Tag Archives: Marianne Williamson

liar liar pants on fire

Okay, so there I was, playing nice on a work project with a team, when I realized that one of the team members started giving off some really icky vibes. I didn’t say anything, just kept observing the individual. The weird vibe was consistent. Over time, I knew it was there, and then today: BAM, it all came to a head.

In a way, I was relieved, because it confirmed my intuitive hit: something was off. Now that I think about the situation, I know that there are several more element in play, even though he denies it. Before, I would have tried to engage him about what he was saying, even though I knew he declared I was wrong. Now, I know that there is more going on than meets the eye. I know that there is a nasty little piece of work in play, even though my colleague says there’s nothing more to it.

Oh, please, don’t think that I am all fluffy puppies and moonbeams about all this. Heck no! I got all up in my stuff about it, all defensive, all co-dependent. Sigh. In case you still think that things are just random and circumstances just “happen,” think again. Just as I am going through my little drama, guess who calls? K! So there I am, all off-center, off-balance, SO not in my goddess all-knowing. I needed to vent. And bless her, K listened. See, I so love her about this: sometimes she really calls me on my sh*t, knowing when I can handle it. But this time, she just listened and supported me, told me to stand firm, stand tall.  But most of all, she said, “that’s so 3D, such an illusion. Let’s just think about doing God’s work.” Wow: talk about a shift.

When I get all twisted up, Marianne Williamson has a prayer that gives me comfort and it goes like this: “Dear God, where would you have me serve?”  That pretty much takes the ego out of it, totally deflates the defensiveness. Where would YOU have me serve? Not my sad little ego, my wounded little self, but You who know all things and know better than me why this drama is rising up and grabbing my attention. Still haven’t worked that out yet, but I can tell you I stand in a place of power when I consider the players in this little drama, the hurtful things they say, and know exactly what they do not say.

People lie all the time, and they think no one knows. There is no angel standing by taking notes about our so-called sins, as I was taught in catechism class. No, it’s us. We know. We know when someone is lying to us, deceiving us, saying one thing and thinking another. We are all psychic. We know, if we are only willing to honor our knowing. Love, C

My two cents: Trust your gut. It is never wrong.

♥♥♥

Sometimes this work is just exhausting. . . grrr.  Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it, like what’s the point?  When do things start getting easy?

C texted me earlier today and was not in a good space, I called her a bit later, when I had a color processing  and  she filled me in on the jerk she was dealing with at her office .  She was frustrated, because someone who has no idea what she does or how good she is at her job with trying to tell her how she should be doing it his way and his way of course is better. NOT.  As much as she really didn’t want to hear it in that moment, I told her there was something in it for her.

Whenever something keeps coming up in a similar fashion, there is something we are not getting, and a lot of  times it has to do with us standing up for ourselves, and not going against our gut when we know we are right.  I told C about my experiences with clients who come in and try to tell me how to do my job.  I want my clients to be happy, and they get to pick whatever style or color they want.  I do give my opinion but ultimately it is their hair, their choice.  What they don’t get to pick is how I get the end result.  I am the expert I do things my way, period.  I have learned the hard way that when I let someone sway me to do thing against my better judgment and things don’t turn out well, they are not happy and neither am I.  Then on top of it, if I do what they want and it doesn’t turn out, who’s fault is it in the end? Mine of course.  Seriously?

I decided a few years ago, I have to do what I am good at, do what I think is right, and not let anyone, ever, make me doubt myself.  I am confident in my skills, and abilities and who I am as a person and I am always going to stand up for me.  As much as I would defend a friend, and have their back, I will have my own back.

I have learned to never go against what I believe in,  never let anyone change how I feel about myself as a person,  or change how I do things because I have fear that they won’t love me, approve of me or even that I will lose my job.   I will never again, second guess myself, sell myself short or let anyone’s opinion of me override my opinion of me.  That is my commitment to myself, and I know that if I can hold true to that, everything will just fall into place in my world.  xo-K

My two cents:  Nobody can do you as well as you can.  Remember that. . .everyday.

Leave a comment

Filed under relationships

liar liar pants on fire

Okay, so there I was, playing nice on a work project with a team, when I realized that one of the team members started giving off some really icky vibes. I didn’t say anything, just kept observing the individual. The weird vibe was consistent. Over time, I knew it was there, and then today: BAM, it all came to a head.

