once you’re clear it’s clear

Clarity is something our souls crave. But we walk around in our dim little haze, comfortable with a gray little world.  We like it. It fits. It requires nothing of us but to keep sleep-walking. But Clarity? That bitch wants things from you!  She wants you to step up. She wants you to take own-her-ship of your life, no more victim, no more wimpy chic. She wants you to let your light shine!

How do you know when you’re clear? You just do.  It’s  a feeling in your blood, a holy presence that sweeps away the mists of doubt and you can see everything  with super sharp focus. You know what that feels like. We’ve all felt it from time to time. Maybe a better question to ask is: how do you get clear? Well, personally, I pray.

Sometimes, I’m bipping right along and I don’t necessarily want more clarity. Right? Things seem just fine the way they are, why rock the boat? Why ask to see things any differently? After all, if it’s different, I might be required to adjust my perception. Change my mind. Change my  expectations. Change my life from mediocre to magnificent. Hate when that happens!

Okay, so there I was: driving from my house up to visit K one day a couple of years ago. I was dating a pretty groovy guy. He wasn’t Mr. Right, but at that time he was Mr. Close Enough. Things were going well.  We were having fun. Why, oh why rock the proverbial boat? Something in me just knew. Something in me wanted to get clear. Dang! So out of the blue, I’m driving along and I just start praying. Show me the truth, I said to the general all-pervading glorious goodness all around me.

Well,  it wasn’t five minutes later that Mr. Man called. I picked up my phone and we started to chat and before you can say Silence is Golden, he spit out a piece of truth. Bless his little heart, he didn’t think it was all that big a deal, but to me? Yeah, super big deal. Deal breaker, actually. Up to that moment I had been happy with fuzzy, and then something changed. In that dazzling, lightning-bolt moment, I got crystal clear. And then suddenly fuzzy just wasn’t enough anymore. Love, C

My two cents: pray for truth and then have the courage to bless what shows up.

♥♥♥

Yup, sometimes you don’t want to know, even when your soul already knows.  Sometimes close enough is good enough, until it’s not anymore.  Seems every time I’ve prayed for clarity, it’s been when I already knew the answer, I just needed confirmation. When you are sure of the way you’re going you don’t stop to ask for directions.  But when you feel lost you probably are.

I was just driving home from dropping my daughter off at school, I was listening to the latest Abraham-Hicks workshop.  Someone asked a question about the latest book that has not been released yet called Spirituality, the Final Frontier. They said they named it that because getting in vibrational alignment with your Source is the last thing people try before they completely give up hope, but it is the only thing that ever really works to begin with.  Ahhh! Clarity is alignment. . . and you just know when you’re there.

As good as it feels to be in alignment and have the clarity that we all really crave, sometimes it feels better to be where you are.  With the boyfriend that you know in your head is not really the one but your heart is hoping will someday change. Or at  the job that feels like, if those other people would just leave me alone to do my work  it would be okay I guess.  Really?  We all know that we didn’t come here for okay.  We came here for amazing, and your soul knows it, and will call you on it every single time.

Do you trust your intuition?  Do you know when something comes up if your initial reaction is your fear-ego or your intuition-higher-self?  Try this out for size: next time someone asks you to do something,  don’t just unconsciously do what you always do. Stop, think, feel.  What comes up for you?  Would you just rather do something you really don’t want to do because it seems easier than telling someone you don’t want to?

Would you rather just stay in your comfort zone because it’s easier than trying something new even though you might love it?  I have been asking myself these  questions lately and I’m so happy with what is opening up for me.  I am seeing life in a whole new way. xo-K

My two cents: open your eyes and  see things clearly, possibly for the first time.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w

best friends forever

When I was in High School my best friend D was my partner in crime.  We got ourselves into all kinds of mayhem, we could plot and scheme our way into or out of anything. Harmless stuff really. Need to borrow a car?  Who cared if we were only fifteen and didn’t have a license? Not us.  Home way past curfew?  We could talk our way out of that.  Hell, we even convinced our counselor that we needed to skip fifth  period psychology every Friday, just ‘cuz.

If we needed to figure anything out, between the two of us we could do it, and do it brilliantly.  We felt like Lucy and Ethel, and of course we always had our Rickys and Freds waiting in the wings, scratching their heads but loving every minute of it.

There is something so wonderful about having a best friend  you can totally depend on,  someone who loves you unconditionally and is always there for you.  The keeper of your secrets and dreams.  I’ve been very lucky to have many best friends throughout my life.  I am an only child, so friends are probably more precious to me since I never had a sibling.  My friends where my family.

I’ve also had my share of boyfriends.   But I’ve never had a boyfriend who was a best friend. I guess I always thought  you had your friends and then you had your dates.  How many hours did the “girls” spend trying to figure out the “boys”?  Way too many. I never considered you could have a partner who was also your best friend.

The  first time I saw an example of this was at an Abraham-Hicks workshop.  It was clear to me that Esther and Jerry Hicks had something very special.  They are partners in crime for sure and they love working together, “being” together, and it’s obvious they really enjoy each other.  I love how they are together.

Last Sunday I was watching “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,” on the Food Network.   I wasn’t really paying much attention until I saw this couple.  They were driving across the country visiting as many of the “Dives” that Guy Fieri highlighted on the show as they could.  They were so cool, it was clear that they were enjoying what they were doing, and enjoying each other.  They seemed to be having so much fun, so in sync.  Like best friends. Then it hit me,  that’s what I want in a relationship!  xo-K

My two cents:  Once you recognize what you want you start to see more and more examples of it.

♥♥♥

Yeah, friends and lovers.  Sometimes they’re the same person, sometimes they’re not. During one of my most epic break-ups, mi amor cried and said he was losing his best friend. I don’t know what was sadder: the break-up, or that I couldn’t tell him I was losing my bf, too. Ouch to the nth.

Do we expect too much from our lovers? Sometimes, I think so. We have these ideas about who and what they should be and when they show us who they really are, we’re disappointed.  But I don’t think that the way to avoid being disappointed is to stop loving. Oh, heck no.  This tattered heart of mine will continue to beat for love until I’m wearing angel wings, and then some. The answer isn’t to shut down. The answer is perhaps, to love differently.

What we expect from love has evolved over time. The notion of marriage for love is pretty  new, historically speaking. Marriages used to be a business arrangement to secure countries, farms, goats, you name it. Marriage wasn’t about love, it was a transaction. If you got love in the bargain, bonus!  Now that I have become a woman of a certain age, I might even venture to suggest that much of what could be called romantic love is biology at work. I thought I loved my first husband, but now I wonder: was it my heart that was running the show, or my ovaries? Not that I didn’t love him, I did. But maybe not for the reasons I believed.

Best friends are simple. Love is tricky. As a girl, my grandmother fell in love with a boy who lived in a nearby town, but her parents had already chosen a husband for her, my grandfather. Many years later, after Grandpa passed, Grandma looked up her old beau. By then he was widowed too, and they married. In their twilight time, they finally got to express the love they had sparked fifty years earlier. Were they bf’s? I don’t know. But I do know that the initial love they felt had survived the passage of time.

I adore my friends. If my lover also happens to be my bf, I consider myself one lucky girl. Love, C

My two cents: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your lover closest of all.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vQwrHZWWk

resistance is futile

It can’t come as much of a surprise to know that I am a closet Trekie.  Of course the original Star Trek episodes are so campy now.  Nevertheless, Captain Kirk was a total babe in the early days of protecting space virtue. Cute! Then, many space frontiers later, came the much more dignified Captain Jean Luc Piccard.

It was during Piccard’s reign that the starship Enterprise encountered a species known as Borg. The Borg’s trademark tag line is: “Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”

Abraham-Hicks say that we would manifest our every desire instantly, if we didn’t also have resistance. The trouble is that we say we want something, and we use affirmations and say all the right things, and it still doesn’t appear like magic. So there must be resistance. In a way, the Borg are right. Resistance is futile. Eventually, we’ll get what we want, after we’ve moped around and totally given up the idea of ever having that bright shiny thing. And then shazam! It will appear. Why? Because we gave up wanting it. We also gave up resisting it too, so it was finally able to pop in. Wait. What?

I know. Today at Sunday service, Reverend Lisa was talking about resistance. She said that stress produces resistance.  But, she said, sometimes that event we call stressful is a call to heal something in our life. Our saying NO not only doesn’t help the healing, it also ensures the persistence of the stressor. Call it a boss or a spouse, a neighbor, or parent;  the stress won’t go away until you stop resisting, and simply surrender to the what is.

Of course, it isn’t simply surrender, it’s getting in alignment with what you really want: peace. You can resist, thus defending your right to be outraged, or you can observe the situation, drop the urge to label it “good” or “bad” and simply surrender to being present with it. Ahhh, peace. Resist it and feel the pain again and again, because believe me, until you stop resisting, the Universe will offer you the chance to heal again and again. The Universe is very patient that way.

The extent to which we’re not getting what we want is the extent to which we are resisting it somehow energetically.  Don’t get mad, get in alignment! Love, C

My two cents:  Infinite patience produces immediate results.

♥♥♥

I have to say I was having some resistance writing this post.  I have come back to it about four times and not felt ready to write on it.  Odd considering resistance has been so in my face for the last few weeks.  I am having resistance to resistance.  Nice.  It’s a hard thing to wrap my head around, but I know when I finally get it miracles will happen.

I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks MP3 last week and it was so profound I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.  They said, The ONLY reason you don’t have whatever it is you want is that you have resistance to it. Wow, I had to listen to that over and over again. I started to really notice what I was thinking about.  I have to tell you, as conscious as I try to be and as much as I know about this stuff, I still had thoughts of lack drifting through my mind. No bueno.

What you resist persists. ~Carl Jung.  What you are pushing against, trying to change just keeps on keepin’ on, tricky.  So I guess the best thing to do instead of harping on a problem, worrying until your head hurt is just let it go and be at peace with what is.

