Tag Archives: soulmate

soul connections

You know what I’m talking about when I say you’ve had soul connections in your life, right? I’m not just talking about romantic love here. You know deep in your core when you meet someone: a friend, a co-worker, someone at church or the PTA, and you feel that zing somewhere in the region of your heart. You just know. It’s like, hello again.

We all come here to earth school with certain soul agreements. Hey! It’s confusing enough to muddle through life here in 3D without knowing there was a plan set in motion, a contract if you will. We made agreements with other souls to show up at certain times, to support each other, love each other, help teach each other lessons.

When you think of it like that, it’s much harder to hate that loser for divorcing you, or that b*tch who got you fired, or that cheating liar who broke your sweet heart into a million pieces. Because think of it: hasn’t adversity made you a stronger person, a better person? Didn’t your soul evolve just a little bit each time your ego got bruised? Michael Beckwith has a great saying that I love so much it makes me laugh. It goes like this: “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul.”

Soul connections are your peeps, your soul family, your backup system. Are your soul-mates just those people who break your heart or hurt you? Heck no! Soul-mates can help you grow and love you, too. K and her daughter are soul-mates, and they are beautiful to behold.

You’ve had dazzling soul connections in your life, and I have too. Our souls want us to be happy. They are whispering in our ears all the time, if we bother to listen. If we get really quiet and still the constant background chatter playing in our head, the soul speaks. It doesn’t always speak loudest, but it does have something to say and if you are even just the slightest bit curious about your life’s destiny, you will want to sit down, be still, and listen.

I read a metaphysical theory the other day that bent my brain all over itself. It went like this: If you have a quarter in one hand, then move it to your other hand, is it the same quarter? The answer is: no. It’s complicated, something to do with the quantum field, and how consciousness rearranges itself in each moment to present a unified picture for us. Crazy! That means you’re not the same person you were last year, or last month. I think this is good. This opens you up to embrace all the soul connections you can, and that’s a beautiful thing. Love, C

My two cents: see soul connections in every encounter you have, and make them all holy.

♥♥♥

That C, she  can practically read my mind.  I was thinking of this very same topic this morning when I was waking up, not quite ready to start my day.  However, I was going to title this post Frustration. Haha, love how the universe works.  She calls it ‘soul connection’ and I want to call it  ‘frustration.’

I have bucked up against a couple of my soul-buddies, friends/ family, recently. Of course, I love them to death but for some reason, our dealings have been a bit frustrating to me.  Initially I thought it was all about them, as in: why don’t they get it?   I thought: can’t they see they are doing the same thing they did the last time, and we know how that turned out!  Grrrrr! But then I thought: wait, why is it bothering me so much?  It’s their stuff not mine, why do I care?

Well of course I care, they are people I care about, that is my job as a friend right?  I thought about both of the instances, it only took two this time to throw me off. Sometimes I can get my panties in a bunch with everyone I encounter,  from my lovely daughter to the dude who doesn’t know if he wants to turn into this winery for a taste or the one that is a quarter mile up the road and is creeping up the highway at a snails pace not exactly sure where he is and where he is going.  Pretty sure that guy isn’t in my soul group but who knows, maybe he just popped in to get me to slow down and look around and really see the beauty that I get to live in everyday.

Well, back to those soul connections, otherwise known as lovers, friends, teachers, kids, angels, aliens. . . when you bump up against someone or something and it gets to you good or bad, pay attention.

We talked about this a few months ago in dating my dad , it seems that you keep getting different versions of the same guy or the same situation over and over again until you learn whatever it is you are supposed to learn.  Guess that blows the whole you only get  one soulmate, one true love theory out of the water, huh?

I feel that most of the people in my life I have a soul connection with.  They just feel waaaaay too familiar to not be.  That is the good news and the bad news.  The good news is they know me, and the bad news is, yep you got it, they know me. I’m not getting away with anything, and I am coming around to the idea that I am kinda glad I’m not.  There is something so comforting and safe knowing that the people in your life really know you and get you, and you can’t really be mad at them if they call you on your s**t.  Just sayin’. . . . xo-K

My two cents: just knowing we are all in this together makes it a little less scary and a whole lot more fun!

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Filed under Inspiration, relationships, soulmate

partner or project?

Once upon a time I worked in the tasting room of a beautiful little California winery. It was a fun job and we cellar rats got pretty good at predicting which tourists would come in and say they wanted a “dry” wine when that wasn’t what they wanted at all. Sure enough, they’d say ‘dry,’ we’d pour them a fruity, slightly sweet taste, and their eyes would light up. “Perfect!”