In a way, I was relieved, because it confirmed my intuitive hit: something was off. Now that I think about the situation, I know that there are several more elements in play, even though he denies it. Before, I would have tried to engage him about what he was saying, even though I knew he declared I was wrong. Now, I know that there is more going on than meets the eye. I know that there is a nasty little piece of work in play, even though my colleague says there’s nothing more to it.

Oh, please, don’t think that I am all fluffy puppies and moonbeams about all this. Heck no! I got all up in my stuff about it, all defensive, all co-dependent. Sigh. In case you still think that things are just random and circumstances just “happen,” think again. Just as I am going through my little drama, guess who calls? K! So there I am, all off-center, off-balance, SO not in my goddess all-knowing. I needed to vent. And bless her, K listened. See, I so love her about this: sometimes she really calls me on my sh*t, knowing when I can handle it. But this time, she just listened and supported me, told me to stand firm, stand tall.  But most of all, she said, “that’s so 3D, such an illusion. Let’s just think about doing God’s work.” Wow: talk about a shift.

When I get all twisted up, Marianne Williamson has a prayer that gives me comfort and it goes like this: “Dear God, where would you have me serve?”  That pretty much takes the ego out of it, totally deflates the defensiveness. Where would YOU have me serve? Not my sad little ego, my wounded little self, but You who know all things and know better than me why this drama is rising up and grabbing my attention. Still haven’t worked that out yet, but I can tell you I stand in a place of power when I consider the players in this little drama, the hurtful things they say, and know exactly what they do not say.

People lie all the time, and they think no one knows. There is no angel standing by taking notes about our so-called sins, as I was taught in catechism class. No, it’s us. We know. We know when someone is lying to us, deceiving us, saying one thing and thinking another. We are all psychic. We know, if we are only willing to honor our knowing. Love, C

My two cents: Trust your gut. It is never wrong.

♥♥♥

Sometimes this work can seem exhausting.  Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it, like what’s the point?  When do things start getting easier?

C texted me earlier today and was not in a good space, I called her back when I had a color processing  and  she filled me in on the jerk she was dealing with at her office .  She was frustrated, because someone who has no idea what she does or how good she is at her job with trying to tell her how she should be doing it his way and his way was much better than her way and in his mind the only way. NOT.  As much as she really didn’t want to hear it in that moment, I told her there was something there for her.

Whenever something keeps coming up in a similar fashion, there is something we are not getting, maybe it’s a sign it’s  time to move on from the situation, or maybe it’s about standing up for yourself, and not going against your gut when you know you’re right.  Whatever it is, if something is rubbing you wrong and it just feels icky, know that there is a lesson lurking and a potential for growth there for you.

I told C about my experiences with clients who come in and try to tell me how to do my job.  I want my clients to be happy, and they get to pick whatever style or color they want.  I do give my opinion but ultimately it is their hair, their choice.  What they don’t get to pick is how I get the end result.  I am the expert I do things my way, period.  I have learned the hard way that when I let someone sway me to do thing against my better judgment things don’t turn out well, and then they aren’t happy and neither am I.  Then on top of it, if I do what they want and it doesn’t turn out, who’s fault is it in the end? Mine of course.  Seriously?

I decided a few years ago, I have to do what I am good at, do what I think is right, and not let anyone, ever, make me doubt myself.  I am confident in my skills, and abilities and who I am as a person and I am always going to stand up for me.  As much as I would defend a friend, and have their back, I will have my own back.

I have learned to never go against what I believe in,  never let anyone change how I feel about myself as a person, or change how I do things because I fear  someone won’t love me, approve of me, or that they will leave me .   I will never again, second guess myself, sell myself short or let anyone’s opinion of me override my opinion of me.  That is my commitment to myself, and I know that if I  hold true to that, everything will just fall into place in my world.  xo-K

My two cents:  Nobody can do YOU as well as you can.  Remember that…everyday.

Leave a comment

Filed under law of attraction, relationships

all you need is love

The world is in turmoil, have you noticed?  A part of me says yes, okay, the world is in turmoil and we all have something to do about it. Another part of me says, the world is not in turmoil, it is all a grand illusion constructed movie-style for our entertainment, and none of it really matters.

