sacred space

When I think of sacred spaces, I think of churches, temples, beautiful places in nature. But the truth of the matter is, that the most sacred space you can occupy is the present moment. The god you seek isn’t in your worries about tomorrow, in your regrets of yesterday. Your god is in the Now, your inspired thought is in the Now. Actually, the only time there is, is Now. The sacred space we keep in our town or our national park or in our home is a reminder to bring us back. . .body, spirit and mind. . .to Now.

I was raised Catholic, which probably explains a lot about me. . .and even though I do not participate in that tradition any longer for a variety of reasons, there are some aspects of it that I find beautiful and comforting. Many of the rituals adopted by the church are steeped in even more ancient and sacred mysteries: candles, incense, and chanting, to name a few.

Many rituals have changed over time, but in their core, at their essence, they are still, to me, pure and beautiful. Also, there is no disputing the beautiful art that the church has inspired over time. I mean, seriously. Have you been to Notre Dame in Paris? Or even the local cathedral in your hometown? Churches used to be these grand, epic affairs, with spires and towers that literally raised your eyes to heaven. Entire generations of families devoted their lives to creating these sacred spaces, and it’s difficult not to feel a small measure of awe when you enter them and at the same time, feel your heart expand.

Every religious tradition has maintained the importance of a sacred space. Siddartha sat beneath a bodhi tree until he attained enlightenment and became the Buddha. Jesus went into the desert to meditate. Where is your sacred space?

I try to meditate each morning before I start my day. Much to my chagrin, those times when I feel especially rushed or pressured or stressed, are the times when I’m most likely to feel that I “don’t have time” and skip my morning meditation ritual. You know where I’m going with this, right? When my life stops running smoothly and things start to glunk up, I only have to reflect for a moment and realized that I’ve neglected one of my most important self-care regimens: I’ve neglected to spend time in my sacred space.

Meditation is like working out. The more you do it, the better the benefits. It calms you, it restores a sense of peace, balance, a connection to the divine Now. In case it matters. Meditation stops the chattering mind that will distract you from a million and one things until you forget who you really are.

I have an altar in my living room, that contains statues and chimes and candles to help create my holy ground. A sacred space doesn’t have to be an entire room, it can be a shelf, or a table, just some place where you can place crystals, pictures, statues of those things you find beautiful and comforting.

Once you have created a sacred space, it’s an easy step to meditating. There are tons of resources for learning to meditate, all you need is a willingness to surrender, and trade all the self-chatter for inner-peace. Namaste! Love, C

My two cents: surrendering to meditation feels like shedding a coat on a sunny day; it makes you feel lighter.

♥♥♥

I am so with C on this one.  There is nothing like starting your day connecting with Spirit.  I start every day with meditation, and I go through a long list of things I appreciate before I go to sleep at night and as soon as I wake up in the morning.  The more you see to appreciate the more you will have to appreciate and I can attest to that!  It is amazing how things keep getting better and better when you actually see and acknowledge them.

I have quite a few sacred spaces in my home,  I love my little reminders that spirit is always with me.  Makes me feel happy and I don’t feel that I am at this whole thing all by myself.   I think we all need to be reminded of this from time to time.

There are so many ways you can feel your connection to your Source, or the Divine.  If you don’t like to meditate, and some people are not into sitting and just breathing, go outside, take a hike or a run, and commune with Mother Nature.  Same thing.  Whatever gets you out of your head and connected to something bigger than yourself is all that matters.   But I would always show gratitude or appreciation for all the things that you have everyday.  That really is an easy one and boy, does it really change things in a big way.

My friend T and I try to meet every Tuesday for coffee,  we are on a similar path and we spend an hour or so talking about what has gone on with us and our families and our stuff during the past week.  We end up really doing some great work and it’s amazing how similar the lessons we have are.  We always seem to get to some really big work when we meet.  I consider wherever it is that we meet a sacred space.  Spirit is present and we are both really open to working things out and open to divine guidance.  

T’s son has this thing with FedEx trucks, sees them everywhere, all the time.  I am the same way with bright yellow cars.  It is so funny that it seems wherever we are having our Tuesday coffee,  and we have a big aha moment, it never fails we either see a FedEx truck or a bright yellow car.  I think it is a sign that we are on the right track. xo-K 

My two cents:  Keep things around you that remind you of Spirit and anywhere can be a sacred space.

sacred space

When I think of sacred spaces, I think of churches, temples, beautiful places in nature. But the truth of the matter is, that the most sacred space you can occupy is the present moment. Actually, the only time there is, is Now. The sacred spaces we set aside in our towns or our national parks or in our homes is a reminder of the sacred Now, all around us.

I was raised Catholic, which probably explains a lot about me. . .and even though I do not participate in that tradition any longer, there are some aspects of it that I find beautiful and comforting. Many of the rituals adopted by the church are steeped in even more ancient and sacred mysteries: candles, incense, and chanting, to name a few.

Many rituals have changed over time, but in their core, at their essence, they are still, to me, pure and beautiful. Also, there is no disputing the amazing art that the church has inspired over time. I mean, seriously. Have you been to Notre Dame in Paris? Or even the local cathedral in your hometown? Churches used to be these grand, epic affairs, with spires and towers that literally raised your eyes to heaven. Entire generations of families devoted their lives to creating these sacred spaces, and it’s difficult not to feel a small measure of awe when you enter them and at the same time, feel your heart expand.

