never the same…

September was a crazy month. Early on, things started going haywire, Mercury was retrograde, and all kinds of trouble was brewing. Everything just seemed a little extra intense. Then K and I tuned in to numerologist Tania Gabrielle and she shed a little light on the numbers at play, and everything made sense.

We’ve been working at this stuff long enough that when things start to spin out of control, we stop and take a breath.  At such times, we know that something bigger is at work. Such a relief! Well, mostly. I’ve got a shopping list of issues that are up for me. These concerns are like old friends, visiting once more. They have settled in comfortably, waiting for me to see them for what they are: lessons to be learned and let go of. Come on!

The thing is, once you know how things work, there’s no going back. There’s no blaming anyone else for the elements at work in your life. Money? Work? Love? These are the themes we work with, but the lessons all tend to be related to the same source: healing our own sacred wounds, those old friends, the ones we came here to heal.

You know what I mean. The bff who always seems to fall for the married guy, no matter what. Or the friend of a friend who switches jobs, but always seems to land a boss who takes advantage of her kind nature, and never really gives her the props she deserves. Is it a coincidence that these issues come up again and again? Does it mean we’re flawed and doomed to replay our lives Groundhog Day style forever? No. Yes.

Remember Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day? He was cursed to wake up to Sonny & Cher every morning, meet the same small town people, deal with the same annoying dilemmas until he changed his mind. Once he got it, once he realized that he was the force of magic behind it all, he had the power to change it. When he did, everything fell into place, even the love he so deeply desired. As it turns out, we are all the magic we need. Love, C

My two cents: when I allow my soul to govern my decisions, everything works  out better for me.

♥♥♥

Are healing old patterns up now or what?  Seems like all my old dusty patterns that have been stored waaaay down deep are coming up and out to be healed once and for all. Finally!  Wow, that was a mouthful, but so true.

I was telling C a few weeks ago that it felt like someone was taking a miner’s pick  and chipping off any residual anything that is still there. Like plaque between your teeth, it almost becomes a part of you.  I have been working on all this stuff for so long but there was still the really stubborn patterns and beliefs that didn’t want to budge.  All I can say is be careful what you ask for, it’s a bumpy ride.

There were days that I couldn’t get out of bed, not from depression, but I think I was doing so much healing work in my sleep, I felt as if I had been drugged.  Very weird, but after a few days I had some really big aha moments, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.  No, I can absolutely say I will never be the same.

I see the dynamics from my original family so clearly now. For years I felt bad, felt guilty, felt wrong, I was blamed and took the blame for things that were never my fault.  I guess it was the lesser of two evils.  When I think of all the years I tried to right the wrongs that were never really wrong, playing the scenario over and over with different partners, trying to heal the past. I didn’t get it. But now I do.

Writing this blog has helped me so much, between my Ken doll theory and Dating my Dad, it’s all brought me to this place now,  what a fun way to work on your stuff.  I’ll tell you one thing, as seductive as it is to just act like things are okay when they’re not,  just know you are only prolonging the inevitable.  Nothing goes away by itself, nothing gets healed without you working on it, and it may be as simple as just looking at it, honestly.  Everything that comes into your life is there for a reason, to heal your heart   and guide you to  your most amazing life.  xo-K

My two cents:  how many days or dates are you going to have to do over and over again until you get what you came here to learn.

 

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once you’re clear it’s clear

Clarity is something our souls crave. But we walk around in our dim little haze, comfortable with a gray little world.  We like it. It fits. It requires nothing of us but to keep sleep-walking. But Clarity? That bitch wants things from you!  She wants you to step up. She wants you to take own-her-ship of your life, no more victim, no more wimpy chic. She wants you to let your light shine!

How do you know when you’re clear? You just do.  It’s  a feeling in your blood, a holy presence that sweeps away the mists of doubt and you can see everything  with super sharp focus. You know what that feels like. We’ve all felt it from time to time. Maybe a better question to ask is: how do you get clear? Well, personally, I pray.

