Tag Archives: self-care

don’t get mad. . .get furious!

Grr! I had one of those days, you know? My car (leased) had a leak last spring. I live in the rain belt, and was driving around one day after a crazy end-of-times downpour and heard water sloshing around inside the car. What?  After a couple of days, the water noise persisted, so I drove into the dealership, where they discovered that a drainage tube from my sunroof had malfunctioned, and instead of draining outside the car, was pouring water into the passenger side of the car. Seriously?

Recently, I noticed a funky, spoiled milk smell in the car. So today when I delivered my car to the dealer for an oil change, I asked them to check it out. I waited all day, then called the service department to get a status report. After sitting on hold for a suspiciously long time, a guy came on and said they were “just finishing up.”  Really? “What about the leak?” I asked. More time on hold. Well, the upshot is that there is in fact, a leak and while they haven’t exactly pinpointed it, they can’t fix it today because the guy who can authorize the extra-special work is out of town. Oi.

According to the all-seeing Google, my dealership is exactly 2.1 miles from where I work. So I went to a co-worker’s office, where my boss was also hanging. “What’s up,” my boss asked. “I need a ride,” I replied. “My car got serviced today and they didn’t fix it, but I need to pick it up.” Now, I swear to God, this is what happened: the co-worker hunched his shoulders and stared even harder at his computer screen. My boss looked at me and said “wow, that’s too bad,” and walked away.

Seriously?  “Eff that,” I said to myself, and called a cab.  Then naturally, I called K. “Don’t get all spiritual about it,” K advised, “get mad!” So I did. We both blew off steam together, and it felt really good! We ended up laughing because we just kept getting more outrageous about expressing our various reasons for being royally pissed off. You know what? I’m clear now, instead of being in a stew. Thank you, stupid co-workers! Love, C

My two cents: pushing down your feelings is like pushing a beach  ball under water — they’ll just pop up again and again until you resolve them.

♥♥♥

Anger is a valid emotion.  It is in about the middle of the emotional guidance scale I mentioned a few posts back, but we all, for some reason have some issues when we or someone we know gets “angry.” Whether we think we are not entitled to being angry, or as C said before, it’s not spiritual to be angry, anger has been coming up for me and when something keeps showing up. . .there is something there for me to learn.

When you don’t own your feelings, when you don’t honor the fact that you have the right to feel however you feel,  you are doing a disservice to yourself.  If you don’t have your own back, OMG, well that’s a recipe for depression.  We all have the right to feel how we feel.  And if someone does something mean or stupid, well. . . you can be pissed about it! Then let it go.

I can tell you that is 100 percent true.  When we first started writing this post, C was dumbfounded by the complete insensitivity she experienced at work.  I on the other hand was mad at my mom.  We both kinda went off and vented big time.  It felt good, felt clear, I started writing kinda in the middle of all that and then had to go pick up kids or something so I just figured I would go back to this where I left off, but I couldn’t.  I tried twice, we even started a whole other post and I still couldn’t get back to this one, until today. . .   and it just hit me,  since I had released the anger, vented with C, it was gone.  I wasn’t angry anymore so I couldn’t call it back up and continue with the post with the same energy.

That’s the beauty of feeling your feelings, getting furious if that’s how you are feeling in the moment.  Once you get it out, it’s done.  Over.  Awesome!  Sure, you might get mad again, but you won’t go bonkers if someone cuts you off in traffic.You already let all the people from the last month or your whole lifetime, have a pass, which means you don’t have to vent now.  Wow! See? It works out for everyone.  xo-K

My two cents:  everything is energy, and everything has value, even anger.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkgEZa7lDHw

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slow down to speed up

For someone who doesn’t own a TV, I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.  And I never watch the  “news!”  However, one of the funniest, smartest, sweetest new programs around is Modern Family. Love that show!

One of the characters is a goofy dad who is the biggest dork around, but he always manages to ‘get the job done.’ So, in one episode, the family is running around, trying to get out of the house and on a flight to Hawaii for a big family trip. Mom is going out of her mind trying to hurry everyone along while Dad is calmly walking at a snail’s pace, saying, “fast is slow and slow is fast.” And you know what? He’s right! When you try to push things, speed things up, you trip up and then end up having to repeat each step all over again. Sigh.