Every religious tradition has maintained the importance of a sacred space. Siddhartha sat beneath a bodhi tree until he attained enlightenment and became the Buddha. Jesus went into the desert to meditate. Where is your sacred space?

I try to meditate each morning before I start my day. Much to my chagrin, those times when I feel especially rushed or pressured or stressed, are the times when I’m most likely to feel that I “don’t have time” and skip my morning meditation ritual. You know where I’m going with this, right? When my life stops running smoothly and things start to glunk up, I only have to reflect for a moment and realized that I’ve neglected one of my most important self-care regimens: I’ve neglected to spend time in my sacred space.

Meditation is like working out. The more you do it, the better the benefits. It calms you, it restores a sense of peace, balance, a connection to the divine Now. When I have trouble shutting out the chatter, I listen to a guided mediation. There are so many to choose from!

I have an altar in my living room, that contains statues and chimes and candles to help create my holy ground. A sacred space doesn’t have to be an entire room, it can be a shelf, or a table, just some place where you can place crystals, pictures, statues of those things you find beautiful and comforting.

Once you have created a sacred space, it’s an easy step to meditating. There are tons of resources for learning to meditate, all you need is a willingness to surrender, and trade all the self-chatter for inner-peace. Namaste! Love, C

My two cents: surrendering to meditation feels like shedding a coat on a sunny day; it makes you feel lighter.

♥♥♥

I am so with C on this one.  There is nothing like starting your day connecting with Spirit.  I start every day with meditation, and I go through a long list of things I appreciate before I go to sleep at night and as soon as I wake up in the morning.  The more you see to appreciate the more you will have to appreciate.  It is amazing how things keep getting better and better when you actually see and acknowledge them.

I have quite a few sacred spaces in my home,  I love my little reminders that Spirit is always with me.  Makes me feel happy and I don’t feel that I am at this whole thing all by myself.   I think we all need to be reminded of this from time to time.

There are so many ways you can feel your connection to your Source, or the Divine.  If you don’t like to meditate, and some people are not into sitting and just breathing, go outside, take a hike or a run, and commune with Mother Nature.  Same thing.  Whatever gets you out of your head and connected to something bigger than yourself is all that matters.   But I would always show gratitude or appreciation for all the things that you have everyday.  That really is an easy one and boy, does it really change things in a big way.

My friend T and I try to meet every Tuesday for coffee,  we are on a similar path and we spend an hour or so talking about what has gone on with us and our families and our stuff during the past week.  We end up really doing some great work and it’s amazing how similar the lessons we have are.  We always seem to get to some really big work when we meet.  I consider wherever it is that we meet a sacred space.  Spirit is present and we are both really open to working things out and open to divine guidance.

T’s son has this thing with FedEx trucks, sees them everywhere, all the time.  I am the same way with bright yellow cars.  It is so funny that it seems wherever we are having our Tuesday coffee,  and we have a big aha moment, it never fails we either see a FedEx truck or a bright yellow car.  I think it is a sign that we are on the right track. xo-K

My two cents:  Keep things around you that remind you of Spirit and anywhere can be a sacred space.

a million miles away….

C and I made a few comments on texting isn’t dating regarding long distance relationships and we got quite a few comments from people who disagreed with what we said.  Since we are just writing from our own experiences and we don’t claim to know everything about everything, it’s worth a closer look. So, naturally, we revisited the topic of long distance love.

It popped into my head just this morning that C and I are having a long distance relationship, granted it is a working relationship, and with telephone, email and texting we don’t need to be in the same place, and we rarely are.  We can both be on our blog site, bumbling through the techie part of this whole thing, and on the phone working it all out.   It’s amazing how we can figure it out being in two different states. But it is working.

What we were talking about was romantic relationships, and I know that is what the people commenting were referring to.  Neither one of us were trying so say that you can’t love someone who doesn’t live in close proximity to you, and we weren’t even implying that there wasn’t a purpose, lesson or anything else that is meaningful that happens when you fall for someone who lives across the country or even a few hours away.

I can only speak for myself, and I have had it happen to me twice. Wasn’t planned, didn’t feel I had a choice in the matter, just meeting someone and feeling swept away, like the relationship was its own separate entity that was going to have its way with you, like it or not.

Since I have had it happen to me, I know how strong it can be.  But I also know how you can think it can be more than it is and there are things that are meant to happen so you have to allow it, but when it starts looking like it’s not going to go any further, sometimes it’s better to just let it go and have some great memories. Not let it get so bad or crazy that you end up hating each other, letting something that was so beautiful become sad and ugly.  Easier said than done.

Back to our original comment dissing long distance relationships:  would I get involved now with someone who I could not get in my car and drive to see if I was missing them terribly?  No, I wouldn’t.  Been there done that and it is heartbreaking and I’m just not up for it anymore.  Do I think those things do sometimes work out?  They can, if they are meant to.  But I know there is a lot of longing and a lot of missing someone. I don’t know about you, but I am ready to be in relationship with someone who if I want to reach over and kiss them, I can, right now.  xo-K

My two cents: Enjoy every relationship that comes into your life, but not everyone needs to  last forever.

♥♥♥

K, I love this topic!  My beloved first (and so far, only) husband and I started off long distance. I lived in the beautiful California wine country, and he was the Los Angeles distributor of the winery I worked for. It was a match made in wine country heaven!  We spent hours on the phone, sending cards and letters (this was before texting — but I still think cards and letters are romantic. Just sayin’), flying back and forth. It was a whirlwind romance. Before we knew it, I had moved to LA, and that’s when the real romance began.