If I was entertaining thoughts of why things weren’t working out for me, that is the only reason they aren’t.  That means I am in control of what’s happening and what’s not.  No more blaming anyone or anything if I’m not happy.  I’m in control of what I put my attention on, if I choose to focus on drama and it upsets me, then that’s on me.  I know, at first that almost seems unfair to not be able to assign blame.  But if you take away blame you take back your power.   I think we sometimes forget how powerful we are. xo-K

My two cents:   God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. ~Reinhold Niebuhr

resistance is futile

It can’t come as much of a surprise to know that I am a closet Trekie.  Of course the original Star Trek episodes are so campy now.  Nevertheless, Captain Kirk was a total babe in the early days of protecting space virtue. Cute! Then, many space frontiers later, came the much more dignified Captain Jean Luc Piccard.

It was during Piccard’s reign that the starship Enterprise encountered a species known as Borg. The Borg’s trademark tag line is: “Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”

Abraham-Hicks say that we would manifest our every desire instantly, if we didn’t also have resistance. The trouble is that we say we want something, and we use affirmations and say all the right things, and it still doesn’t appear like magic. So there must be resistance. In a way, the Borg are right. Resistance is futile. Eventually, we’ll get what we want, after we’ve moped around and totally given up the idea of ever having that bright shiny thing. And then shazam! It will appear. Why? Because we gave up wanting it. We also gave up resisting it too, so it was finally able to pop in. Wait. What?

I know. Today at Sunday service, Reverend Lisa was talking about resistance. She said that stress produces resistance.  But, she said, sometimes that event we call stressful is a call to heal something in our life. Our saying NO not only doesn’t help the healing, it also ensures the persistence of the stressor. Call it a boss or a spouse, a neighbor, or parent;  the stress won’t go away until you stop resisting, and simply surrender to the what is.

Of course, it isn’t simply surrender, it’s getting in alignment with what you really want: peace. You can resist, thus defending your right to be outraged, or you can observe the situation, drop the urge to label it “good” or “bad” and simply surrender to being present with it. Ahhh, peace. Resist it and feel the pain again and again, because believe me, until you stop resisting, the Universe will offer you the chance to heal again and again. The Universe is very patient that way.

The extent to which we’re not getting what we want is the extent to which we are resisting it somehow energetically.  Don’t get mad, get in alignment! Love, C

My two cents:  Infinite patience produces immediate results.

♥♥♥

I have to say I was having some resistance writing this post.  I have come back to it about four times and not felt ready to write on it.  Odd considering resistance has been so in my face for the last few weeks.  I am having resistance to resistance.  Nice.  It’s a hard thing to wrap my head around, but I know when I finally get it miracles will happen.

I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks MP3 last week and it was so profound I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.  They said, The ONLY reason you don’t have whatever it is you want is that you have resistance to it. Wow, I had to listen to that over and over again. I started to really notice what I was thinking about.  I have to tell you, as conscious as I try to be and as much as I know about this stuff, I still had thoughts of lack drifting through my mind. No bueno.

What you resist persists. ~Carl Jung.  What you are pushing against, trying to change just keeps on keepin’ on, tricky.  So I guess the best thing to do instead of harping on a problem, worrying until your head hurt is just let it go and be at peace with what is.

If I was entertaining thoughts of why things weren’t working out for me, that is the only reason they aren’t.  That means I am in control of what’s happening and what’s not.  No more blaming anyone or anything if I’m not happy.  I’m in control of what I put my attention on, if I choose to focus on drama and it upsets me, then that’s on me.  I know, at first that almost seems unfair to not be able to assign blame.  But if you take away blame you take back your power.   I think we sometimes forget how powerful we are. xo-K

My two cents:   God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. ~Reinhold Niebuhr

codependent no more!~

Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything?  Not our kids, not our spouse,  not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone?  Pinky promise?  Seriously,  are we done yet?

This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you,  a real sneaky one.  I thought I was so over care-taking,  I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own.  And I was serious.  All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.

Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this.  Really?  I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them.  Like that is even possible.

I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger.  Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?

It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in.  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is.  I can’t care-take her,  even if I want to, I can’t.  And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to.  So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing.  Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.

OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should.  I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it.  Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me.  And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.

So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in.  Do you need others to depend on you?  Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’.  xo-K

♥♥♥

If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday.  Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way.  And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.

So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.

Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a  diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!

This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there,  soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.

“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.”  In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?

“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.

So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C

My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.

0=-

codependent no more!~

Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything?  Not our kids, not our spouse,  not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone?  Pinky promise?  Seriously,  are we done yet?

This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you,  a real sneaky one.  I thought I was so over care-taking,  I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own.  And I was serious.  All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.

Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this.  Really?  I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them.  Like that is even possible.

I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger.  Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?

It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in.  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is.  I can’t care-take her,  even if I want to, I can’t.  And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to.  So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing.  Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.

OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should.  I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it.  Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me.  And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.

So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in.  Do you need others to depend on you?  Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’.  xo-K

♥♥♥

If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday.  Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way.  And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.

So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.

Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a  diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!

This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there,  soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.

“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.”  In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?

“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.

So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C

My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.

0=-

let go, let God

You know how when you hear or read something that is so big, you can hardly get your head around it, and you need to let it soak in and marinate for a couple of days?  Yeah, the Abraham workshop was like that for me. There was so much good stuff coming so big and so fast, after a while, I stopped saying “wait, I have to remember this,” and just let it wash over me.

This morning while getting ready to go take in a Unity service, I was listening to an MP3 download of another Abraham workshop. And just like that, an idea clicked. It keeps playing over and over in my mind and I feel like I keep spiraling up, up, up, with it. One of the amazing things they said, was toward the end of the day. Be easy, they said. Relax. “Just know that you’re swimming in an ocean of well-being,” they said. My whole body just let go when they said that. Think about it: an ocean of well-being. Oceans are pretty big. Imagine floating in a warm, vast, ocean of well-being without beginning or end. Yeah.

The other thing they said was about getting in the Vortex. All that we desire is in there, so it’s a pretty groovy place. Now before, I had thought about “getting in” as getting in so I could get my stuff. But this time, Abraham said you don’t “go” there, it isn’t something that takes a effort to “get” in, as if: when you meditate hard enough or long enough, if you study hard enough, if you work out just the right combination of thinking/doing, you’ll get it. Abraham said that you relax into it. Because when you’re relaxed, when you’re happy, in that place of appreciation and joy, you’re so close to being in alignment with what you want that it just happens without effort. It’s about letting go.

I’ve been on Match dot com for a couple of months, and have had various experiences that I’ve shared on these “pages.” Hey! Everything that happens to Two Girls is fair game for our beloved blog! Anyway. Recently, I decided to revise my thinking about the process. Instead of doing it to “get”  someone, I decided to be easy about it and do it for fun. Almost immediately, I met someone who finds me just as interesting as I find him. Yum!

Isn’t that the way it is? Stop wanting the job, and it comes to you. Stop trying to lose the weight, and it melts off. We’re programmed to think that doing is the way to achieve. But really, we aren’t human doings, we are human beings. And when we just. . .get. . .happy, when we allow ourselves to float in that ocean of well-being, when we really believe with every atom of our body and soul that “everything always works out for me,” we give up our resistance, and it just flows in, as if by magic. Love, C

My two cents: give up, give in, get happy.

♥♥♥

Ahhh, letting go, giving  it up and then you get the prize?  Precisely, and since C and I are both doing the Abraham workshop thing this month, it’s all about Abe,  it is my favorite place to be, favorite thing to talk about.

It’s so funny, I literally just gave it up, I had written my part of our post and I just deleted it, let it go and am now re-writing it, I love how this stuff works.  I had gone through some stuff with a client, actually two clients last week and I was so irritated with our interaction that I had to write about it.  I knew that there was a lesson in it for me but I was irritated none the  less.  Anyway, as soon as I wrote it down and read it back to myself I was done with it, I was ready to let it go and I no longer felt the need to put it out there, to tell that story again, one more time for all to see.

This blog has been such a gift to me, even my massage therapist/energy worker/goddess says that this is the best thing I have ever done for myself regarding my healing/spiritual work.  There is something so magical about writing, I have to tell you, if you have never kept a journal or written in a diary, I highly recommend it.  I have made quantum leaps in my growth from just jotting down my thoughts and experiences on this blog, so amazing.

So, I  have been really working on letting things go this week,  funny how it works, C does a post on letting go, leaves it for me to do my bit on the topic and bam, before you know it, stuff I need to let go of appears for me to take care of and write about.   Seriously, I am the queen of letting go of things, getting rid of junk, I don’t have any kind or storage garage, and I never have, thank you very much, I travel light.  So for me to have stuff to let go of. . . well who am I kidding –don’t we all have stuff that we need to just let go of?

Since I am now re-writing this  today I am doing so after I just got back from seeing Abraham yesterday, and believe me  I learned so much  that there are many amazing, dazzling posts to come so stay tuned. . .but seriously, so much of what they were talking about was about letting go.  Just let it go, stop worrying, go to the beach if you feel the need but just let it go. Have faith and know everything  works out precisely the way it is supposed to.  xo–K

My two cents:   Drop the oars, and just allow the river to take you to wherever it is you are supposed to be, and have faith in knowing  that it is going to be really, really, good.

liar liar pants on fire

Okay, so there I was, playing nice on a work project with a team, when I realized that one of the team members started giving off some really icky vibes. I didn’t say anything, just kept observing the individual. The weird vibe was consistent. Over time, I knew it was there, and then today: BAM, it all came to a head.

In a way, I was relieved, because it confirmed my intuitive hit: something was off. Now that I think about the situation, I know that there are several more element in play, even though he denies it. Before, I would have tried to engage him about what he was saying, even though I knew he declared I was wrong. Now, I know that there is more going on than meets the eye. I know that there is a nasty little piece of work in play, even though my colleague says there’s nothing more to it.

Oh, please, don’t think that I am all fluffy puppies and moonbeams about all this. Heck no! I got all up in my stuff about it, all defensive, all co-dependent. Sigh. In case you still think that things are just random and circumstances just “happen,” think again. Just as I am going through my little drama, guess who calls? K! So there I am, all off-center, off-balance, SO not in my goddess all-knowing. I needed to vent. And bless her, K listened. See, I so love her about this: sometimes she really calls me on my sh*t, knowing when I can handle it. But this time, she just listened and supported me, told me to stand firm, stand tall.  But most of all, she said, “that’s so 3D, such an illusion. Let’s just think about doing God’s work.” Wow: talk about a shift.