According to Robert Ohotto, we say we want a partner, but sometimes, we’re looking for a project.  However, actions speak louder than words. If you’re currently single, look at the last several people you dated that somehow, mysteriously, didn’t work out.  They all seemed so good, they had so much potential, right? Except for that one little annoying thing. . .and you’re sure that if you’d had enough time, you could have figured out how to fix it. True or false? Come on!

Right, and you married girls are not off the hook, either. Fess up: how long did it take to train the mister in the ways of your world? Weeks, months, never? It’s not a judgment, just an observation. I’m just sayin’ we say partner but think project.

Back in the day, the Temptations teamed up with the fabulous Supremes and released a song called “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me.” Lalala,  it sounded romantic enough, but it was wrong. You can’t make someone love you. You can fool them for a while, you can manipulate them, be a doormat, a sex goddess, a race car mechanic; make yourself available, twist yourself into whatever shape you think will trick him into loving you, but you can’t fool the universe, and manipulation always backfires. Always!

Oh sure, it may work for a while, years even. But what do you do when the project is done, when you finally fall down exhausted from all the effort it takes to work at it, and surrender?

I had the realization that I’ve been guilty of project-ing this morning while talking to K and driving to work.  When it dawned on me that I’ve been a Project Proletariat, I almost drove off the road. (Yeah, even though I drive hands free, it’s still roulette. Kids, don’t try this at home!) I can say without a shred of doubt that the last line up of candidates for my affection were flawed and in the back of my Princess and the Pea brain, I was thinking, ‘oh, he’s just wrong about (choose one): a) me, b) him, c) us, d) all of the above. I’ll bring him around, I just know it.  Sheesh.

But I’m not alone, and that’s some consolation. And as they say, when two or more are gathered, miracles occur. So can we be done with the project, already? It’s simply exhausting, the tug-of-war of it all. Let’s allow ourselves to choose someone who wants the same things we do, someone who wants to paddle the canoe in the same direction we do. Sounds nice, right? Love, C

My two cents: if it’s a struggle, it’s a project.

♥♥♥

So how can we tell if a new guy is a  potential partner or a project? Well I think first off we have to stay in the moment and really pay attention. Second,  I don’t know about you but at this point in the game I have a list of negotiable and non-negotiable things that I am really trying to stick to.  From little things like “must be employed” to  “must live nearby” to so I can actually, physically date him.  I have had boyfriends in the past who lived across the country and the thought of us being in the same place was, well, a project.  Too hard, didn’t seem like it could really happen except in our fantasies.  Sweet and romantic, but not realistic.

I have to say, and I am not proud of this fact but it is a fact that I have been known to take on a project or 5 in my time.  I have actually been  fond of the project in the past; it felt like a challenge to me. . . and I am, make that was, always up for a challenge. Ugh, exhausting, and so not worth the effort. I know it might seem fun when you see someone has potential to get in there and help him be better or help him get that job or help him realize he can’t live without you or. . . I am finished trying to convince someone how great they are or how great I am for them.

Let’s just spell it out plain and simple. When you meet the perfect guy for you, and I am not saying there is any perfect guy, cause that would be silly, wouldn’t it? But, when you meet the perfect guy for YOU, take note here. . . pay attention. . . it is going to be easy.

When things are right, they are right.  When things line up, they line up.  When things are meant to be. . . you know where I am going with this.  You have to learn to trust. Trust your guidance, trust your intuition, damn, read your freakin’ horoscope.  The Universe is conspiring for your good. And you need to just go with that.  If it starts getting to complicated, it’s a project, if it’s too hard, project,  as cute as he is, sorry probably not going to happen.

It is so great when you finally get it, it really is.  Just the other day C and I were working on a design project, after throwing around a few ideas and we agreed on one that we though was perfect.  Welllll, we could not get the image to upload to save our lives.  I never claimed to be a computer genius but, come on? It isn’t that hard.  We tried and tried and couldn’t make it happen.  It didn’t take us too long to get that there was something else out there, even though, we really liked our idea, that was way better.

As soon as we realized that, we found the perfect design.  And we both knew it when we saw it.  xo-K

My two cents:  If something seems too hard and it’s not flowing,  there is something better out there for you, and you will just know it when you see it.

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Filed under dating advice, Inspiration, love, romance

what are you so afraid of?