Of course you can love someone long distance. Or rather, you can love the idea of loving them long distance. You can feel all the giddy, dizzy, fluttery, carnival of feelings. You can spend hours on the phone and get to know the best parts of each other virtually, but you can’t really know them until you spend time in the same room.

I get it. I get how your heart beats a little faster when your caller ID illuminates his name. I get how the sound of his voice makes you melt. Hey! One of my personal rule-breakers is that my guy must have a good phone voice: I so get the appeal of a long distance lover!

I just don’t think it’s  a functioning relationship unless you share real estate, where you get to know those daily, less glamorous parts of yourselves with each other and give love a chance to experience the whole package. Celebrity marriages are notoriously fragile and I am convinced it’s because they have so many opportunities to not share living space. And how can you spontaneously and honestly share your secret, succulent, soul-shifting dreams with someone if you can’t look into their eyes and feel the heat of their skin?

The thing is, I think that we’re wired to love. I think that we’re so programmed to love and be loved in return, that we’re willing to project love where it doesn’t actually have a foundation. Don’t get me wrong: the feelings are real. Feelings are always real. But feelings can be like a plate full of whipped cream ~ they look pretty, feel pretty, taste pretty. But when you come right down to it, they’re mostly air. I’m not saying you can’t love like that, I’m just saying that there’s more to real and lasting love.

That said, I also believe that relationships need room to grow. . .they just don’t need 3,000 miles and a million frequent flyer miles to grow! Love, C

My two cents: When destiny calls, it won’t matter if your guy is half way around the world; he will show up.

sunshine and moonbeams

I have a Zen alarm clock that I adore. It wakes me gently up each morning with a single melodic chime — piiiiing–timed  at intervals that are based on the sacred geometry of halves, which may or may not be the geometry of our  3-D physical hard-wiring, if it matters. Anyway, one of the reasons I love my clock so much is that it calls me gradually from my dreams and so I can experience them vividly.

Most mornings, I savor waking up slowly and magisterially. But this morning, I was having a decidedly unpleasant dream in which I was in a large two story house full of people that would soon be under attack. Everyone in the town had the choice to leave or to stay and fight, and I was all, “oh, I’m good to leave, thanks,” but I couldn’t find a way out of the house. As soldiers were bringing in all kinds of weapons and ammo, I kept looking for a door out, not anxious, but wanting to leave. Needless to say that by the time I awoke fully,  my mood matched the weather: overcast and stormy. Not my favorite way to start the day!

It was a regular morning plus I was feeling a little emotionally turbulent, plus my morning meditation felt random, then I discovered ants trying to colonize my electric toothbrush charger and had to relocate them (down the drain), queen and all. Ick! I didn’t want to move into my day without redirecting my energy and thoughts to a better feeling place because what you think about expands, and I wanted to have a pleasant day!  And then as I went about getting ready for work, very quietly, I made a plea to buddhakrishnajesus to help me find a way to feel good because I wasn’t finding it on my own.

And then, the sweetest thing happened! I walked into the bathroom, and there in the middle of the white tile floor, was a tiny gray feather. I bent to pick it up and was filled with such gratitude for the message: you’re not alone. we’re always here. In the movie of my life, this is a mystical moment with rays of silvery light shooting out of me and Jakob Dylan is playing the guitar; the air is heavy with the perfume of spring flowers, and  the gates to OZ crack open just a little bit.

We’ve all been told that our guides, angels, Aunt Winnie, will leave little tokens of their affection lying around for us to find, and find comfort in. When I found that sweet feather, I felt the sadness left over from the dream dissipate and disappear. It was a small thing, but the energy of it shifted my entire day. I love having friends in high places! Love, C

My two cents: when you place an order with the cosmic concierge, pay attention to the signs that let you know your request has been received.

♥♥♥

I bet a lot of people think that just because we are doing this work, directing our thoughts, focusing on what we want,etc. that it is always yippee skippy, sunshine and moonbeams with us.  Well let me tell you, and if you don’t believe me ask my daughter, I am not a morning person.  I love to sleep.  I too, have a little zen alarm on my phone that I wake up to but it always seems to ring about an hour before I would like to wake up, and I am kinda cranky more mornings than not.  But I know that I have a choice about how I want my day to go. I have the choice if I want to go from tired and cranky, to full on bitchy or not; and I very rarely choose that route.

Most mornings I hit the snooze and spend the next ten minutes before my zen chimes again to meditate, appreciate, and get myself into a happy place.  With much work, dedication and practice, I have learned that I decide how I want my day to go.  Now I didn’t say that I get to decide what is going to happen, because let’s face it nobody can do that.  I decide how I am going to feel about whatever comes my way.  How I react to what goes on out there is my choice, so in essence I decide if it’s going to be a day that’s great or a day that should have never started.

This stuff takes practice, lots of practice, everyday –until it becomes second nature.  Sometimes you just have to stop, take a breath, take a moment, rewind.  There is no right or wrong way to do this, but just know that the more conscious you are, the easier it gets.  Do I have it down? Not quite  but I’m getting close.  These days, if I start to go there to the dark place where bitchy lives, I can feel it coming and stop it before it gets too crazy. Then some days I don’t, and that’s okay too.

