Tag Archives: dating advice

best friends forever

When I was in High School my best friend D was my partner in crime.  We got ourselves into all kinds of mayhem, we could plot and scheme our way into or out of anything. Harmless stuff really. Need to borrow a car?  Who cared if we were only fifteen and didn’t have a license? Not us.  Home way past curfew?  We could talk our way out of that.  Hell, we even convinced our counselor that we needed to skip fifth  period psychology every Friday, just ‘cuz.

If we needed to figure anything out, between the two of us we could do it, and do it brilliantly.  We felt like Lucy and Ethel, and of course we always had our Rickys and Freds waiting in the wings, scratching their heads but loving every minute of it.

There is something so wonderful about having a best friend  you can totally depend on,  someone who loves you unconditionally and is always there for you.  The keeper of your secrets and dreams.  I’ve been very lucky to have many best friends throughout my life.  I am an only child, so friends are probably more precious to me since I never had a sibling.  My friends where my family.

I’ve also had my share of boyfriends.   But I’ve never had a boyfriend who was a best friend. I guess I always thought  you had your friends and then you had your dates.  How many hours did the “girls” spend trying to figure out the “boys”?  Way too many. I never considered you could have a partner who was also your best friend.

The  first time I saw an example of this was at an Abraham-Hicks workshop.  It was clear to me that Esther and Jerry Hicks had something very special.  They are partners in crime for sure and they love working together, “being” together, and it’s obvious they really enjoy each other.  I love how they are together.

Last Sunday I was watching “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,” on the Food Network.   I wasn’t really paying much attention until I saw this couple.  They were driving across the country visiting as many of the “Dives” that Guy Fieri highlighted on the show as they could.  They were so cool, it was clear that they were enjoying what they were doing, and enjoying each other.  They seemed to be having so much fun, so in sync.  Like best friends. Then it hit me,  that’s what I want in a relationship!  xo-K

My two cents:  Once you recognize what you want you start to see more and more examples of it.

♥♥♥

Yeah, friends and lovers.  Sometimes they’re the same person, sometimes they’re not. During one of my most epic break-ups, mi amor cried and said he was losing his best friend. I don’t know what was sadder: the break-up, or that I couldn’t tell him I was losing my bf, too. Ouch to the nth.

Do we expect too much from our lovers? Sometimes, I think so. We have these ideas about who and what they should be and when they show us who they really are, we’re disappointed.  But I don’t think that the way to avoid being disappointed is to stop loving. Oh, heck no.  This tattered heart of mine will continue to beat for love until I’m wearing angel wings, and then some. The answer isn’t to shut down. The answer is perhaps, to love differently.

What we expect from love has evolved over time. The notion of marriage for love is pretty  new, historically speaking. Marriages used to be a business arrangement to secure countries, farms, goats, you name it. Marriage wasn’t about love, it was a transaction. If you got love in the bargain, bonus!  Now that I have become a woman of a certain age, I might even venture to suggest that much of what could be called romantic love is biology at work. I thought I loved my first husband, but now I wonder: was it my heart that was running the show, or my ovaries? Not that I didn’t love him, I did. But maybe not for the reasons I believed.

Best friends are simple. Love is tricky. As a girl, my grandmother fell in love with a boy who lived in a nearby town, but her parents had already chosen a husband for her, my grandfather. Many years later, after Grandpa passed, Grandma looked up her old beau. By then he was widowed too, and they married. In their twilight time, they finally got to express the love they had sparked fifty years earlier. Were they bf’s? I don’t know. But I do know that the initial love they felt had survived the passage of time.

I adore my friends. If my lover also happens to be my bf, I consider myself one lucky girl. Love, C

My two cents: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your lover closest of all.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vQwrHZWWk

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slow down to speed up

For someone who doesn’t own a TV, I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.  And I never watch the  “news!”  However, one of the funniest, smartest, sweetest new programs around is Modern Family. Love that show!

One of the characters is a goofy dad who is the biggest dork around, but he always manages to ‘get the job done.’ So, in one episode, the family is running around, trying to get out of the house and on a flight to Hawaii for a big family trip. Mom is going out of her mind trying to hurry everyone along while Dad is calmly walking at a snail’s pace, saying, “fast is slow and slow is fast.” And you know what? He’s right! When you try to push things, speed things up, you trip up and then end up having to repeat each step all over again. Sigh.

