never the same…

September was a crazy month. Early on, things started going haywire, Mercury was retrograde, and all kinds of trouble was brewing. Everything just seemed a little extra intense. Then K and I tuned in to numerologist Tania Gabrielle and she shed a little light on the numbers at play, and everything made sense.

We’ve been working at this stuff long enough that when things start to spin out of control, we stop and take a breath.  At such times, we know that something bigger is at work. Such a relief! Well, mostly. I’ve got a shopping list of issues that are up for me. These concerns are like old friends, visiting once more. They have settled in comfortably, waiting for me to see them for what they are: lessons to be learned and let go of. Come on!

The thing is, once you know how things work, there’s no going back. There’s no blaming anyone else for the elements at work in your life. Money? Work? Love? These are the themes we work with, but the lessons all tend to be related to the same source: healing our own sacred wounds, those old friends, the ones we came here to heal.

You know what I mean. The bff who always seems to fall for the married guy, no matter what. Or the friend of a friend who switches jobs, but always seems to land a boss who takes advantage of her kind nature, and never really gives her the props she deserves. Is it a coincidence that these issues come up again and again? Does it mean we’re flawed and doomed to replay our lives Groundhog Day style forever? No. Yes.

Remember Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day? He was cursed to wake up to Sonny & Cher every morning, meet the same small town people, deal with the same annoying dilemmas until he changed his mind. Once he got it, once he realized that he was the force of magic behind it all, he had the power to change it. When he did, everything fell into place, even the love he so deeply desired. As it turns out, we are all the magic we need. Love, C

My two cents: when I allow my soul to govern my decisions, everything works  out better for me.

♥♥♥

Are healing old patterns up now or what?  Seems like all my old dusty patterns that have been stored waaaay down deep are coming up and out to be healed once and for all. Finally!  Wow, that was a mouthful, but so true.

I was telling C a few weeks ago that it felt like someone was taking a miner’s pick  and chipping off any residual anything that is still there. Like plaque between your teeth, it almost becomes a part of you.  I have been working on all this stuff for so long but there was still the really stubborn patterns and beliefs that didn’t want to budge.  All I can say is be careful what you ask for, it’s a bumpy ride.

There were days that I couldn’t get out of bed, not from depression, but I think I was doing so much healing work in my sleep, I felt as if I had been drugged.  Very weird, but after a few days I had some really big aha moments, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.  No, I can absolutely say I will never be the same.

I see the dynamics from my original family so clearly now. For years I felt bad, felt guilty, felt wrong, I was blamed and took the blame for things that were never my fault.  I guess it was the lesser of two evils.  When I think of all the years I tried to right the wrongs that were never really wrong, playing the scenario over and over with different partners, trying to heal the past. I didn’t get it. But now I do.

Writing this blog has helped me so much, between my Ken doll theory and Dating my Dad, it’s all brought me to this place now,  what a fun way to work on your stuff.  I’ll tell you one thing, as seductive as it is to just act like things are okay when they’re not,  just know you are only prolonging the inevitable.  Nothing goes away by itself, nothing gets healed without you working on it, and it may be as simple as just looking at it, honestly.  Everything that comes into your life is there for a reason, to heal your heart   and guide you to  your most amazing life.  xo-K

My two cents:  how many days or dates are you going to have to do over and over again until you get what you came here to learn.

 

once you’re clear it’s clear

Clarity is something our souls crave. But we walk around in our dim little haze, comfortable with a gray little world.  We like it. It fits. It requires nothing of us but to keep sleep-walking. But Clarity? That bitch wants things from you!  She wants you to step up. She wants you to take own-her-ship of your life, no more victim, no more wimpy chic. She wants you to let your light shine!

How do you know when you’re clear? You just do.  It’s  a feeling in your blood, a holy presence that sweeps away the mists of doubt and you can see everything  with super sharp focus. You know what that feels like. We’ve all felt it from time to time. Maybe a better question to ask is: how do you get clear? Well, personally, I pray.

Sometimes, I’m bipping right along and I don’t necessarily want more clarity. Right? Things seem just fine the way they are, why rock the boat? Why ask to see things any differently? After all, if it’s different, I might be required to adjust my perception. Change my mind. Change my  expectations. Change my life from mediocre to magnificent. Hate when that happens!

Okay, so there I was: driving from my house up to visit K one day a couple of years ago. I was dating a pretty groovy guy. He wasn’t Mr. Right, but at that time he was Mr. Close Enough. Things were going well.  We were having fun. Why, oh why rock the proverbial boat? Something in me just knew. Something in me wanted to get clear. Dang! So out of the blue, I’m driving along and I just start praying. Show me the truth, I said to the general all-pervading glorious goodness all around me.

Well,  it wasn’t five minutes later that Mr. Man called. I picked up my phone and we started to chat and before you can say Silence is Golden, he spit out a piece of truth. Bless his little heart, he didn’t think it was all that big a deal, but to me? Yeah, super big deal. Deal breaker, actually. Up to that moment I had been happy with fuzzy, and then something changed. In that dazzling, lightning-bolt moment, I got crystal clear. And then suddenly fuzzy just wasn’t enough anymore. Love, C

My two cents: pray for truth and then have the courage to bless what shows up.

♥♥♥

Yup, sometimes you don’t want to know, even when your soul already knows.  Sometimes close enough is good enough, until it’s not anymore.  Seems every time I’ve prayed for clarity, it’s been when I already knew the answer, I just needed confirmation. When you are sure of the way you’re going you don’t stop to ask for directions.  But when you feel lost you probably are.

I was just driving home from dropping my daughter off at school, I was listening to the latest Abraham-Hicks workshop.  Someone asked a question about the latest book that has not been released yet called Spirituality, the Final Frontier. They said they named it that because getting in vibrational alignment with your Source is the last thing people try before they completely give up hope, but it is the only thing that ever really works to begin with.  Ahhh! Clarity is alignment. . . and you just know when you’re there.

As good as it feels to be in alignment and have the clarity that we all really crave, sometimes it feels better to be where you are.  With the boyfriend that you know in your head is not really the one but your heart is hoping will someday change. Or at  the job that feels like, if those other people would just leave me alone to do my work  it would be okay I guess.  Really?  We all know that we didn’t come here for okay.  We came here for amazing, and your soul knows it, and will call you on it every single time.

Do you trust your intuition?  Do you know when something comes up if your initial reaction is your fear-ego or your intuition-higher-self?  Try this out for size: next time someone asks you to do something,  don’t just unconsciously do what you always do. Stop, think, feel.  What comes up for you?  Would you just rather do something you really don’t want to do because it seems easier than telling someone you don’t want to?

Would you rather just stay in your comfort zone because it’s easier than trying something new even though you might love it?  I have been asking myself these  questions lately and I’m so happy with what is opening up for me.  I am seeing life in a whole new way. xo-K

My two cents: open your eyes and  see things clearly, possibly for the first time.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w

slow down to speed up

For someone who doesn’t own a TV, I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.  And I never watch the  “news!”  However, one of the funniest, smartest, sweetest new programs around is Modern Family. Love that show!

One of the characters is a goofy dad who is the biggest dork around, but he always manages to ‘get the job done.’ So, in one episode, the family is running around, trying to get out of the house and on a flight to Hawaii for a big family trip. Mom is going out of her mind trying to hurry everyone along while Dad is calmly walking at a snail’s pace, saying, “fast is slow and slow is fast.” And you know what? He’s right! When you try to push things, speed things up, you trip up and then end up having to repeat each step all over again. Sigh.

When things are going right in my life, doors open as if by magic. The right people show up. The right answers appear. Friendly helpful strangers seem to pop in just when I need them. I love it when that happens! Right now for instance, I’ve been seeing someone whom I really like. It’s new, and we’re probably moving slow by today’s standards.  We’re  playing it sort of old school, and its very sweet. Yeah, I’ve moved into these things faster in the past. . .and that didn’t really work out. Now I’m at the point where I’m not working so hard to “get there.” I’m just enjoying the process.

When someone wants to be with you, they are with you. There are no games, no power struggles. It just flows. Not long ago, I dated someone for a short time who insisted he was busy with his kids on the weekends. I know! Then, while having lunch with a friend, talking about how ‘distant’ this guy seemed, my friend asked how old the kids were. “They’re in their twenties,” I replied. “They’re in college.” Dear P looked at me like, you poor dumb thing. “Trust me,” she said. “He’s not hanging with those kids. At that age, those boys are not all about spending time with Dad.”  Hey! I tend to give parents the benefit of the doubt. . .in all circumstances. I’ve heard more than once, “you don’t have kids, so you can’t understand.”  And they’re right. I don’t always understand, but I do know this: when a relationship — any relationship —is right, it’s simple. Love, C

My two cents: Trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Always.

♥♥♥

I don’t know about you but when I feel the need to hurry things along, make things happen, it’s because I feel if I don’t it won’t happen.  When I feel anxious about something there is usually a reason.  Whenever you put crazy nervous energy behind something it usually doesn’t pan out, and it’s probably just as well.

When something is right, it’s right.  It takes on a life of it’s own and you don’t feel any need to make it do or be anything.  I have watched friends throughout the years chase after relationships trying to make this one be the one. Hey, I have done it myself.   Wanting so much to seal the deal, cross it off the list, get it over with and get on to other things.  Really?  That’s how you want your relationship to play out?  What is wrong with enjoying the journey,  watching it unfold, savoring it, enjoying every delicious moment?  Just askin.’

Here’s why I think we do this thing we do, it’s because on some level we know it’s not going to happen.  We know it’s not the job, the house, or the relationship for us. But, we don’t feel it’s really possible to get exactly what we want so we figure, close enough is good enough. Better snatch this one up before someone else who is close enough to it snatches it up first.  (I can’t believe I just said that).

We spend all this time and energy racing around trying to make things happen,  then we’re so surprised and disappointed when they don’t and we have to start all over from square one.  Could things go any slower?

So sometimes you have to stop. . .just stop, take a breath. . .and just know. . .whether it comes from what your Mother said, what your girlfriends said or some voice that you don’t even know said. .  .just have some faith in whatever. There is a divine plan, things are working out for you, so you don’t have to worry.  Aren’t you glad someone knows better than you?  Aren’t you glad someone has your back? xo-K

My two cents:  I am so grateful that when I am spinning out of control there is someone or something to show me the way.

you probably think this blog is about you

Everyone loves Two Girls!!  I am shocked, amazed, awestruck, amused and most of all grateful.  C and I have always written from the heart, and we usually write about what is happening. . . right now.  That being said, everyone who comes in contact with us is potentially Two Girls material.  As much as we try to mix it up, people might come to the conclusion that  we are talking about them in our blog.  This has happen to me on more than one occasion.

Sometimes we talk about dating and relationships, and C, who btw,  in the past hadn’t  shared much of her personal info when she is dating someone new, is now much more open and lets  her dates know who she is and what she does, including the fact that she writes a blog. This is great, but sometimes  I think, don’t tell them… I want to write about them and now they will totally know we’re talking about them. That being said we  have to be a bit creative when we are telling our story as to not incriminate or hurt feelings.

I have heard from quite a few friends and fans of Two Girls when a post really resonated with them, that they were going through something and then read our most recent post and it was about just the thing they were working through.  I love when that happens.  See: we are all more alike than we are different.

We all want to love and be loved.  We all want health and prosperity for ourselves, our family, and our friends.  We have all dealt with heartache, loss, and disappointment. We have all been afraid.  Lost a job or a loved one.  Or maybe just had a crappy day.  Oh, and don’t get me started on Mercury Retrograde.  We all just want to be happy and have a joy filled life.

September has been a hard month.  There’s a lot going on energetically, it is a great time for releasing, so when stuff comes up for you (and it will), make sure you have someone to work through it with.  Oh, and if you want to be part of  Two Girls, we’d love to have you.  Leave us a comment. Maybe you have something to share that would be beneficial for others to hear.  xo-K

My two cents:  If you think this blog is about you, it is probably for you.

♥♥♥

Yeah, K and I have been working on these principles for a while.  We talk about this stuff for hours.  As time goes by it’s become more and more clear that: a) we’re kinda getting better at it even though we have a ways to go, and b) we  totally see these principles at work in our lives and the lives of those around us. Cool!

It’s so true: we need each other. Not just me and K — all of us. We need each other! Not just for sex and safety and survival, and all that primal stuff. We need each other so that we can see each other, see our own Divine spark reflected back in someone’s eyes.  My blog partner and I are mirrors for each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. . .and then we blog about it.

Yeah, if you know us, chances are that you’ll show up on the “pages” of Two Girls. Not that you will recognize yourself, because that would just not be fair. When we have written about someone without disguise, they knew about it ahead of time and agreed to it.   I have already gone on record that as a writer, my style could be called voyeur. I watch. I watch people, I observe the world.  And then I tell stories.  I know for me, the best part of camping is certainly not the bugs and the dirt . . .it’s the stories around the campfire. Well, the stories and the s’mores and the stars above.

If you think that you see yourself in one of our stories, rest assured you’re not the only one. Are we psychic? Well yeah, sure. But more to the point, we are all sharing an experience here on this groovy little planet and as much as we sometimes think we are all alone, we are not. Do you remember as a teenager, going through some terribly painful initiation on the path to “growing up,”  and thinking what a freak you were, only to hear something, read something, share your story with a trusted friend, then realize that you weren’t alone? We are not alone. We’ve never been alone.

So are we writing about you? Maybe. But more importantly, does what we write mean something to you? That’s the question. Love, C

My two cents: the Divine in me sees the Divine in you and says: Namaste.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g

going retro

I know it isn’t nice and it really isn’t PC, but I sometimes stereotype people. I know! Sometimes I’ll find myself talking to a new friend and suddenly I’ll ask, “when is your birthday?” And sure enough, they’ll say Leo or Aries or Pisces, and I’ll just laugh. Of course!

Most people don’t admit to believing in astrology, but they will still read their horoscope “just to be safe.” Astrology is an ancient wisdom based on a knowledge that we’re all connected, planets, stars, moons, and all.  We’ll all swimming around in the same cosmic soup! You are no more just your “sign” than you are just your eye or hair color, or the car you drive. But all of these things, they say a little something about you.

