Tag Archives: family

going retro

I know it isn’t nice and it really isn’t PC, but I sometimes stereotype people. I know! Sometimes I’ll find myself talking to a new friend and suddenly I’ll ask, “when is your birthday?” And sure enough, they’ll say Leo or Aries or Pisces, and I’ll just laugh. Of course!

Most people don’t admit to believing in astrology, but they will still read their horoscope “just to be safe.” Astrology is an ancient wisdom based on a knowledge that we’re all connected, planets, stars, moons, and all.  We’ll all swimming around in the same cosmic soup! You are no more just your “sign” than you are just your eye or hair color, or the car you drive. But all of these things, they say a little something about you.

I remember the first time I read Linda Goodman’s book Sun Signs. I felt like she had looked right into my soul. How could she know? Well, that’s the beauty of astrology.

Some truths are just undeniable. Libras (the scales) are balance-loving diplomats. Leos are lion hearted heroes. Pisceans have a watery, mystical soul even if they haven’t the slightest idea of what to do with it! I’m a Libra, which is an air sign. You can ask anyone, and they will tell you that I tend to get lost in ideas, the more esoteric, the better. Leos are a fire sign. Every Leo I’ve ever known has been super passionate about everything they do. Stereotype? Maybe. But some truths are true whether you believe them or not.

Beyond personal signs, there are the planets and their influence on our little Earth-bound  lives. Mercury, for instance, rules things related to communication. Since the planet Mercury spins around our sun so fast, it appears to move backward through the sky three or four times a year. Of course it isn’t actually moving backward, it just appears to be. When Mercury goes Retro, electronics like phones and computers tend to go haywire.  At such times, it’s good to slow down a little, be somewhat more reflective.

Rob Breszny is one of my favorite astrologers. He’s funny, irreverent, and very, very accurate. I love to read Rob’s monthly astro-predictions. Many times they are insightful. Often, they make me smile. And when he advises extra caution because Mercury is going Retro, I use the information not to change the way I operate during my daily  life, but to help explain the weirdly unexplainable when it shows up in all its glory.

Another site I love is Maya Del Mar’s Daykeeper Journal. Maya has moved on, but her site is still maintained by a loyal group of very talented astrologers. Mark Husson, hosts a regular show on Hay House Radio. He is by far, one of the kindest, sweetest souls, and his readings are always amazing.

Should you run you life based on your astrological chart? I can’t say for sure, but I do know, that sometimes it’s great to have a ‘heads up’ when things are about to get a little weird! Love, C

My two cents: we have so many wonderful tools at our disposal, why not use them?

♥♥♥

I should have known Mercury Retrograde was upon us when my computer started flickering and then went to black over and over again.  Didn’t even enter my mind that might be the reason, and I know about this stuff. I just started putzing around on my keyboard, trying to do things that I had done before when my computer was acting up, but who am I kidding, I have no idea what I am doing.  Then after an hour on the phone with Anoop from Dell, grrr, can anyone say frustration?  Needless to say I was not happy.

The planet Mercury rules thinking and perception and all types of communication. When Mercury goes retrograde it gives rise to personal misunderstandings. There would be delays, flaws, and hitches in all communication related areas like transportation, trade, etc. Astrologers advise not to make any important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is likely that such decisions will be marred by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking.~ findyourfate.com

Couldn’t have said it better myself.  I don’t know about you, but when things start going haywire in my life, or when things are just a little out of sync, I wonder, is it me?  Was it something I did or is it forces beyond my control?  Whatever it is, I wanna know.  And when it makes sense to me I feel better.

This morning as I was getting ready for work my friend/client/housekeeper, M, showed up to do her part of our trade. She cleans my house, I make her beautiful.  It’s a fair trade and we are both happy with the arrangement. Anyway, she started on about the cruise that she and her husband were treating her mother to.  It was her mother’s birthday and even though their relationship has been strained ever since M was a child, they were all going on a trip to Alaska.  Let’s just say M has a very loving and forgiving heart and is a much bigger person than me.