Sometimes, I’m bipping right along and I don’t necessarily want more clarity. Right? Things seem just fine the way they are, why rock the boat? Why ask to see things any differently? After all, if it’s different, I might be required to adjust my perception. Change my mind. Change my  expectations. Change my life from mediocre to magnificent. Hate when that happens!

Okay, so there I was: driving from my house up to visit K one day a couple of years ago. I was dating a pretty groovy guy. He wasn’t Mr. Right, but at that time he was Mr. Close Enough. Things were going well.  We were having fun. Why, oh why rock the proverbial boat? Something in me just knew. Something in me wanted to get clear. Dang! So out of the blue, I’m driving along and I just start praying. Show me the truth, I said to the general all-pervading glorious goodness all around me.

Well,  it wasn’t five minutes later that Mr. Man called. I picked up my phone and we started to chat and before you can say Silence is Golden, he spit out a piece of truth. Bless his little heart, he didn’t think it was all that big a deal, but to me? Yeah, super big deal. Deal breaker, actually. Up to that moment I had been happy with fuzzy, and then something changed. In that dazzling, lightning-bolt moment, I got crystal clear. And then suddenly fuzzy just wasn’t enough anymore. Love, C

My two cents: pray for truth and then have the courage to bless what shows up.

♥♥♥

Yup, sometimes you don’t want to know, even when your soul already knows.  Sometimes close enough is good enough, until it’s not anymore.  Seems every time I’ve prayed for clarity, it’s been when I already knew the answer, I just needed confirmation. When you are sure of the way you’re going you don’t stop to ask for directions.  But when you feel lost you probably are.

I was just driving home from dropping my daughter off at school, I was listening to the latest Abraham-Hicks workshop.  Someone asked a question about the latest book that has not been released yet called Spirituality, the Final Frontier. They said they named it that because getting in vibrational alignment with your Source is the last thing people try before they completely give up hope, but it is the only thing that ever really works to begin with.  Ahhh! Clarity is alignment. . . and you just know when you’re there.

As good as it feels to be in alignment and have the clarity that we all really crave, sometimes it feels better to be where you are.  With the boyfriend that you know in your head is not really the one but your heart is hoping will someday change. Or at  the job that feels like, if those other people would just leave me alone to do my work  it would be okay I guess.  Really?  We all know that we didn’t come here for okay.  We came here for amazing, and your soul knows it, and will call you on it every single time.

Do you trust your intuition?  Do you know when something comes up if your initial reaction is your fear-ego or your intuition-higher-self?  Try this out for size: next time someone asks you to do something,  don’t just unconsciously do what you always do. Stop, think, feel.  What comes up for you?  Would you just rather do something you really don’t want to do because it seems easier than telling someone you don’t want to?

Would you rather just stay in your comfort zone because it’s easier than trying something new even though you might love it?  I have been asking myself these  questions lately and I’m so happy with what is opening up for me.  I am seeing life in a whole new way. xo-K

My two cents: open your eyes and  see things clearly, possibly for the first time.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w

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don’t get mad. . .get furious!

Grr! I had one of those days, you know? My car (leased) had a leak last spring. I live in the rain belt, and was driving around one day after a crazy end-of-times downpour and heard water sloshing around inside the car. What?  After a couple of days, the water noise persisted, so I drove into the dealership, where they discovered that a drainage tube from my sunroof had malfunctioned, and instead of draining outside the car, was pouring water into the passenger side of the car. Seriously?

Recently, I noticed a funky, spoiled milk smell in the car. So today when I delivered my car to the dealer for an oil change, I asked them to check it out. I waited all day, then called the service department to get a status report. After sitting on hold for a suspiciously long time, a guy came on and said they were “just finishing up.”  Really? “What about the leak?” I asked. More time on hold. Well, the upshot is that there is in fact, a leak and while they haven’t exactly pinpointed it, they can’t fix it today because the guy who can authorize the extra-special work is out of town. Oi.

According to the all-seeing Google, my dealership is exactly 2.1 miles from where I work. So I went to a co-worker’s office, where my boss was also hanging. “What’s up,” my boss asked. “I need a ride,” I replied. “My car got serviced today and they didn’t fix it, but I need to pick it up.” Now, I swear to God, this is what happened: the co-worker hunched his shoulders and stared even harder at his computer screen. My boss looked at me and said “wow, that’s too bad,” and walked away.