I remember the first time I read Linda Goodman’s book Sun Signs. I felt like she had looked right into my soul. How could she know? Well, that’s the beauty of astrology.

Some truths are just undeniable. Libras (the scales) are balance-loving diplomats. Leos are lion hearted heroes. Pisceans have a watery, mystical soul even if they haven’t the slightest idea of what to do with it! I’m a Libra, which is an air sign. You can ask anyone, and they will tell you that I tend to get lost in ideas, the more esoteric, the better. Leos are a fire sign. Every Leo I’ve ever known has been super passionate about everything they do. Stereotype? Maybe. But some truths are true whether you believe them or not.

Beyond personal signs, there are the planets and their influence on our little Earth-bound  lives. Mercury, for instance, rules things related to communication. Since the planet Mercury spins around our sun so fast, it appears to move backward through the sky three or four times a year. Of course it isn’t actually moving backward, it just appears to be. When Mercury goes Retro, electronics like phones and computers tend to go haywire.  At such times, it’s good to slow down a little, be somewhat more reflective.

Rob Breszny is one of my favorite astrologers. He’s funny, irreverent, and very, very accurate. I love to read Rob’s monthly astro-predictions. Many times they are insightful. Often, they make me smile. And when he advises extra caution because Mercury is going Retro, I use the information not to change the way I operate during my daily  life, but to help explain the weirdly unexplainable when it shows up in all its glory.

Another site I love is Maya Del Mar’s Daykeeper Journal. Maya has moved on, but her site is still maintained by a loyal group of very talented astrologers. Mark Husson, hosts a regular show on Hay House Radio. He is by far, one of the kindest, sweetest souls, and his readings are always amazing.

Should you run you life based on your astrological chart? I can’t say for sure, but I do know, that sometimes it’s great to have a ‘heads up’ when things are about to get a little weird! Love, C

My two cents: we have so many wonderful tools at our disposal, why not use them?

♥♥♥

I should have known Mercury Retrograde was upon us when my computer started flickering and then went to black over and over again.  Didn’t even enter my mind that might be the reason, and I know about this stuff. I just started putzing around on my keyboard, trying to do things that I had done before when my computer was acting up, but who am I kidding, I have no idea what I am doing.  Then after an hour on the phone with Anoop from Dell, grrr, can anyone say frustration?  Needless to say I was not happy.

The planet Mercury rules thinking and perception and all types of communication. When Mercury goes retrograde it gives rise to personal misunderstandings. There would be delays, flaws, and hitches in all communication related areas like transportation, trade, etc. Astrologers advise not to make any important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is likely that such decisions will be marred by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking.~ findyourfate.com

Couldn’t have said it better myself.  I don’t know about you, but when things start going haywire in my life, or when things are just a little out of sync, I wonder, is it me?  Was it something I did or is it forces beyond my control?  Whatever it is, I wanna know.  And when it makes sense to me I feel better.

This morning as I was getting ready for work my friend/client/housekeeper, M, showed up to do her part of our trade. She cleans my house, I make her beautiful.  It’s a fair trade and we are both happy with the arrangement. Anyway, she started on about the cruise that she and her husband were treating her mother to.  It was her mother’s birthday and even though their relationship has been strained ever since M was a child, they were all going on a trip to Alaska.  Let’s just say M has a very loving and forgiving heart and is a much bigger person than me.

M started filling me in on the latest fiasco with her mother: she had received an email stating that she, (mama) was unhappy with one part of what was going to happen in Seattle the night before they left to head to the ship.  Mama drama, to say the least.  M was flustered but trying to stay calm.  I told her,  “Well you know we are in Mercury Retrograde, so just try to keep your cool and just know how that mucks up communication.” She  knows about all this stuff but didn’t realize we were in MR.  This was a sneaky one; almost slipped by me too.

“When’s it going to be over?” she asked.  We looked it up on the computer, she was ready to cancel the cruise when I told her it would be holding strong throughout the whole week  of her vacation.  I told her, “Just be mindful, relax, breathe.”  She said, “Nope, it’s gonna be  me, Valium, and cocktails.”  Hey what ever works.  xo-K

My two cents:  Let the force be with you.

codependent no more!~

Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything?  Not our kids, not our spouse,  not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone?  Pinky promise?  Seriously,  are we done yet?

This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you,  a real sneaky one.  I thought I was so over care-taking,  I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own.  And I was serious.  All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.

Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this.  Really?  I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them.  Like that is even possible.

I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger.  Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?

It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in.  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is.  I can’t care-take her,  even if I want to, I can’t.  And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to.  So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing.  Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.

OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should.  I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it.  Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me.  And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.

So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in.  Do you need others to depend on you?  Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’.  xo-K

♥♥♥

If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday.  Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way.  And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.

So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.

Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a  diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!

This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there,  soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.

“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.”  In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?

“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.

So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C

My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.

0=-

let go, let God

You know how when you hear or read something that is so big, you can hardly get your head around it, and you need to let it soak in and marinate for a couple of days?  Yeah, the Abraham workshop was like that for me. There was so much good stuff coming so big and so fast, after a while, I stopped saying “wait, I have to remember this,” and just let it wash over me.

This morning while getting ready to go take in a Unity service, I was listening to an MP3 download of another Abraham workshop. And just like that, an idea clicked. It keeps playing over and over in my mind and I feel like I keep spiraling up, up, up, with it. One of the amazing things they said, was toward the end of the day. Be easy, they said. Relax. “Just know that you’re swimming in an ocean of well-being,” they said. My whole body just let go when they said that. Think about it: an ocean of well-being. Oceans are pretty big. Imagine floating in a warm, vast, ocean of well-being without beginning or end. Yeah.

The other thing they said was about getting in the Vortex. All that we desire is in there, so it’s a pretty groovy place. Now before, I had thought about “getting in” as getting in so I could get my stuff. But this time, Abraham said you don’t “go” there, it isn’t something that takes a effort to “get” in, as if: when you meditate hard enough or long enough, if you study hard enough, if you work out just the right combination of thinking/doing, you’ll get it. Abraham said that you relax into it. Because when you’re relaxed, when you’re happy, in that place of appreciation and joy, you’re so close to being in alignment with what you want that it just happens without effort. It’s about letting go.

I’ve been on Match dot com for a couple of months, and have had various experiences that I’ve shared on these “pages.” Hey! Everything that happens to Two Girls is fair game for our beloved blog! Anyway. Recently, I decided to revise my thinking about the process. Instead of doing it to “get”  someone, I decided to be easy about it and do it for fun. Almost immediately, I met someone who finds me just as interesting as I find him. Yum!

Isn’t that the way it is? Stop wanting the job, and it comes to you. Stop trying to lose the weight, and it melts off. We’re programmed to think that doing is the way to achieve. But really, we aren’t human doings, we are human beings. And when we just. . .get. . .happy, when we allow ourselves to float in that ocean of well-being, when we really believe with every atom of our body and soul that “everything always works out for me,” we give up our resistance, and it just flows in, as if by magic. Love, C

My two cents: give up, give in, get happy.

♥♥♥

Ahhh, letting go, giving  it up and then you get the prize?  Precisely, and since C and I are both doing the Abraham workshop thing this month, it’s all about Abe,  it is my favorite place to be, favorite thing to talk about.

It’s so funny, I literally just gave it up, I had written my part of our post and I just deleted it, let it go and am now re-writing it, I love how this stuff works.  I had gone through some stuff with a client, actually two clients last week and I was so irritated with our interaction that I had to write about it.  I knew that there was a lesson in it for me but I was irritated none the  less.  Anyway, as soon as I wrote it down and read it back to myself I was done with it, I was ready to let it go and I no longer felt the need to put it out there, to tell that story again, one more time for all to see.

This blog has been such a gift to me, even my massage therapist/energy worker/goddess says that this is the best thing I have ever done for myself regarding my healing/spiritual work.  There is something so magical about writing, I have to tell you, if you have never kept a journal or written in a diary, I highly recommend it.  I have made quantum leaps in my growth from just jotting down my thoughts and experiences on this blog, so amazing.

So, I  have been really working on letting things go this week,  funny how it works, C does a post on letting go, leaves it for me to do my bit on the topic and bam, before you know it, stuff I need to let go of appears for me to take care of and write about.   Seriously, I am the queen of letting go of things, getting rid of junk, I don’t have any kind or storage garage, and I never have, thank you very much, I travel light.  So for me to have stuff to let go of. . . well who am I kidding –don’t we all have stuff that we need to just let go of?

Since I am now re-writing this  today I am doing so after I just got back from seeing Abraham yesterday, and believe me  I learned so much  that there are many amazing, dazzling posts to come so stay tuned. . .but seriously, so much of what they were talking about was about letting go.  Just let it go, stop worrying, go to the beach if you feel the need but just let it go. Have faith and know everything  works out precisely the way it is supposed to.  xo–K

My two cents:   Drop the oars, and just allow the river to take you to wherever it is you are supposed to be, and have faith in knowing  that it is going to be really, really, good.

chasing approval

I just got back from an Abraham-Hicks workshop and I swear, I’m still dancing on clouds.  If you’re an Abraham fan, you know what I mean: Esther Hicks is a rock star! So anyway, I got there early because K and I have developed a plan for the Abraham show: get there early, stake out a good seat close enough to the front to have an unobstructed view of the unfolding program, dash out for a coffee or CD, return in time for the main event.

So I got there early, saved a seat, then went out to cruise the bookstore goodies before settling in. When I got back , I discovered someone in my chair. “Hey,” I said. You’re in my seat.” He’d even moved the bag I’d left to mark my spot.  Well, he swore it was his seat, even though when I staked it out, it was just a naked chair. Whatever. While he went into a long story about how his partner had saved the seat and had put a book down on one chair (not both, mind you) apologizing, justifying, etc., I could have got into it with him, but the room was starting to fill up now, and good spots were getting snapped up. I started looking for around. Hey! I’ve “saved” plenty of lecture seats, and never had one swiped out from under me and I wasn’t about to let it spoil the mood. And what do you know? There was a seat in the very next row, which I took. Meanwhile, the seat thief was trying to convince me to give him forgiveness, love and approval. Yeah, I wasn’t in the mood.

So it makes it even more interesting that my row-mate and I started talking about Byron Katie. I explained to her the situation at my work that had me off-center, and I was really glad to be at the workshop. She casually mentioned, “There are three things people chase and can never have if they are chasing them: love, appreciation, approval.” This really stopped me in my tracks.

Approval was what I was trying to elicit from my co-worker, and the more I tried to prove I was worth it, the more unwilling to give it he became.  In turn, I had done something similar to the seat thief.  A mistake was made, and even though he wasn’t about to give up his seat to me, he still kept talking, wanting my forgiveness, my approval. How many times have you known someone who had a difficult relationship with their mom or dad, and did everything they could, including building careers, having babies, chasing fame, just to please a parent who was never going to offer their approval, no matter what happened? They could spin on their head in a sequined tutu, and it would never be good enough. We’ve all known someone desperate for love: it puts off a vibe so unpleasant, it actually pushes people away. So sad! It all comes down to energy and what you will do to get it. Love, C

My two cents: approve of yourself; it’s all the approval you need!

♥♥♥

I talked to C when she returned from the Abraham workshop and she really was dancing on clouds.  If you have never been to a workshop I highly recommend it.  I am going to see them in SF next weekend and I can hardly wait, there really is nothing like it.  Being in a room with 400+ like-minded people is such a high.  It’s like having front row tickets to your favorite concert, the energy in the room is that big.

Approval has been something that has been coming up a lot lately. Why do we worry so much about what others think of us?  Does everyone really need to love us and think we are great?  Really?  Why do we go out of our minds when someone is mad at us?  Why do we feel the need to change someone’s mind if they don’t agree with us?  Does someone always have to be wrong so we can be right?  Just askin’. . . .

I used to be such a people pleaser, I really would be out of my mind if someone didn’t like me.  Not a healthy place to be.  I used to worry a lot, run conversations over and over in my head until I would come up with the perfect way to say something to someone where I could get my point across without giving them any reason to be mad at me.  And we all know how that goes, it’s nearly impossible.  If there was any way I could avoid confrontation, I would do it, even if it was detrimental to me.

I think things really started to change when I became a mother.  The only thing that really mattered to me was my daughter.  If I needed to stand up to a teacher or someone who had something to do with my kid, I had no problem doing it.  The more I practiced  the better I got at it.  It didn’t need to be dramatic, I just started to speak my peace without worrying what others thought of me.  Wow, it felt so good, I wondered, what took me so long to get to this place and what was I so afraid of?

I think growing up with a critical and judgmental parent has a big part in wanting approval, but like C said earlier, there are some people who are never going to approve of you.  I finally got that, as much as I hope people like me and think I am a good person.  I know that the only thing that is really important is that I live my life with integrity, do what I think is best for me and approve of myself. xo-K

My two cents:  There is no way you will ever get everyone’s approval, and even if you could it doesn’t matter.

liar liar pants on fire

Okay, so there I was, playing nice on a work project with a team, when I realized that one of the team members started giving off some really icky vibes. I didn’t say anything, just kept observing the individual. The weird vibe was consistent. Over time, I knew it was there, and then today: BAM, it all came to a head.

In a way, I was relieved, because it confirmed my intuitive hit: something was off. Now that I think about the situation, I know that there are several more element in play, even though he denies it. Before, I would have tried to engage him about what he was saying, even though I knew he declared I was wrong. Now, I know that there is more going on than meets the eye. I know that there is a nasty little piece of work in play, even though my colleague says there’s nothing more to it.

Oh, please, don’t think that I am all fluffy puppies and moonbeams about all this. Heck no! I got all up in my stuff about it, all defensive, all co-dependent. Sigh. In case you still think that things are just random and circumstances just “happen,” think again. Just as I am going through my little drama, guess who calls? K! So there I am, all off-center, off-balance, SO not in my goddess all-knowing. I needed to vent. And bless her, K listened. See, I so love her about this: sometimes she really calls me on my sh*t, knowing when I can handle it. But this time, she just listened and supported me, told me to stand firm, stand tall.  But most of all, she said, “that’s so 3D, such an illusion. Let’s just think about doing God’s work.” Wow: talk about a shift.

