Tag Archives: man of my dreams

if I wasn’t afraid

Woof. I just had a breakthrough that threw me for a spectacular loop.  I got an insight Saturday that I had been trying to ignore. You know the kind I’m talking about: intuition speaks up loud and clear and you jam your fingers in your ears going lalalacan’thearyou! Anyway, I spent the better part of Sunday, my favorite day of the week, moping around in a funk, letting the revelation sink in.

Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe when you learn a life lesson, you don’t beat yourself up for not knowing that thing your soul set you up to learn in the first place.  So there I was, working on myself yet again, when I picked up my journal and read through the notes on my life thus far.

I flipped through the pages and realized that the first quarter of 2010 has been amazing. Together, K and I launched a blog, which has grown into a healthy and thriving chronicle of life, love, relationships. (So cute! And popular, too!) So far, 2010 has been a rootin’ tootin’ ride.  We are living at what Abraham calls The Awakening. If you’re doing your work, things are starting to pick up speed, moving really fast.  Things are moving pretty fast if you’re not doing your work, it just isn’t as much fun. Just sayin’.

Anyway, so there is an inventory in my journal, dated Dec. 31, 2009. The inventory contains a list of all the things I accomplished last year. Impressive, if I do say so myself! What the inventory also contains, is an exercise I picked up from a rebroadcast on Hay House Radio, from Sonia Choquette. The exercise is called “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . . .”  The idea is to take a sheet of paper or a page from a journal, and write “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . .” and then as quickly as possible, without thinking about it, make a list of all the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you. It’s a very illuminating exercise, and I highly recommend it.

What are the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you? Allow love in? Take a vacation? Stand up for yourself? Love yourself more? Lose weight, take a class, make a friend, tell your mother to stop bossing you around like you were still 10?  The funny thing is, when you look at the list of all of the things you’re afraid of, you realize that there really is no monster under the bed. You’ve just pretended that by not living your life fully, you’ve somehow earned a prize for being the most well-behaved person in your PTA/office/marriage. But guess what? There is no prize for letting fear win, and it isn’t too late to decide to live life like you really mean it! Love, C

My two cents: fear is nothing more than our fragile egos wanting to be safe. . . but there really is nothing to be afraid of!

♥♥♥

If I wasn’t afraid, if I only had a brain, if I didn’t give a s**t about what people thought about me.  It’s all kinda the same thing.  If I didn’t worry so much about anything outside of myself and what others thought.  What if I just trusted, really trusted my first thought, my intuition and acted on that.  What if I didn’t really think about it at all?  What if I just went with the flow of the river and let it take me for an amazing ride without trying to control or manipulate the outcome?  Just askin’.

I have been doing alot of work on myself, hard work but so rewarding and it is starting to be fun and entertaining.  I am reflecting back on past relationships and experiences in my life, and I know they always say hindsight is 20/20, but I am really starting to see the gifts in my life and experiences pretty much immediately, I don’t have to wait 2 or 20 years to see, “Oh now I get why that had to play out the way it did.”

As C said earlier, Abraham said it is now a time of awakening, they also say that all those who are looking will  find.  That just makes me feel that all of this work has been worth it and I feel at peace and I know there is nothing to be afraid of.  We re in amazing times here guys, things are moving faster, our intuition is at an all time high, hell just look at your kids,  hand them an iPhone or a new computer game,  they just instinctively know how to do this stuff.   Amazing times, so exciting.

So, back to fear,  it does have it’s place, if danger is lurking in a dark parking lot and you get that ick feeling, listen to that.  If you are alone with someone and get an uneasy feeling, again, pay attention.  But outside of those kinds of creepy dangerous situations my motto has been for the last couple of years, don’t base your decisions on fear, period.  Don’t not do something you really want to do because of what you think might happen.  Don’t stress about that job interview because they might not hire you.  Don’t beat yourself up before a date because he might not think you are smart or pretty enough.  If a situation presents itself and you aren’t sure if you should go for it or not, ask yourself, am I not doing this because I am afraid?  If that is your answer, maybe you need to take another look at it.  xo-K

My two cents:  As one of my favorite teachers, Marianne Williamson says, “You never make your decisions based on fear, you make you decisions based on love.”