When things are going right in my life, doors open as if by magic. The right people show up. The right answers appear. Friendly helpful strangers seem to pop in just when I need them. I love it when that happens! Right now for instance, I’ve been seeing someone whom I really like. It’s new, and we’re probably moving slow by today’s standards.  We’re  playing it sort of old school, and its very sweet. Yeah, I’ve moved into these things faster in the past. . .and that didn’t really work out. Now I’m at the point where I’m not working so hard to “get there.” I’m just enjoying the process.

When someone wants to be with you, they are with you. There are no games, no power struggles. It just flows. Not long ago, I dated someone for a short time who insisted he was busy with his kids on the weekends. I know! Then, while having lunch with a friend, talking about how ‘distant’ this guy seemed, my friend asked how old the kids were. “They’re in their twenties,” I replied. “They’re in college.” Dear P looked at me like, you poor dumb thing. “Trust me,” she said. “He’s not hanging with those kids. At that age, those boys are not all about spending time with Dad.”  Hey! I tend to give parents the benefit of the doubt. . .in all circumstances. I’ve heard more than once, “you don’t have kids, so you can’t understand.”  And they’re right. I don’t always understand, but I do know this: when a relationship any relationship —is right, it’s simple. Love, C

My two cents: Trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Always.

♥♥♥

I don’t know about you but when I feel the need to hurry things along, make things happen, it’s because I feel if I don’t it won’t happen.  When I feel anxious about something there is usually a reason.  Whenever you put crazy nervous energy behind something it usually doesn’t pan out, and it’s probably just as well.

When something is right, it’s right.  It takes on a life of it’s own and you don’t feel any need to make it do or be anything.  I have watched friends throughout the years chase after relationships trying to make this one be the one. Hey, I have done it myself.   Wanting so much to seal the deal, cross it off the list, get it over with and get on to other things.  Really?  That’s how you want your relationship to play out?  What is wrong with enjoying the journey,  watching it unfold, savoring it, enjoying every delicious moment?  Just askin.’

Here’s why I think we do this thing we do, it’s because on some level we know it’s not going to happen.  We know it’s not the job, the house, or the relationship for us. But, we don’t feel it’s really possible to get exactly what we want so we figure, close enough is good enough. Better snatch this one up before someone else who is close enough to it snatches it up first.  (I can’t believe I just said that).

We spend all this time and energy racing around trying to make things happen,  then we’re so surprised and disappointed when they don’t and we have to start all over from square one.  Could things go any slower?

So sometimes you have to stop. . .just stop, take a breath. . .and just know. . .whether it comes from what your Mother said, what your girlfriends said or some voice that you don’t even know said. .  .just have some faith in whatever. There is a divine plan, things are working out for you, so you don’t have to worry.  Aren’t you glad someone knows better than you?  Aren’t you glad someone has your back? xo-K

My two cents:  I am so grateful that when I am spinning out of control there is someone or something to show me the way.

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dating blind

I had breakfast with a friend this morning and told her I had a date tonight. “Text me when you’re done,” she said. That’s how we roll these days. Intro online, meet briefly, text results. My girl and I sat there for a while, talking about the perils and pleasures of dating in the digital age. L married her man when she was in her forties, and a decade later, they are still very much in love. They are sweet to be around, and he adores her.  “Remember, everyone has baggage,” L said as we parted ways.

Call me reckless or foolish (pick one), but a small corner of my romance-believing heart thinks that maybe happiness can be found online, that expanding the numbers of people you encounter exponentially can work for you, like playing the slots at a casino. That by stirring up the cosmic pot of attraction, fate and destiny will conspire to deliver romance right to my door. Hey! It’s a theory!  So then, here are the results of dating blind thus far:

Bachelor Number One was a really nice guy with boy-next-door good looks,  who is still reallllly angry about the tragic death of his wife ten years ago in a completely random accident and who is tenderly caring for an aging labrador that as a couple they adopted when the old girl was still a pup. That dog is his most loyal and steadfast companion and it gives me shivers to see that heartbreak peeking over the horizon.

Bachelor Number Two, was the retired physician who was really smart, I mean really, like Mensa, smart. And interesting. World traveler. Dancer. Smooth, except he thought it was entirely appropriate to try to feel me up as we sat side by side in a romantic little resto on our third date. Oops. Come on!

Then, there was Groovy Guy, dude who was hella fun on our first/last/only meet up and who felt safer texting than actually meeting face to face, so risky. Groovy guy, as it turns out was  smart, funny, sexy as all get out. . . and who’s wounded heart stopped him from being fully present. Pity, because among other things, he gets two girls! Tsk.