When I get all twisted up, Marianne Williamson has a prayer that gives me comfort and it goes like this: “Dear God, where would you have me serve?”  That pretty much takes the ego out of it, totally deflates the defensiveness. Where would YOU have me serve? Not my sad little ego, my wounded little self, but You who know all things and know better than me why this drama is rising up and grabbing my attention. Still haven’t worked that out yet, but I can tell you I stand in a place of power when I consider the players in this little drama, the hurtful things they say, and know exactly what they do not say.

People lie all the time, and they think no one knows. There is no angel standing by taking notes about our so-called sins, as I was taught in catechism class. No, it’s us. We know. We know when someone is lying to us, deceiving us, saying one thing and thinking another. We are all psychic. We know, if we are only willing to honor our knowing. Love, C

My two cents: Trust your gut. It is never wrong.

♥♥♥

Sometimes this work is just exhausting. . . grrr.  Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it, like what’s the point?  When do things start getting easy?

C texted me earlier today and was not in a good space, I called her a bit later, when I had a color processing  and  she filled me in on the jerk she was dealing with at her office .  She was frustrated, because someone who has no idea what she does or how good she is at her job with trying to tell her how she should be doing it his way and his way of course is better. NOT.  As much as she really didn’t want to hear it in that moment, I told her there was something in it for her.

Whenever something keeps coming up in a similar fashion, there is something we are not getting, and a lot of  times it has to do with us standing up for ourselves, and not going against our gut when we know we are right.  I told C about my experiences with clients who come in and try to tell me how to do my job.  I want my clients to be happy, and they get to pick whatever style or color they want.  I do give my opinion but ultimately it is their hair, their choice.  What they don’t get to pick is how I get the end result.  I am the expert I do things my way, period.  I have learned the hard way that when I let someone sway me to do thing against my better judgment and things don’t turn out well, they are not happy and neither am I.  Then on top of it, if I do what they want and it doesn’t turn out, who’s fault is it in the end? Mine of course.  Seriously?

I decided a few years ago, I have to do what I am good at, do what I think is right, and not let anyone, ever, make me doubt myself.  I am confident in my skills, and abilities and who I am as a person and I am always going to stand up for me.  As much as I would defend a friend, and have their back, I will have my own back.

I have learned to never go against what I believe in,  never let anyone change how I feel about myself as a person,  or change how I do things because I have fear that they won’t love me, approve of me or even that I will lose my job.   I will never again, second guess myself, sell myself short or let anyone’s opinion of me override my opinion of me.  That is my commitment to myself, and I know that if I can hold true to that, everything will just fall into place in my world.  xo-K

My two cents:  Nobody can do you as well as you can.  Remember that. . .everyday.

liar liar pants on fire

Okay, so there I was, playing nice on a work project with a team, when I realized that one of the team members started giving off some really icky vibes. I didn’t say anything, just kept observing the individual. The weird vibe was consistent. Over time, I knew it was there, and then today: BAM, it all came to a head.

In a way, I was relieved, because it confirmed my intuitive hit: something was off. Now that I think about the situation, I know that there are several more elements in play, even though he denies it. Before, I would have tried to engage him about what he was saying, even though I knew he declared I was wrong. Now, I know that there is more going on than meets the eye. I know that there is a nasty little piece of work in play, even though my colleague says there’s nothing more to it.

Oh, please, don’t think that I am all fluffy puppies and moonbeams about all this. Heck no! I got all up in my stuff about it, all defensive, all co-dependent. Sigh. In case you still think that things are just random and circumstances just “happen,” think again. Just as I am going through my little drama, guess who calls? K! So there I am, all off-center, off-balance, SO not in my goddess all-knowing. I needed to vent. And bless her, K listened. See, I so love her about this: sometimes she really calls me on my sh*t, knowing when I can handle it. But this time, she just listened and supported me, told me to stand firm, stand tall.  But most of all, she said, “that’s so 3D, such an illusion. Let’s just think about doing God’s work.” Wow: talk about a shift.

When I get all twisted up, Marianne Williamson has a prayer that gives me comfort and it goes like this: “Dear God, where would you have me serve?”  That pretty much takes the ego out of it, totally deflates the defensiveness. Where would YOU have me serve? Not my sad little ego, my wounded little self, but You who know all things and know better than me why this drama is rising up and grabbing my attention. Still haven’t worked that out yet, but I can tell you I stand in a place of power when I consider the players in this little drama, the hurtful things they say, and know exactly what they do not say.

People lie all the time, and they think no one knows. There is no angel standing by taking notes about our so-called sins, as I was taught in catechism class. No, it’s us. We know. We know when someone is lying to us, deceiving us, saying one thing and thinking another. We are all psychic. We know, if we are only willing to honor our knowing. Love, C

My two cents: Trust your gut. It is never wrong.

♥♥♥

Sometimes this work can seem exhausting.  Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it, like what’s the point?  When do things start getting easier?

C texted me earlier today and was not in a good space, I called her back when I had a color processing  and  she filled me in on the jerk she was dealing with at her office .  She was frustrated, because someone who has no idea what she does or how good she is at her job with trying to tell her how she should be doing it his way and his way was much better than her way and in his mind the only way. NOT.  As much as she really didn’t want to hear it in that moment, I told her there was something there for her.

Whenever something keeps coming up in a similar fashion, there is something we are not getting, maybe it’s a sign it’s  time to move on from the situation, or maybe it’s about standing up for yourself, and not going against your gut when you know you’re right.  Whatever it is, if something is rubbing you wrong and it just feels icky, know that there is a lesson lurking and a potential for growth there for you.

I told C about my experiences with clients who come in and try to tell me how to do my job.  I want my clients to be happy, and they get to pick whatever style or color they want.  I do give my opinion but ultimately it is their hair, their choice.  What they don’t get to pick is how I get the end result.  I am the expert I do things my way, period.  I have learned the hard way that when I let someone sway me to do thing against my better judgment things don’t turn out well, and then they aren’t happy and neither am I.  Then on top of it, if I do what they want and it doesn’t turn out, who’s fault is it in the end? Mine of course.  Seriously?

I decided a few years ago, I have to do what I am good at, do what I think is right, and not let anyone, ever, make me doubt myself.  I am confident in my skills, and abilities and who I am as a person and I am always going to stand up for me.  As much as I would defend a friend, and have their back, I will have my own back.

I have learned to never go against what I believe in,  never let anyone change how I feel about myself as a person, or change how I do things because I fear  someone won’t love me, approve of me, or that they will leave me .   I will never again, second guess myself, sell myself short or let anyone’s opinion of me override my opinion of me.  That is my commitment to myself, and I know that if I  hold true to that, everything will just fall into place in my world.  xo-K

My two cents:  Nobody can do YOU as well as you can.  Remember that…everyday.

i will remember you

I once knew a photographer, an amazing and talented  man.  D had a wildly eclectic collection of friends, and I am glad to have been counted as one.  I had just run away (sort of) to California, and he was living next door to a pal from the hot air balloon crowd I ran with. He was living with his children in a sprawling ranch-style home in the wine country and hosting impromptu summertime pool parties when I met him. His wife had high tailed it back to San Francisco, but D was happiest in the country. He was a rogue, a ladies man, and though I always enjoyed his company, I never enjoyed it like that. Not that he didn’t try: I was always swatting his hand away from my girl parts. I never took it personally, and neither did he.

After a while, D’s kids grew up, and he remarried. We remained friends. While I was never close to his second wife, we were friendly, connected by our affection to charming,  lovable, dapper, D. My friend was old school. He grew up in Austria, and his family fled the Nazis. Soldiers actually visited his family home one night, took his father out and roughed him up. Soon after, the family fled Austria Von Trapp family style: over the Alps. They eventually landed in San Francisco, and then migrated up to wine country. D never lost his old world charm. He was a speaker of languages, a lover of life.

About ten years ago, his memory started to go. First it was little things like appointments, grocery lists, the exact location of car keys. Then it got gradually worse. Finally, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. There was a period of time when he would call me every week. “C,” he said. “We miss you! Please come visit!” I agreed. “Of course I’ll come,” I said. “I’ll see you soon.” And I did come. We had lunch and a visit. Somewhere along the line, he stopped making grabs for my girl parts, and it was kind of sad. I knew he was slipping away.  The calls continued. Weekly. “C! It’s been so long since we’ve seen you. We miss you! Please come visit!” Yes, yes, I said. I didn’t feel too bad about not visiting as often because I realized he didn’t remember when I did.

Finally, the last time I visited with them, I happened to be in the town where they live and dropped by. This had always been our custom: drop by when you can. Visit. Have a glass of wine, share stories. This time, Wife Deux was very glad to see me. “D, look! It’s C!” she said. “Say hello!” she said. Charming and sweet as ever, D politely kissed my cheek and said hello. He hadn’t a clue who I was.

Abraham says that people like D are living in two worlds. Part of them have re-emerged with Source and are well and happy and content, while part of them remain here fulfilling a promise, not quite yet ready to go. Even though D can’t remember me, I remember him with enough love and gratitude for both of us. Love, C

My two cents: The love you share exists. Always.

♥♥♥

Ahhh, I remember D, he was a scoundrel, a flirt, a real ladies man.  I don’t think that guy could look at you without making you feel like a million bucks.  He sure did know how to appreciate a lady.  I cut his hair for years, and when his memory started to go, and he started just showing up at random times, I took care of him anyway.  I haven’t seen him in years, but I think of him often.  He was old school, he look like an old movie star but a little more rugged, with a heart of gold.

He lived about forty minutes away from the salon so in the last year or so that I saw him I was always a little surprised to see him.  He always tried to make it down for a haircut.  I’m sure he could have gotten his hair cut five minutes from his house, but no; he would always try to make it in to see me.  Sometimes he would schedule an appointment and not show up. That always worried me.  I didn’t really like him driving that far, it made me nervous that he might lose his way or get into trouble, but then I figured he had his angels with him and if he lost his way they would take over and get him where he needed to be.

Who knows why some people end up without memories of the past?  Maybe when you are half in this world and half in another it’s not important to reflect back.  Maybe he was ready to go before others were ready to let him go, it’s hard to live without someone who has been such a huge presence in your life.  I guess that’s why we have memories while we’re still  here, so it’s a little easier to let someone go when it’s their time and we can always have them in our hearts.  Love to you D.  xo-K

My two cents:  True love never dies.

it takes as long as it takes

I was talking to one of my bffs the other day, a girl wh0 goes in and out of hell  pretty much daily. She’s at war with her ex and it’s a battle of wills, the kind of battle that can never really be won and she knows it but for some reason she just can’t let it go.

My friend wants it to be over but she also wants to be right and wants to win, a  deadly combination.  In one minute she wants it to be done, she can’t stand dealing with him or his drama  for another minute and doesn’t care if she wins or who has to pay.  Then. . . she thinks about it and that’s where the trouble starts.  “It’s not fair,”  she cries, and now she wants to win.

Is she justified? Yes. Does she deserve to win? Oh hell yeah.  Is that stopping the ending from beginning?  Yes my darling it is.

Does she want to be right or be happy?  She wants  both, and frankly that is the problem because both is not an option.  Sorry, you have to choose. It’s hard, but it can be done, and it takes as long as it takes.  I love my friend to death but when she reports on the latest, way he’s done me wrong, I can’t help but think, you could end this right here, right now. . .just let it go.

No one person is your source. No one is responsible for your happiness but you.  If you don’t like what is going on, either get out of it or if that isn’t possible, look at it in a different light.  What other choice do you have?  If you can’t see it in a way that you feel okay about, then maybe you need to look at something else.  Some other aspect in you life that is working.  That does make you happy.  It’s always a choice.

If you are always looking to others to do things in a way that works for you or say the perfect thing or you can only be happy when you hit all the green lights on the way to work and nobody says anything to hurt your feelings, you have a tough road ahead of you.

I have learned from years of looking at things from all different perspectives that there are as many green lights as red, but most people don’t seem to notice the good things as much as the things that annoy or irritate them. You can’t make the light change shades by sheer will but you can change the way you feel when sitting at the red light.  Stop, look around, notice something beautiful.

And if you can’t manage to do that don’t worry, just give it some time,  with a little practice you can master being happy no matter what the circumstances are, but in the mean time, if those red lights are driving you  crazy and ruining your day. . . leave 5 minutes earlier.  Just a suggestion. xo-K

My two cents:  Just like you wouldn’t scream at a two year old, “get up ya little dummy”  when he falls learning to walk, don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t get it.  Just know that only YOU can change the way you look at things.

♥♥♥

Marianne Williamson has a prayer that I adore and which is brilliant in its simplicity. It goes like this: “Dear God, please don’t change this situation before me, but help me to change my mind about it.”

It isn’t that your spouse left you for another woman when you were three months pregnant, it is the thoughts you hold about that affair. There are so many feelings you can attach to a situation like that. Betrayal, sadness, rage, anger, the whole spectrum of pain and suffering. And they are all valid. But the truth is, you are the one who attaches the pain and the suffering, no one else. There is a saying about resentment: it’s like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Love it!

Sometimes life lessons knock us off our pins. Sometimes we aren’t done with the tug of war because we feel like if we stop fighting and just let it be, it will mean we don’t care or that our love never mattered or that no one will love us ever again. We do such a number on ourselves.

Byron Katie had a technique called The Work. It mostly involves taking a position and then asking a number of questions to determine if your thoughts about it are “true.”  For instance, the woman whose husband left her could say, “he should pay for what he did to me.” Is this true? Did she really have no part in the rift that eventually divided their marriage, no responsibility?  The final element of Katie’s work is to turn it around. The abandoned woman could say, “I left me long before he did.” You know when you hit on the truth. Rather, you feel it. You get goosebumps, or let loose a big sigh, or feel a chill. You know.

When you ask God to help you change your mind about a situation, you are really asking for peace. You are really asking to detach from the pain and suffering that you have attached to the scene (which your soul really just created to give you a chance to heal a past emotional wound). The pain only exists in our mind anyway, right? You can’t point to a room in your house and say ‘this is where betrayal lives.’ It’s just an idea. And like any idea, you can either think it over and over and over again until it becomes a belief, or you can let it go. Love, C

My two cents: We are all just bumping around here, doing the best we can, trying to remember that we are all emissaries of love, learning to love again.

three simple things

It’s no secret that relationships require maintenance. Heck, even the best romance hits a rough patch now and then. When a dull or even sharp crisis arises, our primitive brain kicks in and we (predictably) revert back to cave girl fight or flee behavior. Our primitive brain equates conflict with a sabertooth tiger and then we say and do things that we later come to regret. Does it have to be this hard?

