The thing is you have to do it first.  If you put yourself on a pedestal, the man in your life will have to, or he won’t be in your life.  You want to be treated with love and respect, don’t put up with less.

You have to get there first, shift the energy. If in the past, you have put up with less than loving respectful treatment, maybe you need to take a break.  Spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want and how you want to be treated and what are your deal breakers are.  Know that you are amazing and worthy and don’t settle for less.  No more excuses. Ever.  If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either.  Not everyone is a match and not everyone needs to like you, but you need to like you.  You are the one that matters the most.

You need to get ready so you can be ready. If you want this great amazing guy and he shows up you need to know that you are worth having someone like that.  If you feel insecure or not worthy, it’s not fun and you might do something to sabotage the relationship or just get jealous or something. Another thing that happens when you haven’t done your work is you just don’t meet anyone that you would even consider dating. Then you are disillusioned and think there are no good men out there.

A good friend of mine, G, after trying the Match thing without much luck took a little break to re-evaluate.  She really got serious about what she wanted, even made a list.  She got really clear, she was a catch and deserved a good man.  On some level she just knew that something shifted after that.  She just had a feeling that she was really close to getting what she was looking for and had this sense of peace about it.  She met her husband soon after and he was everything she was looking for and more.  He absolutely adores her and  feels he hit the jackpot finding her.  They have mutual love and respect for each other and are having the time of their lives.  I am so happy for both of them.

I have heard so many stories like this lately,  so I know it really happens. I have asked a few of my friends and clients to share their stories with me and I will be sharing them here.  It is so inspiring and really makes me feel hopeful.  I know we can all get the feeling sometimes,that it will never happen.  Like you have to settle, because nobody’s perfect right?  Don’t do that to yourself, there is someone out there who will be just what you are looking for and guess what?  They are looking for you too, and it’s going to be so worth the wait.  xo-K

My two cents:  see your beauty, know your worth and just know you are going to get exactly what you want.

♥♥♥

One of my favorite ways to get ready or “pre-pave” in Abraham-Hick lingo, is to imagine.  Not creative, you say? I beg to differ, my darling. We are always imagining stuff. More often than not, we imagine the worst rather than the best. How do I know? You can tell how you’re thinking by the words you use. Phrases like “just my luck” or “yeah, right!” are symptoms of a negative imagination.

What if instead, we started imagining a better future instead of the same dreary, uninspired one we’ve been hauling around behind us all our lives like some kind of moth-eaten hunting trophy? Instead of feeling all boohoo, nothing good ever happens to me and then secretly hoping that something good does manage to fight its way through our defenses, we imagine something that we want, like oh, happiness?  Remember, you don’t have to figure out how to get happy all we have to do is figure out how to be happy and all the rest will follow.

One of my favorite ways to get over my own  habitual thinking, is to imagine a scenario in my mind, start pretending it’s so, and then allow the good feelings to flow. Lately, I’ve been feeling what it’s like to have my perfect partner in my life. When I’m getting ready for work, I’ll imagine that he’s in the next room, reading the paper or writing emails, planning his day.  Or, I’ll be driving, and imagine that the evening ahead is already planned: a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Or I’ll be running my Saturday errands, and imagine that he’s out running man errands, and we’ll meet up in the afternoon for a bike ride out along the river, or a movie in town. These are not full blown fantasies, they are simply small, quiet thoughts that make me feel happy.

Albert Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”  Dude knew something. I’m going with that.  Practice feeling the feeling! It costs nothing and offers big rewards. Huge. Love, C

My two cents: practice feeling how you want to feel and the universe will bend over backwards to second that emotion.


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get ready so you can be ready

Do you know how special you are? All the amazing things about you?  When is the last time you thought about it? Have you ever thought about it?  The truth is we all have beauty, talent, and that something special that makes you, you. We can all be so hard on ourselves, notice that extra pound or five, or when you hair is not just so, but when was the last time you gave yourself props for how great you looked or how smart you are?   A year ago?  Never?

A lot of women don’t value  and appreciate themselves and then wonder why the men they end up dating don’t appreciate them.  The thing is you have to do it first.  If you put yourself on a pedestal, the man in your life will have to, or he won’t be in your life.  You want to be treated with love and respect, don’t put up with less.

You have to get there first, shift the energy. If in the past, you have put up with less than loving respectful treatment, maybe you need to take a break.  Spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want and how you want to be treated and what are your deal breakers are.  Know that you are amazing and worthy and don’t settle for less.  No more excuses. Ever.  If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either.  Not everyone is a match and not everyone needs to like you, but you need to like you.  You are the one that matters the most.