When things are going right in my life, doors open as if by magic. The right people show up. The right answers appear. Friendly helpful strangers seem to pop in just when I need them. I love it when that happens! Right now for instance, I’ve been seeing someone whom I really like. It’s new, and we’re probably moving slow by today’s standards.  We’re  playing it sort of old school, and its very sweet. Yeah, I’ve moved into these things faster in the past. . .and that didn’t really work out. Now I’m at the point where I’m not working so hard to “get there.” I’m just enjoying the process.

When someone wants to be with you, they are with you. There are no games, no power struggles. It just flows. Not long ago, I dated someone for a short time who insisted he was busy with his kids on the weekends. I know! Then, while having lunch with a friend, talking about how ‘distant’ this guy seemed, my friend asked how old the kids were. “They’re in their twenties,” I replied. “They’re in college.” Dear P looked at me like, you poor dumb thing. “Trust me,” she said. “He’s not hanging with those kids. At that age, those boys are not all about spending time with Dad.”  Hey! I tend to give parents the benefit of the doubt. . .in all circumstances. I’ve heard more than once, “you don’t have kids, so you can’t understand.”  And they’re right. I don’t always understand, but I do know this: when a relationship any relationship —is right, it’s simple. Love, C

My two cents: Trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Always.

♥♥♥

I don’t know about you but when I feel the need to hurry things along, make things happen, it’s because I feel if I don’t it won’t happen.  When I feel anxious about something there is usually a reason.  Whenever you put crazy nervous energy behind something it usually doesn’t pan out, and it’s probably just as well.

When something is right, it’s right.  It takes on a life of it’s own and you don’t feel any need to make it do or be anything.  I have watched friends throughout the years chase after relationships trying to make this one be the one. Hey, I have done it myself.   Wanting so much to seal the deal, cross it off the list, get it over with and get on to other things.  Really?  That’s how you want your relationship to play out?  What is wrong with enjoying the journey,  watching it unfold, savoring it, enjoying every delicious moment?  Just askin.’

Here’s why I think we do this thing we do, it’s because on some level we know it’s not going to happen.  We know it’s not the job, the house, or the relationship for us. But, we don’t feel it’s really possible to get exactly what we want so we figure, close enough is good enough. Better snatch this one up before someone else who is close enough to it snatches it up first.  (I can’t believe I just said that).

We spend all this time and energy racing around trying to make things happen,  then we’re so surprised and disappointed when they don’t and we have to start all over from square one.  Could things go any slower?

So sometimes you have to stop. . .just stop, take a breath. . .and just know. . .whether it comes from what your Mother said, what your girlfriends said or some voice that you don’t even know said. .  .just have some faith in whatever. There is a divine plan, things are working out for you, so you don’t have to worry.  Aren’t you glad someone knows better than you?  Aren’t you glad someone has your back? xo-K

My two cents:  I am so grateful that when I am spinning out of control there is someone or something to show me the way.

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resistance is futile

It can’t come as much of a surprise to know that I am a closet Trekie.  Of course the original Star Trek episodes are so campy now.  Nevertheless, Captain Kirk was a total babe in the early days of protecting space virtue. Cute! Then, many space frontiers later, came the much more dignified Captain Jean Luc Piccard.

It was during Piccard’s reign that the starship Enterprise encountered a species known as Borg. The Borg’s trademark tag line is: “Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”

Abraham-Hicks say that we would manifest our every desire instantly, if we didn’t also have resistance. The trouble is that we say we want something, and we use affirmations and say all the right things, and it still doesn’t appear like magic. So there must be resistance. In a way, the Borg are right. Resistance is futile. Eventually, we’ll get what we want, after we’ve moped around and totally given up the idea of ever having that bright shiny thing. And then shazam! It will appear. Why? Because we gave up wanting it. We also gave up resisting it too, so it was finally able to pop in. Wait. What?