In a word, no. In his relationship bible called Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix has  an exercise he uses with troubled couples and it works so well he uses it in his own marriage as a daily practice. I read about this little drill last night before I went to sleep, and I dreamed about it all night. It is, quite simply, brilliant. Hendrix calls the exercise ‘three things.’

When a pair of anguished lovers come to Hendrix to help resolve their disputes, they agree on the “boundaries” of the therapy, and then they begin with the ‘three things.’  Each partner in the relationship writes down a list of ten things that they would like the other to do for them. These are pleasant things that make them feel safe, loved, secure in the lovingkindess of the other. These could be  things like ‘bring me flowers,’ or ‘rub my neck for five minutes,’  or ‘make me toast in the morning.’ Small things, elegant gestures of affection.

Once the lists are made, each partner agrees to do three things each day from the other’s list, as a gift with no strings attached. They perform the tasks as an act of love, not of negotiation or a barter for something else. Often, these are behaviors that each may have performed when they were still in the rosy courtship phase of their relationship, thoughtful things they did when their only intention was to please the other. Sometimes these are gestures that as a child made the person feel totally safe and loved in the world. Hendrix found that as the partners performed these behaviors, their attitudes and feelings began to soften, that love is able to overpower the jealousy or insecurity or anxiety that the ego had become fixated upon, and love became to most dominant feeling once again.

Sounds so simple, right? Instead of digging in, it only takes one to enter choose grace for the other to put his or her guard down long enough to feel those yummy feelings we only want to feel anyway, right? I think that in a healthy, robust relationship we tend to do things to please our partner naturally. But it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to get caught up in kids and cars and careers and yaddah. The best relationships I know are ones where two people consciously make an effort to make the other a priority. But just in case, it’s good to make three simple things a habit. Love, C

My two cents: good habits trump bad habits every time!

♥♥♥

I love this post C, and I so get it.  Abraham says, if there are nine things you like about your partner and one thing you don’t, if you focus on the one thing, the relationship won’t work, but the opposite is also true, if there are nine thing you dislike about your partner and one thing you adore and you focus on that one thing your relationship will flourish.

Sometimes when I have a new client and after I am clear about what we are doing with their hair, I try to get to know them, their life, what is important to them. Hey, I spend a lot of time with my clients and I really develop a relationship with them.  Some people are a little harder to get to know than others.  A great way to really get someone to talk and open up is to ask them about  how they met their spouse or about their  wedding.  You can’t even imagine the glow of someone who is almost time traveling back to a time when they were young and in love, and probably haven’t felt that kind of love for their significant other in I don’t even know how long.

Forget about how much their husband of 25 years just made them crazy out of their minds just this morning at breakfast, ask them about the way that man asked for their hand and he turns into price charming in the here and now.  I have done this on more than one occasion and I have to say it is quite lovely to see the change in the face of someone who just minutes before was tired, feeling old, possibly unappreciated, and not very hopeful, turn into a beautiful girl, so hopeful and full of promise before your very eyes.

I’m not talking about making someone out to be something they are not, what I am suggesting is that you look for the best in your partner, or business associate, or friend.  Focus on the best parts of them. The reasons why they are in your life in the first place.  And by the way you are not doing this for them, you are doing this for you.  When you focus on all the wonderful things about someone you love, someone you chose to spend your whole life with or someone who you pick to be your best friend or maybe your child, it just plain feels good.  Revisit why you decided to love that person in the first place. xo-K

My two cents:  Focus on what is great about the people you love, not for their benefit but just because it feels so good.

if I wasn’t afraid

Woof. I just had a breakthrough that threw me for a spectacular loop.  I got an insight Saturday that I had been trying to ignore. You know the kind I’m talking about: intuition speaks up loud and clear and you jam your fingers in your ears going lalalacan’thearyou! Anyway, I spent the better part of Sunday, my favorite day of the week, moping around in a funk, letting the revelation sink in.

Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe when you learn a life lesson, you don’t beat yourself up for not knowing that thing your soul set you up to learn in the first place.  So there I was, working on myself yet again, when I picked up my journal and read through the notes on my life thus far.

I flipped through the pages and realized that the first quarter of 2010 has been amazing. Together, K and I launched a blog, which has grown into a healthy and thriving chronicle of life, love, relationships. (So cute! And popular, too!) So far, 2010 has been a rootin’ tootin’ ride.  We are living at what Abraham calls The Awakening. If you’re doing your work, things are starting to pick up speed, moving really fast.  Things are moving pretty fast if you’re not doing your work, it just isn’t as much fun. Just sayin’.

Anyway, so there is an inventory in my journal, dated Dec. 31, 2009. The inventory contains a list of all the things I accomplished last year. Impressive, if I do say so myself! What the inventory also contains, is an exercise I picked up from a rebroadcast on Hay House Radio, from Sonia Choquette. The exercise is called “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . . .”  The idea is to take a sheet of paper or a page from a journal, and write “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . .” and then as quickly as possible, without thinking about it, make a list of all the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you. It’s a very illuminating exercise, and I highly recommend it.

What are the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you? Allow love in? Take a vacation? Stand up for yourself? Love yourself more? Lose weight, take a class, make a friend, tell your mother to stop bossing you around like you were still 10?  The funny thing is, when you look at the list of all of the things you’re afraid of, you realize that there really is no monster under the bed. You’ve just pretended that by not living your life fully, you’ve somehow earned a prize for being the most well-behaved person in your PTA/office/marriage. But guess what? There is no prize for letting fear win, and it isn’t too late to decide to live life like you really mean it! Love, C

My two cents: fear is nothing more than our fragile egos wanting to be safe. . . but there really is nothing to be afraid of!

♥♥♥

If I wasn’t afraid, if I only had a brain, if I didn’t give a s**t about what people thought about me.  It’s all kinda the same thing.  If I didn’t worry so much about anything outside of myself and what others thought.  What if I just trusted, really trusted my first thought, my intuition and acted on that.  What if I didn’t really think about it at all?  What if I just went with the flow of the river and let it take me for an amazing ride without trying to control or manipulate the outcome?  Just askin’.

I have been doing alot of work on myself, hard work but so rewarding and it is starting to be fun and entertaining.  I am reflecting back on past relationships and experiences in my life, and I know they always say hindsight is 20/20, but I am really starting to see the gifts in my life and experiences pretty much immediately, I don’t have to wait 2 or 20 years to see, “Oh now I get why that had to play out the way it did.”

As C said earlier, Abraham said it is now a time of awakening, they also say that all those who are looking will  find.  That just makes me feel that all of this work has been worth it and I feel at peace and I know there is nothing to be afraid of.  We re in amazing times here guys, things are moving faster, our intuition is at an all time high, hell just look at your kids,  hand them an iPhone or a new computer game,  they just instinctively know how to do this stuff.   Amazing times, so exciting.

So, back to fear,  it does have it’s place, if danger is lurking in a dark parking lot and you get that ick feeling, listen to that.  If you are alone with someone and get an uneasy feeling, again, pay attention.  But outside of those kinds of creepy dangerous situations my motto has been for the last couple of years, don’t base your decisions on fear, period.  Don’t not do something you really want to do because of what you think might happen.  Don’t stress about that job interview because they might not hire you.  Don’t beat yourself up before a date because he might not think you are smart or pretty enough.  If a situation presents itself and you aren’t sure if you should go for it or not, ask yourself, am I not doing this because I am afraid?  If that is your answer, maybe you need to take another look at it.  xo-K

My two cents:  As one of my favorite teachers, Marianne Williamson says, “You never make your decisions based on fear, you make you decisions based on love.”

if I wasn't afraid

Woof. I just had a breakthrough that threw me for a spectacular loop.  I got an insight Saturday that I had been trying to ignore. You know the kind I’m talking about: intuition speaks up loud and clear and you jam your fingers in your ears going lalalacan’thearyou! Anyway, I spent the better part of Sunday, my favorite day of the week, moping around in a funk, letting the revelation sink in.

Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe when you learn a life lesson, you don’t beat yourself up for not knowing that thing your soul set you up to learn in the first place.  So there I was, working on myself yet again, when I picked up my journal and read through the notes on my life thus far.

I flipped through the pages and realized that the first quarter of 2010 has been amazing. Together, K and I launched a blog, which has grown into a healthy and thriving chronicle of life, love, relationships. (So cute! And popular, too!) So far, 2010 has been a rootin’ tootin’ ride.  We are living at what Abraham calls The Awakening. If you’re doing your work, things are starting to pick up speed, moving really fast.  Things are moving pretty fast if you’re not doing your work, it just isn’t as much fun. Just sayin’.

Anyway, so there is an inventory in my journal, dated Dec. 31, 2009. The inventory contains a list of all the things I accomplished last year. Impressive, if I do say so myself! What the inventory also contains, is an exercise I picked up from a rebroadcast on Hay House Radio, from Sonia Choquette. The exercise is called “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . . .”  The idea is to take a sheet of paper or a page from a journal, and write “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . .” and then as quickly as possible, without thinking about it, make a list of all the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you. It’s a very illuminating exercise, and I highly recommend it.

What are the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you? Allow love in? Take a vacation? Stand up for yourself? Love yourself more? Lose weight, take a class, make a friend, tell your mother to stop bossing you around like you were still 10?  The funny thing is, when you look at the list of all of the things you’re afraid of, you realize that there really is no monster under the bed. You’ve just pretended that by not living your life fully, you’ve somehow earned a prize for being the most well-behaved person in your PTA/office/marriage. But guess what? There is no prize for letting fear win, and it isn’t too late to decide to live life like you really mean it! Love, C

My two cents: fear is nothing more than our fragile egos wanting to be safe. . . but there really is nothing to be afraid of!

♥♥♥

If I wasn’t afraid, if I only had a brain, if I didn’t give a s**t about what people thought about me.  It’s all kinda the same thing.  If I didn’t worry so much about anything outside of myself and what others thought.  What if I just trusted, really trusted my first thought, my intuition and acted on that.  What if I didn’t really think about it at all?  What if I just went with the flow of the river and let it take me for an amazing ride without trying to control or manipulate the outcome?  Just askin’.

I have been doing alot of work on myself, hard work but so rewarding and it is starting to be fun and entertaining.  I am reflecting back on past relationships and experiences in my life, and I know they always say hindsight is 20/20, but I am really starting to see the gifts in my life and experiences pretty much immediately, I don’t have to wait 2 or 20 years to see, “Oh now I get why that had to play out the way it did.”

As C said earlier, Abraham said it is now a time of awakening, they also say that all those who are looking will  find.  That just makes me feel that all of this work has been worth it and I feel at peace and I know there is nothing to be afraid of.  We re in amazing times here guys, things are moving faster, our intuition is at an all time high, hell just look at your kids,  hand them an iPhone or a new computer game,  they just instinctively know how to do this stuff.   Amazing times, so exciting.

So, back to fear,  it does have it’s place, if danger is lurking in a dark parking lot and you get that ick feeling, listen to that.  If you are alone with someone and get an uneasy feeling, again, pay attention.  But outside of those kinds of creepy dangerous situations my motto has been for the last couple of years, don’t base your decisions on fear, period.  Don’t not do something you really want to do because of what you think might happen.  Don’t stress about that job interview because they might not hire you.  Don’t beat yourself up before a date because he might not think you are smart or pretty enough.  If a situation presents itself and you aren’t sure if you should go for it or not, ask yourself, am I not doing this because I am afraid?  If that is your answer, maybe you need to take another look at it.  xo-K

My two cents:  As one of my favorite teachers, Marianne Williamson says, “You never make your decisions based on fear, you make you decisions based on love.”

 

dating blind

I had breakfast with a friend this morning and told her I had a date tonight. “Text me when you’re done,” she said. That’s how we roll these days. Intro online, meet briefly, text results. My girl and I sat there for a while, talking about the perils and pleasures of dating in the digital age. L married her man when she was in her forties, and a decade later, they are still very much in love. They are sweet to be around, and he adores her.  “Remember, everyone has baggage,” L said as we parted ways.

Call me reckless or foolish (pick one), but a small corner of my romance-believing heart thinks that maybe happiness can be found online, that expanding the numbers of people you encounter exponentially can work for you, like playing the slots at a casino. That by stirring up the cosmic pot of attraction, fate and destiny will conspire to deliver romance right to my door. Hey! It’s a theory!  So then, here are the results of dating blind thus far:

Bachelor Number One was a really nice guy with boy-next-door good looks,  who is still reallllly angry about the tragic death of his wife ten years ago in a completely random accident and who is tenderly caring for an aging labrador that as a couple they adopted when the old girl was still a pup. That dog is his most loyal and steadfast companion and it gives me shivers to see that heartbreak peeking over the horizon.

Bachelor Number Two, was the retired physician who was really smart, I mean really, like Mensa, smart. And interesting. World traveler. Dancer. Smooth, except he thought it was entirely appropriate to try to feel me up as we sat side by side in a romantic little resto on our third date. Oops. Come on!

Then, there was Groovy Guy, dude who was hella fun on our first/last/only meet up and who felt safer texting than actually meeting face to face, so risky. Groovy guy, as it turns out was  smart, funny, sexy as all get out. . . and who’s wounded heart stopped him from being fully present. Pity, because among other things, he gets two girls! Tsk.

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a guy who suggested we meet for the first time  right after his weekly yoga class. Seriously, dude?   Man sweat is so not a first date turn-on.   Anyway, when we finally met, I introduced Yoga Man to a groovy little coffee shop I know, where we talked and swapped stories for an hour or so. Said he’d call. Have yet to hear from him. Could be he pulled a hamstring.

And now we are up tonight’s audition for most beloved new friend and potential love interest: retired pilot.  He thinks I’m spicy, a hot little tomato. He wants to go to cooking school in Tuscany. Hm. As it turns out, I could get used to someone who knows their marinara from their puttanesca!  Love, C

My two cents: suit up, show up, enjoy the adventure!