When I get all twisted up, Marianne Williamson has a prayer that gives me comfort and it goes like this: “Dear God, where would you have me serve?”  That pretty much takes the ego out of it, totally deflates the defensiveness. Where would YOU have me serve? Not my sad little ego, my wounded little self, but You who know all things and know better than me why this drama is rising up and grabbing my attention. Still haven’t worked that out yet, but I can tell you I stand in a place of power when I consider the players in this little drama, the hurtful things they say, and know exactly what they do not say.

People lie all the time, and they think no one knows. There is no angel standing by taking notes about our so-called sins, as I was taught in catechism class. No, it’s us. We know. We know when someone is lying to us, deceiving us, saying one thing and thinking another. We are all psychic. We know, if we are only willing to honor our knowing. Love, C

My two cents: Trust your gut. It is never wrong.

♥♥♥

Sometimes this work is just exhausting. . . grrr.  Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it, like what’s the point?  When do things start getting easy?

C texted me earlier today and was not in a good space, I called her a bit later, when I had a color processing  and  she filled me in on the jerk she was dealing with at her office .  She was frustrated, because someone who has no idea what she does or how good she is at her job with trying to tell her how she should be doing it his way and his way of course is better. NOT.  As much as she really didn’t want to hear it in that moment, I told her there was something in it for her.

Whenever something keeps coming up in a similar fashion, there is something we are not getting, and a lot of  times it has to do with us standing up for ourselves, and not going against our gut when we know we are right.  I told C about my experiences with clients who come in and try to tell me how to do my job.  I want my clients to be happy, and they get to pick whatever style or color they want.  I do give my opinion but ultimately it is their hair, their choice.  What they don’t get to pick is how I get the end result.  I am the expert I do things my way, period.  I have learned the hard way that when I let someone sway me to do thing against my better judgment and things don’t turn out well, they are not happy and neither am I.  Then on top of it, if I do what they want and it doesn’t turn out, who’s fault is it in the end? Mine of course.  Seriously?

I decided a few years ago, I have to do what I am good at, do what I think is right, and not let anyone, ever, make me doubt myself.  I am confident in my skills, and abilities and who I am as a person and I am always going to stand up for me.  As much as I would defend a friend, and have their back, I will have my own back.

I have learned to never go against what I believe in,  never let anyone change how I feel about myself as a person,  or change how I do things because I have fear that they won’t love me, approve of me or even that I will lose my job.   I will never again, second guess myself, sell myself short or let anyone’s opinion of me override my opinion of me.  That is my commitment to myself, and I know that if I can hold true to that, everything will just fall into place in my world.  xo-K

My two cents:  Nobody can do you as well as you can.  Remember that. . .everyday.

liar liar pants on fire

Okay, so there I was, playing nice on a work project with a team, when I realized that one of the team members started giving off some really icky vibes. I didn’t say anything, just kept observing the individual. The weird vibe was consistent. Over time, I knew it was there, and then today: BAM, it all came to a head.

In a way, I was relieved, because it confirmed my intuitive hit: something was off. Now that I think about the situation, I know that there are several more elements in play, even though he denies it. Before, I would have tried to engage him about what he was saying, even though I knew he declared I was wrong. Now, I know that there is more going on than meets the eye. I know that there is a nasty little piece of work in play, even though my colleague says there’s nothing more to it.

Oh, please, don’t think that I am all fluffy puppies and moonbeams about all this. Heck no! I got all up in my stuff about it, all defensive, all co-dependent. Sigh. In case you still think that things are just random and circumstances just “happen,” think again. Just as I am going through my little drama, guess who calls? K! So there I am, all off-center, off-balance, SO not in my goddess all-knowing. I needed to vent. And bless her, K listened. See, I so love her about this: sometimes she really calls me on my sh*t, knowing when I can handle it. But this time, she just listened and supported me, told me to stand firm, stand tall.  But most of all, she said, “that’s so 3D, such an illusion. Let’s just think about doing God’s work.” Wow: talk about a shift.

When I get all twisted up, Marianne Williamson has a prayer that gives me comfort and it goes like this: “Dear God, where would you have me serve?”  That pretty much takes the ego out of it, totally deflates the defensiveness. Where would YOU have me serve? Not my sad little ego, my wounded little self, but You who know all things and know better than me why this drama is rising up and grabbing my attention. Still haven’t worked that out yet, but I can tell you I stand in a place of power when I consider the players in this little drama, the hurtful things they say, and know exactly what they do not say.

People lie all the time, and they think no one knows. There is no angel standing by taking notes about our so-called sins, as I was taught in catechism class. No, it’s us. We know. We know when someone is lying to us, deceiving us, saying one thing and thinking another. We are all psychic. We know, if we are only willing to honor our knowing. Love, C

My two cents: Trust your gut. It is never wrong.

♥♥♥

Sometimes this work can seem exhausting.  Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it, like what’s the point?  When do things start getting easier?

C texted me earlier today and was not in a good space, I called her back when I had a color processing  and  she filled me in on the jerk she was dealing with at her office .  She was frustrated, because someone who has no idea what she does or how good she is at her job with trying to tell her how she should be doing it his way and his way was much better than her way and in his mind the only way. NOT.  As much as she really didn’t want to hear it in that moment, I told her there was something there for her.

Whenever something keeps coming up in a similar fashion, there is something we are not getting, maybe it’s a sign it’s  time to move on from the situation, or maybe it’s about standing up for yourself, and not going against your gut when you know you’re right.  Whatever it is, if something is rubbing you wrong and it just feels icky, know that there is a lesson lurking and a potential for growth there for you.

I told C about my experiences with clients who come in and try to tell me how to do my job.  I want my clients to be happy, and they get to pick whatever style or color they want.  I do give my opinion but ultimately it is their hair, their choice.  What they don’t get to pick is how I get the end result.  I am the expert I do things my way, period.  I have learned the hard way that when I let someone sway me to do thing against my better judgment things don’t turn out well, and then they aren’t happy and neither am I.  Then on top of it, if I do what they want and it doesn’t turn out, who’s fault is it in the end? Mine of course.  Seriously?

I decided a few years ago, I have to do what I am good at, do what I think is right, and not let anyone, ever, make me doubt myself.  I am confident in my skills, and abilities and who I am as a person and I am always going to stand up for me.  As much as I would defend a friend, and have their back, I will have my own back.

I have learned to never go against what I believe in,  never let anyone change how I feel about myself as a person, or change how I do things because I fear  someone won’t love me, approve of me, or that they will leave me .   I will never again, second guess myself, sell myself short or let anyone’s opinion of me override my opinion of me.  That is my commitment to myself, and I know that if I  hold true to that, everything will just fall into place in my world.  xo-K

My two cents:  Nobody can do YOU as well as you can.  Remember that…everyday.

mambo mama

I love summertime! Okay, so there I was this morning, lolling around in my fluffy yummy bed, appreciating the fact that it was Saturday, which meant I was free to sleep in if I wanted. Yes! Then I looked at the clock and realized that if I was going to take a morning walk I’d better get on it so I jumped up, got dressed and ready to go.

I’m so lucky! I live in a pretty little condo on a ribbon of river, a beautiful body of water that always provides a new view.  One of my favorite ways to get out and take advantage of the view and to get out and move my energetic body, is to take a morning walk along the river. For a while there, I was a complete potato. No exercise baby! And then suddenly the weather got good and I was excited about working out. Does that ever happen to you?  Suddenly, I’m getting up in the morning and doing yoga before work. With the longer days, I’ll sometimes come home at the end of the day and hop on my bike for a spin around the island. Yay! Wait. Who is this maniac who is suddenly so about the work out? Who cares! We love her!

So anyway, I live on the water, next to a beautiful yacht harbor, which btw,  is a great manifestation workshop, to look at all of those beautiful boats and going ‘good for you and that’s for me. . . .’  I love to walk around the harbor on weekend mornings when the  sun is just coming up and the air is sweet. I always feel great when I get out there and start appreciating the dazzling flowers, beautiful boats, the wildlife that is also attracted to this special spot.

I like to take my ipod with me on these morning jaunts, it provides me with a soundtrack to keep me ultra-inspired. So there I am this morning, half-way through the harbor loop, when the Mambo Kings come on. Normally, I skip theses guys and go straight for the Abraham or Barefoot Doctor inspirational messages, but somehow this morning, the Mambo Kings are perfect.  So there I am, singing along to the music, doing a little salsa shuffle as I pass million dollar homes and perfectly polished yachts bobbing on the placid water. I am so in my zone! I don’t care who sees me, what they may think. I am enjoying the moment so fully, I am so completely in my joy that I feel illuminated. That feeling has stayed with me all day, and all I can say is, life is good! Love, C

My two cents: sometimes it’s worth looking like a fool just to get to your happy place~

♥♥♥

It feels good to feel good, and I say get there anyway you can.  If it means skipping down the walking path for all world to see do it, who cares. . . actually people do care, they see you in joy and they feel good too.  Feeling good is contagious so go for it, and when it’s beautiful outside, I feel like, how much better can it get?!

I absolutely love how I feel in the summer, I am definitely a warm weather girl.  I kinda hibernate when the weather is cold but man do I love being out and about when summer hits and the sun is shining.  I want to go places and do things, move my body and be outside.  I, like C have been a bit of a potato, regarding exercise.  After standing all day, the last thing I felt like doing was moving my feet.  But it is amazing after my long hiatus with exercise how great it feels almost immediately once you pick it up again. As much as I know it’s doing great things for my muscles, I think it is doing  much more for my head.

Like meditation, and I know  a lot of people don’t know how to meditate or just can’t seem to quiet their mind, exercise can get you to the same place.  When you are taking in all that oxygen, moving your body, you are in the zone, in the Vortex.  You meditate to release resistance, exercise does the same thing, and  that is where inspiration lives.  I can’t tell you how many times in the last few weeks when I’ve been working on a problem or even wondering what to blog about and I get on the elliptical machine or go out for a walk and BAM, there it is, divine inspiration. It’s like opening up a wonderful treasure chest full of everything you need, answers to questions, solutions to problems. Great ideas just seem to occur to you, when you get to a good feeling place, you are inspired.