One of the things that has really been a life saver for me is my new fav mantra/affirmation,  Everything always works out for me. When I start to get overwhelmed or stressed out, I just start that affirmation and it’s just like taking a big yummy deep breath.  So calming, and I just know that everything is just as it is supposed to be.  That is my new personal favorite, but I think everyone needs to find something that feels right for them.  Keep it general, so the same thing can apply to different areas of your life.  It’s just easier that way, and there is not as much resistance to a general statement.

There is no one way to do any of this stuff, it is all trial and error.  Find out what works for you to get you to the place you want to be, and you will be amazed at how wonderful your life can be. xo-K

My two cents:  Be easy with yourself, and enjoy the ride.

whistle while you work

I love my work, love what I do, always have.  Started out just a fun girlie hobby thing and now 30 years later, I’m still at it.  The first time I did a haircut it was at my bff D’s house.  We were flipping through Seventeen magazine and there was a bit about cutting the perfect shag.  It went on to say that if you stood on a chair with your head upside down and a friend cut straight across you would have this amazing shag haircut.  Well, we had a chair and she did need a haircut and we were bored so. . . I have to say that even with kitchen scissors, the cut was awesome, and a career was born.

I was lucky, I found something I loved to do that I could make money doing,  early on.  Very lucky.  So many people I know hate their jobs, well maybe hate is a little harsh, but they go to work everyday not wanting to be where they are doing what they are doing.  I can’t even imagine spending all day every day doing something that didn’t make me happy and bring me joy, just for the money.  Uggg, so not fun.

C and I have been talking about this ever since we started our little project here, our blog.  We love it so, it’s so much fun and we get so much out of it. Yeah, right now it is just a hobby, and our therapy,  in case it matters.  We work really hard on it, but it doesn’t seem like work at all and it has taught me so much.  Like I said before, I love being a stylist, but this is different.  Just as much work, but very different.  And considering neither of us even knew what a blog was four months ago, and we have just been figuring it out along the way, I think we’re doing a great job at it.

The thing is, when you find something you love to do, you’re good at it, and it doesn’t seem like work.  Someone asked C how much time she puts into this, and we don’t even really know because we are having so much fun and it is always on our minds it seems like all of our time but it’s effortless.  Isn’t that how work should be?

You think of people on film crews, they work like 16 hr days, but they become a family, they have so much love and passion for what they are creating that as hard as they are working they seem to be enjoying they process and experience a letdown when it is complete.  I have seen this with the my daughter and her friends when she was doing theater. Those kids would work so hard rehearsing for hours every night to give everyone a great show and when they performed for the last time, all the kids cry, along with many of the parents.  They loved what they were doing and were sad to see it end.

Seems like things are changing these days, people are losing their jobs, jobs they have been doing for maybe their whole lives.  Maybe they loved their jobs, but a lot of them were going to work everyday doing what they did because it payed the bills.  A lot of people have thought that you work to pay the bills and it’s not supposed to be fun, that’s why they call it work.  I think you go to work to create, to inspire, and enjoy.  Marsha Sinetar wrote a book called, Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow.  I read that way back in the 80’s, and have always know it to be true.  When you enjoy what you do, you do it with ease, and it never seems like work. xo-K

My two cents:  You should love all aspects of your life, even how you pay the bills.

♥♥♥

Seriously? K really whistles while she works. I noticed it a couple of years ago, and it’s a great reminder that “all is well in the universe and in my world.“

Sometimes, when we’re working through a tech challenge with our beloved blog, or developing a new policy about a random issue that has surfaced, she’ll start whistling. K and I work on the phone a lot, and we’ve been friends long enough to not feel that we have to stuff the gaps with filler. So, we’ll both be surfing through the Net all quiet and focused, and she’ll start to whistle. It’s an instant mood elevator.  You can’t whistle or be close to the whistle and not feel happy!

But back to doing what you love. I’ve been a writer forever. I started keeping journals as a teen drama queen when my feelings overflowed from my heart through pen and paper, and have never stopped. I have not made it to the rarefied ranks of Pulitzer Prize winners or even the New York Times Bestseller list (yet), but I am modestly published, and this makes me happy.

But for a long time, I felt anguish that I wasn’t making my living “as a writer” — which in my narrow mind I had defined as “novelist.”   And then one day I stopped and realized that I do make a living by writing, and I had to laugh at myself. As marketing genie and chief fundraiser for a hometown nonprofit, I write grants and proposals, radio copy, banners, emails to important donors, letters. I write. A lot! When I realized how much money I’ve actually raised with my writing, it made me smile and realize that I had achieved a goal: I am a professional writer. Who knew?

The Universe always gives you what you ask for, maybe just not how you think it will look, but what ev. Adore what shows up. Appreciate each kink in the path. Embrace the what-isness of your life.   Your most important job is to look at what shows up and then fine-tune your request to the cosmic concierge, being more specific about your desired outcomes. I love that the Universe always says Yes! Love, C

My two cents:  be grateful for what shows up; it reveals your real thoughts about what is possible.

the star you are

I’ve been working on developing a new super power: telepathy. After watching a video called Indigo Evolution, we all should be working on this one cause the new ones coming in have it down! Indigo, Crystal, Rainbow Children, they are the kids who enter earth school at a higher frequency, the ones who didn’t forget who they really are.