Or, how about this: if the world is in turmoil, and we are all one, then we are in turmoil. And if we create our world and our world is in turmoil, we created the turmoil. What if this is true? What if we created the gulf oil spill tragedy? “Not me,” you say. “I have enough on my plate without being responsible for that, too!” But this isn’t about blame. It’s about connection. It’s about healing. It’s about realizing that we all have a stake in what happens, whether it’s a hurricane or an earthquake or an oil spill of epic proportions.

Back in the day, minutes before cell phones were an everyday accessory, and when Ronald Reagan was a president not just an actor, cold wars still existed, there was a giant wall dividing one part of Germany from itself and one part of Europe from the world. The new thought movement was just beginning to pick up steam. Marianne Williamson was talking to small groups of people in Santa Monica, and Louise Hay was famous at the time for having written a book called “You Can Heal Your Life.” I received an email one day, announcing a world day of prayer to bring down the Berlin Wall peacefully. People from different time zones around the world were called to stop for a few minutes and pray for world peace.  The day came and went and then, not long after, the wall came down, uniting a country with itself.

Love had a big win that day. I remember watching the news, and feeling my heart open and connecting with all the love from around the world, watching that same news.  The official records about the fall of the wall say that it was because of a series of civil riots and political erosion, but I think it was because of the prayers for peace, united from around the world, that did it.

I think we owe it to our home planet to try to heal the Gulf of Mexico in the same way. K suggested on our fb page the other day that we all offer prayers of healing for the gulf waters.  The more I think about this, the more I think this is a holy mission. Blame and anger won’t help heal those beautiful waters, home to rare and magnificent sea life. I’m committed to offering prayers of healing for the gulf every day, for the next month. Probably more after that, but each day as I say my waking prayers, and each night as I offer my gratitude to the all that is, I will offer a prayer of blessing and healing love and gratitude to the gulf for being a messenger that once again, working together, we can heal our home planet, heal our world collectively. Love, C

My two cents: there is enough love in the world to heal every thought we think, and every thought we think is enough to heal the world.

♥♥♥

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, healing and grace vs anger and blame; interesting.  I have had this come up in my personal life recently and chose to take the high road and am well on my way to healing and grace thanks to a turn of events. Actually it was two things that seemed horrible and unfair at the time but turned out to be eye-opening and healing, even transforming, who would have known.  This afternoon I got confirmation that the choice  I made to let go of the past and of  blame was the right decision.

I was sitting in front of my daughter’s school a few minutes before the bell rang and caught the news at the top of the hour; have I not learned yet that I never feel good listening to that stuff??  They were going on and on about the oil spill and how “they” — whoever “they” are –weren’t  going to rest until whoever was responsible paid, and paid handsomely.  I do agree that whoever is at fault should take responsibility but the anger and the resentment just felt, well, not helpful.  As C mentioned earlier I posted a prayer for healing the gulf waters.  Sending loving prayers and good positive thoughts just seems more helpful and productive at this point and time.

I think many people underestimate the power of love and prayer.  They think it is fine for some things, but this is serious. Do you know how many people with life threatening, terminal illness, after they have exhausted every other avenue, been told by every doctor that there was no hope, fall to their knees and turn to the only thing that ever really works anyway?

Abraham always says it is of no use to push against what you don’t want, and Mother Teresa said, “If you hold  an anti-war rally, I shall not attend.   But if you hold a pro-peace rally, invite me.”

I believe in the power of love and prayer and meditation and  I have quoted Marianne Williamson so many times, “When two or more are gathered miracles happen.”  So put your focus on healing.  Healing broken hearts, or broken bones, childhood wounds or our beautiful planet.

The Beatles, one of the greatest bands ever sang, “All you need is love, love is all you need.”  I don’t know if I agree that it is all you need but I think it is a great place to start.  xo-K

My two cents-  Love those around you, compliment more than you criticize, and your world will change around you.


Leave a comment

Filed under Inspiration, love, spirituality

it takes as long as it takes

I was talking to one of my bffs the other day, a girl wh0 goes in and out of hell  pretty much daily. She’s at war with her ex and it’s a battle of wills, the kind of battle that can never really be won and she knows it but for some reason she just can’t let it go.