You say you want a relationship, a good one, one that is the real deal, the last forever kind.  So… why do you think it hasn’t shown up yet?

What if someone came up to you right here, right now, and told you your perfect match, your soulmate, the love of your life, was going to be here next week, say Thursday night at 8:00.  Quick- what is the first thought or feeling that comes up?   Excitement?  Happiness?  Anticipation?  Fear?  Mine was: Wait, I’m not ready!  What? Are you kidding me?  I have been waiting my whole life for this and now I’m not ready?

Not your reaction?  Are you sure about that?  Most people who don’t have fears or issues or something like that and really want a great relationship have one, plain and simple. And if you’re already there you’re probably not reading a blog about finding love.  So, here we are.  Just sayin’…

I just finished listening to an online seminar with Robert Ohotto, if you are not familiar with him I highly recommend  checking him out.  The webinar was titled “Soul Connections-Cultivating Intimacy within a New Relationship Paradigm.”  And it was nothing short of amazing.

This was a four hour e-seminar,and man was it info packed.  He touched on too many ideas to cover in this short little post, but I so feel better.  Having fear is normal; it’s one of the roles we play.  He talks about all of the archetypes in relationships and I recognized a few that I’ve done, many that I’ve done, and many that I’m done with.

My head is spinning with all the new information. I’ve listened to the  download of the webinar twice,  and I am still processing.  If I had to comment on anything at this point it would be that  I still have a lot of fears, and it is okay.  I am right on track for what I want and all is well.

I feel so blessed that  for each step I take, the next thing I need is right there waiting for me.  I’m baby steppin’, but I’m doing it.  Everything is happening right as it should, in perfect timing.  I am doing this, facing all the things that seem so scary: abandonment, betrayal, and, what if my “soulmate” shows up and he doesn’t like me??  Yikes, sounds crazy when I write it out loud, but I actually thought that for a minute.  Okay well, gotta process all of this.  xo-K

My two cents:  Everything you need will be there for you right when you need it.

***

I haven’t listened to Ohotto’s webinar yet — but plan to devote serious time to it, based on K’s review. I listen to him on Hay House Radio on a weekly basis. Robert is crazy smart, spooky intuitive, and has an uncanny ability to tell it like it is. Intuitively,  I like his style, I like his perspective, and I really like his insights into life. He’s a student of Carolyn Myss, and he has a knack for making you laugh even as he’s making a really important point.  He’s a genius, but that’s another story.

What really interests me is the idea of Fear. I’m not talking about the kind of fear that comes plugging in a DVD of Silence of the Lambs at home in a big country house, alone, at night. Or jumping off a bridge over a river with giant, elastic bands wrapped around your ankles. Or having a big dog lunge at you before he reaches the end of his chain.  This is about the small fears. It’s about the accumulated mountain of little fears that keep you from reaching your potential, everyday, for years and years on end. It’s the fear that whispers, “Don’t try that; you’ve never done it before.” or “What if you’re not thin enough?” or “You failed at love once before, what if you die alone?”

Fear is the great motivator that keeps us doing or not doing the things that can push us to fulfilling our destiny. It keeps us safe, because if we don’t try, then there’s no failure, and if there’s no failure, then we’re okay, right? Fear can define us. Or, if we are willing to risk the ordeal of facing it, fear can liberate us. Each fear is like life saying, “Are you ready to take this on? Are you willing to reach your potential?”

According to Marianne Williamson, the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s fear. She goes on to say that nothing is real but love, so the fear is illusion. But that’s another story, too. Let’s just stick with fear. This kind of work requires brutal, total, self-honesty. Can you do that?

So, here are a few questions to help you identify your fears. The trick is, to answer without thinking about it.  Just say the first thing that pops up. Ready? Okay, answer these questions:

  • Assuming you played a role in the end of your last relationship (because you did), what fear motivated your actions?
  • If the love of your life came knocking on the door, what would make you afraid to open it? (Fear of abandonment? Fear of failure? Fear of success?)
  • Assuming you could have the love/success you desire, which fear would you be willing to exchange for it? (If you’re totally honest, you have to admit to at least one. No cheating!)

There are no right or wrong answers. This weekend, at a family reunion, my brother and I tried to find an old landmark from our shared past. A few years had come and gone, and nothing was as we remembered. And yet, everything fell in to place as we took one step, and then another. This is the thing: if you trust that things will work out, they generally do.  Love, C

My two cents: follow your heart instead of your fear; you heart knows what it’s talking about.

