I had breakfast with a friend this morning and told her I had a date tonight. “Text me when you’re done,” she said. That’s how we roll these days. Intro online, meet briefly, text results. My girl and I sat there for a while, talking about the perils and pleasures of dating in the digital age. L married her man when she was in her forties, and a decade later, they are still very much in love. They are sweet to be around, and he adores her. “Remember, everyone has baggage,” L said as we parted ways.
Call me reckless or foolish (pick one), but a small corner of my romance-believing heart thinks that maybe happiness can be found online, that expanding the numbers of people you encounter exponentially can work for you, like playing the slots at a casino. That by stirring up the cosmic pot of attraction, fate and destiny will conspire to deliver romance right to my door. Hey! It’s a theory! So then, here are the results of dating blind thus far:
Bachelor Number One was a really nice guy with boy-next-door good looks, who is still reallllly angry about the tragic death of his wife ten years ago in a completely random accident and who is tenderly caring for an aging labrador that as a couple they adopted when the old girl was still a pup. That dog is his most loyal and steadfast companion and it gives me shivers to see that heartbreak peering over the horizon.
Bachelor Number Two, was the retired physician who was really smart, I mean really, like Mensa, smart. And interesting. World traveler. Dancer. Smooth, except he thought it was entirely appropriate to try to feel me up as we sat side by side in a romantic little resto on our third date. Come on!
Then, there was Groovy Guy, dude who was hella fun on our first/last/only meet up and who felt safer texting than actually meeting face to face, so risky. Groovy guy, as it turns out was smart, funny, sexy as all get out. . . and who’s wounded heart stopped him from being fully present. Pity, because among other things, he gets two girls. Tsk.
A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a guy who suggested we meet for the first time right after his weekly yoga class. Seriously, dude? Man sweat is so not a first date turn-on. Anyway, when we finally met, I introduced Yoga Man to a fabulous little coffee shop I know, where we talked and swapped stories for an hour or so. I had to get back to work; he said he’d call. Have yet to hear from him. Could be he pulled a hamstring.
And now we are up tonight’s audition for most beloved new friend and potential love interest: recently retired. He thinks I’m a spicy little tomato. He wants someone to travel with. As it turns out, I have a penchant for adventure. Love, C
My two cents: suit up, show up, enjoy the ride!
This is the reason why, when dating, especially online dating that you get really clear about what you want. Whether you are looking for love online or just going out and putting yourself in the position to meet a potential partner, know what it is that you are looking for. When you are interacting with a number of men, as you do when you are meeting online, you need to have a little bit more to go on when choosing, besides the superficial things like how he looks and what he does for a living. You could possibly be spending a lot of time with this person, possibly the rest of your life, soooo. . .what exactly is it that you are looking for?
It’s so odd that when dating, and perhaps picking a potential life partner, we just kinda go out and wing it. We just bump around and kinda just go out with whoever shows up. Well not everyone who shows up, but kinda whoever asks you out that seems nice and is physically attractive to you. You don’t do that when picking a job, or buying a house. Most people are really clear about what they want in a house and they don’t really think about settling. I think a lot of people put more thought into picking out an outfit to go on the date than actually what they want in the person they are dating.
Sometimes it is easier to start with what you don’t want and go from there. C was put off with a guy who was going to meet her all sweaty after a yoga class. Not what she wants, so what does she want? Maybe someone who puts some thought and consideration and preparation into an initial meeting. Don’t want to always have to do all the planning for a date? I know after working all week, making decisions all day and being a mom, I don’t want to have to decide what to do on a date. I like a man who asks me out and has a plan, or at least throws out a few options for me to pick from and then he makes the arrangements.
I have made a list and it is divided into negotiable and non-negotiables. There are some things that I would love to have in a partner but if I meet someone amazing and he doesn’t have or do those things it’s okay, they would be preferred but they are not deal breakers. Then there are a few thing that are on my no how-no way list. It is helpful to me because I have been known in the past to jump into something with a super hot guy who has a whole laundry list of characteristics that I didn’t even know that I didn’t want and then I was stuck in love with them and let’s just put it this way, I wish I would have been a little bit clearer about what I was looking for.
We all know about laws of attraction, and we are getting really clear about what happens when you put your attention on something. So maybe it’s time to take a little time and give some thought about what the perfect relationship would look like. Besides helping you get clear and upping your chances of getting exactly what you want, it’s a fun exercise as well. xo-K
My two cents: Put a little thought into what it is you would prefer, because the universe wants you to have exactly what you want.