C and I have been friends for years. We are so alike but so different. Different political views, different educational background, different family background, you name it. As I have noted before we live in different states and are blogging remotely and are on the phone constantly. Even before we started this blog, we were working on our “stuff.” We always seemed to be kinda on a similar path, spiritually and in our relationships with men. And at one point we even thought we were dating the same guy. . . .
So one day, C comes in to the salon and she is just glowing. I met someone! she exclaimed. “Wow,” I said, “That’s awesome. I’m so excited for you!” I had just started dating someone myself but it was still so new, I let her go first. His name is “T,” she went into all the stats of her new beau and I felt — actually I don’t know what I felt in that moment it was so long ago –but I do remember that I too, was dating a guy named “T” and it was all sounding very familiar. Like she was talking about my guy. So many similarities: same line of business, check; age, check; boat, check. There was one big thing that we were going to find out later on down the line. Neither one of these handsome suitors, and yes we did eventually get them into the same room together at one point, was ever going to commit to either one of us. . . ever.
And I have to say it was not for lack of creative manipulation on both of our parts. We worked it, in every way we could. We spent a lot of time and energy talking about how elusive the little buggers were and how we were going to be so amazing and indispensable that there was no way they would ever want to let either of us go.
Thinking back on that time, we spent so much time dissecting every conversation we each had with our “T’s,” getting each others’ opinion on what the other thought he meant by that comment he made or didn’t make. If men only knew what women really talked about when they weren’t around! Oh my, well it’s just a good thing they don’t. So much drama, my head hurts just thinking about it.
Instead of just living in the moment, letting whatever is supposed to happen happen and actually enjoying someone’s company, we always have to be planning the future and every move someone makes has to have some hidden meaning, doesn’t it? Some clue as to what is going to happen next or not happen. . . .
Years later and after hundreds of hours logged on via telephone between C and me, both of the “Ts” were history. C had her end after being left on the side of the road after a disagreement during what was supposed be a romantic getaway in Maui. As for me, I just got tired of running back and forth between two houses with a duffel bag and waiting for someone who was supposed to love me to ask me to stay in one place permanently.
They were the ones who couldn’t commit, we cried, as we had what would be one of many pity parties. We were there and we were ready, they were the ones with the problems, right? We both felt so justifiably hurt and angry. So. . . why do you think that both of these confirmed bachelors were married to the next girls they dated after we broke it off with them? Ouch!
Maybe they were not the ones with the commitment issues after all.
To be continued…. xo-K
My two cents: Relationships are like mirrors, what is being reflected back to you is always YOU.
Okay, no one ever said this work was easy, but sometimes you have to just allow yourself to laugh about it, right?? I remember that golden day, sitting in K’s salon, having told her all about my new beau. I remember thinking it was such a funny coincidence that our two T’s were so similar. Yeah, the cosmos has quite a sense of humor!
I met my T on my back porch. Literally. I woke up one morning, and wearing little more than an over-sized denim shirt, stumbled into my living room, and gazed out the sliding window at what looked like a Norse god. Yum. I opened the door and said, “what the hell are you doing on my porch? Tell me quick or I’m calling the cops!” Or something friendly like that. Hey! A girl living alone doesn’t take chances when strange men appear on her doorstep. Oh, wait.
Anyway, it all seemed meant to be. I mean seriously? My doorstep! The first time we kissed was like jumping into the path of a runaway train. No going back, baby. Was he The One? Oh, heck no. Did he show up in my life to teach me lessons? Big time. He was one of my biggest projects to date. And for that, a part of me will always love him for it. I’ll even love the fact that one week after he dropped me off on the side of the road in Maui, he IM’d me to tell me he was getting married. And today? I’m soooo glad I wasn’t the one he married. And I’m about 99.999 percent sure that K is over the moon she didn’t marry her T, either.
Every relationship you have is really about one person: you. So, here’s the deal. You can work on your “stuff” in a relationship, or you can work on it outside a relationship. It’s just easier when there’s two. Marianne Williamson says that relationships are like rock tumblers for the soul. They rub off all the sharp edges.
You would have thought that the T’s put us off love, but au contraire, mon amie! We still believe in the fairy tale ending. Love, C
My two cents: each relationship you have gives you exactly what you need to heal, in the moment. Bless it them all, especially the so-called bad ones.