♥♥♥

This is the reason why, when dating, especially online dating that you get really clear about what you want.  Whether you are looking for love online or just going out and putting yourself in the position to meet a potential partner, know what it is that you are looking for.   When you are interacting with a number of men, as you do when you are meeting online, you need to have a little bit more to go on when choosing, besides the superficial things like how he looks and what he does for a living.  You could possibly be spending a lot of time with this person, possibly the rest of your life, soooo. . .what exactly is it that you are looking for?

It’s so odd that when dating, and perhaps picking a potential life partner, we just kinda go out and wing it. We just bump around and kinda just go out with whoever shows up.  Well not everyone who shows up, but kinda whoever asks you out that seems nice and is physically attractive to you.  You don’t do that when picking a job, or buying a house. Most people are really clear about what they want in a house and they don’t really think about settling.  I think a lot of people put more thought into picking out an outfit to go on the date than actually what they want in the person they are dating.

Sometimes it is easier to start with what you don’t want and go from there.  C was put off with a guy who was going to meet her all sweaty after a yoga class.  Not what she wants, so what does she want?  Maybe someone who puts some thought and consideration and preparation into an initial meeting.  Don’t want to always have to do all the planning for a date?  I know after working all week, making decisions all day and being a mom, I don’t want to have to decide what to do on a date.  I like a man who asks me out and has a plan, or at least throws out a few options for me to pick from and then he makes the arrangements.

I have made a list and it is divided into negotiable and non-negotiables.  There are some things that I would love to have in a partner but if  I meet someone amazing and he doesn’t have or do those things it’s okay, they would be preferred but they are not deal breakers.  Then there are a few thing that are on my no how-no way list.  It is helpful to me because I have been known in the past to jump into something with a super hot guy who has a whole laundry list of characteristics that I didn’t even know that I didn’t want and then I was stuck in love with them and let’s just put it this way, I wish I would have been a little bit clearer about what I was looking for.

We all know about laws of attraction, and we are getting really clear about what happens when you put your attention on something.  So maybe it’s time to take a little time and give some thought about what the perfect relationship would look like.  Besides helping you get clear and upping your chances of getting exactly what you want, it’s a fun exercise as well.  xo–K

My two cents:  Put a little thought into what it is you would prefer, because the universe wants you to have exactly what you want.

dating blind

I had breakfast with a friend this morning and told her I had a date tonight. “Text me when you’re done,” she said. That’s how we roll these days. Intro online, meet briefly, text results. My girl and I sat there for a while, talking about the perils and pleasures of dating in the digital age. L married her man when she was in her forties, and a decade later, they are still very much in love. They are sweet to be around, and he adores her.  “Remember, everyone has baggage,” L said as we parted ways.

Call me reckless or foolish (pick one), but a small corner of my romance-believing heart thinks that maybe happiness can be found online, that expanding the numbers of people you encounter exponentially can work for you, like playing the slots at a casino. That by stirring up the cosmic pot of attraction, fate and destiny will conspire to deliver romance right to my door. Hey! It’s a theory!  So then, here are the results of dating blind thus far:

Bachelor Number One was a really nice guy with boy-next-door good looks,  who is still reallllly angry about the tragic death of his wife ten years ago in a completely random accident and who is tenderly caring for an aging labrador that as a couple they adopted when the old girl was still a pup. That dog is his most loyal and steadfast companion and it gives me shivers to see that heartbreak peering over the horizon.

Bachelor Number Two, was the retired physician who was really smart, I mean really, like Mensa, smart. And interesting. World traveler. Dancer. Smooth, except he thought it was entirely appropriate to try to feel me up as we sat side by side in a romantic little resto on our third date. Come on!

Then, there was Groovy Guy, dude who was hella fun on our first/last/only meet up and who felt safer texting than actually meeting face to face, so risky. Groovy guy, as it turns out was  smart, funny, sexy as all get out. . . and who’s wounded heart stopped him from being fully present. Pity, because among other things, he gets two girls. Tsk.

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a guy who suggested we meet for the first time  right after his weekly yoga class. Seriously, dude?   Man sweat is so not a first date turn-on.   Anyway, when we finally met, I introduced Yoga Man to a fabulous little coffee shop I know, where we talked and swapped stories for an hour or so. I had to get back to work; he said he’d call. Have yet to hear from him. Could be he pulled a hamstring.

And now we are up tonight’s audition for most beloved new friend and potential love interest:  recently retired.  He thinks I’m a spicy little tomato. He wants someone to travel with.  As it turns out, I have a penchant for adventure.  Love, C

My two cents: suit up, show up, enjoy the ride!

♥♥♥

This is the reason why, when dating, especially online dating that you get really clear about what you want.  Whether you are looking for love online or just going out and putting yourself in the position to meet a potential partner, know what it is that you are looking for.   When you are interacting with a number of men, as you do when you are meeting online, you need to have a little bit more to go on when choosing, besides the superficial things like how he looks and what he does for a living.  You could possibly be spending a lot of time with this person, possibly the rest of your life, soooo. . .what exactly is it that you are looking for?

It’s so odd that when dating, and perhaps picking a potential life partner, we just kinda go out and wing it. We just bump around and kinda just go out with whoever shows up.  Well not everyone who shows up, but kinda whoever asks you out that seems nice and is physically attractive to you.  You don’t do that when picking a job, or buying a house. Most people are really clear about what they want in a house and they don’t really think about settling.  I think a lot of people put more thought into picking out an outfit to go on the date than actually what they want in the person they are dating.

Sometimes it is easier to start with what you don’t want and go from there.  C was put off with a guy who was going to meet her all sweaty after a yoga class.  Not what she wants, so what does she want?  Maybe someone who puts some thought and consideration and preparation into an initial meeting.  Don’t want to always have to do all the planning for a date?  I know after working all week, making decisions all day and being a mom, I don’t want to have to decide what to do on a date.  I like a man who asks me out and has a plan, or at least throws out a few options for me to pick from and then he makes the arrangements.

I have made a list and it is divided into negotiable and non-negotiables.  There are some things that I would love to have in a partner but if  I meet someone amazing and he doesn’t have or do those things it’s okay, they would be preferred but they are not deal breakers.  Then there are a few thing that are on my no how-no way list.  It is helpful to me because I have been known in the past to jump into something with a super hot guy who has a whole laundry list of characteristics that I didn’t even know that I didn’t want and then I was stuck in love with them and let’s just put it this way, I wish I would have been a little bit clearer about what I was looking for.

We all know about laws of attraction, and we are getting really clear about what happens when you put your attention on something.  So maybe it’s time to take a little time and give some thought about what the perfect relationship would look like.  Besides helping you get clear and upping your chances of getting exactly what you want, it’s a fun exercise as well.  xo-K

My two cents:  Put a little thought into what it is you would prefer, because the universe wants you to have exactly what you want.

Get ready so you can be ready

Do you know how special you are? All the amazing things about you?  When is the last time you thought about it? Have you ever thought about it?  The truth is we all have beauty, talent, and that something special that makes you, you. We can all be so hard on ourselves, notice that extra pound or five, or when you hair is not just so, but when was the last time you gave yourself props for how great you looked or how smart you are?   A year ago?  Never?

A lot women don’t value  and appreciate themselves and then wonder why the men they end up dating don’t appreciate them.  The thing is you have to do it first.  If you put yourself on a pedestal, the man in your life will have to, or he won’t be in your life.  You want to be treated with love and respect, don’t put up with less.

You have to get there first, shift the energy. If in the past, you have put up with less than loving respectful treatment, maybe you need to take a break.  Spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want and how you want to be treated and what are your deal breakers are.  Know that you are amazing and worthy and don’t settle for less.  No more excuses. Ever.  If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either.  Not everyone is a match and not everyone needs to like you, but you need to like you.  You are the one that matters the most.

You need to get ready so you can be ready. If you want this great amazing guy and he shows up you need to know that you are worth having someone like that.  If you feel insecure or not worthy, it’s not fun and you might do something to sabotage the relationship or just get jealous or something. Another thing that happens when you haven’t done your work is you just don’t meet anyone that you would even consider dating. Then you are disillusioned and think there are no good men out there.

A good friend of mine, G, after trying the Match thing without much luck took a little break to re-evaluate.  She really got serious about what she wanted, even made a list.  She got really clear, she was a catch and deserved a good man.  On some level she just knew that something shifted after that.  She just had a feeling that she was really close to getting what she was looking for and had this sense of peace about it.  She met her husband soon after and he was everything she was looking for and more.  He absolutely adores her and  feels he hit the jackpot finding her.  They have mutual love and respect for each other and are having the time of their lives.  I am so happy for both of them.

I have heard so many stories like this lately,  so I know it really happens. I have asked a few of my friends and clients to share their stories with me and I will be sharing them here.  It is so inspiring and really makes me feel hopeful.  I know we can all get the feeling sometimes,that it will never happen.  Like you have to settle, because nobody’s perfect right?  Don’t do that to yourself, there is someone out there who will be just what you are looking for and guess what?  They are looking for you too, and it’s going to be so worth the wait.  xo-K

My two cents:  see your beauty, know your worth and just know you are going to get exactly what you want.

♥♥♥

One of my favorite ways to get ready or “pre-pave” in Abraham-Hick lingo, is to imagine.  Not creative, you say? I beg to differ, my darling. We are always imagining stuff. More often than not, we imagine the worst rather than the best. How do I know? You can tell how you’re thinking by the words you use. Phrases like “just my luck” or “yeah, right!” are symptoms of a negative imagination.

What if instead, we started imagining a better future instead of the same dreary, uninspired one we’ve been hauling around behind us all our lives like some kind of moth-eaten hunting trophy? Instead of feeling all boohoo, nothing good ever happens to me and then secretly hoping that something good does manage to fight its way through our defenses, we imagine something that we want, like oh, happiness?  Remember, you don’t have to figure out how to get happy all we have to do is figure out how to be happy and all the rest will follow.

One of my favorite ways to get over my own  habitual thinking, is to imagine a scenario in my mind, start pretending it’s so, and then allow the good feelings to flow. Lately, I’ve been feeling what it’s like to have my perfect partner in my life. When I’m getting ready for work, I’ll imagine that he’s in the next room, reading the paper or writing emails, planning his day.  Or, I’ll be driving, and imagine that the evening ahead is already planned: a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Or I’ll be running my Saturday errands, and imagine that he’s out running man errands, and we’ll meet up in the afternoon for a bike ride out along the river, or a movie in town. These are not full blown fantasies, they are simply small, quiet thoughts that make me feel happy.

Albert Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”  Dude knew something. I’m going with that.  Practice feeling the feeling! It costs nothing and offers big rewards. Huge. Love, C

My two cents: practice feeling how you want to feel and the universe will bend over backwards to second that emotion.

get ready so you can be ready

Do you know how special you are? All the amazing things about you?  When is the last time you thought about it? Have you ever thought about it?  The truth is we all have beauty, talent, and that something special that makes you, you. We can all be so hard on ourselves, notice that extra pound or five, or when you hair is not just so, but when was the last time you gave yourself props for how great you looked or how smart you are?   A year ago?  Never?

A lot of women don’t value  and appreciate themselves and then wonder why the men they end up dating don’t appreciate them.  The thing is you have to do it first.  If you put yourself on a pedestal, the man in your life will have to, or he won’t be in your life.  You want to be treated with love and respect, don’t put up with less.

You have to get there first, shift the energy. If in the past, you have put up with less than loving respectful treatment, maybe you need to take a break.  Spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want and how you want to be treated and what are your deal breakers are.  Know that you are amazing and worthy and don’t settle for less.  No more excuses. Ever.  If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either.  Not everyone is a match and not everyone needs to like you, but you need to like you.  You are the one that matters the most.

You need to get ready so you can be ready. If you want this great amazing guy and he shows up, you need to know that you are worth having someone like that.  If you feel insecure or not worthy, it’s not fun and you might do something to sabotage the relationship or just get jealous or push him away. Another thing that happens when you haven’t done your work is you just don’t meet anyone that you would even consider dating. Then you feel hopeless and disillusioned and think there are no good men out there.

A good friend of mine, G, after trying the Match thing without much luck took a little break to re-evaluate.  She really got serious about what she wanted, even made a list.  She got really clear, she was a catch and deserved a good man.  On some level she just knew that something shifted after that.  She just had a feeling that she was really close to getting what she was looking for and had this sense of peace about it.  She met her husband soon after and he was everything she was looking for and more.  He absolutely adores her and  feels he hit the jackpot finding her.  They have mutual love and respect for each other and are having the time of their lives.  I am so happy for both of them.

I have heard so many stories like this lately,  so I know it really happens. I have asked a few of my friends and clients to share their stories with me and I will be sharing them here.  It is so inspiring and really makes me feel hopeful.  I know we can all get the feeling sometimes,that it will never happen.  Like you have to settle, because nobody’s perfect right?  Don’t do that to yourself, there is someone out there who will be just what you are looking for and guess what?  They are looking for you too, and it’s going to be so worth the wait.  xo-K

My two cents:  see your beauty, know your worth and just know you are going to get exactly what you want.

♥♥♥

One of my favorite ways to get ready, or “pre-pave” in Abraham-Hick lingo, is to imagine.  Not creative, you say? I beg to differ, my darling. We are always imagining stuff. More often than not, we imagine the worst rather than the best. How do I know? You can tell how you’re thinking by the words you use. Phrases like “just my luck” or “yeah, right!” are symptoms of a negative imagination.

What if instead, we started imagining a better future instead of the same dreary, uninspired one we’ve been hauling around behind us all our lives like some kind of moth-eaten hunting trophy? Instead of feeling all boohoo, nothing good ever happens to me and then secretly hoping that something good does manage to fight its way through our defenses, we imagine something that we want, like oh, happiness?  Remember, you don’t have to figure out how to get happy all we have to do is figure out how to be happy and all the rest will follow.

One of my favorite ways to get over my own  habitual thinking, is to imagine a scenario in my mind, start pretending it’s so, and then allow the good feelings to flow. Lately, I’ve been feeling what it’s like to have my perfect partner in my life. When I’m getting ready for work, I’ll imagine that he’s in the next room, reading the paper or writing emails, planning his day.  Or, I’ll be driving, and imagine that the evening ahead is already planned: a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Or I’ll be running my Saturday errands, and imagine that he’s out running man errands, and we’ll meet up in the afternoon for a bike ride out along the river, or a movie in town. These are not full blown fantasies, they are simply small, quiet thoughts that make me feel happy.