Life really is good and things really do always work out for you so enjoy your life.  When you wake up in the morning, before you jump out of bed, take a few minutes to appreciate all the good things in  your life.  Do some yoga, go to the gym, go outside for a quick walk before work or just put on some great music and boogie around your house. It’s amazing how when you start your day like that the day just seems to flow, and you will have more great days than not.

My daughter and I have a thing,  whenever we go on vacation we speak with different accents, especially when we are in taxis.  We started  a few years ago and it’s hilarious. We are terrible at it but it’s fun and we don’t care what other people think. I know it is something we will always remember.  Ahhh, good times. xo-K

My two cents:  Do whatever it takes to feel good.  Move your body, sing, dance, be silly. . .enjoy.

believe it or not

I was having lunch today with a friend I hadn’t seen for a while. We ran into each other after church service and were in one of my fav cafes, catching up on each others lives.  Our waitress was rather distracted and I made a comment about how long it took to get a cup of coffee. My friend quickly agreed. “Well you know,” I said. “We usually see in others what we don’t like about ourselves.” This time, my friend quickly disagreed. “I don’t believe that,” she said. “I don’t think it works like that.” I smiled. “That’s okay,” I replied. “You don’t have to.”

I’m not out to convert anyone. I also think that universal laws are in place whether you agree with them or not. Can I just say? I’m so glad to have reached a point where I don’t feel like everyone has to agree with me in order for the world to make sense. You don’t have to know how electricity works, but if you flip the switch, lights will come on anyway. You don’t have to understand gravity either, but if you trip, you may fall. I’m just sayin’. . . . It isn’t my job to try to make everyone think like me. In fact, I rather like it when they don’t.

So I said to my friend, “well, in my case, maybe I’m not as focused as I could be, and I see that in the waitress.” She didn’t know what to do with this new information. She thought that I had been making a remark about her state of consciousness, when really, I had been making one about mine.  I let it go. She wasn’t ready to hear it.

Byron Katie has a process she calls “The Work.” The Work involves asking a series of questions that can help bring you closer to the truth of the matter, if that’s what you want. (Personally, I’m always on a quest for the truth of the matter, but that’s just me. . . .)

The first question you need to ask is: Is it true?  Is it true that the waitress is over looking my needs? Really? No. My needs are always met, and it isn’t the waitress’s job to calm my insecurities.

The next question: How do you react when you think that thought? If I think the waitress is neglecting me, I feel rejected, unloved.

Next question: Can you think of a reason to drop that thought? Yes! I would feel happier, more secure to not believe I’m being singled out and neglected.

Final question: Who would you be without that thought? Happy! Free! Calm!

Okay, now here’s the clincher: The Turn-around. “The waitress isn’t neglecting me, I neglect myself.” Ouch! We always project what we don’t want to own. Getting what you want is easy, especially if what you want is happy, because the only person withholding happy from me, is me. Love, C

My two cents: when you are willing to own your own stuff, your stuff stops tracking you down!

♥♥♥

I know my beliefs have changed over the years, I used to believe what people told me, my parents, friends, the news.  I used to think because a lot of people thought or believed the same thing, it made it true.  Really? I know a lot of people who believe in a lot of different things now, some I agree with and some I don’t.

Abraham says a belief is a thought you keep on thinking, makes sense.  I know  so many people who think and believe in so many different things, who’s right?  I personally think you get to choose what you believe, what your reality is going to be so for right now, I’m going with that.

In my profession I talk to so many different people, people with different lifestyles, different income brackets, different beliefs. I love my clients, and friends, love listening to their stories, I feel I am a student of life and I enjoy what makes people tick and watching their lives unfold.  It is also interesting to me how their lives and my own play out depending on their own personal beliefs.  I am not claiming to know everything, but I have observed a lot of people, many of whom I have known  for years, and I have to tell you their lives are playing out in perfect accordance to what they believe.  Mine too.

It’s amazing, just like C mentioned earlier, we can create a whole scenario, around what we believe.  Be it a waitress being rude or dismissive or  your bf or bff is angry at you for some reason.  We love  the quote, the universe always says yes, and use it often, but I think that we can also apply this to our own thoughts.  We can  get a whole big story going about something, get all fired up about it and BAM, doesn’t it seem like it ends up playing out in your life?  It’s like the universe lines up events that line up with what you are thinking, or maybe, you are just noticing things that line up to what you think or believe.

I don’t know if anyone really knows what makes our beliefs  true, but I have noticed that there is no one way to do anything and I am glad about that.  As for myself, I am going to believe in the things that I want, and focus on them.  I want to believe that most people are good and kind, and I  tend to come into contact with people like that.  If you think that people are not nice or out to get you in some way,  you will probably meet up with those kind of folks along your path.

Do we believe things are going to happen in a certain way because they have played out that way in the past?  So we also have expectation, in the mix now too. We’ll get into that one next time.  As for me, I get to choose my thoughts, I get to choose what I put my attention on, and I get to choose what I believe in. xo-K

My two cents:  If you don’t  like the way your life is playing out, change the way you are looking at it.

the universe always says yes

Have you ever noticed? The universe always says yes. Think traffic always snarls on your morning commute? Yes! Believe that you have no self control? Yes! Convinced that there’s a shortage of money? YES!

K and I have been running an experiment for about a year. Well truthfully, it’s been longer than that, but let’s just say a year, because it’s relevant to the topic at-hand. For the last year, pretty much all of 2009  and part of 2010 — or the period of time I like to call the season of the Great Panic Attack — we’ve been ignoring “the economy.”

What?! Yes, it’s true. We’ve been going merrily about our business affirming that “My income is always increasing,” and “I thrive in any economy.” Crazy? Probably. But let me just tell you something, while many people we know have been lamenting “the economy” with doleful sighs and running around looking for the sky to fall, we’ve been fine. I believe this is because the Universe Always Says Yes.

Am I delusional? Possibly. But I have to say, I’ve been pretty stress-free for the past year. And stress causes your hair to turn gray and your face to pucker up and wrinkle. I mean, who needs it? Are there people out there who are really suffering? Of course, and I have compassion for them. But in the world I live in, all is well. Now, mind you, I don’t watch the TV news or read the so-called newspapers (which is mostly bad news, have you noticed?), so I don’t get exposed to the “ain’t it a shame” game that passes for “news.”

Skeptics will say that positive thinking doesn’t have a real effect. Good for them. All I know is, K is self-employed and her business is as robust as it ever was. I found a job after moving to a new town just after the stock market tanked in 2008 and am doing very well, thank you very much. Does our radical practice of believing in the best outcomes possible protect us from the desperation of the masses? Not entirely. After all, we do live in the “real” world. We just haven’t swallowed the Kool Aid that about 99.999% of folks out there have.

Does it make us better than the rest of humanity? I don’t know about that. But it does make us happier, and call me crazy, but I’ll take happy any day.

Okay, for real: this morning I woke up in a pretty grim mood. But experience has shown me where that line of thinking takes me and for sure, that wasn’t a place I wanted to go. My thoughts|my choice. I changed my attitude from gloom to gratitude for my blessings, and I gotta say, this day has totally rocked. Love, C

My two cents: don’t take my word for it: monitor your thoughts and see for yourself if your beliefs are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for you.

♥♥♥

This is probably my favorite thing to talk about ever.  I could go on and on and on about it.  I have been working on this, living it, being in total amazement for the last few years.  It has always been really interesting to me why people’s realities are so different.  Why do some people seem to have such a hard time, while others seem to just skate through life?   Why are some so sad and depressed and others in similar situations so happy and hopeful?   Was it their outlook on life?  Their thoughts?

Just as C stated before, the universe always says yes. Period.  Think life sucks, yours will.  That might seem a little harsh but it’s not.  It’s empowering, we are not victims, we are co-creators here.  We all get to decide what we believe in, so choose wisely and choose what you like.  I know for me, I don’t watch the news, It’s depressing, and I don’t want to feel bad.  I guess they feel if they scare you and worry you, you will tune back in so you can prepare yourself for whatever they think you need to prepare yourself for.  Uggg.

I have adopted the philosophy: “Not in my world.”  Stuff could be going on out there, bad stuff, scary stuff, but, not in my world.  When everyone started talking about, and panicking about “the economy,” I knew I couldn’t go there. I knew it could go so wrong for me if I didn’t line up with what I wanted.  A lot of people were scared and fired up about it. I knew that as a  self-employed, single mom, I couldn’t afford the luxury of a negative thought. So in one moment I decided to focus on the mantra “I thrive in any economy.”   First thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is how lucky I am and that I thrive in any economy.  If my mind starts to worry about bills, I stop and go to my mantra.   It took some practice but I have to say, my business has never been better, and I have peace of mind that I have never had before, ever.

We really do get to pick the way our life plays out. My dad for example: great guy love him so much, has always had issue with his weight.  He truly believes and will tell you over and over that he gains 5 lbs. every time he goes on vacation.  I don’t know where he got this idea but he really believes it  and guess what?  He gains 5 lbs. every single time he goes away.  I also have a friend: great girl, whose father cheated on her mother then left her.  She believes all men cheat.  She says it all the time. She truly believes it and guess what?  Every single man she has ever dated has cheated and disappointed her.  I have tried to point out to her that she knows lots of married couples where the guy is  totally in love with his wife and doesn’t cheat, but she just can’t see it.  Pity, that one thing that she so doesn’t want is the thing that she has such a strong belief about.  The universe always says yes. . . .  xo-K

My two cents:  I get to choose the life I want to live; me, not my family, not the newscasters, ME….. Yippee!!!

Get ready so you can be ready

Do you know how special you are? All the amazing things about you?  When is the last time you thought about it? Have you ever thought about it?  The truth is we all have beauty, talent, and that something special that makes you, you. We can all be so hard on ourselves, notice that extra pound or five, or when you hair is not just so, but when was the last time you gave yourself props for how great you looked or how smart you are?   A year ago?  Never?