Seriously?  “Eff that,” I said to myself, and called a cab.  Then naturally, I called K. “Don’t get all spiritual about it,” K advised, “get mad!” So I did. We both blew off steam together, and it felt really good! We ended up laughing because we just kept getting more outrageous about expressing our various reasons for being royally pissed off. You know what? I’m clear now, instead of being in a stew. Thank you, stupid co-workers! Love, C

My two cents: pushing down your feelings is like pushing a beach  ball under water — they’ll just pop up again and again until you resolve them.

♥♥♥

Anger is a valid emotion.  It is in about the middle of the emotional guidance scale I mentioned a few posts back, but we all, for some reason have some issues when we or someone we know gets “angry.” Whether we think we are not entitled to being angry, or as C said before, it’s not spiritual to be angry, anger has been coming up for me and when something keeps showing up. . .there is something there for me to learn.

When you don’t own your feelings, when you don’t honor the fact that you have the right to feel however you feel,  you are doing a disservice to yourself.  If you don’t have your own back, OMG, well that’s a recipe for depression.  We all have the right to feel how we feel.  And if someone does something mean or stupid, well. . . you can be pissed about it! Then let it go.

I can tell you that is 100 percent true.  When we first started writing this post, C was dumbfounded by the complete insensitivity she experienced at work.  I on the other hand was mad at my mom.  We both kinda went off and vented big time.  It felt good, felt clear, I started writing kinda in the middle of all that and then had to go pick up kids or something so I just figured I would go back to this where I left off, but I couldn’t.  I tried twice, we even started a whole other post and I still couldn’t get back to this one, until today. . .   and it just hit me,  since I had released the anger, vented with C, it was gone.  I wasn’t angry anymore so I couldn’t call it back up and continue with the post with the same energy.

That’s the beauty of feeling your feelings, getting furious if that’s how you are feeling in the moment.  Once you get it out, it’s done.  Over.  Awesome!  Sure, you might get mad again, but you won’t go bonkers if someone cuts you off in traffic.You already let all the people from the last month or your whole lifetime, have a pass, which means you don’t have to vent now.  Wow! See? It works out for everyone.  xo-K

My two cents:  everything is energy, and everything has value, even anger.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkgEZa7lDHw

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banned from craigslist

I’m so proud! I’ve been banned from craigslist for promoting Two Girls. Yeah, we’re pretty risky.

For the last six months, I’ve been driving traffic to Two Girls via craigslist. Well, I might have broken a rule or two. You’re not supposed to post the same message in more than one city, but um, I might have done that once or twice. Ironically, that’s not what got me banned. What got me put in the deep freeze is that a person or persons in a very liberal San Francisco suburb which shall go unnamed, “flagged” me each time I posted to that community.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t have kept poking that hornet’s nest with a stick, but come on! So why did this uber-progressive community have a problem with Two Girls? Couldn’t have been the blog itself. If the purity police had bothered to click on the link I provided and actually read a blog entry by Two Girls, they would have seen that we are a spiritually positive, family-friendly place to hang out. But I don’t think they got that far. I think their cultural prejudice kicked in before they read even one sentence that Two Girls had to share. No, I think they based their bias on the name. Really?

Yep, Two Girls Take on Love has many implications. I don’t need to be specific, you know what I mean. K and I learned that early on, when reading stats on our admin page. You can actually see what kind of search words people plug into their browsers to find websites. Some of the phrases that people used that got them directed to TGTOL were downright nasty. Ick! Ick!

We were so creeped out by what people were looking for related to two girls, we actually lobbied WordPress to change the design of their admin pages. Well truthfully, it was K. She fired off a couple of rip-snorting emails that got the attention of the web masters, and they changed the design of the page so that we can “hide” or “show” the search engine reports. Nice!

Back to Two Girls Take On Love. It’s who we are, and we don’t apologize for it. Banned from craigslist?  Bring it. Love, C

My two cents: never apologize for your dazzling light!

♥♥♥

Ahh, craigslist, where anyone can post pretty much anything, except us. I think it’s hysterical.