Maybe I’ve just gotten lazy, and have stopped trying to shut out the information coming my way, broadcast all around, like radio signals.  Once, I lived on a hill in a town near where all the radio and television towers were.  We couldn’t get messages on our home phone because every time the machine got switched on by an incoming call, it picked up on the strongest radio wave floating through the air and recorded that instead of a voice message. The machine was bombarded by radio signals, so it simply broadcast the strongest one when it got switched on. People are like that too. If you think of our bodies as an energetic transmitter like a radio tower, our thoughts are the messages that we are broadcasting. Carolyn Myss and Robert Ohotto both say that we spend about 95 % of our energy blocking intuitive messages. We don’t have to try to be intuitive, we have to try to not be.

When someone says something  where their words don’t match their vibration, how do you know? Rather, where do you know? Where in your body do you feel when the words someone speaks are untrue? I usually feel it in my stomach, home of the third chakra and seat of will and power. I feel it in my solar plexus when someone is trying to manipulate or be energetically deceptive.   In a microsecond, our senses record and relay information and if the data that  they send to our intuitive center (heart) don’t match, we feel it. I get a feeling in my gut, something off, something ick. Anyone can learn how to read energy.

As a cultural creative, I don’t always pick up on social cues that are obvious to others.  Yeah, I know:  I’m a geek! At first, not being able to read ordinary social cues used to mess me up, but then I stopped depending on ‘outer’ feedback from my eyes and ears, and began to develop my ‘inner’ guidance and the more I listened to it, the more it spoke to me. Now, when I have an  encounter with someone, I don’t judge the situation or try to solve it from the level of the encounter. I recognize it for what it is; I understand that I picked up their signal and if our energies aren’t in alignment,  in a split second, I can ‘read’ the other person before detaching from the signal.  I can “feel” their feelings, and “see” pieces of their life. It’s okay to have compassion but if you let yourself get randomly attached to passing ‘signals’ you can end up carrying around a lot of other people’s stuff without knowing it!

It’s a new superpower and is anything but consistent, but I’m working on it. Love, C

My two cents: when you are aware of you own energy it becomes easier to be aware of others.

♥♥♥

I love that C, it is so true! The more you practice this stuff the better you get at it and it really does seem like magic.

I actually just got to experience the whole energy thing first hand, right now, as we speak.  I just got off the phone with a really good friend of mine who has been battling a business associate in court.  What used to be a great partnership initially (or now that she really looks at it was never really good), has turned rather unbearable and they can’t seem to come to an agreement on anything.  They are fighting about money, who gets what, who’s right, who’s wrong, and neither one is willing to let go.  It just keeps going, on and on, no ending in sight.  Something that should have been resolved years ago is still going, still costing money in legal fees, not to mention my friend’s time, her emotional well being, and the worst part: her ENERGY.

She has really been trying to let it go, trying not to talk about it, not answering the scathing e-mails, trying to stay focused on her new business and her family, but guess what?  She is still holding the energy and when she was filling me in on what happened the last time they went to court, I could feel it,  she is still so connected to the whole thing and that is a big part of why it is still going on.  Is she justified?  Oh, yeah she is. Does she have every right to be furious and really want to win in court?  Oh hell yeah. Is her energy contributing to it staying stuck and never ending?  Sorry, but it is.

I could feel the power of the energy behind this whole thing.  I was just on the phone listening to her and it gave me a knot in my stomach and a pain in my back. That’s how powerful this stuff is guys! I know I am not the only one who has experienced something like this.

I was once involved in a business lawsuit for nine years that started as something so simple it should have and could have been resolved in one visit to a courtroom if that. But there where a lot of people, myself included, at the time who pretty much gave their undivided  attention to the matter  and that is all it took to give it wings.  What a waste. . . but it also shows how powerful we are.

You can’t put your energy on something unwanted and get what you want.  You just can’t, they are two very different vibrations.  Energy flows where attention goes, and it doesn’t matter what a judge thinks or doesn’t think about it.  This is a hard lesson for my friend, but I know when she gets it, she will really get it. Hey, it has taken me a while and I am still working on it, but boy does it feel great when you line up with it. Even for a moment.  xo-K

My two cents:  Practice putting your attention on what you want  and not what you don‘t want every single day.

unpretty

The topic of bitches seems to have ignited some controversy. Maybe  it’s hit something at the core of our being. We love the bitch, and we hate her. She is the killer and the healer. She is the seer and the truth-speaker. She is the seducer, the power broker, the bad ass. She is a dangerous beautiful one, and she’s in every one of us. She may be part of us, but in some of us she’s a sleeping beauty, and that’s too bad.

Some of my favorite movie heroines are the ones who have fallen under the spell of believing there is something wrong with them, and that ultimately, they are “not pretty” enough to deserve the love they crave.  These are characters like Michelle Pfiffer in Frankie and Johnny, or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And without doubt, these are women who have been rode hard and put up wet, women who were probably damaged in some way along the line when they were young, and as adults, they’ve carried that “not good-enough-ness” around with them and called it a life.

As an aside, can I just say? Michelle and Julia are not what I would consider classic beauties. Their unusual features probably got them teased quite a bit as kids. As a result they probably developed their inner bitch a little bit, learned how to get what they want. I don’t know either of these ladies, I’m just sayin’.

Anyway back to our sad leading ladies (and we’re all the leading lady in the movies of our lives, right?). We have to assume that someone, somewhere along the line told them that they were bad, or unloveable, or dumb, or not pretty or (fill in the blank)_______________. And then they believed it. Then they started making bad choices in life and in men, all which served to reinforce their barely-there self esteem, and it became first a habit, then a way of life. Sad.

