never the same…

September was a crazy month. Early on, things started going haywire, Mercury was retrograde, and all kinds of trouble was brewing. Everything just seemed a little extra intense. Then K and I tuned in to numerologist Tania Gabrielle and she shed a little light on the numbers at play, and everything made sense.

We’ve been working at this stuff long enough that when things start to spin out of control, we stop and take a breath.  At such times, we know that something bigger is at work. Such a relief! Well, mostly. I’ve got a shopping list of issues that are up for me. These concerns are like old friends, visiting once more. They have settled in comfortably, waiting for me to see them for what they are: lessons to be learned and let go of. Come on!

The thing is, once you know how things work, there’s no going back. There’s no blaming anyone else for the elements at work in your life. Money? Work? Love? These are the themes we work with, but the lessons all tend to be related to the same source: healing our own sacred wounds, those old friends, the ones we came here to heal.

You know what I mean. The bff who always seems to fall for the married guy, no matter what. Or the friend of a friend who switches jobs, but always seems to land a boss who takes advantage of her kind nature, and never really gives her the props she deserves. Is it a coincidence that these issues come up again and again? Does it mean we’re flawed and doomed to replay our lives Groundhog Day style forever? No. Yes.

Remember Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day? He was cursed to wake up to Sonny & Cher every morning, meet the same small town people, deal with the same annoying dilemmas until he changed his mind. Once he got it, once he realized that he was the force of magic behind it all, he had the power to change it. When he did, everything fell into place, even the love he so deeply desired. As it turns out, we are all the magic we need. Love, C

My two cents: when I allow my soul to govern my decisions, everything works  out better for me.

♥♥♥

Are healing old patterns up now or what?  Seems like all my old dusty patterns that have been stored waaaay down deep are coming up and out to be healed once and for all. Finally!  Wow, that was a mouthful, but so true.

I was telling C a few weeks ago that it felt like someone was taking a miner’s pick  and chipping off any residual anything that is still there. Like plaque between your teeth, it almost becomes a part of you.  I have been working on all this stuff for so long but there was still the really stubborn patterns and beliefs that didn’t want to budge.  All I can say is be careful what you ask for, it’s a bumpy ride.

There were days that I couldn’t get out of bed, not from depression, but I think I was doing so much healing work in my sleep, I felt as if I had been drugged.  Very weird, but after a few days I had some really big aha moments, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.  No, I can absolutely say I will never be the same.

I see the dynamics from my original family so clearly now. For years I felt bad, felt guilty, felt wrong, I was blamed and took the blame for things that were never my fault.  I guess it was the lesser of two evils.  When I think of all the years I tried to right the wrongs that were never really wrong, playing the scenario over and over with different partners, trying to heal the past. I didn’t get it. But now I do.

Writing this blog has helped me so much, between my Ken doll theory and Dating my Dad, it’s all brought me to this place now,  what a fun way to work on your stuff.  I’ll tell you one thing, as seductive as it is to just act like things are okay when they’re not,  just know you are only prolonging the inevitable.  Nothing goes away by itself, nothing gets healed without you working on it, and it may be as simple as just looking at it, honestly.  Everything that comes into your life is there for a reason, to heal your heart   and guide you to  your most amazing life.  xo-K

My two cents:  how many days or dates are you going to have to do over and over again until you get what you came here to learn.