A lot women don’t value  and appreciate themselves and then wonder why the men they end up dating don’t appreciate them.  The thing is you have to do it first.  If you put yourself on a pedestal, the man in your life will have to, or he won’t be in your life.  You want to be treated with love and respect, don’t put up with less.

You have to get there first, shift the energy. If in the past, you have put up with less than loving respectful treatment, maybe you need to take a break.  Spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want and how you want to be treated and what are your deal breakers are.  Know that you are amazing and worthy and don’t settle for less.  No more excuses. Ever.  If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either.  Not everyone is a match and not everyone needs to like you, but you need to like you.  You are the one that matters the most.

You need to get ready so you can be ready. If you want this great amazing guy and he shows up you need to know that you are worth having someone like that.  If you feel insecure or not worthy, it’s not fun and you might do something to sabotage the relationship or just get jealous or something. Another thing that happens when you haven’t done your work is you just don’t meet anyone that you would even consider dating. Then you are disillusioned and think there are no good men out there.

A good friend of mine, G, after trying the Match thing without much luck took a little break to re-evaluate.  She really got serious about what she wanted, even made a list.  She got really clear, she was a catch and deserved a good man.  On some level she just knew that something shifted after that.  She just had a feeling that she was really close to getting what she was looking for and had this sense of peace about it.  She met her husband soon after and he was everything she was looking for and more.  He absolutely adores her and  feels he hit the jackpot finding her.  They have mutual love and respect for each other and are having the time of their lives.  I am so happy for both of them.

I have heard so many stories like this lately,  so I know it really happens. I have asked a few of my friends and clients to share their stories with me and I will be sharing them here.  It is so inspiring and really makes me feel hopeful.  I know we can all get the feeling sometimes,that it will never happen.  Like you have to settle, because nobody’s perfect right?  Don’t do that to yourself, there is someone out there who will be just what you are looking for and guess what?  They are looking for you too, and it’s going to be so worth the wait.  xo-K

My two cents:  see your beauty, know your worth and just know you are going to get exactly what you want.

♥♥♥

One of my favorite ways to get ready or “pre-pave” in Abraham-Hick lingo, is to imagine.  Not creative, you say? I beg to differ, my darling. We are always imagining stuff. More often than not, we imagine the worst rather than the best. How do I know? You can tell how you’re thinking by the words you use. Phrases like “just my luck” or “yeah, right!” are symptoms of a negative imagination.

What if instead, we started imagining a better future instead of the same dreary, uninspired one we’ve been hauling around behind us all our lives like some kind of moth-eaten hunting trophy? Instead of feeling all boohoo, nothing good ever happens to me and then secretly hoping that something good does manage to fight its way through our defenses, we imagine something that we want, like oh, happiness?  Remember, you don’t have to figure out how to get happy all we have to do is figure out how to be happy and all the rest will follow.

One of my favorite ways to get over my own  habitual thinking, is to imagine a scenario in my mind, start pretending it’s so, and then allow the good feelings to flow. Lately, I’ve been feeling what it’s like to have my perfect partner in my life. When I’m getting ready for work, I’ll imagine that he’s in the next room, reading the paper or writing emails, planning his day.  Or, I’ll be driving, and imagine that the evening ahead is already planned: a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Or I’ll be running my Saturday errands, and imagine that he’s out running man errands, and we’ll meet up in the afternoon for a bike ride out along the river, or a movie in town. These are not full blown fantasies, they are simply small, quiet thoughts that make me feel happy.

Albert Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”  Dude knew something. I’m going with that.  Practice feeling the feeling! It costs nothing and offers big rewards. Huge. Love, C

My two cents: practice feeling how you want to feel and the universe will bend over backwards to second that emotion.

get ready so you can be ready

Do you know how special you are? All the amazing things about you?  When is the last time you thought about it? Have you ever thought about it?  The truth is we all have beauty, talent, and that something special that makes you, you. We can all be so hard on ourselves, notice that extra pound or five, or when you hair is not just so, but when was the last time you gave yourself props for how great you looked or how smart you are?   A year ago?  Never?

A lot of women don’t value  and appreciate themselves and then wonder why the men they end up dating don’t appreciate them.  The thing is you have to do it first.  If you put yourself on a pedestal, the man in your life will have to, or he won’t be in your life.  You want to be treated with love and respect, don’t put up with less.

You have to get there first, shift the energy. If in the past, you have put up with less than loving respectful treatment, maybe you need to take a break.  Spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want and how you want to be treated and what are your deal breakers are.  Know that you are amazing and worthy and don’t settle for less.  No more excuses. Ever.  If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either.  Not everyone is a match and not everyone needs to like you, but you need to like you.  You are the one that matters the most.

You need to get ready so you can be ready. If you want this great amazing guy and he shows up, you need to know that you are worth having someone like that.  If you feel insecure or not worthy, it’s not fun and you might do something to sabotage the relationship or just get jealous or push him away. Another thing that happens when you haven’t done your work is you just don’t meet anyone that you would even consider dating. Then you feel hopeless and disillusioned and think there are no good men out there.

A good friend of mine, G, after trying the Match thing without much luck took a little break to re-evaluate.  She really got serious about what she wanted, even made a list.  She got really clear, she was a catch and deserved a good man.  On some level she just knew that something shifted after that.  She just had a feeling that she was really close to getting what she was looking for and had this sense of peace about it.  She met her husband soon after and he was everything she was looking for and more.  He absolutely adores her and  feels he hit the jackpot finding her.  They have mutual love and respect for each other and are having the time of their lives.  I am so happy for both of them.

I have heard so many stories like this lately,  so I know it really happens. I have asked a few of my friends and clients to share their stories with me and I will be sharing them here.  It is so inspiring and really makes me feel hopeful.  I know we can all get the feeling sometimes,that it will never happen.  Like you have to settle, because nobody’s perfect right?  Don’t do that to yourself, there is someone out there who will be just what you are looking for and guess what?  They are looking for you too, and it’s going to be so worth the wait.  xo-K

My two cents:  see your beauty, know your worth and just know you are going to get exactly what you want.

♥♥♥

One of my favorite ways to get ready, or “pre-pave” in Abraham-Hick lingo, is to imagine.  Not creative, you say? I beg to differ, my darling. We are always imagining stuff. More often than not, we imagine the worst rather than the best. How do I know? You can tell how you’re thinking by the words you use. Phrases like “just my luck” or “yeah, right!” are symptoms of a negative imagination.

What if instead, we started imagining a better future instead of the same dreary, uninspired one we’ve been hauling around behind us all our lives like some kind of moth-eaten hunting trophy? Instead of feeling all boohoo, nothing good ever happens to me and then secretly hoping that something good does manage to fight its way through our defenses, we imagine something that we want, like oh, happiness?  Remember, you don’t have to figure out how to get happy all we have to do is figure out how to be happy and all the rest will follow.

One of my favorite ways to get over my own  habitual thinking, is to imagine a scenario in my mind, start pretending it’s so, and then allow the good feelings to flow. Lately, I’ve been feeling what it’s like to have my perfect partner in my life. When I’m getting ready for work, I’ll imagine that he’s in the next room, reading the paper or writing emails, planning his day.  Or, I’ll be driving, and imagine that the evening ahead is already planned: a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Or I’ll be running my Saturday errands, and imagine that he’s out running man errands, and we’ll meet up in the afternoon for a bike ride out along the river, or a movie in town. These are not full blown fantasies, they are simply small, quiet thoughts that make me feel happy.

Albert Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”  Dude knew something. I’m going with that.  Practice feeling the feeling! It costs nothing and offers big rewards. Huge. Love, C

My two cents: practice feeling how you want to feel and the universe will bend over backwards to second that emotion.

partner or project?

Once upon a time I worked in the tasting room of a beautiful little California winery. It was a fun job and we cellar rats got pretty good at predicting which tourists would come in and say they wanted a “dry” wine when that wasn’t what they wanted at all. Sure enough, they’d say ‘dry,’ we’d pour them a fruity, slightly sweet taste, and their eyes would light up. “Perfect!”

According to Robert Ohotto, we say we want a partner, but sometimes, we’re looking for a project.  However, actions speak louder than words. If you’re currently single, look at the last several people you dated that somehow, mysteriously, didn’t work out.  They all seemed so good, they had so much potential, right? Except for that one little annoying thing. . .and you’re sure that if you’d had enough time, you could have figured out how to fix it. True or false? Come on!

Right, and you married girls are not off the hook, either. Fess up: how long did it take to train the mister in the ways of your world? Weeks, months, never? It’s not a judgment, just an observation. I’m just sayin’ we say partner but think project.

Back in the day, the Temptations teamed up with the fabulous Supremes and released a song called “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me.” Lalala,  it sounded romantic enough, but it was wrong. You can’t make someone love you. You can fool them for a while, you can manipulate them, be a doormat, a sex goddess, a race car mechanic; make yourself available, twist yourself into whatever shape you think will trick him into loving you, but you can’t fool the universe, and manipulation always backfires. Always!

Oh sure, it may work for a while, years even. But what do you do when the project is done, when you finally fall down exhausted from all the effort it takes to work at it, and surrender?

I had the realization that I’ve been guilty of project-ing this morning while talking to K and driving to work.  When it dawned on me that I’ve been a Project Proletariat, I almost drove off the road. (Yeah, even though I drive hands free, it’s still roulette. Kids, don’t try this at home!) I can say without a shred of doubt that the last line up of candidates for my affection were flawed and in the back of my Princess and the Pea brain, I was thinking, ‘oh, he’s just wrong about (choose one): a) me, b) him, c) us, d) all of the above. I’ll bring him around, I just know it.  Sheesh.

But I’m not alone, and that’s some consolation. And as they say, when two or more are gathered, miracles occur. So can we be done with the project, already? It’s simply exhausting, the tug-of-war of it all. Let’s allow ourselves to choose someone who wants the same things we do, someone who wants to paddle the canoe in the same direction we do. Sounds nice, right? Love, C

My two cents: if it’s a struggle, it’s a project.