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a guy who suggested we meet for the first time  right after his weekly yoga class. Seriously, dude?   Man sweat is so not a first date turn-on.   Anyway, when we finally met, I introduced Yoga Man to a groovy little coffee shop I know, where we talked and swapped stories for an hour or so. Said he’d call. Have yet to hear from him. Could be he pulled a hamstring.

And now we are up tonight’s audition for most beloved new friend and potential love interest: retired pilot.  He thinks I’m spicy, a hot little tomato. He wants to go to cooking school in Tuscany. Hm. As it turns out, I could get used to someone who knows their marinara from their puttanesca!  Love, C

My two cents: suit up, show up, enjoy the adventure!

♥♥♥

This is the reason why, when dating, especially online dating that you get really clear about what you want.  Whether you are looking for love online or just going out and putting yourself in the position to meet a potential partner, know what it is that you are looking for.   When you are interacting with a number of men, as you do when you are meeting online, you need to have a little bit more to go on when choosing, besides the superficial things like how he looks and what he does for a living.  You could possibly be spending a lot of time with this person, possibly the rest of your life, soooo. . .what exactly is it that you are looking for?

It’s so odd that when dating, and perhaps picking a potential life partner, we just kinda go out and wing it. We just bump around and kinda just go out with whoever shows up.  Well not everyone who shows up, but kinda whoever asks you out that seems nice and is physically attractive to you.  You don’t do that when picking a job, or buying a house. Most people are really clear about what they want in a house and they don’t really think about settling.  I think a lot of people put more thought into picking out an outfit to go on the date than actually what they want in the person they are dating.

Sometimes it is easier to start with what you don’t want and go from there.  C was put off with a guy who was going to meet her all sweaty after a yoga class.  Not what she wants, so what does she want?  Maybe someone who puts some thought and consideration and preparation into an initial meeting.  Don’t want to always have to do all the planning for a date?  I know after working all week, making decisions all day and being a mom, I don’t want to have to decide what to do on a date.  I like a man who asks me out and has a plan, or at least throws out a few options for me to pick from and then he makes the arrangements.

I have made a list and it is divided into negotiable and non-negotiables.  There are some things that I would love to have in a partner but if  I meet someone amazing and he doesn’t have or do those things it’s okay, they would be preferred but they are not deal breakers.  Then there are a few thing that are on my no how-no way list.  It is helpful to me because I have been known in the past to jump into something with a super hot guy who has a whole laundry list of characteristics that I didn’t even know that I didn’t want and then I was stuck in love with them and let’s just put it this way, I wish I would have been a little bit clearer about what I was looking for.

We all know about laws of attraction, and we are getting really clear about what happens when you put your attention on something.  So maybe it’s time to take a little time and give some thought about what the perfect relationship would look like.  Besides helping you get clear and upping your chances of getting exactly what you want, it’s a fun exercise as well.  xoK

My two cents:  Put a little thought into what it is you would prefer, because the universe wants you to have exactly what you want.

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dating blind

I had breakfast with a friend this morning and told her I had a date tonight. “Text me when you’re done,” she said. That’s how we roll these days. Intro online, meet briefly, text results. My girl and I sat there for a while, talking about the perils and pleasures of dating in the digital age. L married her man when she was in her forties, and a decade later, they are still very much in love. They are sweet to be around, and he adores her.  “Remember, everyone has baggage,” L said as we parted ways.

Call me reckless or foolish (pick one), but a small corner of my romance-believing heart thinks that maybe happiness can be found online, that expanding the numbers of people you encounter exponentially can work for you, like playing the slots at a casino. That by stirring up the cosmic pot of attraction, fate and destiny will conspire to deliver romance right to my door. Hey! It’s a theory!  So then, here are the results of dating blind thus far:

Bachelor Number One was a really nice guy with boy-next-door good looks,  who is still reallllly angry about the tragic death of his wife ten years ago in a completely random accident and who is tenderly caring for an aging labrador that as a couple they adopted when the old girl was still a pup. That dog is his most loyal and steadfast companion and it gives me shivers to see that heartbreak peering over the horizon.

Bachelor Number Two, was the retired physician who was really smart, I mean really, like Mensa, smart. And interesting. World traveler. Dancer. Smooth, except he thought it was entirely appropriate to try to feel me up as we sat side by side in a romantic little resto on our third date. Come on!

Then, there was Groovy Guy, dude who was hella fun on our first/last/only meet up and who felt safer texting than actually meeting face to face, so risky. Groovy guy, as it turns out was  smart, funny, sexy as all get out. . . and who’s wounded heart stopped him from being fully present. Pity, because among other things, he gets two girls. Tsk.