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if I wasn't afraid

Woof. I just had a breakthrough that threw me for a spectacular loop.  I got an insight Saturday that I had been trying to ignore. You know the kind I’m talking about: intuition speaks up loud and clear and you jam your fingers in your ears going lalalacan’thearyou! Anyway, I spent the better part of Sunday, my favorite day of the week, moping around in a funk, letting the revelation sink in.

Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe when you learn a life lesson, you don’t beat yourself up for not knowing that thing your soul set you up to learn in the first place.  So there I was, working on myself yet again, when I picked up my journal and read through the notes on my life thus far.

I flipped through the pages and realized that the first quarter of 2010 has been amazing. Together, K and I launched a blog, which has grown into a healthy and thriving chronicle of life, love, relationships. (So cute! And popular, too!) So far, 2010 has been a rootin’ tootin’ ride.  We are living at what Abraham calls The Awakening. If you’re doing your work, things are starting to pick up speed, moving really fast.  Things are moving pretty fast if you’re not doing your work, it just isn’t as much fun. Just sayin’.

Anyway, so there is an inventory in my journal, dated Dec. 31, 2009. The inventory contains a list of all the things I accomplished last year. Impressive, if I do say so myself! What the inventory also contains, is an exercise I picked up from a rebroadcast on Hay House Radio, from Sonia Choquette. The exercise is called “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . . .”  The idea is to take a sheet of paper or a page from a journal, and write “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . .” and then as quickly as possible, without thinking about it, make a list of all the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you. It’s a very illuminating exercise, and I highly recommend it.

What are the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you? Allow love in? Take a vacation? Stand up for yourself? Love yourself more? Lose weight, take a class, make a friend, tell your mother to stop bossing you around like you were still 10?  The funny thing is, when you look at the list of all of the things you’re afraid of, you realize that there really is no monster under the bed. You’ve just pretended that by not living your life fully, you’ve somehow earned a prize for being the most well-behaved person in your PTA/office/marriage. But guess what? There is no prize for letting fear win, and it isn’t too late to decide to live life like you really mean it! Love, C

My two cents: fear is nothing more than our fragile egos wanting to be safe. . . but there really is nothing to be afraid of!

♥♥♥

If I wasn’t afraid, if I only had a brain, if I didn’t give a s**t about what people thought about me.  It’s all kinda the same thing.  If I didn’t worry so much about anything outside of myself and what others thought.  What if I just trusted, really trusted my first thought, my intuition and acted on that.  What if I didn’t really think about it at all?  What if I just went with the flow of the river and let it take me for an amazing ride without trying to control or manipulate the outcome?  Just askin’.

I have been doing alot of work on myself, hard work but so rewarding and it is starting to be fun and entertaining.  I am reflecting back on past relationships and experiences in my life, and I know they always say hindsight is 20/20, but I am really starting to see the gifts in my life and experiences pretty much immediately, I don’t have to wait 2 or 20 years to see, “Oh now I get why that had to play out the way it did.”

As C said earlier, Abraham said it is now a time of awakening, they also say that all those who are looking will  find.  That just makes me feel that all of this work has been worth it and I feel at peace and I know there is nothing to be afraid of.  We re in amazing times here guys, things are moving faster, our intuition is at an all time high, hell just look at your kids,  hand them an iPhone or a new computer game,  they just instinctively know how to do this stuff.   Amazing times, so exciting.

So, back to fear,  it does have it’s place, if danger is lurking in a dark parking lot and you get that ick feeling, listen to that.  If you are alone with someone and get an uneasy feeling, again, pay attention.  But outside of those kinds of creepy dangerous situations my motto has been for the last couple of years, don’t base your decisions on fear, period.  Don’t not do something you really want to do because of what you think might happen.  Don’t stress about that job interview because they might not hire you.  Don’t beat yourself up before a date because he might not think you are smart or pretty enough.  If a situation presents itself and you aren’t sure if you should go for it or not, ask yourself, am I not doing this because I am afraid?  If that is your answer, maybe you need to take another look at it.  xo-K

My two cents:  As one of my favorite teachers, Marianne Williamson says, “You never make your decisions based on fear, you make you decisions based on love.”

 

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dating blind

I had breakfast with a friend this morning and told her I had a date tonight. “Text me when you’re done,” she said. That’s how we roll these days. Intro online, meet briefly, text results. My girl and I sat there for a while, talking about the perils and pleasures of dating in the digital age. L married her man when she was in her forties, and a decade later, they are still very much in love. They are sweet to be around, and he adores her.  “Remember, everyone has baggage,” L said as we parted ways.