My friend wants it to be over but she also wants to be right and wants to win, a  deadly combination.  In one minute she wants it to be done, she can’t stand dealing with him or his drama  for another minute and doesn’t care if she wins or who has to pay.  Then. . . she thinks about it and that’s where the trouble starts.  “It’s not fair,”  she cries, and now she wants to win.

Is she justified? Yes. Does she deserve to win? Oh hell yeah.  Is that stopping the ending from beginning?  Yes my darling it is.

Does she want to be right or be happy?  She wants  both, and frankly that is the problem because both is not an option.  Sorry, you have to choose. It’s hard, but it can be done, and it takes as long as it takes.  I love my friend to death but when she reports on the latest, way he’s done me wrong, I can’t help but think, you could end this right here, right now. . .just let it go.

No one person is your source. No one is responsible for your happiness but you.  If you don’t like what is going on, either get out of it or if that isn’t possible, look at it in a different light.  What other choice do you have?  If you can’t see it in a way that you feel okay about, then maybe you need to look at something else.  Some other aspect in you life that is working.  That does make you happy.  It’s always a choice.

If you are always looking to others to do things in a way that works for you or say the perfect thing or you can only be happy when you hit all the green lights on the way to work and nobody says anything to hurt your feelings, you have a tough road ahead of you.

I have learned from years of looking at things from all different perspectives that there are as many green lights as red, but most people don’t seem to notice the good things as much as the things that annoy or irritate them. You can’t make the light change shades by sheer will but you can change the way you feel when sitting at the red light.  Stop, look around, notice something beautiful.

And if you can’t manage to do that don’t worry, just give it some time,  with a little practice you can master being happy no matter what the circumstances are, but in the mean time, if those red lights are driving you  crazy and ruining your day. . . leave 5 minutes earlier.  Just a suggestion. xo-K

My two cents:  Just like you wouldn’t scream at a two year old, “get up ya little dummy”  when he falls learning to walk, don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t get it.  Just know that only YOU can change the way you look at things.

♥♥♥

Marianne Williamson has a prayer that I adore and which is brilliant in its simplicity. It goes like this: “Dear God, please don’t change this situation before me, but help me to change my mind about it.”

It isn’t that your spouse left you for another woman when you were three months pregnant, it is the thoughts you hold about that affair. There are so many feelings you can attach to a situation like that. Betrayal, sadness, rage, anger, the whole spectrum of pain and suffering. And they are all valid. But the truth is, you are the one who attaches the pain and the suffering, no one else. There is a saying about resentment: it’s like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Love it!

Sometimes life lessons knock us off our pins. Sometimes we aren’t done with the tug of war because we feel like if we stop fighting and just let it be, it will mean we don’t care or that our love never mattered or that no one will love us ever again. We do such a number on ourselves.

Byron Katie had a technique called The Work. It mostly involves taking a position and then asking a number of questions to determine if your thoughts about it are “true.”  For instance, the woman whose husband left her could say, “he should pay for what he did to me.” Is this true? Did she really have no part in the rift that eventually divided their marriage, no responsibility?  The final element of Katie’s work is to turn it around. The abandoned woman could say, “I left me long before he did.” You know when you hit on the truth. Rather, you feel it. You get goosebumps, or let loose a big sigh, or feel a chill. You know.

When you ask God to help you change your mind about a situation, you are really asking for peace. You are really asking to detach from the pain and suffering that you have attached to the scene (which your soul really just created to give you a chance to heal a past emotional wound). The pain only exists in our mind anyway, right? You can’t point to a room in your house and say ‘this is where betrayal lives.’ It’s just an idea. And like any idea, you can either think it over and over and over again until it becomes a belief, or you can let it go. Love, C

My two cents: We are all just bumping around here, doing the best we can, trying to remember that we are all emissaries of love, learning to love again.


1 Comment

Filed under relationships, spirituality

two a T

C and I have been friends for years.  We are so alike but so different. Different political views, different educational background, different family background, you name it.   As I have noted before we live in different states and are blogging remotely and are on the phone constantly.  Even before we started this blog, we were  working on our “stuff.” We always seemed to be kinda on a similar path, spiritually and in our relationships with men.  And at one point we even thought we were dating the same guy. . . .