I know. Today at Sunday service, Reverend Lisa was talking about resistance. She said that stress produces resistance.  But, she said, sometimes that event we call stressful is a call to heal something in our life. Our saying NO not only doesn’t help the healing, it also ensures the persistence of the stressor. Call it a boss or a spouse, a neighbor, or parent;  the stress won’t go away until you stop resisting, and simply surrender to the what is.

Of course, it isn’t simply surrender, it’s getting in alignment with what you really want: peace. You can resist, thus defending your right to be outraged, or you can observe the situation, drop the urge to label it “good” or “bad” and simply surrender to being present with it. Ahhh, peace. Resist it and feel the pain again and again, because believe me, until you stop resisting, the Universe will offer you the chance to heal again and again. The Universe is very patient that way.

The extent to which we’re not getting what we want is the extent to which we are resisting it somehow energetically.  Don’t get mad, get in alignment! Love, C

My two cents:  Infinite patience produces immediate results.

♥♥♥

I have to say I was having some resistance writing this post.  I have come back to it about four times and not felt ready to write on it.  Odd considering resistance has been so in my face for the last few weeks.  I am having resistance to resistance.  Nice.  It’s a hard thing to wrap my head around, but I know when I finally get it miracles will happen.

I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks MP3 last week and it was so profound I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.  They said, The ONLY reason you don’t have whatever it is you want is that you have resistance to it. Wow, I had to listen to that over and over again. I started to really notice what I was thinking about.  I have to tell you, as conscious as I try to be and as much as I know about this stuff, I still had thoughts of lack drifting through my mind. No bueno.

What you resist persists. ~Carl Jung.  What you are pushing against, trying to change just keeps on keepin’ on, tricky.  So I guess the best thing to do instead of harping on a problem, worrying until your head hurt is just let it go and be at peace with what is.

If I was entertaining thoughts of why things weren’t working out for me, that is the only reason they aren’t.  That means I am in control of what’s happening and what’s not.  No more blaming anyone or anything if I’m not happy.  I’m in control of what I put my attention on, if I choose to focus on drama and it upsets me, then that’s on me.  I know, at first that almost seems unfair to not be able to assign blame.  But if you take away blame you take back your power.   I think we sometimes forget how powerful we are. xo-K

My two cents:   God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. ~Reinhold Niebuhr

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living our blog

I have been asked so many times  if we worry we’ll run out of topics to blog about.  Are you kidding me? C and I are living our blog.  This is our lives.  We write about what going on with us, what we’re working on, what we’re observing in other people.  I don’t think we’ll ever run out of things to write about.

C and I talk at least once a day on the phone and have for many years,  it’s like our own mini therapy sessions, in the morning before work and after I drop my daughter off at school.  We talk about our lives, work, boys, money, God.   All the important stuff.  More times than not, we’ll get on a roll, and hit on something really big.  That’s a blog, one of us will say after the other has basically channeled something profound and amazing, (at least it is to us).

We write about what is important to us.  It’s sincere, we are not writing what we think people want to hear, we are not trying to push or sell anything, we are writing for ourselves, period.  And sometimes what we write about comes back to bite one of us. . . right in the ass.

Just last week while we were working on going retro, I started having problems with my computer.  Actually, the issues with the computer came first, which gave us the idea of writing about Mercury Retrograde.  It was happening simultaneously but the more I was focused of the tricks of the transit, the more glitchy my computer got.  Imagine that.

Whether you are writing a blog, writing in a journal or just talking to your friends, whatever you’re putting your attention on is getting bigger, more noticeable, or more clear.  Something pops up for one of us, and bam there’s a blog.  Start writing the blog, bam, more insight on the subject.  Just keeps getting more and more clear, which is a good thing btw. It didn’t seem good when I had to go out and buy a new computer the other day, especially when I wasn’t planning to, but it is what it is.  And I was giving my malfunctioning computer a whole lot of my attention. . . .Just sayin’.