Fortunately for our girls, they had a couple of hot leading men (Al Pacino and Richard Gere) to convince them that they were worthy and noble and brave, so they too, began to believe.  Of course it would have been much better if our girls had  come to those conclusions on their own, but sometimes we need a little help from our friends and we’re really lucky when that kind of love comes around. You know the kind, the love that sees you for the radiant goddess that you are. But if you’re waiting for Prince Darling to come along and declare you whole and healed and ready for the great love of your life, well then sister, you better bitch up. Say yes to what’s good for you. Draw boundaries. Say no to what you don’t want to do. Say goodbye to the people and other habits in your life that don’t fit the inner bitch.  Become a strong, confident, un-clingy, bodacious, healthy woman, the kind the man you want would be with.

Because energy matches energy, until you start respecting yourself, you”ll keep attracting the ones who are less than the One, because you’re behaving like less than the One’s One and it has nothing to do with “pretty.” Love, C

My two cents: embrace your inner bitch and she’ll embrace you back!

♥♥♥

I just love Frankie and Johnnie, you have to take a moment and click on the link.  That is of my favorite scenes, good find C.  It is so obvious that Al is crazy about Michelle but she just can’t believe it or accept it, so sad.  Whether someone who was supposed to love you as a child didn’t, or maybe someone from school or that first boyfriend made you feel bad, unpretty, unlovable or just not good enough.  Probably had nothing to do with you, but it sure can do a number on your head.

It really is wonderful when someone who can really see your beauty comes along like Al Pacino in Frankie and Johnnie, but if you don’t feel worthy, and you don’t believe it,  you can let it get away.  Most of the time what happens is that you attract people who treat you the way you think you should be treated, how people from your past treated you.  It just affirms what you have always thought, all men are bad, they cheat, love hurts, or whatever the old tapes that you play in your head say.

Water does rise to it’s own level but it also rises to it’s own illusion.  If you think you are unworthy you will attract to that level.  Even when it’s nowhere near the truth.  I was talking to a friend the other day, great girl, beautiful, funny, but she is surrounded by people who are full of drama and treat her poorly.  Does she deserve it?  Hell no, but she is attracting it, so I think she needs to take a break and think about why people in her life think it’s okay to dump on her, and why she even thinks that these people are her friends.  I guess if this has been a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life, it seems your only options are crappy friends or no friends.  Cheating, lowdown bf or being alone.

Those are not your only choices but you need to know that.  Start looking for and noticing things that you like about yourself, start really seeing your beauty, know how worthy you are.  You deserve the best, so know it, own it and draw it in. xo-K

My two cents:  You get to pick who you allow to be in your life.  So be choosy.

 

 

 

 

goodie two shoes

Sometimes being a bitch means honoring yourself first and sometimes that means establishing your boundaries and then sticking to them.  This could upset people who may have gotten used to the sweet you, the girl who shoots sunshine and moonbeams out her butt you, but oops, too bad! Somewhere along the line in the new thought movement, we sort of insisted that everything was cool and fine; or that bad or inconvenient things only happen to other people.

Wouldn’t it be better to be a grown up person and communicate adult to adult? Stopping putting frosting on poo and calling it a cupcake? Just sayin’. Aeons ago, before women could vote and regulate their reproductive systems, and run successful companies, we depended on a sweet nature to make sure we were taken care of. Times have changed and we can take care of ourselves pretty much, but somewhere, some little cog in our brains got stuck on the idea that “nice” = safe. We thought that goodie two shoes got the man, the job, the contract, the three book option; and that’s just so 3-D, right?

In her book, Why Men Love Bitches, Sherry Argov talks about the innate sexiness of women who know who they are and what they’re about and are willing to live in the integrity of who they are. Bitches are not co-dependent; they do not define themselves by how others around them feel. Bitches take responsibility for themselves and for those who are blessed by their love, which is fierce and true. Strong women in touch with their inner goddess are in short supply, and men love them. In case it matters.

If you need a little help defining your boundaries, relationship guru Harville Hendrix describes how to stand your ground on an issue that you feel is important.  The process involves mirror, validate, and empathize. Lets say the bf wants to go to the antique car show with the boys on Sunday afternoon and wants you tag along so he won’t feel too guilty about not spending time with you. Before you leave to be pampered to within an inch of your life at  a spa day with the girls, you say, “darling, I understand that this show is really important to you and I understand you want to hang with your boys and talk manifolds. I really wish I could tag along, but honestly, I don’t want to. Why don’t we both hang with our pals today and then have dinner tonight, just the two of us?”

Mr. Man will love your goodie two shoes bitch of a goddess more for standing her ground than he would if she had gone along with his half-baked plan just to be pleasant, all the while resenting herself and consequently him, like hell. Life is too short to be a goodie two shoes. Speak your truth and be done with it! Love, C

My two cents: You are responsible for no one’s happiness but your own.

♥♥♥

I so love that book, Why Men Love Bitches and am going to have my teen daughter read it.  I was actually expecting something different when I started the book.  I thought it was going to be all, I am woman, hear me roar, or don’t put up with any shit from men, blah, blah, blah.  That’s what most people think when they think bitch. Bitch = martyr.

