Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything? Not our kids, not our spouse, not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone? Pinky promise? Seriously, are we done yet?
This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you, a real sneaky one. I thought I was so over care-taking, I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own. And I was serious. All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.
Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this. Really? I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them. Like that is even possible.
I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger. Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?
It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is. I can’t care-take her, even if I want to, I can’t. And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to. So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing. Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.
OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should. I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it. Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me. And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.
So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in. Do you need others to depend on you? Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’. xo-K
If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday. Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way. And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.
So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.
Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!
This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there, soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.
“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.” In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?
“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.
So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C
My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.