M started filling me in on the latest fiasco with her mother: she had received an email stating that she, (mama) was unhappy with one part of what was going to happen in Seattle the night before they left to head to the ship.  Mama drama, to say the least.  M was flustered but trying to stay calm.  I told her,  “Well you know we are in Mercury Retrograde, so just try to keep your cool and just know how that mucks up communication.” She  knows about all this stuff but didn’t realize we were in MR.  This was a sneaky one; almost slipped by me too.

“When’s it going to be over?” she asked.  We looked it up on the computer, she was ready to cancel the cruise when I told her it would be holding strong throughout the whole week  of her vacation.  I told her, “Just be mindful, relax, breathe.”  She said, “Nope, it’s gonna be  me, Valium, and cocktails.”  Hey what ever works.  xo-K

My two cents:  Let the force be with you.

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it ain’t over till it’s over

So many tears I’ve cried, so much pain inside, but baby it ain’t over till it’s over. . .”-Lenny Kravitz

Wow, did I get that in a big way this last past week.  We all have our stuff, family stuff, some worse than others but we all have it.  I know I’ve got mine, hell I kept dating my dad until the thought of dating at all was not even an option until I worked it out.  I have been working on it for years, and have been feeling pretty good about it, feeling healed around it. Spent time in therapy, worked it out in my romantic relationships, it has come up in this blog many times and I think that writing has been the most healing thing for me.  I felt I was good on the subject, and I was, but someone else was not.  And he was waiting for me right back where we left off 30 +years ago.

My dad, who I felt never wanted to talk about this or anything deep for that matter, had been holding onto our relationship just where we left it so many years ago when it went south.  We were never big on communication, I thought he wouldn’t be willing to go there, or maybe that was me not wanting to go there with him.  Wasn’t pleasant the first time around, thought it might be easier just doing the work by myself or with a partner who mirrored  his. . . let’s just say “energy.”

Never thought I would have the opportunity to deal with it directly with my dad, too much time had passed, where do you even start.  So you can imagine my surprise when the other day it happened, I won’t go into what lead up to this confrontation, doesn’t really matter, had nothing to do with anything but I have to say it was the perfect storm.

He came at me out of the blue or maybe out of the oblivion, and in one fell swoop tried to time-travel me back to about age 15. And guess what, I was there, but then I wasn’t.  I didn’t cower, I stood up for myself in a way I never have and didn’t think I ever could.  Granted I wish I would have cooled it on the f-bombs I sent  flying around my living room, but I was calm, I was firm and I was so in my own power it was surreal.  As I was pretty much giving him the bums-rush out my front door, I don’t know who was more shocked him or me.  All the old tricks he used to pull on me, shame, guilt, etc. didn’t work.  Under the circumstances I felt like a million bucks, and then I didn’t.

I started to feel guilty, just a little bit but it was there.  I basically told my dad to get out of my home and my life, I was done with him and his rage.   My daughter, who was not home during the altercation, later asked me, “Where are we going to have Thanksgiving?”  I told her I didn’t know, but we would figure it out.

It’s been almost a week and I haven’t spoken to either of my parents, and I don’t know what is going to happen.  I spoke to two of my spiritual advisers and I now have a new perspective on what is going on here.  This is hard work but I feel so good, like I don’t have anything to be afraid of anymore.  Now I feel I can really get on with things.  xo-K

My two cents:  You can look away, run away, even move away but things don’t go away until you deal with them.

♥♥♥

Wow, this work is so amazing. I am so awed and impressed with the work K has done these past two weeks. We keep telling each other: I’m so glad I’m doing my work because when sh*t happens, it feels really good to remain conscious and heal what has been brought up for a holy healing!  K got the big whammy of healings that led to a spiritual breakthrough, and it was like watching goddess Kali at work.

You know Kali, the goddess of destruction and regeneration. She will burn your ass up and then dust you off your wings and let you fly.  As a close observer of K’s transformation, it was like watching a perfect storm unfolding. I could see/sense the storm clouds gathering, saw the flashes of lightening. And then shazam she was deep into the hero’s journey, all on her own, fighting for her soul, and she won. All I can say is there must have been one h*ll of a flash of energetic release blasting out of K’s living room that afternoon. She healed not just herself in the here and now, but also herself across time and space. Awesome!  K connected with her soul in a way she never had and she will never be the same again.