You need to get ready so you can be ready. If you want this great amazing guy and he shows up, you need to know that you are worth having someone like that.  If you feel insecure or not worthy, it’s not fun and you might do something to sabotage the relationship or just get jealous or push him away. Another thing that happens when you haven’t done your work is you just don’t meet anyone that you would even consider dating. Then you feel hopeless and disillusioned and think there are no good men out there.

A good friend of mine, G, after trying the Match thing without much luck took a little break to re-evaluate.  She really got serious about what she wanted, even made a list.  She got really clear, she was a catch and deserved a good man.  On some level she just knew that something shifted after that.  She just had a feeling that she was really close to getting what she was looking for and had this sense of peace about it.  She met her husband soon after and he was everything she was looking for and more.  He absolutely adores her and  feels he hit the jackpot finding her.  They have mutual love and respect for each other and are having the time of their lives.  I am so happy for both of them.

I have heard so many stories like this lately,  so I know it really happens. I have asked a few of my friends and clients to share their stories with me and I will be sharing them here.  It is so inspiring and really makes me feel hopeful.  I know we can all get the feeling sometimes,that it will never happen.  Like you have to settle, because nobody’s perfect right?  Don’t do that to yourself, there is someone out there who will be just what you are looking for and guess what?  They are looking for you too, and it’s going to be so worth the wait.  xo-K

My two cents:  see your beauty, know your worth and just know you are going to get exactly what you want.

♥♥♥

One of my favorite ways to get ready, or “pre-pave” in Abraham-Hick lingo, is to imagine.  Not creative, you say? I beg to differ, my darling. We are always imagining stuff. More often than not, we imagine the worst rather than the best. How do I know? You can tell how you’re thinking by the words you use. Phrases like “just my luck” or “yeah, right!” are symptoms of a negative imagination.

What if instead, we started imagining a better future instead of the same dreary, uninspired one we’ve been hauling around behind us all our lives like some kind of moth-eaten hunting trophy? Instead of feeling all boohoo, nothing good ever happens to me and then secretly hoping that something good does manage to fight its way through our defenses, we imagine something that we want, like oh, happiness?  Remember, you don’t have to figure out how to get happy all we have to do is figure out how to be happy and all the rest will follow.

One of my favorite ways to get over my own  habitual thinking, is to imagine a scenario in my mind, start pretending it’s so, and then allow the good feelings to flow. Lately, I’ve been feeling what it’s like to have my perfect partner in my life. When I’m getting ready for work, I’ll imagine that he’s in the next room, reading the paper or writing emails, planning his day.  Or, I’ll be driving, and imagine that the evening ahead is already planned: a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Or I’ll be running my Saturday errands, and imagine that he’s out running man errands, and we’ll meet up in the afternoon for a bike ride out along the river, or a movie in town. These are not full blown fantasies, they are simply small, quiet thoughts that make me feel happy.

Albert Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”  Dude knew something. I’m going with that.  Practice feeling the feeling! It costs nothing and offers big rewards. Huge. Love, C

My two cents: practice feeling how you want to feel and the universe will bend over backwards to second that emotion.


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let me be your angel

I have a dear client, Celia, a single mom, special ed teacher, who among other things traveled to Africa to build homes for the Bead for Life Foundation. She made her transition last week, and she was an angel.

What does it take to be an angel?  Well, my dear friend was a good role model who led by example,  but it can be easier to make a difference than you think.  It is so easy to make eye contact and give someone a smile, allow someone to merge into traffic in front of you with a wave, just letting someone know, I see you. Some people never feel that they are really seen.  Do that little extra, give a compliment, a bit of encouragement to a friend. Even sending good thoughts to someone, a little blessing.  Tell your kids or your partner how much you love and appreciate them every day. Never miss an opportunity to spread the love.

Even being happy yourself can really rub off on someone and make them feel a little bit better.

A few years ago my sweet grandma made her transition.  I was there with her when she went, and I cried my eyes out.  After she was gone, I realized that I would never be able to talk to her, laugh with her, see her beautiful face, again.  I saw her pretty regularly, as she lived with my parents and my daughter spent time there while I was at work. As much as I saw her though, I did have some regret that I was always in such a hurry and didn’t just slow down, maybe stop and put my freaking purse down for a minute and sit to visit a bit with my Grandma. Why was I always in such a hurry, anyway?

So, I guess what I am trying to say is be kind to the people around you, give a smile to a stranger. It takes so little effort and feels so good.  Tell the people in your life that you love them. Spend time and enjoy your life, because you never know. . . .

I dedicate this little post to Celia, I always looked forward to seeing your smiling face.  xo-K

My two cents:  Open your heart and just love!