Albert Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”  Dude knew something. I’m going with that.  Practice feeling the feeling! It costs nothing and offers big rewards. Huge. Love, C

My two cents: practice feeling how you want to feel and the universe will bend over backwards to second that emotion.

a million miles away….

C and I made a few comments on texting isn’t dating regarding long distance relationships and we got quite a few comments from people who disagreed with what we said.  Since we are just writing from our own experiences and we don’t claim to know everything about everything, it’s worth a closer look. So, naturally, we revisited the topic of long distance love.

It popped into my head just this morning that C and I are having a long distance relationship, granted it is a working relationship, and with telephone, email and texting we don’t need to be in the same place, and we rarely are.  We can both be on our blog site, bumbling through the techie part of this whole thing, and on the phone working it all out.   It’s amazing how we can figure it out being in two different states. But it is working.

What we were talking about was romantic relationships, and I know that is what the people commenting were referring to.  Neither one of us were trying so say that you can’t love someone who doesn’t live in close proximity to you, and we weren’t even implying that there wasn’t a purpose, lesson or anything else that is meaningful that happens when you fall for someone who lives across the country or even a few hours away.

I can only speak for myself, and I have had it happen to me twice. Wasn’t planned, didn’t feel I had a choice in the matter, just meeting someone and feeling swept away, like the relationship was its own separate entity that was going to have its way with you, like it or not.

Since I have had it happen to me, I know how strong it can be.  But I also know how you can think it can be more than it is and there are things that are meant to happen so you have to allow it, but when it starts looking like it’s not going to go any further, sometimes it’s better to just let it go and have some great memories. Not let it get so bad or crazy that you end up hating each other, letting something that was so beautiful become sad and ugly.  Easier said than done.

Back to our original comment dissing long distance relationships:  would I get involved now with someone who I could not get in my car and drive to see if I was missing them terribly?  No, I wouldn’t.  Been there done that and it is heartbreaking and I’m just not up for it anymore.  Do I think those things do sometimes work out?  They can, if they are meant to.  But I know there is a lot of longing and a lot of missing someone. I don’t know about you, but I am ready to be in relationship with someone who if I want to reach over and kiss them, I can, right now.  xo-K

My two cents: Enjoy every relationship that comes into your life, but not everyone needs to  last forever.

♥♥♥

K, I love this topic!  My beloved first (and so far, only) husband and I started off long distance. I lived in the beautiful California wine country, and he was the Los Angeles distributor of the winery I worked for. It was a match made in wine country heaven!  We spent hours on the phone, sending cards and letters (this was before texting — but I still think cards and letters are romantic. Just sayin’), flying back and forth. It was a whirlwind romance. Before we knew it, I had moved to LA, and that’s when the real romance began.

Of course you can love someone long distance. Or rather, you can love the idea of loving them long distance. You can feel all the giddy, dizzy, fluttery, carnival of feelings. You can spend hours on the phone and get to know the best parts of each other virtually, but you can’t really know them until you spend time in the same room.

I get it. I get how your heart beats a little faster when your caller ID illuminates his name. I get how the sound of his voice makes you melt. Hey! One of my personal rule-breakers is that my guy must have a good phone voice: I so get the appeal of a long distance lover!

I just don’t think it’s  a functioning relationship unless you share real estate, where you get to know those daily, less glamorous parts of yourselves with each other and give love a chance to experience the whole package. Celebrity marriages are notoriously fragile and I am convinced it’s because they have so many opportunities to not share living space. And how can you spontaneously and honestly share your secret, succulent, soul-shifting dreams with someone if you can’t look into their eyes and feel the heat of their skin?

The thing is, I think that we’re wired to love. I think that we’re so programmed to love and be loved in return, that we’re willing to project love where it doesn’t actually have a foundation. Don’t get me wrong: the feelings are real. Feelings are always real. But feelings can be like a plate full of whipped cream ~ they look pretty, feel pretty, taste pretty. But when you come right down to it, they’re mostly air. I’m not saying you can’t love like that, I’m just saying that there’s more to real and lasting love.

That said, I also believe that relationships need room to grow. . .they just don’t need 3,000 miles and a million frequent flyer miles to grow! Love, C

My two cents: When destiny calls, it won’t matter if your guy is half way around the world; he will show up.

sunshine and moonbeams

I have a Zen alarm clock that I adore. It wakes me gently up each morning with a single melodic chime — piiiiing–timed  at intervals that are based on the sacred geometry of halves, which may or may not be the geometry of our  3-D physical hard-wiring, if it matters. Anyway, one of the reasons I love my clock so much is that it calls me gradually from my dreams and so I can experience them vividly.

Most mornings, I savor waking up slowly and magisterially. But this morning, I was having a decidedly unpleasant dream in which I was in a large two story house full of people that would soon be under attack. Everyone in the town had the choice to leave or to stay and fight, and I was all, “oh, I’m good to leave, thanks,” but I couldn’t find a way out of the house. As soldiers were bringing in all kinds of weapons and ammo, I kept looking for a door out, not anxious, but wanting to leave. Needless to say that by the time I awoke fully,  my mood matched the weather: overcast and stormy. Not my favorite way to start the day!

It was a regular morning plus I was feeling a little emotionally turbulent, plus my morning meditation felt random, then I discovered ants trying to colonize my electric toothbrush charger and had to relocate them (down the drain), queen and all. Ick! I didn’t want to move into my day without redirecting my energy and thoughts to a better feeling place because what you think about expands, and I wanted to have a pleasant day!  And then as I went about getting ready for work, very quietly, I made a plea to buddhakrishnajesus to help me find a way to feel good because I wasn’t finding it on my own.

And then, the sweetest thing happened! I walked into the bathroom, and there in the middle of the white tile floor, was a tiny gray feather. I bent to pick it up and was filled with such gratitude for the message: you’re not alone. we’re always here. In the movie of my life, this is a mystical moment with rays of silvery light shooting out of me and Jakob Dylan is playing the guitar; the air is heavy with the perfume of spring flowers, and  the gates to OZ crack open just a little bit.

We’ve all been told that our guides, angels, Aunt Winnie, will leave little tokens of their affection lying around for us to find, and find comfort in. When I found that sweet feather, I felt the sadness left over from the dream dissipate and disappear. It was a small thing, but the energy of it shifted my entire day. I love having friends in high places! Love, C

My two cents: when you place an order with the cosmic concierge, pay attention to the signs that let you know your request has been received.

♥♥♥

I bet a lot of people think that just because we are doing this work, directing our thoughts, focusing on what we want,etc. that it is always yippee skippy, sunshine and moonbeams with us.  Well let me tell you, and if you don’t believe me ask my daughter, I am not a morning person.  I love to sleep.  I too, have a little zen alarm on my phone that I wake up to but it always seems to ring about an hour before I would like to wake up, and I am kinda cranky more mornings than not.  But I know that I have a choice about how I want my day to go. I have the choice if I want to go from tired and cranky, to full on bitchy or not; and I very rarely choose that route.

Most mornings I hit the snooze and spend the next ten minutes before my zen chimes again to meditate, appreciate, and get myself into a happy place.  With much work, dedication and practice, I have learned that I decide how I want my day to go.  Now I didn’t say that I get to decide what is going to happen, because let’s face it nobody can do that.  I decide how I am going to feel about whatever comes my way.  How I react to what goes on out there is my choice, so in essence I decide if it’s going to be a day that’s great or a day that should have never started.

This stuff takes practice, lots of practice, everyday –until it becomes second nature.  Sometimes you just have to stop, take a breath, take a moment, rewind.  There is no right or wrong way to do this, but just know that the more conscious you are, the easier it gets.  Do I have it down? Not quite  but I’m getting close.  These days, if I start to go there to the dark place where bitchy lives, I can feel it coming and stop it before it gets too crazy. Then some days I don’t, and that’s okay too.

One of the things that has really been a life saver for me is my new fav mantra/affirmation,  Everything always works out for me. When I start to get overwhelmed or stressed out, I just start that affirmation and it’s just like taking a big yummy deep breath.  So calming, and I just know that everything is just as it is supposed to be.  That is my new personal favorite, but I think everyone needs to find something that feels right for them.  Keep it general, so the same thing can apply to different areas of your life.  It’s just easier that way, and there is not as much resistance to a general statement.

There is no one way to do any of this stuff, it is all trial and error.  Find out what works for you to get you to the place you want to be, and you will be amazed at how wonderful your life can be. xo-K

My two cents:  Be easy with yourself, and enjoy the ride.

the star you are

I’ve been working on developing a new super power: telepathy. After watching a video called Indigo Evolution, we all should be working on this one cause the new ones coming in have it down! Indigo, Crystal, Rainbow Children, they are the kids who enter earth school at a higher frequency, the ones who didn’t forget who they really are.

Maybe I’ve just gotten lazy, and have stopped trying to shut out the information coming my way, broadcast all around, like radio signals.  Once, I lived on a hill in a town near where all the radio and television towers were.  We couldn’t get messages on our home phone because every time the machine got switched on by an incoming call, it picked up on the strongest radio wave floating through the air and recorded that instead of a voice message. The machine was bombarded by radio signals, so it simply broadcast the strongest one when it got switched on. People are like that too. If you think of our bodies as an energetic transmitter like a radio tower, our thoughts are the messages that we are broadcasting. Carolyn Myss and Robert Ohotto both say that we spend about 95 % of our energy blocking intuitive messages. We don’t have to try to be intuitive, we have to try to not be.

When someone says something  where their words don’t match their vibration, how do you know? Rather, where do you know? Where in your body do you feel when the words someone speaks are untrue? I usually feel it in my stomach, home of the third chakra and seat of will and power. I feel it in my solar plexus when someone is trying to manipulate or be energetically deceptive.   In a microsecond, our senses record and relay information and if the data that  they send to our intuitive center (heart) don’t match, we feel it. I get a feeling in my gut, something off, something ick. Anyone can learn how to read energy.

As a cultural creative, I don’t always pick up on social cues that are obvious to others.  Yeah, I know:  I’m a geek! At first, not being able to read ordinary social cues used to mess me up, but then I stopped depending on ‘outer’ feedback from my eyes and ears, and began to develop my ‘inner’ guidance and the more I listened to it, the more it spoke to me. Now, when I have an  encounter with someone, I don’t judge the situation or try to solve it from the level of the encounter. I recognize it for what it is; I understand that I picked up their signal and if our energies aren’t in alignment,  in a split second, I can ‘read’ the other person before detaching from the signal.  I can “feel” their feelings, and “see” pieces of their life. It’s okay to have compassion but if you let yourself get randomly attached to passing ‘signals’ you can end up carrying around a lot of other people’s stuff without knowing it!

It’s a new superpower and is anything but consistent, but I’m working on it. Love, C

My two cents: when you are aware of you own energy it becomes easier to be aware of others.

♥♥♥

I love that C, it is so true! The more you practice this stuff the better you get at it and it really does seem like magic.

I actually just got to experience the whole energy thing first hand, right now, as we speak.  I just got off the phone with a really good friend of mine who has been battling a business associate in court.  What used to be a great partnership initially (or now that she really looks at it was never really good), has turned rather unbearable and they can’t seem to come to an agreement on anything.  They are fighting about money, who gets what, who’s right, who’s wrong, and neither one is willing to let go.  It just keeps going, on and on, no ending in sight.  Something that should have been resolved years ago is still going, still costing money in legal fees, not to mention my friend’s time, her emotional well being, and the worst part: her ENERGY.

She has really been trying to let it go, trying not to talk about it, not answering the scathing e-mails, trying to stay focused on her new business and her family, but guess what?  She is still holding the energy and when she was filling me in on what happened the last time they went to court, I could feel it,  she is still so connected to the whole thing and that is a big part of why it is still going on.  Is she justified?  Oh, yeah she is. Does she have every right to be furious and really want to win in court?  Oh hell yeah. Is her energy contributing to it staying stuck and never ending?  Sorry, but it is.

I could feel the power of the energy behind this whole thing.  I was just on the phone listening to her and it gave me a knot in my stomach and a pain in my back. That’s how powerful this stuff is guys! I know I am not the only one who has experienced something like this.

I was once involved in a business lawsuit for nine years that started as something so simple it should have and could have been resolved in one visit to a courtroom if that. But there where a lot of people, myself included, at the time who pretty much gave their undivided  attention to the matter  and that is all it took to give it wings.  What a waste. . . but it also shows how powerful we are.

You can’t put your energy on something unwanted and get what you want.  You just can’t, they are two very different vibrations.  Energy flows where attention goes, and it doesn’t matter what a judge thinks or doesn’t think about it.  This is a hard lesson for my friend, but I know when she gets it, she will really get it. Hey, it has taken me a while and I am still working on it, but boy does it feel great when you line up with it. Even for a moment.  xo-K

My two cents:  Practice putting your attention on what you want  and not what you don‘t want every single day.

good girls & bad boys

A lot of people were shocked to hear about the whole Sandra Bullock/Jesse James scandal, I was not surprised at all.  Maybe it’s because I’ve had my share of bad boys and I know how the whole thing plays out.  I am just now working on for my own benefit, and for anyone who cares to read this, why bad boys are so dang appealing.

I have to take that back, I actually know why bad boys are so appealing, they tend to be more fun, it’s kind of a challenge to rope one in, they keep you on your toes, all the girls want them.  I could go on. . . .  The real question is why do we, I say we, cause I am 99.999% sure I am not alone on this one, try to change the bad boy into a good boy when it is clear we are truly not ready for someone good.  Why don’t we just enjoy the ride that the bb shows us? Doesn’t all the trouble start when we fall in love with the little buggers and try to clean them up and make them presentable?  Just askin’.

I personally have always loved a challenge, and getting the lead singer or the confirmed bachelor to fall for me, well isn’t that the ultimate challenge?  But doesn’t that also seem like a lot of work?  Is love supposed to be so hard? Is easy boring?  There is something so exciting about waiting-hoping for that phone call that you aren’t 100% sure is going to come,  it’s like a rush. It just feels different when  someone says they are going to call at 6:00 and they do, right on the button, every time. What’s fun about that?  Where is the drama, the mystery?  Therein lies my problem: why is someone showing up for me boring?  Arrrr, this is gonna be interesting!