Call me reckless or foolish (pick one), but a small corner of my romance-believing heart thinks that maybe happiness can be found online, that expanding the numbers of people you encounter exponentially can work for you, like playing the slots at a casino. That by stirring up the cosmic pot of attraction, fate and destiny will conspire to deliver romance right to my door. Hey! It’s a theory!  So then, here are the results of dating blind thus far:

Bachelor Number One was a really nice guy with boy-next-door good looks,  who is still reallllly angry about the tragic death of his wife ten years ago in a completely random accident and who is tenderly caring for an aging labrador that as a couple they adopted when the old girl was still a pup. That dog is his most loyal and steadfast companion and it gives me shivers to see that heartbreak peering over the horizon.

Bachelor Number Two, was the retired physician who was really smart, I mean really, like Mensa, smart. And interesting. World traveler. Dancer. Smooth, except he thought it was entirely appropriate to try to feel me up as we sat side by side in a romantic little resto on our third date. Come on!

Then, there was Groovy Guy, dude who was hella fun on our first/last/only meet up and who felt safer texting than actually meeting face to face, so risky. Groovy guy, as it turns out was  smart, funny, sexy as all get out. . . and who’s wounded heart stopped him from being fully present. Pity, because among other things, he gets two girls. Tsk.

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a guy who suggested we meet for the first time  right after his weekly yoga class. Seriously, dude?   Man sweat is so not a first date turn-on.   Anyway, when we finally met, I introduced Yoga Man to a fabulous little coffee shop I know, where we talked and swapped stories for an hour or so. I had to get back to work; he said he’d call. Have yet to hear from him. Could be he pulled a hamstring.

And now we are up tonight’s audition for most beloved new friend and potential love interest:  recently retired.  He thinks I’m a spicy little tomato. He wants someone to travel with.  As it turns out, I have a penchant for adventure.  Love, C

My two cents: suit up, show up, enjoy the ride!

♥♥♥

This is the reason why, when dating, especially online dating that you get really clear about what you want.  Whether you are looking for love online or just going out and putting yourself in the position to meet a potential partner, know what it is that you are looking for.   When you are interacting with a number of men, as you do when you are meeting online, you need to have a little bit more to go on when choosing, besides the superficial things like how he looks and what he does for a living.  You could possibly be spending a lot of time with this person, possibly the rest of your life, soooo. . .what exactly is it that you are looking for?

It’s so odd that when dating, and perhaps picking a potential life partner, we just kinda go out and wing it. We just bump around and kinda just go out with whoever shows up.  Well not everyone who shows up, but kinda whoever asks you out that seems nice and is physically attractive to you.  You don’t do that when picking a job, or buying a house. Most people are really clear about what they want in a house and they don’t really think about settling.  I think a lot of people put more thought into picking out an outfit to go on the date than actually what they want in the person they are dating.

Sometimes it is easier to start with what you don’t want and go from there.  C was put off with a guy who was going to meet her all sweaty after a yoga class.  Not what she wants, so what does she want?  Maybe someone who puts some thought and consideration and preparation into an initial meeting.  Don’t want to always have to do all the planning for a date?  I know after working all week, making decisions all day and being a mom, I don’t want to have to decide what to do on a date.  I like a man who asks me out and has a plan, or at least throws out a few options for me to pick from and then he makes the arrangements.

I have made a list and it is divided into negotiable and non-negotiables.  There are some things that I would love to have in a partner but if  I meet someone amazing and he doesn’t have or do those things it’s okay, they would be preferred but they are not deal breakers.  Then there are a few thing that are on my no how-no way list.  It is helpful to me because I have been known in the past to jump into something with a super hot guy who has a whole laundry list of characteristics that I didn’t even know that I didn’t want and then I was stuck in love with them and let’s just put it this way, I wish I would have been a little bit clearer about what I was looking for.

We all know about laws of attraction, and we are getting really clear about what happens when you put your attention on something.  So maybe it’s time to take a little time and give some thought about what the perfect relationship would look like.  Besides helping you get clear and upping your chances of getting exactly what you want, it’s a fun exercise as well.  xo-K

My two cents:  Put a little thought into what it is you would prefer, because the universe wants you to have exactly what you want.

