crash into me

One of my all-time favorite romantic comedies is Bull Durham. In it, Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon), is about to seduce young-hunky-dumb Ebbie Calvin LaLoosh (Tim Robbins), the new up and coming star of the minor leagues. In the wings, veteran ball player Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) has been kicked from the Majors back down to the Minors and quietly waits to finish his career and maybe to dazzle Annie.

Crash finally gets Annie’s attention after she has told the two men that they are competing with each other for her affection. It is then Costner delivers one of the greatest romantic comedy lines of all time: “Well,” he tells her before walking out the door. “I believe in. . .the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot. . .opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

Annie can only reply, “Oh, my.” I mean, seriously? There is only one thing to do with the guy that can deliver a line like that: take him home. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.

Of course, Annie did not do this right away. She was teaching the young punk with a 90 mph arm how to harness his thoughts, how to discipline his focus. The fact that she did this by convincing him to wear a garter belt and breathe through his eyeballs was just pure bonus. He was a punk and he sort of deserved it, but also, Annie had a mission. She was like Aphrodite, training the novice love warrior in the art of irony and the way of devotion. But even as she was spending her time with the young no-hitter, she secretly knew that Crash Davis was more compelling, more interesting, far deeper, and more capable of the long, slow burn. One of the things that made Crash so attractive is that he had some miles on him. He had cultivated humility, had earned every gray hair, every sly move.  He had been around the block, knew who he was, and was infinitely more interesting for it.

Back to the great speech: no pun intended, but in those few sentences, Crash manages to cover all the bases as follows:  reverence for women, the grace of a well placed move, the importance of health, the non-negotiable of pleasure, an ability to see beyond appearances, political free-thinking, honor for excellence, an appreciation for perfection, and respect for tradition. . .not to mention an off-the-chart hot-o-meter. Let us not forget, he started his soliloquy with reverence for the goddess, a quality never to be underestimated. Cheers, girls! Love, C

My two cents: You can star in the movie of your life or you can sit in the audience  and watch it all go by.

***

I love how C uses movies for metaphors and I love music reference.  I don’t really remember Bull Duhram, I mean I remember parts but nothing I could quote.  But now that my memory is refreshed, (thanks C), I remember loving the messages in that movie.  One in particular, men love a little healthy competition regarding the ladies, especially those jock types. And what girl doesn’t love two cute boys fighting over her?  Nothing makes a girl feel sexier than feeling wanted.

I don’t know about you but I can’t think of anything that makes me happier than someone I adore looking at me with his head cocked to the side.  You know the look, that  “Awwww, I am just crazy about you” head cock.  Simple, doesn’t cost any money, and you can’t fake it.  Yea, there is nothing like a good old fashioned love fest. Sitting around, doing nothing special  but staring into each other’s eyes, and adoring each other.  Sickening but sweet to the innocent bystander but it doesn’t matter to you.  Not that you even realize there was anyone even there in the room with you!

So just for fun, let’s go back come on you know you’ve got one, that one fav boyfriend, the one who knocked your socks off and made you believe in love for the first time (or believe in love again).  Go back, what was going on? What was your favorite song at the time?  What did you do and where did you go? Go back and remember every delicious detail.  If you haven’t yet had that feeling yet, find a movie relationship that feels close to how you would love to feel and relish that for a bit.

There is a reason for this, the more you recognize what makes you happy and feel good, the easier it will be to recognize it when it comes.  I still love my go-to, good feeling, fav boyfriend, and even though we didn’t last, all I have to do is think of him and it makes me happy.  Oh, and my go-to song to get me feeling great? “More than a Feeling” by Boston.  It’s a sure thing.  xo-K

My two cents:  Have a go-to, feel good, something.

match got your tongue?

Not long ago, I joined an online dating service. I recently moved to a new city, am working and networking, and after a year, finally feel ready to start auditioning candidates for the starring role in my next great love story. It’s actually quite an interesting process, if you’ve never done it. It’s a little like catalog shopping, where you’re both the catalog and the shopper. Anyway.

One of my all-time favorite movies is The Fifth Element. In this sci-fi film, Bruce Willis plays Corben Dallas, a retired cop/cab driver in the year 2214. Dallas is motoring along, minding his own business one day, when Leeloo (Milla Jojovich) falls out of the sky and into the back seat of his cab. He doesn’t know it, but she’s the fifth element (love). All he knows, is the minute he lays eyes on her, he’s smitten. Wouldn’t it be nice if finding your match was that easy?

Last week I received an email from a guy who seemed to fit some of my more compelling requirements. Has a job. Posts a nice series of photos. Loves his labrador retriever. He’s not Corben Dallas, but cute enough. We exchange a couple of exploratory emails. I’m witty and charming, he’s funny and down to earth. We have some things in common. I start to feel a little tingly.  This is probably my favorite phase of cyber dating. You trade puns, share flattering secrets about yourself, you cyber flirt. It’s safe, it’s fun, it’s fraught with possibility.

After a couple of friendly emails, he suggests we meet. Actually, he says he’d like to treat me to dinner at a local restaurant. So retro, I think. So sweet! We exchange a few more emails pending our Date, and I share them with K. He’s funny! I tell her. Isn’t that cute? I have a feeling about this, she says. I know, I say, right?