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a guy who suggested we meet for the first time  right after his weekly yoga class. Seriously, dude?   Man sweat is so not a first date turn-on.   Anyway, when we finally met, I introduced Yoga Man to a fabulous little coffee shop I know, where we talked and swapped stories for an hour or so. I had to get back to work; he said he’d call. Have yet to hear from him. Could be he pulled a hamstring.

And now we are up tonight’s audition for most beloved new friend and potential love interest:  recently retired.  He thinks I’m a spicy little tomato. He wants someone to travel with.  As it turns out, I have a penchant for adventure.  Love, C

My two cents: suit up, show up, enjoy the ride!

♥♥♥

This is the reason why, when dating, especially online dating that you get really clear about what you want.  Whether you are looking for love online or just going out and putting yourself in the position to meet a potential partner, know what it is that you are looking for.   When you are interacting with a number of men, as you do when you are meeting online, you need to have a little bit more to go on when choosing, besides the superficial things like how he looks and what he does for a living.  You could possibly be spending a lot of time with this person, possibly the rest of your life, soooo. . .what exactly is it that you are looking for?

It’s so odd that when dating, and perhaps picking a potential life partner, we just kinda go out and wing it. We just bump around and kinda just go out with whoever shows up.  Well not everyone who shows up, but kinda whoever asks you out that seems nice and is physically attractive to you.  You don’t do that when picking a job, or buying a house. Most people are really clear about what they want in a house and they don’t really think about settling.  I think a lot of people put more thought into picking out an outfit to go on the date than actually what they want in the person they are dating.

Sometimes it is easier to start with what you don’t want and go from there.  C was put off with a guy who was going to meet her all sweaty after a yoga class.  Not what she wants, so what does she want?  Maybe someone who puts some thought and consideration and preparation into an initial meeting.  Don’t want to always have to do all the planning for a date?  I know after working all week, making decisions all day and being a mom, I don’t want to have to decide what to do on a date.  I like a man who asks me out and has a plan, or at least throws out a few options for me to pick from and then he makes the arrangements.

I have made a list and it is divided into negotiable and non-negotiables.  There are some things that I would love to have in a partner but if  I meet someone amazing and he doesn’t have or do those things it’s okay, they would be preferred but they are not deal breakers.  Then there are a few thing that are on my no how-no way list.  It is helpful to me because I have been known in the past to jump into something with a super hot guy who has a whole laundry list of characteristics that I didn’t even know that I didn’t want and then I was stuck in love with them and let’s just put it this way, I wish I would have been a little bit clearer about what I was looking for.

We all know about laws of attraction, and we are getting really clear about what happens when you put your attention on something.  So maybe it’s time to take a little time and give some thought about what the perfect relationship would look like.  Besides helping you get clear and upping your chances of getting exactly what you want, it’s a fun exercise as well.  xo-K

My two cents:  Put a little thought into what it is you would prefer, because the universe wants you to have exactly what you want.

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a million miles away….

C and I made a few comments on texting isn’t dating regarding long distance relationships and we got quite a few comments from people who disagreed with what we said.  Since we are just writing from our own experiences and we don’t claim to know everything about everything, it’s worth a closer look. So, naturally, we revisited the topic of long distance love.

It popped into my head just this morning that C and I are having a long distance relationship, granted it is a working relationship, and with telephone, email and texting we don’t need to be in the same place, and we rarely are.  We can both be on our blog site, bumbling through the techie part of this whole thing, and on the phone working it all out.   It’s amazing how we can figure it out being in two different states. But it is working.

What we were talking about was romantic relationships, and I know that is what the people commenting were referring to.  Neither one of us were trying so say that you can’t love someone who doesn’t live in close proximity to you, and we weren’t even implying that there wasn’t a purpose, lesson or anything else that is meaningful that happens when you fall for someone who lives across the country or even a few hours away.

I can only speak for myself, and I have had it happen to me twice. Wasn’t planned, didn’t feel I had a choice in the matter, just meeting someone and feeling swept away, like the relationship was its own separate entity that was going to have its way with you, like it or not.

Since I have had it happen to me, I know how strong it can be.  But I also know how you can think it can be more than it is and there are things that are meant to happen so you have to allow it, but when it starts looking like it’s not going to go any further, sometimes it’s better to just let it go and have some great memories. Not let it get so bad or crazy that you end up hating each other, letting something that was so beautiful become sad and ugly.  Easier said than done.