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unpretty

The topic of bitches seems to have ignited some controversy. Maybe  it’s hit something at the core of our being. We love the bitch, and we hate her. She is the killer and the healer. She is the seer and the truth-speaker. She is the seducer, the power broker, the bad ass. She is a dangerous beautiful one, and she’s in every one of us. She may be part of us, but in some of us she’s a sleeping beauty, and that’s too bad.

Some of my favorite movie heroines are the ones who have fallen under the spell of believing there is something wrong with them, and that ultimately, they are “not pretty” enough to deserve the love they crave.  These are characters like Michelle Pfiffer in Frankie and Johnny, or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And without doubt, these are women who have been rode hard and put up wet, women who were probably damaged in some way along the line when they were young, and as adults, they’ve carried that “not good-enough-ness” around with them and called it a life.

As an aside, can I just say? Michelle and Julia are not what I would consider classic beauties. Their unusual features probably got them teased quite a bit as kids. As a result they probably developed their inner bitch a little bit, learned how to get what they want. I don’t know either of these ladies, I’m just sayin’.

Anyway back to our sad leading ladies (and we’re all the leading lady in the movies of our lives, right?). We have to assume that someone, somewhere along the line told them that they were bad, or unloveable, or dumb, or not pretty or (fill in the blank)_______________. And then they believed it. Then they started making bad choices in life and in men, all which served to reinforce their barely-there self esteem, and it became first a habit, then a way of life. Sad.

Fortunately for our girls, they had a couple of hot leading men (Al Pacino and Richard Gere) to convince them that they were worthy and noble and brave, so they too, began to believe.  Of course it would have been much better if our girls had  come to those conclusions on their own, but sometimes we need a little help from our friends and we’re really lucky when that kind of love comes around. You know the kind, the love that sees you for the radiant goddess that you are. But if you’re waiting for Prince Darling to come along and declare you whole and healed and ready for the great love of your life, well then sister, you better bitch up. Say yes to what’s good for you. Draw boundaries. Say no to what you don’t want to do. Say goodbye to the people and other habits in your life that don’t fit the inner bitch.  Become a strong, confident, un-clingy, bodacious, healthy woman, the kind the man you want would be with.

Because energy matches energy, until you start respecting yourself, you”ll keep attracting the ones who are less than the One, because you’re behaving like less than the One’s One and it has nothing to do with “pretty.” Love, C

My two cents: embrace your inner bitch and she’ll embrace you back!

♥♥♥

I just love Frankie and Johnnie, you have to take a moment and click on the link.  That is of my favorite scenes, good find C.  It is so obvious that Al is crazy about Michelle but she just can’t believe it or accept it, so sad.  Whether someone who was supposed to love you as a child didn’t, or maybe someone from school or that first boyfriend made you feel bad, unpretty, unlovable or just not good enough.  Probably had nothing to do with you, but it sure can do a number on your head.

It really is wonderful when someone who can really see your beauty comes along like Al Pacino in Frankie and Johnnie, but if you don’t feel worthy, and you don’t believe it,  you can let it get away.  Most of the time what happens is that you attract people who treat you the way you think you should be treated, how people from your past treated you.  It just affirms what you have always thought, all men are bad, they cheat, love hurts, or whatever the old tapes that you play in your head say.

Water does rise to it’s own level but it also rises to it’s own illusion.  If you think you are unworthy you will attract to that level.  Even when it’s nowhere near the truth.  I was talking to a friend the other day, great girl, beautiful, funny, but she is surrounded by people who are full of drama and treat her poorly.  Does she deserve it?  Hell no, but she is attracting it, so I think she needs to take a break and think about why people in her life think it’s okay to dump on her, and why she even thinks that these people are her friends.  I guess if this has been a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life, it seems your only options are crappy friends or no friends.  Cheating, lowdown bf or being alone.

Those are not your only choices but you need to know that.  Start looking for and noticing things that you like about yourself, start really seeing your beauty, know how worthy you are.  You deserve the best, so know it, own it and draw it in. xo-K

My two cents:  You get to pick who you allow to be in your life.  So be choosy.

 

 

 

 

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crash into me

One of my all-time favorite romantic comedies is Bull Durham. In it, Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon), is about to seduce young-hunky-dumb Ebbie Calvin LaLoosh (Tim Robbins), the new up and coming star of the minor leagues. In the wings, veteran ball player Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) has been kicked from the Majors back down to the Minors and quietly waits to finish his career and maybe to dazzle Annie.