♥♥♥

So how can we tell if a new guy is a  potential partner or a project? Well I think first off we have to stay in the moment and really pay attention. Second,  I don’t know about you but at this point in the game I have a list of negotiable and non-negotiable things that I am really trying to stick to.  From little things like “must be employed” to  “must live nearby” to so I can actually, physically date him.  I have had boyfriends in the past who lived across the country and the thought of us being in the same place was, well, a project.  Too hard, didn’t seem like it could really happen except in our fantasies.  Sweet and romantic, but not realistic.

I have to say, and I am not proud of this fact but it is a fact that I have been known to take on a project or 5 in my time.  I have actually been  fond of the project in the past; it felt like a challenge to me. . . and I am, make that was, always up for a challenge. Ugh, exhausting, and so not worth the effort. I know it might seem fun when you see someone has potential to get in there and help him be better or help him get that job or help him realize he can’t live without you or. . . I am finished trying to convince someone how great they are or how great I am for them.

Let’s just spell it out plain and simple. When you meet the perfect guy for you, and I am not saying there is any perfect guy, cause that would be silly, wouldn’t it? But, when you meet the perfect guy for YOU, take note here. . . pay attention. . . it is going to be easy.

When things are right, they are right.  When things line up, they line up.  When things are meant to be. . . you know where I am going with this.  You have to learn to trust. Trust your guidance, trust your intuition, damn, read your freakin’ horoscope.  The Universe is conspiring for your good. And you need to just go with that.  If it starts getting to complicated, it’s a project, if it’s too hard, project,  as cute as he is, sorry probably not going to happen.

It is so great when you finally get it, it really is.  Just the other day C and I were working on a design project, after throwing around a few ideas and we agreed on one that we though was perfect.  Welllll, we could not get the image to upload to save our lives.  I never claimed to be a computer genius but, come on? It isn’t that hard.  We tried and tried and couldn’t make it happen.  It didn’t take us too long to get that there was something else out there, even though, we really liked our idea, that was way better.

As soon as we realized that, we found the perfect design.  And we both knew it when we saw it.  xo-K

My two cents:  If something seems too hard and it’s not flowing,  there is something better out there for you, and you will just know it when you see it.

family matters

I had a great bonding session with my brother last weekend.  Our “big” sister has moved Mom and Pop in with her so she can take better care of them. After a lifetime of independent living, they’re finally reaching a stage where they need a little assistance, and we are grateful our sister is there for them.

In the meantime, said sister has put the parent’s house on the market. For the past 20 years, they’ve lived in a small resort community in a modest little waterfront home. Last Friday, my brother called me and said that he was driving up the coast to paint the parental unit’s home, a long-0verdue task. Being no stranger to home improvements, and having volunteered for the assignment in a generous moment, my brother phoned and called my bluff.

“B” and I are the youngest two of five children and even though we had the shared experience of growing up in the same family, we haven’t been close for years. This weekend was a rare chance for us to spend time together as grown up people.

I love my brother. That said, we could not be more different. He’s a good husband, a great dad to two amazing boys, and is a rigidly conservative Christian. On the other hand, I am divorced, the closest I’ve come to mothering is owning pets, and have been known to dance naked under a pagan moon. The thing is, we’re family. No matter how different we are, there’s a sameness that there’s no escaping. We have a shared past, a genetic bond that counts.

So this weekend, we painted. We told jokes, shared insights, drank good coffee and avoided the really touchy subjects of God, religion, politics, because that’s just asking for trouble. We were on a mission of peace, and worked under the flag of detente.

At one point however, we had a disagreement. We both shared our differing opinions like adults, and then he went ahead and did it his way, anyway. FOOM!  I went from zero to bitch in about six seconds. But, what did I do? I stuffed it (I know, I know, I’m learnin’ here!). But he wasn’t fooled for a minute. “Are you mad at me?” he asked. And then Hurricane C let loose. Oh, hells yeah, I was mad. And being the darling man he is, B listened while I vented. He didn’t fight back, he just listened until I felt heard and ran out of steam, and then we moved on to another topic. Before long, we were laughing and joking, working side by side again.

He doesn’t know it, but B gave me a huge gift. By letting me use him for communication practice, I got a little better with feeling safe about sharing my feelings. Big deal? Huge. Love ya, B! Love, C

My two cents: good relationships take practice. Appreciate the people who let you use your training wheels!

♥♥♥

See, it just goes to show you that just because we are  writing this stuff doesn’t mean we have it all figured out.  Far from it.  The practice of writing this blog is helping us grow and learn in such  a huge way it is absolutely amazing.  I have become so hyper-aware of stuff when it comes up, if I am talking to C on the phone –and in case you didn’t know, C and I are rarely in the same place at the same time.  We live a state apart sharing these lovely thoughts with y’all, so most of our interaction is on speaker phone, with one of us taking notes. If  she starts going out (ie. unconscious, or as Abraham calls it  out of the Vortex), I stop her in her tracks and tell her, “You gotta blog about this, NOW, while it is still fresh.”  And she does, and she works her stuff out and is on to the next thing.  How did we live before we started this?

Even doing this on a daily basis, we still can get caught up in stuff as it is going on.  I think we have all been doing it so long, it’s just what we do.  Stuff it down, justify, get our panties in a bunch, pretty much anything but just deal with whatever is going on right when it’s going on.  Seems kinda silly when you look at it that way, but everyone seems to do the same thing when it comes to conflict.  Even minor conflict.

I don’t have a huge family. I am an only child and we didn’t have a lot of religion growing up, but I think my dad still thinks I am kind of odd with my positive spin to life. . . like it’s a bad thing.  I’ve spent most of my life just not speaking up to my parents if they upset me.  I just stayed away from them until I was over it.  Yea,   that is what I used to do. Now, I speak up when I’m upset  and I think it really has brought us closer.

Anyway, it can be challenging to break old patterns, especially ones you’ve been practicing all your life. But seriously? You can do it, and right now is a great time to start! xo-K

My two cents:  Practice with the people who are close to you, especially family, where there’s a bit of a built in safety net, but you probably won’t need one.

scared of happy?

I was listening to happiness guru, Robert Holden, on Hay House Radio this morning, and he made such an interesting statement, I had to put everything aside and write the idea down. He said that most people are afraid to be happy.  Wow! Is that true?

I think there’s something to this, and it might be related to Colette Baron Reid’s Goblin exercise we recently shared. You might say, “not me! I want to be happy! My life is all about the happy!”  But is that true, or is it just story you tell yourself each day so that you can get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and do the things you need to do to take care of your family, yourself?

Well, no one’s really, happy, you might say. It’s not possible to be really happy, you might say. But is that true? Or do you hold a belief that says you’re not worthy of happiness, or something bad might happen if you got truly happy?

I was raised a good Catholic girl, and when Lent came around, we were instructed to give up something we really liked. We usually chose something like ice cream, chocolate, gumballs, and thought we were earning extra Easter brownie points. But recently, I heard about another way to observe Lent: give up a thought or belief that no longer serves you. Wow! Radical idea! How about giving up the idea that being happy is a crime against nature. How about giving up the idea that by being happy, you steal the chance to be happy from someone else.  Cool ideas, right?

Back to beliefs we have about happiness. . .what thought or belief would you have to give up to be really happy? Would you have to give up the idea that everything has to be perfect before you can “earn” the right to be happy? Would you have to give up the belief that you have to suffer to “earn” the right to be happy? Could you allow yourself to be happy right now?

Marci Shimoff has a wonderful book called Happy for No Reason. In it, she shares the stories of different people and their decision to be happy, regardless of what life tosses their way. Shimoff asserts that true happiness does not depend on conditions, but on choice.

So maybe you could try the Goblin exercise again. Maybe you could ask your goblin if (s)he’s afraid to be happy, and why. It just might be the most interesting conversation of the day! Love, C

My two cents: happiness is a minute-by-minute choice.

♥♥♥

I totally agree with C, I think some people really feel they don’t deserve to be happy or feel guilty if they feel happy.  If someone else is suffering you might feel that how can you be happy when they feel so bad?   Well as Abraham-Hicks says, “you can’t feel bad enough to make someone who feels bad feel better.” So it really doesn’t help anyway.

I  know for me, a big one is the whole this economy thing.  A lot of people are worrying and stressed, even people whose lives are exactly the same, seem to have been brainwashed by the media about ‘how bad it is.’  Granted, some are suffering, maybe even you, but, again with Abraham (sorry but I have mad love for them),  “You can be broke and be depressed or you can be broke and be hopeful.”  I choose hopeful, every time now.  And when you do that you can be happy No matter what.

I have adopted the mantra that I thrive in any economy.  I love it and say it every time someone asks me how my business is doing.  I must say that I’ve felt some people are a little put off by this and it amazes me.   How dare I be happy –well guess what? I do dare to be happy and you should too!

I’m tired of being sad and depressed about things I have no control over.  Been there done that, and done with that.  You can look around as you are driving to work, or walking down the street or in the mall. Notice how many thing there are to notice, do you tend to zero in on things that annoy you or do you tend to see beauty around you?  Most people don’t even realize how much there is to see everywhere.  Even walking to the market across the parking lot from the salon where I work,  two people could walk that short distance and if you asked them both to list ten things they saw along the way I bet they would each list ten different things.

Anyway, back to C’s question about being scared of happy.  I think when you know that you have control over how you feel no matter what is going on out there, feeling happy isn’t so scary.  You no longer have to worry about being disappointed if something doesn’t work out because you know if something isn’t working out there is a good reason for it and you are thankful.  You trust the universe and your own intuition.  You no longer think that if you really want something to make you happy, you will jinx it if you really want it. You know things always work out for you.

Always, be in appreciation for all you have, even if it’s not a lot.  Appreciation and focusing on the good in  your life always makes you happy! When I see someone who has something I would love to have, I don’t look at them with envy and resentment, I say,”Good for you, and that’s for me.”   I know if it’s possible for them to have or achieve something then I can too!  xo-K

My two cents:  There are so many things to be happy about and there is nothing to be scared of.

what were you THINKING?