When C and I first started Two girls it wasn’t even Two girls it was just us, wanting to do something meaningful together, wanting to share all we have learned along the way to where we are, and not really knowing how to do it and what it would be if we did it and who if anyone, would even care.

We basically started writing our phone conversations, or maybe just the idea of our conversations.  Then, once we had something, we didn’t really feel comfortable telling our friends about what we were doing, heck we didn’t even know what we were doing yet.  And I’m sorry, you could have the best friends in the world, which we both do, but how do you  explain that you are writing a blog about love, when you, a) don’t really know what you are doing and  b) some of your friends could argue that you are probably the last person who should be writing about love.

Once we had a few posts under our belts and we were feeling like something was happening here, we wanted to put it out there. C got the idea to toss it out to craigslist.  Awesome, we got responses, we got great  feedback, people seemed to love us and then the powers that be. . .well I guess they didn’t.

One of the most important things C and I have learned throughout this process is don’t push against what’s not working.  If something isn’t working there’s a reason, so go with it and be open to another way.  I think it’s human nature to try to fix something that is perceived to be broken. It was working and now it’s not, we gotta go back in time and see where it went wrong and get it right. You can do that I guess, but I’ve got about a thousand examples of that not working.

So back to craigslist, I think it was great, it served a purpose but now it’s time to move on.  We have found better more effective ways to promote and share our stories.  Could we go up against craigslist, fight for our right to say what we want to say?  We could, but it is just too much wasted energy, energy that could go toward something way more fun and productive.  xo-K

My two cents:   the sooner you come to peace with that one door closing, the faster the next door will open.

http://youtu.be/GKXKyAkk4Fs

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best friends forever

When I was in High School my best friend D was my partner in crime.  We got ourselves into all kinds of mayhem, we could plot and scheme our way into or out of anything. Harmless stuff really. Need to borrow a car?  Who cared if we were only fifteen and didn’t have a license? Not us.  Home way past curfew?  We could talk our way out of that.  Hell, we even convinced our counselor that we needed to skip fifth  period psychology every Friday, just ‘cuz.

If we needed to figure anything out, between the two of us we could do it, and do it brilliantly.  We felt like Lucy and Ethel, and of course we always had our Rickys and Freds waiting in the wings, scratching their heads but loving every minute of it.

There is something so wonderful about having a best friend  you can totally depend on,  someone who loves you unconditionally and is always there for you.  The keeper of your secrets and dreams.  I’ve been very lucky to have many best friends throughout my life.  I am an only child, so friends are probably more precious to me since I never had a sibling.  My friends where my family.

I’ve also had my share of boyfriends.   But I’ve never had a boyfriend who was a best friend. I guess I always thought  you had your friends and then you had your dates.  How many hours did the “girls” spend trying to figure out the “boys”?  Way too many. I never considered you could have a partner who was also your best friend.

The  first time I saw an example of this was at an Abraham-Hicks workshop.  It was clear to me that Esther and Jerry Hicks had something very special.  They are partners in crime for sure and they love working together, “being” together, and it’s obvious they really enjoy each other.  I love how they are together.

Last Sunday I was watching “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,” on the Food Network.   I wasn’t really paying much attention until I saw this couple.  They were driving across the country visiting as many of the “Dives” that Guy Fieri highlighted on the show as they could.  They were so cool, it was clear that they were enjoying what they were doing, and enjoying each other.  They seemed to be having so much fun, so in sync.  Like best friends. Then it hit me,  that’s what I want in a relationship!  xo-K

My two cents:  Once you recognize what you want you start to see more and more examples of it.

♥♥♥

Yeah, friends and lovers.  Sometimes they’re the same person, sometimes they’re not. During one of my most epic break-ups, mi amor cried and said he was losing his best friend. I don’t know what was sadder: the break-up, or that I couldn’t tell him I was losing my bf, too. Ouch to the nth.

Do we expect too much from our lovers? Sometimes, I think so. We have these ideas about who and what they should be and when they show us who they really are, we’re disappointed.  But I don’t think that the way to avoid being disappointed is to stop loving. Oh, heck no.  This tattered heart of mine will continue to beat for love until I’m wearing angel wings, and then some. The answer isn’t to shut down. The answer is perhaps, to love differently.