Crash finally gets Annie’s attention after she has told the two men that they are competing with each other for her affection. It is then Costner delivers one of the greatest romantic comedy lines of all time: “Well,” he tells her before walking out the door. “I believe in. . .the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot. . .opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

Annie can only reply, “Oh, my.” I mean, seriously? There is only one thing to do with the guy that can deliver a line like that: take him home. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.

Of course, Annie did not do this right away. She was teaching the young punk with a 90 mph arm how to harness his thoughts, how to discipline his focus. The fact that she did this by convincing him to wear a garter belt and breathe through his eyeballs was just pure bonus. He was a punk and he sort of deserved it, but also, Annie had a mission. She was like Aphrodite, training the novice love warrior in the art of irony and the way of devotion. But even as she was spending her time with the young no-hitter, she secretly knew that Crash Davis was more compelling, more interesting, far deeper, and more capable of the long, slow burn. One of the things that made Crash so attractive is that he had some miles on him. He had cultivated humility, had earned every gray hair, every sly move.  He had been around the block, knew who he was, and was infinitely more interesting for it.

Back to the great speech: no pun intended, but in those few sentences, Crash manages to cover all the bases as follows:  reverence for women, the grace of a well placed move, the importance of health, the non-negotiable of pleasure, an ability to see beyond appearances, political free-thinking, honor for excellence, an appreciation for perfection, and respect for tradition. . .not to mention an off-the-chart hot-o-meter. Let us not forget, he started his soliloquy with reverence for the goddess, a quality never to be underestimated. Cheers, girls! Love, C

My two cents: You can star in the movie of your life or you can sit in the audience  and watch it all go by.

***

I love how C uses movies for metaphors and I love music reference.  I don’t really remember Bull Duhram, I mean I remember parts but nothing I could quote.  But now that my memory is refreshed, (thanks C), I remember loving the messages in that movie.  One in particular, men love a little healthy competition regarding the ladies, especially those jock types. And what girl doesn’t love two cute boys fighting over her?  Nothing makes a girl feel sexier than feeling wanted.

I don’t know about you but I can’t think of anything that makes me happier than someone I adore looking at me with his head cocked to the side.  You know the look, that  “Awwww, I am just crazy about you” head cock.  Simple, doesn’t cost any money, and you can’t fake it.  Yea, there is nothing like a good old fashioned love fest. Sitting around, doing nothing special  but staring into each other’s eyes, and adoring each other.  Sickening but sweet to the innocent bystander but it doesn’t matter to you.  Not that you even realize there was anyone even there in the room with you!

So just for fun, let’s go back come on you know you’ve got one, that one fav boyfriend, the one who knocked your socks off and made you believe in love for the first time (or believe in love again).  Go back, what was going on? What was your favorite song at the time?  What did you do and where did you go? Go back and remember every delicious detail.  If you haven’t yet had that feeling yet, find a movie relationship that feels close to how you would love to feel and relish that for a bit.

There is a reason for this, the more you recognize what makes you happy and feel good, the easier it will be to recognize it when it comes.  I still love my go-to, good feeling, fav boyfriend, and even though we didn’t last, all I have to do is think of him and it makes me happy.  Oh, and my go-to song to get me feeling great? “More than a Feeling” by Boston.  It’s a sure thing.  xo-K

My two cents:  Have a go-to, feel good, something.

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secret to a lasting marriage

A friend of mine was telling me of a woman, ninety years old, and married for over sixty-five years. When asked what  her secret for staying happily married for so many years was,  she replied, “There was never a time when one of us wasn’t in love”.  Love that! xoK

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mighty aphrodite

It seems only right that in the month that celebrates romantic love give a nod to our girl Aphrodite, who also went by Venus, otherwise known as the goddess of beauty and love. Aphrodite was a regular Grecian goddess, hanging out between heaven and earth, trying to avoid the wrath of her bad dad Zeus, and curling the toes of the local boys every chance she got. Gossip has it that the goddess got around and her favorite object of desire was Aries, god of war, also known as Mars. Get it? Venus and Mars, love and war? No doubt about it, when those two collided, sparks flew.  btw: this is the month of chocolate hearts, right? Guess what: chocolate is rumored to be an aphrodisiac. . .so take no chances, channel your inner goddess and share some chocolate with someone you love. toujours l’amour!

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