K mentioned that to her dad, she was that same defiant teenager who told him to stuff it, just before she started off on the journey to become the fierce, holy, and fabulous goddess that she is today. All I can say is he must have been so totally dazzled by her light that it scared the crap out of him and he resorted to all of the old tricks that used to subdue the girl before she became a woman. K met her dad as a fully evolved woman, not a child, and that is a beautiful thing to behold. The apprentice became the master. It’s the hero’s journey, in case it matters. The stuff of all great legends and heroines. Stay tuned. We are almost iconic. Love, C

My two cents: we are all on a hero’s journey that takes as long as it takes.


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it ain't over till it's over

So many tears I’ve cried, so much pain inside, but baby it ain’t over till it’s over. . .”-Lenny Kravitz

Wow, did I get that in a big way this last past week.  We all have our stuff, family stuff, some worse than others but we all have it.  I know I’ve got mine, hell I kept dating my dad until the thought of dating at all was not even an option until I worked it out.  I have been working on it for years, and have been feeling pretty good about it, feeling healed around it. Spent time in therapy, worked it out in my romantic relationships, it has come up in this blog many times and I think that writing has been the most healing thing for me.  I felt I was good on the subject, and I was, but someone else was not.  And he was waiting for me right back where we left off 30 +years ago.

My dad, who I felt never wanted to talk about this or anything deep for that matter, had been holding onto our relationship just where we left it so many years ago when it went south.  We were never big on communication, I thought he wouldn’t be willing to go there, or maybe that was me not wanting to go there with him.  Wasn’t pleasant the first time around, thought it might be easier just doing the work by myself or with a partner who mirrored  his. . . let’s just say “energy.”

Never thought I would have the opportunity to deal with it directly with my dad, too much time had passed, where do you even start.  So you can imagine my surprise when the other day it happened, I won’t go into what lead up to this confrontation, doesn’t really matter, had nothing to do with anything but I have to say it was the perfect storm.

He came at me out of the blue or maybe out of the oblivion, and in one fell swoop tried to time-travel me back to about age 15. And guess what, I was there, but then I wasn’t.  I didn’t cower, I stood up for myself in a way I never have and didn’t think I ever could.  Granted I wish I would have cooled it on the f-bombs I sent  flying around my living room, but I was calm, I was firm and I was so in my own power it was surreal.  As I was pretty much giving him the bums-rush out my front door, I don’t know who was more shocked him or me.  All the old tricks he used to pull on me, shame, guilt, etc. didn’t work.  Under the circumstances I felt like a million bucks, and then I didn’t.

I started to feel guilty, just a little bit but it was there.  I basically told my dad to get out of my home and my life, I was done with him and his rage.   My daughter, who was not home during the altercation, later asked me, “Where are we going to have Thanksgiving?”  I told her I didn’t know, but we would figure it out.

It’s been almost a week and I haven’t spoken to either of my parents, and I don’t know what is going to happen.  I spoke to two of my spiritual advisers and I now have a new perspective on what is going on here.  This is hard work but I feel so good, like I don’t have anything to be afraid of anymore.  Now I feel I can really get on with things.  xo-K

My two cents:  You can look away, run away, even move away but things don’t go away until you deal with them.

♥♥♥

Wow, this work is so amazing. I am so awed and impressed with the work K has done these past two weeks. We keep telling each other: I’m so glad I’m doing my work because when sh*t happens, it feels really good to remain conscious and heal what has been brought up for a holy healing!  K got the big whammy of healings that led to a spiritual breakthrough, and it was like watching goddess Kali at work.

You know Kali, the goddess of destruction and regeneration. She will burn your ass up and then dust you off your wings and let you fly.  As a close observer of K’s transformation, it was like watching a perfect storm unfolding. I could see/sense the storm clouds gathering, saw the flashes of lightening. And then shazam she was deep into the hero’s journey, all on her own, fighting for her soul, and she won. All I can say is there must have been one h*ll of a flash of energetic release blasting out of K’s living room that afternoon. She healed not just herself in the here and now, but also herself across time and space. Awesome!  K connected with her soul in a way she never had and she will never be the same again.