Maybe for me  I have felt that if I date down the guy will be so happy to have me that he won’t leave.  Yeah, well that doesn’t work because what if the guy I’m dating doesn’t make as much money as me, doesn’t feel successful  or feels inferior in one way or another.  For many guys, if they feel insecure or threatened in some way, they tend to get mean, or cheat or try to bring me down.  And none of those things feel good.

I have a dear friend, who has a successful dental practice, she is dating a man she loves but he is a total bb.  He is a currently unemployed mechanic.  I have not met him personally since they don’t live in town so all I have to go on is what she says.  She has told me she doesn’t feel comfortable bringing him to any of her work functions, and he has no desire to go.  She hates being around his “low life” friends, her words not mine.  They seem to be in love and are discussing the idea of getting married.  I don’t see how this is going to work out and I think she is feeling the same way at some level.   She has said she feels a little embarrassed about him and she thinks he feels a little insecure around her.  I wish them the best in figuring it out.

As much as I can appreciate a bb and the fun they bring to the party, I am looking forward to being able to appreciate a good guy even more. xo-K

My two cents: Enjoy where you are, appreciate everyone in your life for who and what they are.  Maybe they are there for a reason.

♥♥♥

Holy heartbreak, Batman! Is there anything more tempting to a good girl than a bad boy? I don’t care how sophisticated you are, how many PhD’s you hold, how many empires you rule, bad boys are the kryptonite of good girls everywhere.

And I’m not just talking Sandra and Jesse here! Although may I just say, how much more obvious a bad boy can he be than if he is the direct descendant of an infamous outlaw and was once married to a porn star. Hello? Universe calling America’s girl next door: there’s a cosmic 2X4 engraved with your initials headed your way! Eep.

But Sandra’s not the first and she sooo won’t be the last. I’m a huge fan of the whole Anne Boleyn saga (yeah, yeah, I’m a geek). You know Anne: ambitious young tart who convinced bloated Henry VIII to divorce his Castilian wife, divorce Rome, set up his own little religious dynasty. In the end, she married the old goat, then lost her head when she couldn’t give him a baby boy. Tsk.

Then, one of my personal favorites, one of the most passionate/wrong couples of all time: Freida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. Rivera was a big old macho cheater terrified of his wife’s painting talent, which he feared would eclipse his own. Okay, maybe Freida had issues. She survived a streetcar accident that skewered her like a shish kabob, only to fall in love with Diego. The streetcar wasn’t her undoing, it was Diego. She survived the streetcar; she never got over the man.

I could go on. I’ve had my share of the bb’s, too.  How can you tell if the guy you’re over the moon for is a bb?  Do your friends like him? Does he like your friends — you know, the ones who love you with such fierce intensity he’d melt like wax in their presence? No?  He’s a bb. Have you ever caught him in a lie, especially one that made him twist and shimmy like a worm on a hook until he finally hit a magic combination of words that made you doubt your own sanity? Big bb. I know you. You’re just like me. And no matter what your story or where you’ve been, you deserve better, I totally guarantee it. Love, C

My two cents: Nice guys are not boring, boring guys are boring. Don’t confuse them!

partner or project?

Once upon a time I worked in the tasting room of a beautiful little California winery. It was a fun job and we cellar rats got pretty good at predicting which tourists would come in and say they wanted a “dry” wine when that wasn’t what they wanted at all. Sure enough, they’d say ‘dry,’ we’d pour them a fruity, slightly sweet taste, and their eyes would light up. “Perfect!”

According to Robert Ohotto, we say we want a partner, but sometimes, we’re looking for a project.  However, actions speak louder than words. If you’re currently single, look at the last several people you dated that somehow, mysteriously, didn’t work out.  They all seemed so good, they had so much potential, right? Except for that one little annoying thing. . .and you’re sure that if you’d had enough time, you could have figured out how to fix it. True or false? Come on!

Right, and you married girls are not off the hook, either. Fess up: how long did it take to train the mister in the ways of your world? Weeks, months, never? It’s not a judgment, just an observation. I’m just sayin’ we say partner but think project.

Back in the day, the Temptations teamed up with the fabulous Supremes and released a song called “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me.” Lalala,  it sounded romantic enough, but it was wrong. You can’t make someone love you. You can fool them for a while, you can manipulate them, be a doormat, a sex goddess, a race car mechanic; make yourself available, twist yourself into whatever shape you think will trick him into loving you, but you can’t fool the universe, and manipulation always backfires. Always!

Oh sure, it may work for a while, years even. But what do you do when the project is done, when you finally fall down exhausted from all the effort it takes to work at it, and surrender?

I had the realization that I’ve been guilty of project-ing this morning while talking to K and driving to work.  When it dawned on me that I’ve been a Project Proletariat, I almost drove off the road. (Yeah, even though I drive hands free, it’s still roulette. Kids, don’t try this at home!) I can say without a shred of doubt that the last line up of candidates for my affection were flawed and in the back of my Princess and the Pea brain, I was thinking, ‘oh, he’s just wrong about (choose one): a) me, b) him, c) us, d) all of the above. I’ll bring him around, I just know it.  Sheesh.

But I’m not alone, and that’s some consolation. And as they say, when two or more are gathered, miracles occur. So can we be done with the project, already? It’s simply exhausting, the tug-of-war of it all. Let’s allow ourselves to choose someone who wants the same things we do, someone who wants to paddle the canoe in the same direction we do. Sounds nice, right? Love, C

My two cents: if it’s a struggle, it’s a project.

♥♥♥

So how can we tell if a new guy is a  potential partner or a project? Well I think first off we have to stay in the moment and really pay attention. Second,  I don’t know about you but at this point in the game I have a list of negotiable and non-negotiable things that I am really trying to stick to.  From little things like “must be employed” to  “must live nearby” to so I can actually, physically date him.  I have had boyfriends in the past who lived across the country and the thought of us being in the same place was, well, a project.  Too hard, didn’t seem like it could really happen except in our fantasies.  Sweet and romantic, but not realistic.

I have to say, and I am not proud of this fact but it is a fact that I have been known to take on a project or 5 in my time.  I have actually been  fond of the project in the past; it felt like a challenge to me. . . and I am, make that was, always up for a challenge. Ugh, exhausting, and so not worth the effort. I know it might seem fun when you see someone has potential to get in there and help him be better or help him get that job or help him realize he can’t live without you or. . . I am finished trying to convince someone how great they are or how great I am for them.

Let’s just spell it out plain and simple. When you meet the perfect guy for you, and I am not saying there is any perfect guy, cause that would be silly, wouldn’t it? But, when you meet the perfect guy for YOU, take note here. . . pay attention. . . it is going to be easy.

When things are right, they are right.  When things line up, they line up.  When things are meant to be. . . you know where I am going with this.  You have to learn to trust. Trust your guidance, trust your intuition, damn, read your freakin’ horoscope.  The Universe is conspiring for your good. And you need to just go with that.  If it starts getting to complicated, it’s a project, if it’s too hard, project,  as cute as he is, sorry probably not going to happen.

It is so great when you finally get it, it really is.  Just the other day C and I were working on a design project, after throwing around a few ideas and we agreed on one that we though was perfect.  Welllll, we could not get the image to upload to save our lives.  I never claimed to be a computer genius but, come on? It isn’t that hard.  We tried and tried and couldn’t make it happen.  It didn’t take us too long to get that there was something else out there, even though, we really liked our idea, that was way better.

As soon as we realized that, we found the perfect design.  And we both knew it when we saw it.  xo-K

My two cents:  If something seems too hard and it’s not flowing,  there is something better out there for you, and you will just know it when you see it.

close enough is not good enough

I was talking to one of my clients last month; “L” is a great girl, beautiful, smart, funny, really got her life going on.  Also, she is single and really ready to meet someone special.  She had just started to use one of the online services to wrangle up some introductions and encountered a few misses and then one that she thought would possibly be a hit.

L told me as I worked my magic on her hair, that she had met someone who seemed great. They had shared a few playful, witty e-mail exchanges, then a phone call or two, then some  texting back and forth.  Although there were a few slight red flags (hey, who doesn’t have a few faults, right?), she decided to meet him live and in person.  They had a great time and she was kind of excited about the prospect of exploring something new.  She liked his energy, got a good feeling about him, and although it was just one face to face meeting, she was open to getting to know if there could possibly be anything there.  She was not projecting or planning a future with some guy who she hardly knew. No, she was just open to it. And it seemed to her that the feeling was mutual.

So imagine her surprise when she didn’t get more than a few follow up e-mails but no interest in seeing her again.  Man, there seems to be a lot of that going around these days!

L was a little disappointed and since she didn’t even know this guy, it really wasn’t about him per se, but the idea of someone like him.  She was feeling a bit defeated, thinking possibly that she was never going to meet someone she really liked that felt the same way about her.  I had to remind her that she was getting really close.  This guy seemed to have a lot of the the aspects she was looking for in a partner but he had a few big ones that she was NOT.  He had some financial issues and another big one: he was not really ready for a relationship.  And after discussing what happened with him, L knew that was the case.  So really, close enough is not good enough.  We all need to remember that.  The universe has someone so perfect for you that you couldn’t plan it if you tried.

So then, C and I were talking about this very thing this morning.  We have been friends for years and have known that we wanted to do some sort of project or work together in some capacity.  She even talked to the owner of the salon I work at while she was on hiatus from non-profit work and had on her esthetician’s hat.  It just didn’t work out.  Wasn’t the right thing, wasn’t the right time.  We could have never in a million years predicted that we would, years later, be writing together. Never.

So, I guess what I am reminding you and myself as well, and I do need to be reminded… all the time.  You ‘ve just got to put it out there and have faith in something, anything, that what you want  is coming to you.  And so much better than you could have ever imagined!  xo-K

My two cents:  Dream big, but don’t be attached to how it will come. Just allow.

♥♥♥

I adore the movie Shakespeare in Love. It’s fun, funny, Joseph Fiennes is delish, and the irony of a guy who can’t seem to get love right, writing about love about kills me.  I too, am a fan of ironic plots, just not when it comes to my love life. Oh, wait –.

Well anyway, back to Shakespeare and his problems with romance. Young Will is a hot mess. Rosalind has cut him off, he’s got writer’s block, he owes some very nasty men a large sum of money, and he wonders aloud if everything will turn out all right. Oh, sure it will, a friend tells him.  But, how? a doubtful Will insists. “Dunno,” the man replies. “It’s a mystery.”

We always know that things will work out, because they always do. But that doesn’t stop us from getting our stockings in a knot when things don’t go exactly the way we think they should, does it? Trust is a funny thing. It seems like the times that you need it the most, are the times when you’re most likely to shove it aside and go for immediate gratification. “Trust? What trust? I want it my way and I want it now!” or “I’ve been hurt and will never trust again!” Wow, really? Because never is a really, really long time. If I were superstitious, I’d go so far as to say that simply invoking the word ‘trust’ is begging the cosmos to challenge you to an immediate duel and you might as well give up because there’s just no winning that one.

Anyway, the Course in Miracles states that you cannot trust and doubt at the same time. Just like you can’t love and hate at the same time. They are opposites and can’t occupy the same space in your heart or mind. You have to pick one or the other. But we do that, don’t we? We say we trust and then when the first bump in the road to happiness appears, we go all to pieces, fretting and plotting and manipulating for the shortcut back to Happyville — or at least our idea of Happyville.  It isn’t the thing itself so much as it is our idea of what we think the thing can do for us, how it can make us feel. The thing itself is almost irrelevant — we’re really just invested in the idea.

Love is the trickiest challenge of all. We’re bombarded by it in the media, we’re surrounded by blissfully paired people as we go about our daily lives, and we’ve all known someone who settled, gave in to less than they’re worthy of, just bowed out of the race because the finish line just seemed too far away and required too much work, and “good enough” was standing right there with nothing better to do but hook up. “At least they’re not alone,” right? Wrong! I can’t think of a more lonely fate than to be hitched to someone who doesn’t shift my gravitational pull by walking in a room. There is nothing sadder than being lonely and not actually being alone. Egads, girls! ‘Close enough’ are not words of surrender.  Close enough, means hold on chickie, you’re almost there! As one of our fav teachers says, don’t give up two minutes before the miracle arrives. Love, C

My two cents: know your value, know your worth, and commit your heart to at least one good friend who will remind you of it if you temporarily forget!

family matters

I had a great bonding session with my brother last weekend.  Our “big” sister has moved Mom and Pop in with her so she can take better care of them. After a lifetime of independent living, they’re finally reaching a stage where they need a little assistance, and we are grateful our sister is there for them.

In the meantime, said sister has put the parent’s house on the market. For the past 20 years, they’ve lived in a small resort community in a modest little waterfront home. Last Friday, my brother called me and said that he was driving up the coast to paint the parental unit’s home, a long-0verdue task. Being no stranger to home improvements, and having volunteered for the assignment in a generous moment, my brother phoned and called my bluff.

“B” and I are the youngest two of five children and even though we had the shared experience of growing up in the same family, we haven’t been close for years. This weekend was a rare chance for us to spend time together as grown up people.

I love my brother. That said, we could not be more different. He’s a good husband, a great dad to two amazing boys, and is a rigidly conservative Christian. On the other hand, I am divorced, the closest I’ve come to mothering is owning pets, and have been known to dance naked under a pagan moon. The thing is, we’re family. No matter how different we are, there’s a sameness that there’s no escaping. We have a shared past, a genetic bond that counts.

So this weekend, we painted. We told jokes, shared insights, drank good coffee and avoided the really touchy subjects of God, religion, politics, because that’s just asking for trouble. We were on a mission of peace, and worked under the flag of detente.

At one point however, we had a disagreement. We both shared our differing opinions like adults, and then he went ahead and did it his way, anyway. FOOM!  I went from zero to bitch in about six seconds. But, what did I do? I stuffed it (I know, I know, I’m learnin’ here!). But he wasn’t fooled for a minute. “Are you mad at me?” he asked. And then Hurricane C let loose. Oh, hells yeah, I was mad. And being the darling man he is, B listened while I vented. He didn’t fight back, he just listened until I felt heard and ran out of steam, and then we moved on to another topic. Before long, we were laughing and joking, working side by side again.