What we expect from love has evolved over time. The notion of marriage for love is pretty  new, historically speaking. Marriages used to be a business arrangement to secure countries, farms, goats, you name it. Marriage wasn’t about love, it was a transaction. If you got love in the bargain, bonus!  Now that I have become a woman of a certain age, I might even venture to suggest that much of what could be called romantic love is biology at work. I thought I loved my first husband, but now I wonder: was it my heart that was running the show, or my ovaries? Not that I didn’t love him, I did. But maybe not for the reasons I believed.

Best friends are simple. Love is tricky. As a girl, my grandmother fell in love with a boy who lived in a nearby town, but her parents had already chosen a husband for her, my grandfather. Many years later, after Grandpa passed, Grandma looked up her old beau. By then he was widowed too, and they married. In their twilight time, they finally got to express the love they had sparked fifty years earlier. Were they bf’s? I don’t know. But I do know that the initial love they felt had survived the passage of time.

I adore my friends. If my lover also happens to be my bf, I consider myself one lucky girl. Love, C

My two cents: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your lover closest of all.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vQwrHZWWk

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what’s in it for me?

Yesterday, I had to run out to a winery to pick up a donation for this big fancy-pants fundraiser I’m planning. When I finally found the place high on a mountain top, it was a construction zone. I had two addresses for the winery, and the other one was exactly 20 miles away. For half a minute, I thought about tip-toeing through the hard hat zone to see if I was at the right place, but I dismissed the idea. I got back into my car and drove to the other location, only to be told that what I needed was back where I started. Sigh!

Going with the flow, going with your intuition always seems to work out best.  And when you don’t, it kind of bites you in the ass. Have you noticed?

Last weekend I was invited to dinner with a friend, and I almost opted out but then thought, what the heck, life is short, carpe diem. And wouldn’t you know, I sat across the dinner table from a woman whose company I’d been trying to make contact with, but without much luck. We were just casually talking and when I found out she was with Company X, I asked her if I could call her the next day, and of course she agreed.  So cool!

A couple of days ago, I had to dash to Macy’s at lunch and pick up some mascara. Yeah, why can’t I just wear the drug store brand? Anyway, I got to the cosmetics counter, and got my order ready, then the computer wouldn’t accept my card. So, Kat, my super-cool sales associate, placed a call. She was so sweet and apologetic about my “inconvenience” — and I was very aware that I was standing  at the intersection of amused and beotch, and could go either way. Long story short and about 3o minutes later, I learned that my account had been closed. What? Yeah, not by me, but whatever. The upside? I got a sack full of groovy cosmetic samples, Kat and I are now buddies, and she’s very excited about getting to know Two Girls.

You know, I could have got all righteous about the screw-up at the department store, but instead, I had fun with it. After all, no one lost a limb or a life, and I made a new friend.  Love, C

My two cents: Sometimes you need to leap first and ask questions later. Sometimes you just need to relax and ask for samples.

♥♥♥

I always ask for samples, so cute, perfect size to toss in your purse.  I just love getting free stuff.  A few months ago a friend from work and I decided we were going to get something free, everyday, just for fun. Every morning we would make the statement, I’m going to get something  free today.  Then we would let it go and go about our business.  It usually didn’t take long before a client brought in a coffee or a bottle of wine.  It didn’t have to be anything big, just free.  So much fun!

Just set an intention, let it go with no attachment to the outcome. Don’t worry about it not happening or all the ways it can’t happen, just toss it out there. . . and before you know it, there it is.  So cool.

There have been times that I thought I wanted something to happen,  then forgot about it completely until it showed up, just the way I had hoped it would.  This has happened the other way around too.   I wanted something soooo bad, thought about it constantly, thought I would die without it, and guess what?  It didn’t happen in the way I had planned, it played out differently –and much better.  Thank goodness.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been rushing off to work  and can’t find my keys for a few minutes. Aghh! So frustrating!  When I finally get in my car and on my way I find that had I left a few minutes earlier I would have been involved in the accident that I am now slowly driving past.  Seems like a stretch  to connect misplacing your keys with missing a traffic situation, but you can’t make this stuff up.  There is so much going on out there that we don’t know about , that we can’t understand.