We are here to learn and grow, and I’m not suggesting everyone start blogging, although it is tons of fun;  just be aware of where you are putting your attention.  If you are trying to figure something out, maybe you could try journaling about it.  Sitting with something and writing it down gives you huge insight, at least it does for me.  Energy flows where attention goes, and we are living proof of that.  xo-K

My two cents:  Sometimes things need to get really big so you can see them clearly.

♥♥♥

It wasn’t long after starting to write down all of the things we talk about, that K and I realized that we were living our blog. Come on! Yeah, energy is like that: be careful what you wish for! Nothing like going public with your “conversation” to make you really get that thoughts are energy, and energy creates experience. Oh, and that’s another aspect of walking a spiritual path: Source will call you on your sh*t, every single time!

Of course, we laugh about it. K and I will be talking and she’ll say, “wait, didn’t you just blog about this?” Of course, it will be something to do with walking the talk, and I’ll know I’ve just been busted. Damn!  Like, back at the beginning of our little blogging journey, we wrote “Lighten Up” about looking at your life like a movie, where you get to be the writer, director, producer, and star. Great idea, right? So then one day not long after we published that little gem, I was complaining to K about some minor annoyance that I had managed to blow up into a pretty big deal. “Honey,” she said, “Did you read what you just wrote? You’re the writer of your movie. If you don’t like it, don’t just throw popcorn at the screen. . .change the script!” Damn!

Happens all the time. K has an issue with the fam? No doubt there’s a blog waiting to be written. And I can’t tell you how many times she’ll be working out an issue, writing about it, and shazam! The answer, the Divine Whisper, the cosmic aha moment, comes washing over her and not only does she get the answer she was looking for, but she also gets a stellar blog.

Back in the beginning, we wrote mostly about love, partnerships, romance. Our vision has expanded a little since then. We’ve come to embrace all aspects of love, all aspects of relationship. Hey — technically speaking, we are all in relation to everyone else — and therefore are in relationship with everyone else. Just sayin’. . . .

So anyway, early on, K and I began to notice that the way we worked together on Two Girls was the way that we both envision a “relationship” with a soul mate, a twin flame, the One. We are in agreement that the blog (relationship) is our first concern. If an issue comes up, we decide jointly about the outcome. There is no “I want it my way” discussion. It always comes down to “what is good for the blog?” And that is the primary concern, no matter what.

When it comes to what we write about and how we do it, we work together. She helps me, I help her. It’s more than just friendship, it is about this beautiful work of art that we have created together. There is a deeply spiritual element about it and we both know that it is blessed in a way with both of our efforts, that it could never have been if we had gone at it solo. Truly, where two are more are gathered, miracles happen. Love, C

My two cents: You can live your life through ego, or you can life your life through love; only one will get you what you really want.


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codependent no more!~

Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything?  Not our kids, not our spouse,  not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone?  Pinky promise?  Seriously,  are we done yet?

This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you,  a real sneaky one.  I thought I was so over care-taking,  I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own.  And I was serious.  All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.

Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this.  Really?  I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them.  Like that is even possible.

I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger.  Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?

It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in.  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is.  I can’t care-take her,  even if I want to, I can’t.  And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to.  So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing.  Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.

OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should.  I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it.  Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me.  And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.

So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in.  Do you need others to depend on you?  Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’.  xo-K

♥♥♥

If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday.  Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way.  And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.

So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.

Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a  diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!

This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there,  soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.

“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.”  In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?

“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.

So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C

My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.


0=-

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codependent no more!~

Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything?  Not our kids, not our spouse,  not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone?  Pinky promise?  Seriously,  are we done yet?

This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you,  a real sneaky one.  I thought I was so over care-taking,  I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own.  And I was serious.  All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.

Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this.  Really?  I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them.  Like that is even possible.

I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger.  Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?

It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in.  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is.  I can’t care-take her,  even if I want to, I can’t.  And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to.  So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing.  Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.

OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should.  I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it.  Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me.  And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.

So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in.  Do you need others to depend on you?  Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’.  xo-K

♥♥♥

If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday.  Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way.  And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.

So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.

Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a  diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!

This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there,  soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.

“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.”  In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?

“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.

So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C

My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.