♥♥♥

One of my favorite movies is City of Angels. I love so much about it, but especially the idea that there are Angels. Everywhere.  I was introduced to the idea of Angels as a fact of life by a friend who entered my life about 20 years ago, stayed around for a while and then like an Angel, left when her assignment was complete.  Angels bring me comfort, and they bring me joy, and they remind me that I too, can be an emissary of the Divine. A couple of years ago, I had a friend who after a heroic battle with cancer, made her transition. She was an Angel in every way and when I think of her now, I recall the photo of her displayed at her memorial. In it, she is hiking a mountain trail, looking into the camera with a big grin and a splay-fingered wave. So full of joy, so full of love. I can recall another Angel in action: a couple of years ago, when K’s grandma was still here, I spent the night at K’s house, and so too, had her grandma because K’s parents were out of town. In the morning, I watched the sweet interaction between K and and Grandma A as K made her breakfast. The connection between them was a thing of beauty. Angels. They’re everywhere. Love, C

My two cents: each act of love is the act of a generous heart. Try as you might, you can’t give it all away.

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scared of happy?

I was listening to happiness guru, Robert Holden, on Hay House Radio this morning, and he made such an interesting statement, I had to put everything aside and write the idea down. He said that most people are afraid to be happy.  Wow! Is that true?

I think there’s something to this, and it might be related to Colette Baron Reid’s Goblin exercise we recently shared. You might say, “not me! I want to be happy! My life is all about the happy!”  But is that true, or is it just story you tell yourself each day so that you can get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and do the things you need to do to take care of your family, yourself?

Well, no one’s really, happy, you might say. It’s not possible to be really happy, you might say. But is that true? Or do you hold a belief that says you’re not worthy of happiness, or something bad might happen if you got truly happy?

I was raised a good Catholic girl, and when Lent came around, we were instructed to give up something we really liked. We usually chose something like ice cream, chocolate, gumballs, and thought we were earning extra Easter brownie points. But recently, I heard about another way to observe Lent: give up a thought or belief that no longer serves you. Wow! Radical idea! How about giving up the idea that being happy is a crime against nature. How about giving up the idea that by being happy, you steal the chance to be happy from someone else.  Cool ideas, right?

Back to beliefs we have about happiness. . .what thought or belief would you have to give up to be really happy? Would you have to give up the idea that everything has to be perfect before you can “earn” the right to be happy? Would you have to give up the belief that you have to suffer to “earn” the right to be happy? Could you allow yourself to be happy right now?

Marci Shimoff has a wonderful book called Happy for No Reason. In it, she shares the stories of different people and their decision to be happy, regardless of what life tosses their way. Shimoff asserts that true happiness does not depend on conditions, but on choice.

So maybe you could try the Goblin exercise again. Maybe you could ask your goblin if (s)he’s afraid to be happy, and why. It just might be the most interesting conversation of the day! Love, C

My two cents: happiness is a minute-by-minute choice.

♥♥♥

I totally agree with C, I think some people really feel they don’t deserve to be happy or feel guilty if they feel happy.  If someone else is suffering you might feel that how can you be happy when they feel so bad?   Well as Abraham-Hicks says, “you can’t feel bad enough to make someone who feels bad feel better.” So it really doesn’t help anyway.

I  know for me, a big one is the whole this economy thing.  A lot of people are worrying and stressed, even people whose lives are exactly the same, seem to have been brainwashed by the media about ‘how bad it is.’  Granted, some are suffering, maybe even you, but, again with Abraham (sorry but I have mad love for them),  “You can be broke and be depressed or you can be broke and be hopeful.”  I choose hopeful, every time now.  And when you do that you can be happy No matter what.

I have adopted the mantra that I thrive in any economy.  I love it and say it every time someone asks me how my business is doing.  I must say that I’ve felt some people are a little put off by this and it amazes me.   How dare I be happy –well guess what? I do dare to be happy and you should too!

I’m tired of being sad and depressed about things I have no control over.  Been there done that, and done with that.  You can look around as you are driving to work, or walking down the street or in the mall. Notice how many thing there are to notice, do you tend to zero in on things that annoy you or do you tend to see beauty around you?  Most people don’t even realize how much there is to see everywhere.  Even walking to the market across the parking lot from the salon where I work,  two people could walk that short distance and if you asked them both to list ten things they saw along the way I bet they would each list ten different things.

Anyway, back to C’s question about being scared of happy.  I think when you know that you have control over how you feel no matter what is going on out there, feeling happy isn’t so scary.  You no longer have to worry about being disappointed if something doesn’t work out because you know if something isn’t working out there is a good reason for it and you are thankful.  You trust the universe and your own intuition.  You no longer think that if you really want something to make you happy, you will jinx it if you really want it. You know things always work out for you.