K mentioned that to her dad, she was that same defiant teenager who told him to stuff it, just before she started off on the journey to become the fierce, holy, and fabulous goddess that she is today. All I can say is he must have been so totally dazzled by her light that it scared the crap out of him and he resorted to all of the old tricks that used to subdue the girl before she became a woman. K met her dad as a fully evolved woman, not a child, and that is a beautiful thing to behold. The apprentice became the master. It’s the hero’s journey, in case it matters. The stuff of all great legends and heroines. Stay tuned. We are almost iconic. Love, C

My two cents: we are all on a hero’s journey that takes as long as it takes.


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family matters

I had a great bonding session with my brother last weekend.  Our “big” sister has moved Mom and Pop in with her so she can take better care of them. After a lifetime of independent living, they’re finally reaching a stage where they need a little assistance, and we are grateful our sister is there for them.

In the meantime, said sister has put the parent’s house on the market. For the past 20 years, they’ve lived in a small resort community in a modest little waterfront home. Last Friday, my brother called me and said that he was driving up the coast to paint the parental unit’s home, a long-0verdue task. Being no stranger to home improvements, and having volunteered for the assignment in a generous moment, my brother phoned and called my bluff.

“B” and I are the youngest two of five children and even though we had the shared experience of growing up in the same family, we haven’t been close for years. This weekend was a rare chance for us to spend time together as grown up people.

I love my brother. That said, we could not be more different. He’s a good husband, a great dad to two amazing boys, and is a rigidly conservative Christian. On the other hand, I am divorced, the closest I’ve come to mothering is owning pets, and have been known to dance naked under a pagan moon. The thing is, we’re family. No matter how different we are, there’s a sameness that there’s no escaping. We have a shared past, a genetic bond that counts.

So this weekend, we painted. We told jokes, shared insights, drank good coffee and avoided the really touchy subjects of God, religion, politics, because that’s just asking for trouble. We were on a mission of peace, and worked under the flag of detente.

At one point however, we had a disagreement. We both shared our differing opinions like adults, and then he went ahead and did it his way, anyway. FOOM!  I went from zero to bitch in about six seconds. But, what did I do? I stuffed it (I know, I know, I’m learnin’ here!). But he wasn’t fooled for a minute. “Are you mad at me?” he asked. And then Hurricane C let loose. Oh, hells yeah, I was mad. And being the darling man he is, B listened while I vented. He didn’t fight back, he just listened until I felt heard and ran out of steam, and then we moved on to another topic. Before long, we were laughing and joking, working side by side again.

He doesn’t know it, but B gave me a huge gift. By letting me use him for communication practice, I got a little better with feeling safe about sharing my feelings. Big deal? Huge. Love ya, B! Love, C

My two cents: good relationships take practice. Appreciate the people who let you use your training wheels!

♥♥♥

See, it just goes to show you that just because we are  writing this stuff doesn’t mean we have it all figured out.  Far from it.  The practice of writing this blog is helping us grow and learn in such  a huge way it is absolutely amazing.  I have become so hyper-aware of stuff when it comes up, if I am talking to C on the phone –and in case you didn’t know, C and I are rarely in the same place at the same time.  We live a state apart sharing these lovely thoughts with y’all, so most of our interaction is on speaker phone, with one of us taking notes. If  she starts going out (ie. unconscious, or as Abraham calls it  out of the Vortex), I stop her in her tracks and tell her, “You gotta blog about this, NOW, while it is still fresh.”  And she does, and she works her stuff out and is on to the next thing.  How did we live before we started this?

Even doing this on a daily basis, we still can get caught up in stuff as it is going on.  I think we have all been doing it so long, it’s just what we do.  Stuff it down, justify, get our panties in a bunch, pretty much anything but just deal with whatever is going on right when it’s going on.  Seems kinda silly when you look at it that way, but everyone seems to do the same thing when it comes to conflict.  Even minor conflict.

I don’t have a huge family. I am an only child and we didn’t have a lot of religion growing up, but I think my dad still thinks I am kind of odd with my positive spin to life. . . like it’s a bad thing.  I’ve spent most of my life just not speaking up to my parents if they upset me.  I just stayed away from them until I was over it.  Yea,   that is what I used to do. Now, I speak up when I’m upset  and I think it really has brought us closer.