If you do something you really don’t want to do, expecting someone/that man, to do the same for you, well just be prepared to be mad, hurt, disappointed, etc.  Most men don’t do what they don’t want to do.  Most men shoot from the hip and if they don’t want to do something, guess what?  They don’t.  Most women, and I admit I am being a bit general, but I have talked to thousands of women and I am one so I know how we roll.  Most women, especially in the beginning of a relationship say yes to everything.  They go to that car show or give up their plans at the last minute because they would rather be with their man than do whatever they had planned to do.  I know I have.  So we assume that when the tables are turned and you have something you think is fun to do, and I’m talkin’ girl fun, you think that your guy is going to give up those great seats at the basketball game or whatever and go with you.  And boy, do we get our panties in a knot if he actually says he’s gonna pass.

We cry to our girls, I do it for him, I can’t believe he wouldn’t do (fill in the blank) for me. Well guess what girls, WHO ASKED YOU TO?  If you are doing something you don’t want to do, just to win brownie points or seem like the best girlfriend ever, or manipulate him in some other way, I have to say. Don’t do it.  It doesn’t work and that is when you turn into the real Bitch.

The real cool gf, and this applies to any aspect in your life, work, family, friends etc.,  is the girl who says what she means and means what she says.  Her energy lines up with her words.  She doesn’t say things in a way so that she gets the reaction she wants.  That is just manipulation and anyone can feel it.  They might not know exactly what is going on but they know it doesn’t feel right.   Everything is energy and people can feel when something is just off.  So just be you, be honest with yourself and others about how you truly feel.  Your feelings are valid and you are entitled to feel however you feel.  That was a big one for me.  xo-K

My two cents:  Being too agreeable and sticky sweet is boring and it gets old really fast.

the good in goodbye

Sometimes goodbye is a nasty wrench of the heart, an oozing ache that feels like it will swallow you up. Sometimes it is the cavalry come to cut you loose just in time. But if you believe that everything always works out (and it does), if you let go of your resistance, goodbye can be a good thing. It’s cleansing, liberating, and sometimes even energizing. Even though you may be unwilling to accept the change that goodbye implies, it is really an opportunity for growth you didn’t even realize.

Cleaning out the psychic and emotional debris of accumulated stuff is the good kind of goodbye. First, we’re born with no stuff. Then slowly but surely, we start accumulating things. Balls. Dolls. Four leaf clovers. Then after a while we collect more stuff. Books. Barrettes. Sweaters. Then on to the big stuff: chairs. Candle holders. Newspapers printed on the day of every significant event in your adult life. Without even noticing it, you’ve begun to create such a collection of  stuff, that it starts to pile up. Have you ever noticed?

I moved back to the Pacific Northwest after years of exploring horizons and chasing adventure. Never thought it would happen, but there you go. . .I’m baaack!  Life is funny that way. You think you know how everything is going to turn out, and then suddenly: the great cosmic switching station in the sky shoots you off in another direction. But anyway, my point is: stuff. Before I moved, I got rid of a lot of stuff. And still, I’m surrounded by it.

I don’t even consider myself much of a collector of things. I clean out my closets regularly, sweeping out the old, making room for the new. Oh, sure, I have friends who are virtual pack rats. They never throw out free pen from the Hilton Hotel. Makes me claustrophobic just thinking about it. My fabulous former boyfriend collected all kinds of stuff: cars, fine art, houses. Cool, right? Ooh, and he also had a warehouse full of the stuff from his former marriage that he couldn’t bring himself to part with, even suits 20 years old he would never wear again. Yeah, there were warning signs that I did everything in my power to ignore.

But back to me and my stuff. So when I moved back to the PNW, I not only rented a condo to house me, but I rented a storage unit to house stuff I wasn’t ready to deal with. Come on! Well, I’ve come to my senses and am finally ready to start letting go of the past that I was in denial about carrying around. This week alone, I’ve hauled six boxes of paperwork, old letters, documents, magazines, you name it — out of storage and shredded it. Ffft! Gone. Can I tell you how good that feels?  I think of the old movie A Christmas Carol, where the ghost of Marley, Scrooge’s old partner shows up, hauling chains and chests of all the stuff he create in life, and dragging it around in the ever-after. Let me be perfectly honest here. Anything that distracts you from being fully present in this red hot moment right now, is holding you back.  And since the power to create your future is always in the present moment, would you rather be five or ten or fifteen years ago, or right now?

What can I say? It’s a process. I’m on a mission to get down to what is really important. I’m willing and able to release the weight of a past that is nothing more than a collection of memories. I am ready to free up the energy locked into the care of things. Love, C

My two cents: say good bye to all the old ideas and thought forms that hold you back from creating your most spectacular, future you.

♥♥♥

I have always traveled light.  Never got too attached to things, could just pick up at a moments notice and move.  I’ve never been that interested in stuff,  even certain people have been easy to say goodbye to, or maybe just leave without a proper goodbye.  Actually, when I think about it, I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

As far as the stuff goes, I think I am fine with that, but people, well they’re something else.  I think it would have been better for me to commit to getting attached to someone who could really be something to me instead of the same old guys. You know, the bad boys that I knew were never going to be anything to me.  I have had so many traumatic, dramatic, goodbyes with the bad boys of my past. I made myself crazy. I thought I would never love anyone again as much as I loved that one, blah, blah, blah. I know I’m not alone in this, right?