You spend a lot of time traveling around in your head.  Uh-huh, that’s right. You know what I mean. Forget about going to Paris or Tahiti. You’re traveling around in your head so much, you’re anywhere but here. You probably log in more travel miles in five minutes that you spent on your actual vacation last year! You’re not alone. We all do it. It’s neither good nor bad, it’s just not an effective way to live. In case it matters.

Now. No matter where we are or what we’re doing, we’re always thinking about something that happened six years ago or something someone said yesterday or what we wish we said when that happened or what we’re afraid might happen tomorrow. Sound familiar? We’re almost never fully present where we are, right now. It gets even more complicated, when you start listing the ideas that really matter to you. Take love, for instance. Where are you with that? The last guy, the one before him? Your first crush? Chances are, on this one topic, you’re anywhere but here. Now.

Please. I am so not perfect. I just bring it up because it’s what I’m working on.

Our teacher, Abraham-Hicks says that focusing your thoughts for 68 seconds is enough to begin attracting the object of your attention into your world. Cool! Scary!

As much as I try to work on being present in the moment, I catch myself doing one thing and thinking something else. What’s wrong with that, you say. Isn’t multi-tasking a good thing, you say? It depends. If thoughts are like dollars, and you get what you “invest” your thoughts in but toss out pennies for every passing idea that floats by that space behind your eyes, you’re not really placing any value, or focused thought, on any one thing. Nothing wrong with that. Unless there’s something you’d like to change about your life, or bring in, or have. This takes practice. But like any new skill, you can achieve single-minded focus with practice. If it’s true that you create your future by your thoughts now, you gotta pay attention to your thoughts minute by minute.

I know, I know, easier said than done. I have a favorite new online guru. Stephen Russell goes by the name Barefoot Doctor and has lots of Zen wisdom to share. He’s also a music producer, so he offers these amazing online meditation pods that are crazy-transcendent. Anyway, as much as I sit down and plug in with the intention of listening placidly to one of the good Doctor’s guided meditations, I inevitably catch myself wandering around in my head. Darn! There I am, working on getting all Zen and yummy and grounded, and there I am, re-running a conversation from last week. Gah! Makes me wonder how much time any of us spend right here, right NOW. I’m working on it, baby! Love, C

My two cents: You want a future relationship? Pay attention to what you’re thinking NOW.

***

So, what the heck are you thinking?  In The Secret, Michael Beckwith says,”Thoughts Are Things.”  Abraham-hicks says, “You get what you think about whether you want it or not, AND what manifests is always a perfect  indication of what you’ve had going vibrationally.” Wait, what??

For the last few years I have been really staying conscious of my thoughts, where they are going and what ends up manifesting, and I can tell you this advice is spot on.  Plus, the more you are aware of it, the faster it seems to happen.  Sometimes when I am working with a client, doing their hair, I almost feel like a psychic.  I can listen to how they are talking and know, what they will be telling me when they come back in 4 or 6 weeks just by what they are putting out there right now.  They will go on and on about what they don’t want, and guess what?  Next time I see them that is exactly what has happened.

So for me, I practice thinking the thought that I want.  When my mind goes off to a problem, and it does from time to time,  it is so obvious to me that if I want to go there, I will get results I don’t want.

This is so funny: as I’m writing this, my Blackberry is buzzing.  I just got an e-mail from The Secret Daily Teachings, I get those every month or so, and what it says is “Whatever feelings you have within you are attracting your tomorrow.  Worry attracts more worry.   Anxiety attracts more anxiety.  Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness.  Dissatisfaction attracts more dissatisfaction. AND… Joy attracts more joy. Happiness attracts more happiness.  Peace attracts more peace.  Gratitude attracts more gratitude. Love attracts more love”.  It goes on and on.  The point being: focus on what you want and it will come in, whether you like it or not.  So seek out things/thoughts, that bring you joy.  Focus on what you love and let the worry and problems take care of themselves.

Things always work out in the end, they really do.  You just get to choose whether you worry and stress out and they work out, or you relax, have fun, be in joy, and they work out.  Your choice.  Remember, life is supposed to be fun!  xo-K

My two cents:   Regarding relationships or anything else you want in life, If you have the wherewithal to want it, the Universe has the wherewithal to bring it to you.

 

sacred love

Once you get to a certain point in your life, the love you desire changes. When you’re young and hormone-driven, a lot of what goes on with love occurs, ahem, below the belt. Even if you think you are “in love”  0r are making a “smart choice,” really, your biology is in charge.  In your head, you may be thinking, omg, his eyes are crystal clear, his shoulders wide and strong, he makes a good living, he has potential! But really, in the primitive part of your brain, the one that is still hardwired into survival of the fittest and survival of the species, your biology is saying, “hm, nice strong caveman. Can provide for family. Bring back to cave and make little cavebabies. Now!”

And then a few years pass, and maybe your caveman gets eaten by a sabertooth tiger, or gets beaned by a falling rock and decides to chase the young cavegirl at his cave office. Maybe you’ve had enough of rearranging stone furniture in your cave,  so you pick up your basket of berries and move on, too. For a long time, you don’t notice cavemen walking down the street, in the line at the grocery, sitting in the row in front of you at weekend ritual chanting session. And then one day, POW! You notice the arc of a smile, the scent of soap and man sweat. He looks at you like he’s hungry, and you think: ooh, maybe, baby.

So you start dating again. Can’t be that hard, you think. I did it before, I can do it again now that I’m wiser and savvier, you think. But this time around, you look for something different. Not necessarily better, but different, than before.  Now, with a few experiences under your snakeskin belt, you’re looking for Sacred Love.

I’ve had puppy love, romantic love, passionate love, and even unrequited love. Love in the shadows, love at the beach; 1,200 thread count love, and hunting lodge love. Instant love, and slow and sassy love. Now, what I’m going for is Sacred Love. You know the kind: something founded in the deep unknown, the mysterious, the mystical. Something with soul, something that’s bigger than the both of us. Not idolized, comes-in-a-pink-box love. This is love that walks up, shakes your hand, and rocks everything you thought was true in the world love.

John Gray talks about how an essential piece of a true and lasting relationship is a presence of spirit, about creating soul-centered love.  Sting sings about  spicy, sexy, sacred love.  “You’re my religion, you’re my church, you’re the holy grail at the end of my search.”  They’re talking about surrendering to a love that is bigger than the both of us. Now there’s some love worth believing in. Love, C

My two cents: you don’t have to believe in love, but love will always believe in you.

♥♥♥

I know now that  sacred love has always been what I have been waiting for.  On a deep soul level I always knew that was the kind of relationship I would have, even before I knew that kind of relationship existed.  A relationship infused with spirit is the only way to go for me.  Now that I know, there is no going back.  No more unconscious, ego-based love affairs for me.  I think when part of you knows that something is going to be such a big part of your life, as my spiritual practice has become, all the pieces have to be laid out and you have to be ready before the person can come in.

I know now that what I wanted even five years ago wasn’t even close to what I want now.  Amazing how things work out.  I am so happy that I have guidance, and that I have faith, and believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now in this moment.  All the men from my past  have shown me what I do and don’t want so I could get really clear  and I am grateful for every last one of them.

I know now how important it is to  have  someone to walk this path with me.  Someone who is connected in spirit that wants to learn and grow and expand with me.  This is an element that even five years ago I would have  totally compromised on.  How sad would that have been.

So  what now? Get ready so you can be ready.  Get yourself in a good place where you feel you know who you are, what you want, what is important to you, where you will compromise and where you won’t. Find romantic role models: Sting and Trudie Styler,  Jerry and Esther Hicks, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks to name a few of mine.

Think about it, if you could have any relationship in the world what would it feel like.  Have fun with this and  know that just like asking a genie in a lamp, the magic of the universe will bring you exactly what you want.   xo-K

My two cents:  Believe in what you want , not in what is right now.

i feel good

If you want to be a good partner, mother, friend, anything to anybody, you have to feel good yourself first.  You can’t be helpful to anyone when you are depressed, out of alignment, out of sorts, or even slightly bummed out.

So many people, especially women, put themselves aside to take care of others.  That’s what we do, right?  We do the work, we pick up the slack, we get things done.  If we don’t who will?

I know this for sure because I have done this for years, and guess what? You are not doing anyone any favors when you rush in and try to take care of things when you’re not filled up and feeling good.   You are probably just making things worse.  (And you are going to make the ones you are trying to help pay in some way or another.)  So that said, can we just make a pact that we are not going to do that anymore? I am going to, and I hope you will too.

On the long list of things you “should” do, there is probably something you don’t want to do. Here’s what I suggest: don’t do it. Period.  Practice saying no to the things you don’t want to do and yes to the things you do. You’ll start to feel better.

Another way to turn things around is to clean up your thoughts.  I don’t know why we feel that constantly thinking about things we don’t want will  make them go away, doesn’t really make sense, but people do it all the time.  How’s that working out for you?  Okay, so if you have a problem and you are not supposed to think/obsess about it then what are you supposed to do?  I try to change my thoughts.

Affirmations are amazing and can be so helpful.  One of my favorites is, “Things always work out for me.” Got that one from Abraham-Hicks and I have to say it is general but pretty much covers everything.  Starting to worry?  Repeat in your head, “things always work out for me, things always work out for me, things always work out for me.” Over and over.  Might seem kinda weird at first like you are trying to brainwash yourself and I guess you  are but think about it this way: the media, and your family have been brainwashing you for years, filing your head with all kinds of things.  Why not put stuff in there that you want in there, things that makes you feel good?

If you want to get more specific, you can do that too.  When I get a bill in the mail that I wasn’t expecting or something else comes up financially I do this one: “I pay my bills with ease, and I always have extra money!” That is one of my favorites  I got it from numerologist Glyniss McCants.  She recommends saying it over and over for 15 minutes.  I’ve done it and I’ll tell you, as soon as my mind starts to worry about money I start that affirmation automatically now.

Try one of those or find one that feels good to you.  And don’t let your mind go on auto-pilot anymore. Choose thoughts that feel good. xo- K

My two cents:  There are so many wonderful things to feel good about, just look for them.