And then a quirky thing happened. The evening of our Date, he called to adjust our meeting time and I was at a loss for words. This never happens to me. . . ask K! I have a word for every occasion. Talking to people is a major part of my job, and I’m sort of good at it. Cocktail parties, fundraisers, seminars, you name it, I can talk it. Oh, well, I thought, and glossed over my little social hiccup. You can’t always be a sparkling conversationalist, right? And then we met at the assigned time and it happened again, this weird, stumbling, foot-in-the-mouth feeling. What the heck? Again, I blew it off. We had a nice enough time, two strangers eating food at the same table.

Needless to say, it wasn’t a match. Nice guy, nice girl, no sweeping sunset finale. Although we did see a coyote outside the restaurant window, which was surreal and magical. But I digress. This is what I think happened. Two people seemingly a fair match, meet up. But in this case, the two people are slightly out of phase, like a three-D movie without the glasses. Sort of fuzzy. Not quite in focus, like a movie where the picture and the dialogue are out of sync. He’s not my guy. I’m not his girl. Do I feel defeated? Not in the least! Say tuned — the adventure continues.  Love, C

My two cents: Sometimes dessert comes first. Enjoy the tingly, flirty phase of infinite possibility.

***

I have to say I am no expert in online dating, and since I’m on sabbatical from dating at the moment, I’ll have to dig into the archives of first date/ blind dates memories. And boy, I’ve had  my share of those!

There is nothing more fun and exciting than when you have been hoping to meet someone new, someone big, and a friend, co-worker, or even a dating website tells you they think they have found the someone that you’ve been looking for.  After you get the lowdown of what he does, what he likes, and what he looks like along with a bunch of other important and trivial information that sounds good, admit it. . . don’t you start to go there?

Oh, you know what I mean:  you haven’t met him in person yet, maybe you’ve  exchanged some lengthy e-mails, maybe had a phone call or two.  You decide it’s going pretty well and decide it’s time to meet in person, just something casual you say, coffee or a quick glass of wine.  No pressure, keep it breezy, but there you go. . . maybe this is my guy, maybe he is The One.  Off you go,  into the future with someone you haven’t even met yet.  Imagination going wild, and it’s all so exciting!!!  Could it really be this easy?

Don’t get me wrong here, I am not trying to make anyone, including myself, feel silly. Oh yeah, I’ve done it too, MANY times. And guess what?  IT’S FUN! Well, you don’t want to go too overboard with the whole anticipation thing.  You have to be somewhat  realistic, but in the time before the actual meeting, have fun with it.  Play the wouldn’t-it-be-nice-game.  Life is supposed to be fun and so is dating.  So what if your blind date isn’t a match.  Sure you might feel a little or a lot disappointed but don’t be hard on yourself.  It’s good practice in getting clear about what you want,  so try not to be too  bummed out if all you got out of the evening was dinner out.  And maybe one time, maybe even next time. . .your silly fantasy will come true!  And like I have said before and will probably say many times more, it only takes one  One. xo-K

My two cents:  Enjoy ALL aspects of you life as much as you can, and that includes dating.

haven't you loved a lot?

You may be in love right now. Maybe not. But when you think about it, over the years, throughout your life, haven’t you loved a lot? And haven’t you been loved in return? It gives me the warm fuzzies to think back on my first crush, a certain sweetheart, or even a recent flirt. All added up, you and me, we, have loved. A lot! Some believe that love never fades. You may not be feeling it this red-hot minute, but once created, love never dies.

Recently, I was sorting through boxes of memorabilia, trying to figure out what to keep, and what had passed the universal expiration date of ‘worth holding onto.’  Several times, I opened an envelope or card from a long-forgotten friend, someone I had not thought of in years, but who nevertheless in that long-ago moment had written a note expressing gladness for our friendship or love, and I was reduced to tears. Love never fades. We may forget it’s there from time to time, but it never forgets us.

Marianne Williamson says, “Love is what we were born with.” And in the end, love is all that matters. All the love you’ve ever known, will ever know, remains in your heart. It never fades and it never forgets what really matters.  Love!  love-C

My Two Cents: go tell someone you love them!

*

Twas’ not my lips you kissed but my soul– Judy Garland

Thats’s how I felt, first love, age 15.  First time I fell in love with love and I’ve been hooked ever since.  Every boyfriend, romantic comedy and sappy Nicholas Sparks novel. Everything about love was and is magical to me.  How people meet, come together, the whole process has always fascinated and delighted me.  What attracts you to one person and not another?  How can you have these intense feeling for someone you barely know?  Why are you so drawn to someone like the planets or something else designed the whole thing?  I have loved a lot and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Even when there is a dry spell between relationships whether by choice or by chance you can tap into the FEELING of love through wonderful memories.  That is what people love most about love, it’s how it makes you FEEL.

I guess it has become one of my life’s missions, a life lesson or maybe just a wonderful hobby, to learn all I can about love.  xo-K

My two cents:  Think back to one of your favorite romantic memories, sit with it and savor it.