 

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Filed under affirmations, Inspiration, love, relationships, self-care, spirituality

how do you know when it’s time to go

Have you ever had a big break-up and upon reflection knew “the signs were there all along”? That’s the truth. The signs were always there, and I just didn’t want to see them — or more accurately, feel them.

How about instead of numbing ourselves to our feelings, we learn to get in touch with them? How about we train ourselves to know when it’s time to go by recognizing when we’ve  “hit the ick”?  I know I hit the ick when I get that “off” feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one I’d rather ignore but I’m so smart and so in control. Seriously?

How do you know what your personal warning sign feels like? Try this: think of a time when you were really happy. Now, locate where you feel that in your body. Got it? Now think of a time when you felt really bad, maybe even deceived. Where do you feel it in your body? That’s the ick. That’s your personal early warning system.

So, let’s say you’re sitting across a candlelit table from fabulous Mr. Current Candidate, having a jolly time telling stories and eating great food, then he says “that thing” and a small alarm goes off in your head and your stomach drops like you just flew into a patch of turbulence, and you know it: you hit the ick. At first, you’ll want to dismiss it. At first, you’ll want to say, but he’s so cute. And he drives the right car, and OMG, I haven’t had a date in centuries.

The signs that pop up initially are small. Easy to ignore or justify away. “He didn’t really mean that.” Or “I’m just too sensitive.” But that isn’t it. Your inner navigation system just hit a patch of ick, and it’s a free-will zone, so you’re free to ignore it. Free to rush blithely ahead toward the romance zone because after all, that’s the destination isn’t it? Or is the destination Peace, Harmony, Well-being?

I’ve never been sorry when I followed my intuition. I have been a whole lotta bummed when I ignored the early warning signs. It’s okay.  You’re free to ignore the signs of your soul trying to get your attention. You’re free to try to make a six into a ten. Don’t worry, the signs will get bigger until you can’t ignore them anymore. Personally, I’m done getting smacked with the cosmic two-by-four! I’m not perfect, but I’m getting better at  recognizing when my soul is trying to get my attention. And my soul wants me to have my perfect partner.

Life is supposed to be fun! Learning new things is a game! Making getting to know when you hit the ick a priority, and pretty soon you’ll be a master. Then, you’ll no longer ask how do you know when it’s time to go. You’ll have it down.  Love-C

My two cents: The universe is always conspiring to give you what you want.

***

Well isn’t that the $64,000 question?  They say you know when you know, but I say you know a lot sooner.

Ask your friends, they know.  If you don’t recall when your relationship went from “OMG this could be The One” to the “ick”, ask your friends.   You know which friends I’m talking about, the ones who love you unconditionally, the ones who want you to be happy, the ones who truly want you to have what you want.  Not people you know, but your friends.  The ones who have been on the other end of the phone, for hours on end at all times of day or night listening to you go at it ever since you entered the “ick”.  If you get to the point where you can draw a line down a piece of paper to list the pros and cons of your relationship, you’re in the “ick”. You don’t have to do this with The One, you just know. Change any of your beliefs? “ick”. Justifying? “ick”. Sacrificing? “ick”, settling… oh hell no!

I believe that everyone comes into your life for a reason. Some are here for the big lessons, you know the who they are, they come in and BAM,  in that moment, or week, month or 10 years they are The One.  Some are what I call “fillers”.  Fun, cute, sexy, just something to do, but you know they are just there to roll around with till The One comes along.  But if it is a “lesson” guy they do feel like The One and they ARE until you get the lesson and then guess what, now they aren’t, time to move on.

I know, I know, you don’t want to, you want it to stay, just like it was forever. Sorry sweetie, it can’t.  Once you have gotten from this guy what he came to teach you, it is time to take what you learned and move on and if you don’t,  it seems to all go to hell in a handbasket.

That is when the scramble starts.  And you know exactly what I mean by the scramble, don’t you? You reflect back to when it started to feel weird, he seemed different or maybe it was you.  You start to doubt yourself (did I say something or do something to upset him?).  Many nights of sleep are lost, wracking your brain about what possibly could  have happened.  When you exhaust yourself  or make yourself absolutely crazy you call on the troops, you enlist your girls to help you to try to figure out what you did and how you can get it back to the way it was before.  Guess what: you can’t. You hit the “ick”, party’s over. Lesson learned.  Sorry girl.  Time to move on.  xo-K

My two cents:  Exit before it gets ugly, keep him as a friend, or not and remember you only need one, “ONE”.

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