When C and I were talking about this post, what it was going to be about and the title, I suggested, there’s no good in goodbye. I really wanted to talk about how hard it is to leave when you know the  relationship is over but you don’t want it to be over.  It’s like the relationship knows it’s done before you do.  And it’s hard! Trust me, I have left more men than I care to think about when I really didn’t want to go but knew I couldn’t stay.  It was over and in that moment, or next few months I didn’t see anything good about it.

But time does pass and things do get better.  You can look back and maybe recognize all the good that was there. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be forever, but did you grow?  Did you learn something about yourself?  Are you a better person for it? And don’t you have some good memories?  Well then, I guess there is some good in goodbye then.  xo–K

My two cents:  Let go of what is no longer needed so you can make room for new and wonderful things to come in.

what goes around comes around

Abraham has this thing they tell people, when they are just not getting it: “Don’t worry, it will get bigger.”  That is the good news and the bad news.  If there is something that you are truly not getting a handle on that you want to, it will become clearer, that’s helpful.  If there is a lesson that you need to learn that you are not getting, it can be like a cosmic 2×4 across your head.  Hurts, but hopefully you can move on now.

Like it or not we are all here in the earth school to learn lessons.  And you really can’t move on to third grade until you graduate from second.  We have to get what we came here to learn and there really is no time limit.  Trust me I know  it can be so annoying when we keep being put in the same position over and over again.  You wouldn’t be there if you got it, so there is a reason.

The great thing or maybe not so great thing about this, hey everything is perspective, right? is that there are clues out there all around you. Colette Baron-Reid calls these signs Cledons.  She explains that a  cledon is a message from spirit that’s delivered to you from someone or something else.

I actually heard a great story just this morning about a Cledon. A friend was over this morning picking up a few things before I left for work and she was telling me about going in for some test on her back.  She was having an MRI and was a bit nervous.  To make a longish story short, she said when she came out and went to gather her things she saw a penny on the floor.  She knew it was not there when she went in.  She and her husband have a thing that when they see money on the ground they call it Buddha money.  She knew when she saw that penny that everything was going to be okay, that she didn’t need to worry, and she was grateful for the sign.

How cool is that? We’ll get into the Cledons a bit more later, it is really interesting and they are so much fun when you see them. See the Universe really does want you to get it, and there is so much help for you out there.  Just look for it.

You also have your own built in guidance, call it intuition, gut feeling, woman’s intuition, you know what I’m talking about. It’s there for a reason, so take advantage of it. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

Let’s face it though, sometimes we don’t want to know things.  We don’t want to see that the guy that we are really into is no how, no WAY going to be the one.  All our friends see it, all the signs are there but we just really don’t want it to be true.  We don’t want to start all over with someone new, we don’t want it to be over, so we ignore the signs.  You can do that if you want it is a free will zone, but you can’t make something be what it is not.  No matter how hard you try.  I know it doesn’t seem fair sometimes, but actually, it is.  And the sooner you get it and see things clearly, the sooner you do finally get what you want.  xo-K

My two cents:  Invite spirit into your life, look for the signs that are all around you and let your life flow.

♥♥♥

I love that K and I have almost completely different schedules, it keeps things stirred up. So I was just getting out of a meeting today and was heading home so I jumped on my cell to check in with her. We got to talking about magic. How can people not get it? we laughed. I mean seriously? How can they not get that everything is connected as if by “magic”?

The first time I heard about this concept was when I read Richard Bach’s amazing novel, Illusions. That’s when I started to think that yeah, maybe the world really is magical. I mean, I always loved the idea of magic as a kid. What kid doesn’t naturally believe in  fairies and wizards and pixie dust?  I adored Samantha Stevens, her goofy Aunt Clara and wacky cousin Serena. Something about magic has always just seemed so. . .natural to me.

Imagine my delight when I started to realize just how magic our world really is. We are all connected. Our thoughts are things. Energy flows where attention goes. We are, as Edgar Allen Poe said, living “a dream within a dream.” Cool!

Cledons are a sort of magic. They are a sign “from beyond” (wherever that is) that we’re on the right track. You listen to Sylvia Browne or John Holland, or Doreen Virtue, and they’ll tell you that those feathers you keep finding, or pennies, or yellow cars that keep turning up are something to pay attention to. Pshaw! you may say. But haven’t you ever had an experience that you can’t simply rationalize away? Be honest. Never? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I knew a woman once, at a Unity Church that I attended in Tustin, CA. Wonderful woman, rational and practical as the day is long. One day we were talking about angels, and how they just appear when they’re needed and then vanish. “I had one,” she said.  I was sooo envious. “Tell me about it,” I said. “Well,” she continued. “I was driving and was stopped at a busy street and was about to pull out to turn right. I looked left, and didn’t see anything and was about to accelerate when I looked to my right, there was an angel sitting in the passenger seat of my car.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but if an angel shows up in my car, I’m going to listen to what (s)he has to say. Angels don’t mess around. They don’t show up unless they’re on the business end of a mission from you-know-who. “Stop,” the angel said. My friend was so shocked to be given driving directions by an angel that she sat there stunned. Just then, a car that she hadn’t seen before, came screaming by at a dangerous speed. If she had pulled out, she would have been t-boned and seriously injured or even killed. It wasn’t her time, and her angel dropped in for a little practical guidance.

Angels are great allies to have around. They don’t generally show up unless you ask for them. But if you ask for them sincerely, they will show up. Or they’ll drop a penny or a feather or maneuver a bright yellow VW Beetle in your path to remind you know you’re not alone, you’re never alone. Love, C

My two cents: you’re never too old to believe in magic.