I have come to the conclusion that there is something to be learned from everything that gets our attention.  And when something comes up over and over again. . .well, I try to take some time to ask my guides or my angels,  “what’s in this for me?”

Oh, and I never forget to say a little thank you for all my gifts.  xo-K

My two cents:  Be clear about what you want, but be flexible about how it manifests.


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slow down to speed up

For someone who doesn’t own a TV, I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.  And I never watch the  “news!”  However, one of the funniest, smartest, sweetest new programs around is Modern Family. Love that show!

One of the characters is a goofy dad who is the biggest dork around, but he always manages to ‘get the job done.’ So, in one episode, the family is running around, trying to get out of the house and on a flight to Hawaii for a big family trip. Mom is going out of her mind trying to hurry everyone along while Dad is calmly walking at a snail’s pace, saying, “fast is slow and slow is fast.” And you know what? He’s right! When you try to push things, speed things up, you trip up and then end up having to repeat each step all over again. Sigh.

When things are going right in my life, doors open as if by magic. The right people show up. The right answers appear. Friendly helpful strangers seem to pop in just when I need them. I love it when that happens! Right now for instance, I’ve been seeing someone whom I really like. It’s new, and we’re probably moving slow by today’s standards.  We’re  playing it sort of old school, and its very sweet. Yeah, I’ve moved into these things faster in the past. . .and that didn’t really work out. Now I’m at the point where I’m not working so hard to “get there.” I’m just enjoying the process.

When someone wants to be with you, they are with you. There are no games, no power struggles. It just flows. Not long ago, I dated someone for a short time who insisted he was busy with his kids on the weekends. I know! Then, while having lunch with a friend, talking about how ‘distant’ this guy seemed, my friend asked how old the kids were. “They’re in their twenties,” I replied. “They’re in college.” Dear P looked at me like, you poor dumb thing. “Trust me,” she said. “He’s not hanging with those kids. At that age, those boys are not all about spending time with Dad.”  Hey! I tend to give parents the benefit of the doubt. . .in all circumstances. I’ve heard more than once, “you don’t have kids, so you can’t understand.”  And they’re right. I don’t always understand, but I do know this: when a relationship any relationship —is right, it’s simple. Love, C

My two cents: Trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Always.

♥♥♥

I don’t know about you but when I feel the need to hurry things along, make things happen, it’s because I feel if I don’t it won’t happen.  When I feel anxious about something there is usually a reason.  Whenever you put crazy nervous energy behind something it usually doesn’t pan out, and it’s probably just as well.

When something is right, it’s right.  It takes on a life of it’s own and you don’t feel any need to make it do or be anything.  I have watched friends throughout the years chase after relationships trying to make this one be the one. Hey, I have done it myself.   Wanting so much to seal the deal, cross it off the list, get it over with and get on to other things.  Really?  That’s how you want your relationship to play out?  What is wrong with enjoying the journey,  watching it unfold, savoring it, enjoying every delicious moment?  Just askin.’

Here’s why I think we do this thing we do, it’s because on some level we know it’s not going to happen.  We know it’s not the job, the house, or the relationship for us. But, we don’t feel it’s really possible to get exactly what we want so we figure, close enough is good enough. Better snatch this one up before someone else who is close enough to it snatches it up first.  (I can’t believe I just said that).

We spend all this time and energy racing around trying to make things happen,  then we’re so surprised and disappointed when they don’t and we have to start all over from square one.  Could things go any slower?

So sometimes you have to stop. . .just stop, take a breath. . .and just know. . .whether it comes from what your Mother said, what your girlfriends said or some voice that you don’t even know said. .  .just have some faith in whatever. There is a divine plan, things are working out for you, so you don’t have to worry.  Aren’t you glad someone knows better than you?  Aren’t you glad someone has your back? xo-K

My two cents:  I am so grateful that when I am spinning out of control there is someone or something to show me the way.

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