So one day, C comes in to the salon and she is just glowing.  I met someone! she exclaimed.  “Wow,” I said, “That’s awesome.  I’m so excited for you!”  I had just started dating someone myself but it was still so new, I let her go first.  His name is “T,” she went into all the stats of her new beau and I felt — actually I don’t know what I felt in that moment it was so long ago –but I do remember that I too, was dating a guy named “T” and it was all sounding very familiar. Like she was talking about my guy.  So many similarities: same line of business, check; age, check; boat, check. There was one big thing that we were going to find out later on down the line.  Neither one of these handsome suitors, and yes we did eventually get them into the same room together at one point, was ever going to commit to either one of us. . . ever.

And I have to say it was not for lack of creative manipulation on both of our parts. We worked it, in every way we could. We spent a lot of time and energy talking about how elusive the little buggers were and how we were going to be so amazing and indispensable that there was no way they would ever want to let either of us go.

Thinking back on that time, we spent so much time dissecting every conversation we each had with our “T’s,” getting each others’ opinion on what the other thought he meant by that comment he made or didn’t make.  If men only knew what women really talked about when they weren’t around!  Oh my, well it’s just a good thing they don’t.  So much drama, my head hurts just thinking about it.

Instead of just living in the moment, letting whatever is supposed to happen happen and actually enjoying someone’s company, we  always have to be planning the future and every move someone makes has to have some hidden meaning, doesn’t it?  Some clue as to what is going to happen next or not happen. . . .

Years later and after hundreds of hours logged on via telephone between C and me, both of the “Ts” were history. C had her end after being left on the side of the road after a disagreement during what was supposed be a romantic getaway in Maui. As for me, I just got tired of running back and forth between two houses with a duffel bag and waiting for someone who was supposed to love me to ask me to stay in one place permanently.

They were the ones who couldn’t commit, we cried,  as we had what would be one of many pity parties.  We were there and we were ready, they were the ones with the problems, right?  We both felt so justifiably hurt and angry.  So. . . why do you think that both of these confirmed bachelors were married to the next girls they dated after we broke it off with them?  Ouch!

Maybe they were not the ones with the commitment issues after all.

To be continued…. xo-K

My two cents:  Relationships are like mirrors, what is being reflected back to you is always YOU.

♥♥♥

Okay, no one ever said this work was easy, but sometimes you have to just allow yourself to laugh about it, right??  I remember that golden day, sitting in K’s salon, having told her all about my new beau. I remember thinking it was such a funny coincidence that our two T’s were so similar.  Yeah, the cosmos has quite a sense of humor!

I met my T on my back porch. Literally. I woke up one morning, and wearing little more than an over-sized denim shirt, stumbled into my living room, and gazed out the sliding window at what looked like a Norse god. Yum. I opened the door and said, “what the hell are you doing on my porch? Tell me quick or I’m calling the cops!” Or something friendly like that. Hey! A girl living alone doesn’t take chances when strange men appear on her doorstep. Oh, wait.

Anyway, it all seemed meant to be. I mean seriously? My doorstep! The first time we kissed was like jumping into the path of a runaway train. No going back, baby. Was he The One? Oh, heck no. Did he show up in my life to teach me lessons? Big time. He was one of my biggest projects to date. And for that, a part of me will always love him for it. I’ll even love the fact that one week after he dropped me off on the side of the road in Maui, he IM’d me to tell me he was getting married. And today? I’m soooo glad I wasn’t the one he married. And I’m about 99.999 percent sure that K is over the moon she didn’t marry her T, either.

Every relationship you have is really about one person: you. So, here’s the deal. You can work on your “stuff” in a relationship, or you can work on it outside a relationship. It’s just easier when there’s two. Marianne Williamson says that relationships are like rock tumblers for the soul. They rub off all the sharp edges.

You would have thought that the T’s put us off love, but au contraire, mon amie! We still believe in the fairy tale ending. Love, C

My two cents: each relationship you have gives you exactly what you need to heal, in the moment. Bless it them all, especially the so-called bad ones.



Leave a comment

Filed under love, relationships, self-care

what are you so afraid of?

You say you want a relationship, a good one, one that is the real deal, the last forever kind.  So… why do you think it hasn’t shown up yet?