He doesn’t know it, but B gave me a huge gift. By letting me use him for communication practice, I got a little better with feeling safe about sharing my feelings. Big deal? Huge. Love ya, B! Love, C

My two cents: good relationships take practice. Appreciate the people who let you use your training wheels!

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See, it just goes to show you that just because we are  writing this stuff doesn’t mean we have it all figured out.  Far from it.  The practice of writing this blog is helping us grow and learn in such  a huge way it is absolutely amazing.  I have become so hyper-aware of stuff when it comes up, if I am talking to C on the phone –and in case you didn’t know, C and I are rarely in the same place at the same time.  We live a state apart sharing these lovely thoughts with y’all, so most of our interaction is on speaker phone, with one of us taking notes. If  she starts going out (ie. unconscious, or as Abraham calls it  out of the Vortex), I stop her in her tracks and tell her, “You gotta blog about this, NOW, while it is still fresh.”  And she does, and she works her stuff out and is on to the next thing.  How did we live before we started this?

Even doing this on a daily basis, we still can get caught up in stuff as it is going on.  I think we have all been doing it so long, it’s just what we do.  Stuff it down, justify, get our panties in a bunch, pretty much anything but just deal with whatever is going on right when it’s going on.  Seems kinda silly when you look at it that way, but everyone seems to do the same thing when it comes to conflict.  Even minor conflict.

I don’t have a huge family. I am an only child and we didn’t have a lot of religion growing up, but I think my dad still thinks I am kind of odd with my positive spin to life. . . like it’s a bad thing.  I’ve spent most of my life just not speaking up to my parents if they upset me.  I just stayed away from them until I was over it.  Yea,   that is what I used to do. Now, I speak up when I’m upset  and I think it really has brought us closer.

Anyway, it can be challenging to break old patterns, especially ones you’ve been practicing all your life. But seriously? You can do it, and right now is a great time to start! xo-K

My two cents:  Practice with the people who are close to you, especially family, where there’s a bit of a built in safety net, but you probably won’t need one.

grace notes~

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I want a little something to get my day started with grace, and I discovered a really nice way to do just that. Cheryl Richarson is a Hay House author and has a program on Hay House Radio (don’t you just love the Internet?!).

Cheryl is a life coach, intuitive, and all around beautiful human being. She’s devised a set of oracle cards that you can pull when you feel like receiving a special message of love and encouragement, and like the fabulous goddess that she is, Cheryl offers free sample readings online. The artwork on the cards is elegant, and the messages. . .well, let me just say that the cards are inspired.  All you have to do is go to Cheryl’s website, click on “A Touch of Grace” and follow the instructions to get your own personal message. Give it a try, and get your day started with a grace note! Love, C & K

My two cents: a day that starts with grace is a gift to the world.

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let me be your angel

I have a dear client, Celia, a single mom, special ed teacher, who among other things traveled to Africa to build homes for the Bead for Life Foundation. She made her transition last week, and she was an angel.

What does it take to be an angel?  Well, my dear friend was a good role model who led by example,  but it can be easier to make a difference than you think.  It is so easy to make eye contact and give someone a smile, allow someone to merge into traffic in front of you with a wave, just letting someone know, I see you. Some people never feel that they are really seen.  Do that little extra, give a compliment, a bit of encouragement to a friend. Even sending good thoughts to someone, a little blessing.  Tell your kids or your partner how much you love and appreciate them every day. Never miss an opportunity to spread the love.

Even being happy yourself can really rub off on someone and make them feel a little bit better.

A few years ago my sweet grandma made her transition.  I was there with her when she went, and I cried my eyes out.  After she was gone, I realized that I would never be able to talk to her, laugh with her, see her beautiful face, again.  I saw her pretty regularly, as she lived with my parents and my daughter spent time there while I was at work. As much as I saw her though, I did have some regret that I was always in such a hurry and didn’t just slow down, maybe stop and put my freaking purse down for a minute and sit to visit a bit with my Grandma. Why was I always in such a hurry, anyway?

So, I guess what I am trying to say is be kind to the people around you, give a smile to a stranger. It takes so little effort and feels so good.  Tell the people in your life that you love them. Spend time and enjoy your life, because you never know. . . .

I dedicate this little post to Celia, I always looked forward to seeing your smiling face.  xo-K

My two cents:  Open your heart and just love!

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One of my favorite movies is City of Angels. I love so much about it, but especially the idea that there are Angels. Everywhere.  I was introduced to the idea of Angels as a fact of life by a friend who entered my life about 20 years ago, stayed around for a while and then like an Angel, left when her assignment was complete.  Angels bring me comfort, and they bring me joy, and they remind me that I too, can be an emissary of the Divine. A couple of years ago, I had a friend who after a heroic battle with cancer, made her transition. She was an Angel in every way and when I think of her now, I recall the photo of her displayed at her memorial. In it, she is hiking a mountain trail, looking into the camera with a big grin and a splay-fingered wave. So full of joy, so full of love. I can recall another Angel in action: a couple of years ago, when K’s grandma was still here, I spent the night at K’s house, and so too, had her grandma because K’s parents were out of town. In the morning, I watched the sweet interaction between K and and Grandma A as K made her breakfast. The connection between them was a thing of beauty. Angels. They’re everywhere. Love, C

My two cents: each act of love is the act of a generous heart. Try as you might, you can’t give it all away.

a different kind of love story

Gonna mix it up a bit today.  A dear friend forwarded me this story, it’s her story, and I had to share it.  There are all kinds of love and this just proves how much love is out there.  Love you, “T”!

“Angus”

So it is a typical Wednesday evening and I am driving home from the grocery store with a whole host of items including frozen yogurt, Boca Burgers and the rest in my reusable bags. For some unknown  reason the box boy can never figure out to use the insulated bag for the cold items….

I have chosen to drive down my favorite neighborhood street in Tustin, which is lined with the most beautiful king palms and always makes me happy.  Driving along at dusk I notice this medium sized adorable black dog with no dog walker, I think uh oh, who does he belong to?  I am reluctant to stop as I have been accused of having milk bones and net in my car from previous dog rescues…. So I pull up next to two men who are walking dogs and I say, “Hey, do you guys know that black dog back there?” They reply, “No, but you should go get him because he matches your car.” I thank them and drive off slowly and tentatively….I check my rear view mirror one last time and I see the little guy cross the busy street and think, that’s it, I gotta go get him.

Thoughts jump into my head like he isn’t going to make it; it’s getting dark and since he is black he will not be seen.  I have two black pets and am well aware of how hard it is to see them at night.  So I turn around and park and get out and slowly walk over to this bear cub looking dog and say, “Hi boy, are you lost?”  He looks back over at me as if to say, “Hi lady, do I know you? You seem friendly.”  Firstly, I notice he is an older boy and likely a pit bull mix and has the first signs of cataracts, so now I’m really thinking okay, it’s dark he can’t see and also can’t be seen….a lethal combo for survival of an older boy who is clearly lost. While he looks quite menacing I can see in his beautiful older eyes he really is a love bug.  I check for a collar and see none; so I coax him to my car and he willingly hops into the driver’s seat and then over to the passenger seat and looks over at me with this loving look of okay take me home. He’s in the car now what?

Next thought is, I wonder if he is chipped and I am hoping that I can get him “scanned” in time before the local vet shuts for the day, I make my way over to Newport Animal Hospital and leave him in the car where he patiently waits. It occurs to me this is likely not his vet as he doesn’t seem anxious in the least.  I grab a blue temporary leash for my new friend and take him into the vet’s office.    So the gal at the office wands him only to find my new BFFF (Best Fury Friend Forever) has no chip….so the other gal calls the local shelter and they inform her they are shutting in 15 minutes and I will have to take this lovable beast to the police department to sleep there and then animal control will haul his butt over to the shelter in the morning, where he will wait and hopefully be picked up by his owner.  I just can’t bear the thought of it all and I start to pray for a little divine intervention that I can get this adorable old boy home.

I am now having a conversation with my new BFFF and asking where he lives?  I decide that I will at least go back to where I found him and walk around with him on the blue leash and see if anyone recognizes the boy. On the ride over I ask several bike riders and dog walkers about my passenger and they all sadly say they don’t know him.  By now I think oh well, screw the frozen yogurt I probably don’t need it anyway…I’m sure the Bocas will bounce back.

I get back over to my favorite street and park up near where I found him and get him back out of the car and on the leash and I hear a bark and I think hmm, a dog owner will likely know the hood and neighboring dogs, so I knock on the beautiful ranch style house door and the nicest family is getting ready to go somewhere and all come out to admire my new BFFF. Unfortunately, they don’t know the little guy and continue on with their evening plans.

Another dead end.  I get the boy back into the car and really do not want to go to the police station and I think, wait he crossed the street right over there, I’ll try one more street and see if I get anywhere.  As I make the right turn onto the cul-de-sac I notice a white Range Rover to the left with a bike rack, the guy in the drivers seat is not really parked but more like pulled to the side of the road.   Defeated by now, I roll down my window and say to the guy, “Hey, are you looking for a dog?”  To my amazement he lights up and says, YES! I almost start crying I am so happy.  He shouts for me to follow him whilst he reverses down the cul-de-sac into his driveway and say this is where we live!  This is Angus! And I am K.C. and you are Angus’ God Mother. We visit for a brief moment and he holds Angus with all his love and tells me that Angus is an English full bred beast and he is an eleven year old.  K.C. also tells me that the dog has two homes; this one we are at and one near by; Angus thinks he can come and go to both whenever he likes.  So Angus knows the hood but somehow escaped without his collar and was just chilling around the streets.  Right before I am back out of the driveway K.C. gives me back the blue leash and with a broad smile says; please keep this for the future in case you see Angus again.

My two cents:  There is always an opportunity to love, be open to it!

pity party

Back in my early 20’s my bff had been dating this guy for about two years.   Near the end, they were off and on and fighting.  Early one Sunday morning I got the call. She was crying hysterically.  “It’s over,” she said, “really over.”

So, in my sweats, with a bottle of Stoli in one hand and cranberry juice in the other, I showed up at her door.  Call me psychic, but I had a feeling that beverages were going to be needed for this one.

After I mixed up a few morning Cape Cod cocktails, hey she’s hurting here… she proceeded to fill me in on the events leading up to the final break-up.   She cried, she screamed, she cursed.  I listened, I agreed, I listened some more.  Before I knew it we were sitting is a sea of pictures of the two of them on the floor, scissors in hand. “Cut his head out of all these shots,” she said. ” I want him gone.”  So we proceeded to do it.  Hundreds of pictures, the two of them happy, at dinners, on vacation, backyard bar-b-ques, weddings, there she stood with a man with no head.

She started to feel better. I don’t know if it is the delirium of no sleep from the night before, the vodka or the fact that we had a big pile of goofy, smiling heads off to the side.  Then we got, or rather she got really crazy and started gluing his head to other people’s bodies.

By the end of the day, and yes we did spend a good part of the day on this, she really felt better about the whole thing. She had purged. Was she completely done being sad and ready to move on that day? No, but I really think she got over him a lot faster than if she would have just held it in and just been sad all by herself.

There are many reasons to have a pity party, and many ways to have one.  Left your boyfriend/husband, lost your job, even a blow-up with your mom or your bff,  you need to get your feelings out so you can process them and get on with things.

Some of the ways that have worked in the past for me and my friends have been:

• Movie marathon of every tear jerking sappy love story you can get your hands on, that’s right girl, cry your eyes out.  You will feel light and cleansed.
• Call on the troops, get your girls over, have cocktails, if that is your thing, pizza, and just vent,  get all of your feelings out about the dude you can until you have nothing else to say about him or the relationship.
• One of my personal favorites is to write him a letter, really let him have it.  Everything you ever wanted to say to him but held inside, everything you are feeling now, just go for it.  Call him out.  Write until you can’t write anymore, then when you are sure you are finished go outside with a bucket or bowl and burn it.  Please be safe with this, don’t want to burn the house down.  And no you are not going to send the letter.  This was for your benefit not his.

Another one for me is music, Mary J.  Blige, “No More Drama,” got me through a bad break-up.  Seal has also been helpful in this respect for many years.

The point here is, have a pity party. You are hurt, you need to acknowledge it, feel it, process it and then get over it.  When you don’t, feelings stay with you, filed away in your body waiting for the next time they get triggered.  I don’t know about you, but I am done not dealing with my feelings and then when I meet someone new, projecting all the old stuff on to the new guy, who as of yet hasn’t done anything wrong.

Do your work girls, feel your feelings, they are there for a reason. Oh, and BTW, the next guy my friend dated was her future husband. I’m just sayin.’ xo-K

My two cents: Sometime you have to go through it to get over it.

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This is exactly why I love K. She’ll be the first to call you on your sh*t, and she’s also the one who will show up on your door to help you throw the best damn pity party this side of the Heartbreak Hotel. Girlfriend gets it.

Back when I was going through the big D, my then-bff called me in a rage one day. “You can’t do this!” she said. “You need to make up with him!” I was all like, “honey, you’re my friend. You need to have my back. There’s nothing more to say. I’m hanging up now, okay?” There may have been anti-depressants involved, and not a little fear for her own shaky marriage. After several more calls along the line of “You’re making the mistake of your life!” and “You have no right to be so selfish!”, I told her that we couldn’t be friends anymore.

I’m not generally a “my way or the highway” kind of gal. I set very few rules in stone. But I know this: life is complicated. Girl rules are not. Sisters gotta have your back, period. It’s part of the code. Just like the code allows a full-on weeping and gnashing of teeth, chocolate binging, an extreme cry-till-you-puke sob fest. And then it’s over. Because really? The extended pity party is not attractive. The weeks on end How-could-he-do-this-to-meeee refrain gets tired. And it gives away all your power, in case that matters. Own your part in the break-up, and see if you can find the gift in it because no matter how bad it sucks at the time, I can absolutely promise you that a few weeks or months or years down the line? You see that what he gave you was a gift beyond price. Things always work out, no matter what. Love, C

My two cents: every “disaster” is a gift in disguise.