Anyway, it can be challenging to break old patterns, especially ones you’ve been practicing all your life. But seriously? You can do it, and right now is a great time to start! xo-K

My two cents:  Practice with the people who are close to you, especially family, where there’s a bit of a built in safety net, but you probably won’t need one.

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would you rather be happy or right?

I was listening to super coach Michael Neil this morning on HayHouseRadio.com while getting ready for my day. I have to admit, that of all the Hay House show hosts, Michael is not always my favorite. Sometimes his everlasting cheerfulness dances on my last nerve! But this morning, his topic caught my interest. This morning he was talking about how to know when to push ahead when you come up against an obstacle to a goal, and when to say, ‘oh well, guess it wasn’t meant to be,’ and move on. Great question!

The short version of his answer boils down to this: do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I apply this question to small issues, big issues, and everything in between! Personally, my answer is, I want to be happy because if right doesn’t make me happy, right isn’t going to get me where I want to go.

This doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat when it comes to negotiating terms with your spouse/neighbor/boss/sales clerk/what ev, not at all. It simply means you always have a choice about the outcome of a disagreement. Can you get what you want and still be right? Of course. But I’m talking about being able to step back and objectively look at a situation. Maybe it comes down to taking an honest inventory and looking at a deep drive to be right. Were you never right as a kid and as a consequence carried the need to be right into your adult life? Does the need to be right make you happy? Honestly? Does having to be right taint your relationships or hurt the ones you love?

When in doubt, consult your body. It never lies — seriously! Right now, think about something you feel super righteous about, something you feel ready to fight for because you feel the truth is on your side. Now, switch your thoughts from your head to your body. How does the need to be right feel? Does it feel hard, rigid, dark, afraid? No doubt! On the other hand, think about letting go of the need to be right, and choosing just once, just for a minute, to be happy instead. How does that feel? To me, that choice feels soft, creative, spontaneous, calm. Now, which feeling would you rather carry around with you as you move about your world?

The thing is, life is complicated. Messy. But when you realize that you’re the one who gets to create your life based on the thoughts you think, the beliefs you construct, and a few guiding principles, it gets simple, fast. Deciding to be happy is a guiding principle in my life. It makes things very, very simple. And call me crazy, but simple works for me! Love, C

My two cents: every moment is a chance to be happy. Choose happy, and everything else falls into place.

***

I used to feel the only way I could be happy was if I was right.  Man, was that exhausting.  Having to expend all that energy trying to convince people that my way was the best way, or rather the only way, was intense.  God forbid someone didn’t agree with me,  let alone be unhappy with me.

I got that I had to let go of being right all the time, I absolutely choose happy.  I actually like not being right or not knowing something; it causes me to grow and learn and expand so much, it’s amazing.  The big one for me and I am sure you too, is feeling okay if someone is mad at me.

I used to run a thing in my head over and over again, saying it  a different way every time to see what would be the perfect way to make my point, have the person I was talking to get what I was saying and not be mad at me.  Control much??  Instead of just speaking my truth, and letting the chips fall where they may, I had to say it in a way as to not hurt feelings, or ruffle feathers.  But if you do that, what you are saying doesn’t match up to your energy, your non-verbal communication, and the person really doesn’t know what you’re trying to say.  What a mess.

So now I am free. If I have something on my mind, I say it.  If I have issue with someone, I express it.  I no longer wait for the  right time,  because timing is everything, right?  No, the right time to talk about something is when it is happening, when you are feeling it.  

This has been challenging most of all, with my teenage daughter.  Nobody wants their kid to be mad at them, but I will tell you one thing, when someone knows exactly where they stand with you and you match your words and your vibration up when you talk to them, they get exactly what you are saying.  She might get a little upset with me. I am finally fine with that.  It is okay for her to feel how she feels and be mad at me if I say or do something she doesn’t like.  Allowing someone to feel how they feel and accepting it is just like choosing to be right or be happy, in a way.  And I’m choosing happy all the way!!! xo-K

My two cents:  Be true to yourself , don’t let things get too out of hand and there is nothing you can’t handle.

 

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