What if someone came up to you right here, right now, and told you your perfect match, your soulmate, the love of your life, was going to be here next week, say Thursday night at 8:00.  Quick- what is the first thought or feeling that comes up?   Excitement?  Happiness?  Anticipation?  Fear?  Mine was: Wait, I’m not ready!  What? Are you kidding me?  I have been waiting my whole life for this and now I’m not ready?

Not your reaction?  Are you sure about that?  Most people who don’t have fears or issues or something like that and really want a great relationship have one, plain and simple. And if you’re already there you’re probably not reading a blog about finding love.  So, here we are.  Just sayin’…

I just finished listening to an online seminar with Robert Ohotto, if you are not familiar with him I highly recommend  checking him out.  The webinar was titled “Soul Connections-Cultivating Intimacy within a New Relationship Paradigm.”  And it was nothing short of amazing.

This was a four hour e-seminar,and man was it info packed.  He touched on too many ideas to cover in this short little post, but I so feel better.  Having fear is normal; it’s one of the roles we play.  He talks about all of the archetypes in relationships and I recognized a few that I’ve done, many that I’ve done, and many that I’m done with.

My head is spinning with all the new information. I’ve listened to the  download of the webinar twice,  and I am still processing.  If I had to comment on anything at this point it would be that  I still have a lot of fears, and it is okay.  I am right on track for what I want and all is well.

I feel so blessed that  for each step I take, the next thing I need is right there waiting for me.  I’m baby steppin’, but I’m doing it.  Everything is happening right as it should, in perfect timing.  I am doing this, facing all the things that seem so scary: abandonment, betrayal, and, what if my “soulmate” shows up and he doesn’t like me??  Yikes, sounds crazy when I write it out loud, but I actually thought that for a minute.  Okay well, gotta process all of this.  xo-K

My two cents:  Everything you need will be there for you right when you need it.

***

I haven’t listened to Ohotto’s webinar yet — but plan to devote serious time to it, based on K’s review. I listen to him on Hay House Radio on a weekly basis. Robert is crazy smart, spooky intuitive, and has an uncanny ability to tell it like it is. Intuitively,  I like his style, I like his perspective, and I really like his insights into life. He’s a student of Carolyn Myss, and he has a knack for making you laugh even as he’s making a really important point.  He’s a genius, but that’s another story.

What really interests me is the idea of Fear. I’m not talking about the kind of fear that comes plugging in a DVD of Silence of the Lambs at home in a big country house, alone, at night. Or jumping off a bridge over a river with giant, elastic bands wrapped around your ankles. Or having a big dog lunge at you before he reaches the end of his chain.  This is about the small fears. It’s about the accumulated mountain of little fears that keep you from reaching your potential, everyday, for years and years on end. It’s the fear that whispers, “Don’t try that; you’ve never done it before.” or “What if you’re not thin enough?” or “You failed at love once before, what if you die alone?”

Fear is the great motivator that keeps us doing or not doing the things that can push us to fulfilling our destiny. It keeps us safe, because if we don’t try, then there’s no failure, and if there’s no failure, then we’re okay, right? Fear can define us. Or, if we are willing to risk the ordeal of facing it, fear can liberate us. Each fear is like life saying, “Are you ready to take this on? Are you willing to reach your potential?”

According to Marianne Williamson, the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s fear. She goes on to say that nothing is real but love, so the fear is illusion. But that’s another story, too. Let’s just stick with fear. This kind of work requires brutal, total, self-honesty. Can you do that?

So, here are a few questions to help you identify your fears. The trick is, to answer without thinking about it.  Just say the first thing that pops up. Ready? Okay, answer these questions:

  • Assuming you played a role in the end of your last relationship (because you did), what fear motivated your actions?
  • If the love of your life came knocking on the door, what would make you afraid to open it? (Fear of abandonment? Fear of failure? Fear of success?)
  • Assuming you could have the love/success you desire, which fear would you be willing to exchange for it? (If you’re totally honest, you have to admit to at least one. No cheating!)

There are no right or wrong answers. This weekend, at a family reunion, my brother and I tried to find an old landmark from our shared past. A few years had come and gone, and nothing was as we remembered. And yet, everything fell in to place as we took one step, and then another. This is the thing: if you trust that things will work out, they generally do.  Love, C

My two cents: follow your heart instead of your fear; you heart knows what it’s talking about.

 

2 Comments

Filed under affirmations, Inspiration, love, relationships, self-care, spirituality