0=-

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chasing approval

I just got back from an Abraham-Hicks workshop and I swear, I’m still dancing on clouds.  If you’re an Abraham fan, you know what I mean: Esther Hicks is a rock star! So anyway, I got there early because K and I have developed a plan for the Abraham show: get there early, stake out a good seat close enough to the front to have an unobstructed view of the unfolding program, dash out for a coffee or CD, return in time for the main event.

So I got there early, saved a seat, then went out to cruise the bookstore goodies before settling in. When I got back , I discovered someone in my chair. “Hey,” I said. You’re in my seat.” He’d even moved the bag I’d left to mark my spot.  Well, he swore it was his seat, even though when I staked it out, it was just a naked chair. Whatever. While he went into a long story about how his partner had saved the seat and had put a book down on one chair (not both, mind you) apologizing, justifying, etc., I could have got into it with him, but the room was starting to fill up now, and good spots were getting snapped up. I started looking for around. Hey! I’ve “saved” plenty of lecture seats, and never had one swiped out from under me and I wasn’t about to let it spoil the mood. And what do you know? There was a seat in the very next row, which I took. Meanwhile, the seat thief was trying to convince me to give him forgiveness, love and approval. Yeah, I wasn’t in the mood.

So it makes it even more interesting that my row-mate and I started talking about Byron Katie. I explained to her the situation at my work that had me off-center, and I was really glad to be at the workshop. She casually mentioned, “There are three things people chase and can never have if they are chasing them: love, appreciation, approval.” This really stopped me in my tracks.

Approval was what I was trying to elicit from my co-worker, and the more I tried to prove I was worth it, the more unwilling to give it he became.  In turn, I had done something similar to the seat thief.  A mistake was made, and even though he wasn’t about to give up his seat to me, he still kept talking, wanting my forgiveness, my approval. How many times have you known someone who had a difficult relationship with their mom or dad, and did everything they could, including building careers, having babies, chasing fame, just to please a parent who was never going to offer their approval, no matter what happened? They could spin on their head in a sequined tutu, and it would never be good enough. We’ve all known someone desperate for love: it puts off a vibe so unpleasant, it actually pushes people away. So sad! It all comes down to energy and what you will do to get it. Love, C

My two cents: approve of yourself; it’s all the approval you need!

♥♥♥

I talked to C when she returned from the Abraham workshop and she really was dancing on clouds.  If you have never been to a workshop I highly recommend it.  I am going to see them in SF next weekend and I can hardly wait, there really is nothing like it.  Being in a room with 400+ like-minded people is such a high.  It’s like having front row tickets to your favorite concert, the energy in the room is that big.

Approval has been something that has been coming up a lot lately. Why do we worry so much about what others think of us?  Does everyone really need to love us and think we are great?  Really?  Why do we go out of our minds when someone is mad at us?  Why do we feel the need to change someone’s mind if they don’t agree with us?  Does someone always have to be wrong so we can be right?  Just askin’. . . .

I used to be such a people pleaser, I really would be out of my mind if someone didn’t like me.  Not a healthy place to be.  I used to worry a lot, run conversations over and over in my head until I would come up with the perfect way to say something to someone where I could get my point across without giving them any reason to be mad at me.  And we all know how that goes, it’s nearly impossible.  If there was any way I could avoid confrontation, I would do it, even if it was detrimental to me.

I think things really started to change when I became a mother.  The only thing that really mattered to me was my daughter.  If I needed to stand up to a teacher or someone who had something to do with my kid, I had no problem doing it.  The more I practiced  the better I got at it.  It didn’t need to be dramatic, I just started to speak my peace without worrying what others thought of me.  Wow, it felt so good, I wondered, what took me so long to get to this place and what was I so afraid of?

I think growing up with a critical and judgmental parent has a big part in wanting approval, but like C said earlier, there are some people who are never going to approve of you.  I finally got that, as much as I hope people like me and think I am a good person.  I know that the only thing that is really important is that I live my life with integrity, do what I think is best for me and approve of myself. xo-K

My two cents:  There is no way you will ever get everyone’s approval, and even if you could it doesn’t matter.

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