Always, be in appreciation for all you have, even if it’s not a lot.  Appreciation and focusing on the good in  your life always makes you happy! When I see someone who has something I would love to have, I don’t look at them with envy and resentment, I say,”Good for you, and that’s for me.”   I know if it’s possible for them to have or achieve something then I can too!  xo-K

My two cents:  There are so many things to be happy about and there is nothing to be scared of.

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pity party

Back in my early 20’s my bff had been dating this guy for about two years.   Near the end, they were off and on and fighting.  Early one Sunday morning I got the call. She was crying hysterically.  “It’s over,” she said, “really over.”

So, in my sweats, with a bottle of Stoli in one hand and cranberry juice in the other, I showed up at her door.  Call me psychic, but I had a feeling that beverages were going to be needed for this one.

After I mixed up a few morning Cape Cod cocktails, hey she’s hurting here… she proceeded to fill me in on the events leading up to the final break-up.   She cried, she screamed, she cursed.  I listened, I agreed, I listened some more.  Before I knew it we were sitting is a sea of pictures of the two of them on the floor, scissors in hand. “Cut his head out of all these shots,” she said. ” I want him gone.”  So we proceeded to do it.  Hundreds of pictures, the two of them happy, at dinners, on vacation, backyard bar-b-ques, weddings, there she stood with a man with no head.

She started to feel better. I don’t know if it is the delirium of no sleep from the night before, the vodka or the fact that we had a big pile of goofy, smiling heads off to the side.  Then we got, or rather she got really crazy and started gluing his head to other people’s bodies.

By the end of the day, and yes we did spend a good part of the day on this, she really felt better about the whole thing. She had purged. Was she completely done being sad and ready to move on that day? No, but I really think she got over him a lot faster than if she would have just held it in and just been sad all by herself.

There are many reasons to have a pity party, and many ways to have one.  Left your boyfriend/husband, lost your job, even a blow-up with your mom or your bff,  you need to get your feelings out so you can process them and get on with things.

Some of the ways that have worked in the past for me and my friends have been:

  • Movie marathon of every tear jerking sappy love story you can get your hands on, that’s right girl, cry your eyes out.  You will feel light and cleansed.
  • Call on the troops, get your girls over, have cocktails, if that is your thing, pizza, and just vent,  get all of your feelings out about the dude you can until you have nothing else to say about him or the relationship.
  • One of my personal favorites is to write him a letter, really let him have it.  Everything you ever wanted to say to him but held inside, everything you are feeling now, just go for it.  Call him out.  Write until you can’t write anymore, then when you are sure you are finished go outside with a bucket or bowl and burn it.  Please be safe with this, don’t want to burn the house down.  And no you are not going to send the letter.  This was for your benefit not his.

Another one for me is music, Mary J.  Blige, “No More Drama,” got me through a bad break-up.  Seal has also been helpful in this respect for many years.

The point here is, have a pity party. You are hurt, you need to acknowledge it, feel it, process it and then get over it.  When you don’t, feelings stay with you, filed away in your body waiting for the next time they get triggered.  I don’t know about you, but I am done not dealing with my feelings and then when I meet someone new, projecting all the old stuff on to the new guy, who as of yet hasn’t done anything wrong.

Do your work girls, feel your feelings, they are there for a reason. Oh, and BTW, the next guy my friend dated was her future husband. I’m just sayin.’ xo-K

My two cents: Sometime you have to go through it to get over it.

♥ ♥

This is exactly why I love K. She’ll be the first to call you on your sh*t, and she’s also the one who will show up on your door to help you throw the best damn pity party this side of the Heartbreak Hotel. Girlfriend gets it.

Back when I was going through the big D, my then-bff called me in a rage one day. “You can’t do this!” she said. “You need to make up with him!” I was all like, “honey, you’re my friend. You need to have my back. There’s nothing more to say. I’m hanging up now, okay?” There may have been anti-depressants involved, and not a little fear for her own shaky marriage. After several more calls along the line of “You’re making the mistake of your life!” and “You have no right to be so selfish!”, I told her that we couldn’t be friends anymore.

I’m not generally a “my way or the highway” kind of gal. I set very few rules in stone. But I know this: life is complicated. Girl rules are not. Sisters gotta have your back, period. It’s part of the code. Just like the code allows a full-on weeping and gnashing of teeth, chocolate binging, an extreme cry-till-you-puke sob fest. And then it’s over. Because really? The extended pity party is not attractive. The weeks on end How-could-he-do-this-to-meeee refrain gets tired. And it gives away all your power, in case that matters. Own your part in the break-up, and see if you can find the gift in it because no matter how bad it sucks at the time, I can absolutely promise you that a few weeks or months or years down the line? You see that what he gave you was a gift beyond price. Things always work out, no matter what. Love, C

My two cents: every “disaster” is a gift in disguise.

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