***

OW! I feel good. . .just like I knew that I would, now! James Brown really knew how to amp up the energy. I can’t even think of this song without feeling my heart smile. I feel nice, just like sugar and spice!

I know, it sounds all moonbeams and lollipops to say that we can always feel good. But seriously? Why not? Especially since our thoughts are like magnets, pulling in the things we think about.

The universe always says YES. I don’t know where I first heard that, but just for giggles, let’s assume it’s true. So, if you faithfully watch the news every night, your thoughts will be something like, “the world is a dangerous place, life if tough, there isn’t enough to go around, people are out to get me.” Guess what? The universe says YES! If your thoughts are “I’m so happy and I love my life,” guess what? The universe says YES!

The fact is, gloomy thoughts are just a lazy habit. My number one goal in life is to feel good. And since daily news programs are reliably dismal, they’re out. As K suggests, I’m very choosy about the messages I program myself with, and by the way, there’s plenty of good going on!

All we really want, at the end of the day, is to be happy, and getting there is completely within our control.  Wayne W. Dyer says “if you want to change your life, change your thoughts.”  A good way to start is to think of something that makes you happy. Kiss your puppy. Pet your cat. Sing. Dance. Wallow in joy. Surrender to bliss. The more you do it, the happier you’ll feel, and before you know it, ‘happy’ will be your new habit. Love, C

My two cents: when you make feeling good your number one priority, good things naturally follow.

appreciate you!

Have you ever looked back at an old picture, maybe from high school or maybe from just a few years ago and thought, “I can’t believe I used to think I was fat then, I looked amazing”? I did, just last week. I have a picture of my Grandma, mom, me, and my daughter,  taken about six years ago that I keep on my dresser. I love to look at it every day to remember my grandma who passed away a few years ago. Anyway, I look at myself and I look beautiful. I can remember that time, even that day, and I was not feeling beautiful or thin or anything good about myself at all. What a shame.

So I have something to propose to you: can we stop doing that to ourselves, right now, today? Personally I am tired of feeling bad about myself and beating up on myself for not looking or acting or being perfect or what I think perfect should be. Let’s start looking at all the things to appreciate about ourselves. You have so many things that are great about you. Can we focus on those, start with one or two things a day?

Some friends and I did this with Gratitude for a few weeks before Thanksgiving: everyone posted something they were grateful for every day on Facebook. It felt to nice, shifted the energy completely. So I am going to continue that now with appreciation, of myself and all the wonderful things in my life.

If you have stuff you’re going through now that is not wonderful, put it aside for a bit. There is probably nothing you can really do about it anyway, plus the fact is worrying isn’t going to help, period. So for now, really look for things you like about yourself and let’s focus on those. It’s probably been a long time if ever, that you gave yourself a pat on the back for a job well done or noticed that you really do have beautiful hair, or that you really are a good friend and a great listener.

See what happens when you start out with one or two a day. It will take on a life of its own. And to quote Seal, “I want you to always feel you’re amazing”. xo-K

My two cents: When you put your attention on what you like about yourself, you will start to see more to like and so will others.

***

Ah, yes, appreciation.  Did you know that appreciation is a wonderful tool for manifesting? Yep, it’s true. Try it. Try shutting down the inner critic. Well, that actually takes a bit of practice. Maybe to begin with you can try observing your thoughts and when you find that you’re being critical of anyone else or even yourself (it’s the same thing, really), turn that thought around. Instead of naming what’s wrong, find something that’s right. There, now. Doesn’t that feel better? And when you feel better, when your energy is higher, the outcomes you desire can more easily manifest. Who can’t love that?

To take appreciation a step further, make a list of things to appreciate. Obviously, this works better when you’re in a groovy, flowy, non-judgmental  mood than when you’re all cranky-boots about something. If you’re in a bad mood, it will cheer you up FAST. If you’re in a good mood, it will lift you up higher. I promise — this is some serious magic!

First, get out your journal and  title a page “ME.” Or “Things I Appreciate About ME.” Number the rows 1-10, and start. Begin with something easy, like “eyes.” Maybe you have beautiful eyes. Own that, you dazzling goddess! Then find something else about yourself to appreciate, like how you make the best hot chocolate in the known galaxy. Write it down. Keep going, you’re on a roll now! If you get stuck,  write what your best friend would say about you. Not enough? Try “I appreciate the fact that I’m willing to write a list about things I appreciate about myself.”

Self love is important. Especially if you’re looking for love “out there” because after all, if you can’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to do it?

Oh, and, about the list? Here’s an extra-credit challenge for you. If you breezed through the list of ten without a hitch, amp it up. Try a list of 20 or even 30. You’ll find that once you get past the obvious, it’s a little harder and you may even have to start appreciating those things about yourself that you had not previously been so kind about. You can do it ~ and let us know what wonderful gifts you discover about yourself. Love, C

My two cents: No one can be you like YOU. You’re amazing!

dating my dad

You know how it is. I took a much needed hiatus after my last relationship.  The one I thought was “the one.”  I was excited for my best friend from So Cal. to meet him.  She and her husband were coming for the weekend  and we were meeting the b.f. for dinner.  I thought the evening went great and the reviews would be the same, but at the end of the night my girlfriend  looked at me and said “K, what are you doing?  “You’re dating your dad.”  As soon as the words left her mouth I knew she was right.

All the things about him  I didn’t like but that seemed so comfortable and familiar.  You know what I am talking about, the things you are so drawn to yet almost immediately work to change.  All the things I didn’t like about my dad, all the unfinished, unhealed pieces rolled up in one guy that I was totally crazy about.  And I do mean crazy.  I loved him but didn’t really like him that much. Sometimes I even resented him.  He was just being himself having no idea that a critical comment or observation he was making left me feeling like I was 6 or10 or some other point in my childhood when my father made a similar statement.  Back then I just filed it away someplace in my body, like an unwanted gift to be opened later, or never.  Well, I guess the time was now.  Ahhh, unfinished business, don’t you love it.

But this had been a long time coming.  I always knew I had “stuff”  with my dad.  His anger issues made me nervous and uneasy, he always was a bit grouchy and critical and negative.  He was definitely a “glass half empty kind of guy.   He wasn’t the type who was open to talking about this, or maybe it was me unwilling to talk to him about it. Yikes. . .scary.  So I did what I thought was the next best thing, I knew my issues with my dad were affecting my relationships so I got therapy. Many years, of therapy.  Got to some good stuff and felt clear and healed.  I no longer felt fear or resentment toward my dad. Or so I thought.

After my friend’s revelation, I had to admit that I had been dating my dad for years.  I went back through all of my significant relationships and yep, there it was, a pattern.  Uggg, I hate when that happens.   I had worked on all of this stuff for years, spent thousands of dollars in therapy. I thought I had healed my dad issues. I actually really liked him even.  I couldn’t  still have stuff to work out.

So what are these lessons?  Here’s my Ken doll theory of love.  Until you get clear about your “stuff,” you’ll keep attracting the same relationship. Even though your current guy has a different job, different hair, drives a different car, he’s the same guy. You think he’s different, but he has the same issues, “your issues”, that your last four boyfriends had.  It’s the same Ken doll, you just pop a new head on. This new guy is “totally new,” right? But the reason it didn’t work out ends up being the same reason the last one didn’t work out,and the one before him.  It just played out slightly differently.  This pattern keeps repeating for a reason, so you can see that this is your issue, your fear, your work you need to do.  Bottom line, it’s just the illusion of something different.  Hi Ken, it’s you again.   Give it some thought, maybe we can figure this out together.

Well I’ve got some work to do, wish me luck, I will keep you posted. xo- K

My two cents:  When you see a pattern pay attention, there are no coincidences.

♥♥♥

OMG. I remember the day I realized that I had married my dad. I was in therapy because I wanted to leave my marriage and like a good Catholic girl, felt totally guilty about it. He was the quintessential nice guy. Everybody loved him. Life of the party. Stable  career. Didn’t stay out all night,  didn’t cheat. And yet I felt that I would suffocated if I didn’t go. My therapist and I talked about how we base our beliefs of how relationships should work by studying our parents. I was mortified. Not only to realize that I was acting out my mother on a subconscious level (nooooooo!), but that I had chosen for my spouse someone who resonated with me on the same level as my dad. I never had sex with my husband again after that. It seemed so wrong on so many levels, I didn’t know where to start.

Harvel Hendrix has a wonderful book called Getting The Love You Want. It’s an amazing guide that looks at the architecture of a healthy, nurturing relationship, and also looks at the spiritual health of a couple. Hendrix describes four levels of romantic love. The first is the feeling is one of deja vu — like you’ve known each other forever. In a way, you have. You are each resonating to the feelings that this new person sparks in you that feel familiar to the feelings you felt from your original love objects: you parents. The next step is a feeling of  finding something you’ve been looking for. I call this the “oh there you are” syndrome.  We look and look for someone to make us feel the way we think love is supposed to feel. The third step is a feeling of completion, of wholeness. The final step is a feeling that you can’t imagine a life without this person who makes you feel this incredible love.  When you’re in the throes of these love steps, you are blissed out on romantic love. Endorphins are firing, you feel fully alive.

If you’re exceptionally lucky, you and your beloved maintain these wonderful feelings and you live happily ever after. The rest of us go down the slippery slope of disillusionment and pain of a breakup, and look for the lesson in the chaos so we can avoid that mess forever and ever, amen! But disillusionment is tricky. It’s sticky and seductive and its easy to get stuck there.

How about this. How about once your recognize your relationship pattern of choosing the overly critical person again and again, living out a Groundhog Day kind of romantic existence, you stop and sit with it. Maybe in addition to being highly critical, your dad has qualities that are good and noble and worthy.  You maybe want to jettison the critical guy, but maybe he’s loyal, or generous, or would slay dragons to protect his family. Those are qualities your dad has too. Maybe those are worth keeping on your “man of my dreams” list. Thanks for checking in! Love, C

My two cents: Every relationship is a gift and if you allow yourself to appreciate the good as well as the bad, it will bring you a step closer to the real deal.

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