Back to our original comment dissing long distance relationships:  would I get involved now with someone who I could not get in my car and drive to see if I was missing them terribly?  No, I wouldn’t.  Been there done that and it is heartbreaking and I’m just not up for it anymore.  Do I think those things do sometimes work out?  They can, if they are meant to.  But I know there is a lot of longing and a lot of missing someone. I don’t know about you, but I am ready to be in relationship with someone who if I want to reach over and kiss them, I can, right now.  xo-K

My two cents: Enjoy every relationship that comes into your life, but not everyone needs to  last forever.

♥♥♥

K, I love this topic!  My beloved first (and so far, only) husband and I started off long distance. I lived in the beautiful California wine country, and he was the Los Angeles distributor of the winery I worked for. It was a match made in wine country heaven!  We spent hours on the phone, sending cards and letters (this was before texting — but I still think cards and letters are romantic. Just sayin’), flying back and forth. It was a whirlwind romance. Before we knew it, I had moved to LA, and that’s when the real romance began.

Of course you can love someone long distance. Or rather, you can love the idea of loving them long distance. You can feel all the giddy, dizzy, fluttery, carnival of feelings. You can spend hours on the phone and get to know the best parts of each other virtually, but you can’t really know them until you spend time in the same room.

I get it. I get how your heart beats a little faster when your caller ID illuminates his name. I get how the sound of his voice makes you melt. Hey! One of my personal rule-breakers is that my guy must have a good phone voice: I so get the appeal of a long distance lover!

I just don’t think it’s  a functioning relationship unless you share real estate, where you get to know those daily, less glamorous parts of yourselves with each other and give love a chance to experience the whole package. Celebrity marriages are notoriously fragile and I am convinced it’s because they have so many opportunities to not share living space. And how can you spontaneously and honestly share your secret, succulent, soul-shifting dreams with someone if you can’t look into their eyes and feel the heat of their skin?

The thing is, I think that we’re wired to love. I think that we’re so programmed to love and be loved in return, that we’re willing to project love where it doesn’t actually have a foundation. Don’t get me wrong: the feelings are real. Feelings are always real. But feelings can be like a plate full of whipped cream ~ they look pretty, feel pretty, taste pretty. But when you come right down to it, they’re mostly air. I’m not saying you can’t love like that, I’m just saying that there’s more to real and lasting love.

That said, I also believe that relationships need room to grow. . .they just don’t need 3,000 miles and a million frequent flyer miles to grow! Love, C

My two cents: When destiny calls, it won’t matter if your guy is half way around the world; he will show up.

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goodie two shoes

Sometimes being a bitch means honoring yourself first and sometimes that means establishing your boundaries and then sticking to them.  This could upset people who may have gotten used to the sweet you, the girl who shoots sunshine and moonbeams out her butt you, but oops, too bad! Somewhere along the line in the new thought movement, we sort of insisted that everything was cool and fine; or that bad or inconvenient things only happen to other people.

Wouldn’t it be better to be a grown up person and communicate adult to adult? Stopping putting frosting on poo and calling it a cupcake? Just sayin’. Aeons ago, before women could vote and regulate their reproductive systems, and run successful companies, we depended on a sweet nature to make sure we were taken care of. Times have changed and we can take care of ourselves pretty much, but somewhere, some little cog in our brains got stuck on the idea that “nice” = safe. We thought that goodie two shoes got the man, the job, the contract, the three book option; and that’s just so 3-D, right?

In her book, Why Men Love Bitches, Sherry Argov talks about the innate sexiness of women who know who they are and what they’re about and are willing to live in the integrity of who they are. Bitches are not co-dependent; they do not define themselves by how others around them feel. Bitches take responsibility for themselves and for those who are blessed by their love, which is fierce and true. Strong women in touch with their inner goddess are in short supply, and men love them. In case it matters.

If you need a little help defining your boundaries, relationship guru Harville Hendrix describes how to stand your ground on an issue that you feel is important.  The process involves mirror, validate, and empathize. Lets say the bf wants to go to the antique car show with the boys on Sunday afternoon and wants you tag along so he won’t feel too guilty about not spending time with you. Before you leave to be pampered to within an inch of your life at  a spa day with the girls, you say, “darling, I understand that this show is really important to you and I understand you want to hang with your boys and talk manifolds. I really wish I could tag along, but honestly, I don’t want to. Why don’t we both hang with our pals today and then have dinner tonight, just the two of us?”

Mr. Man will love your goodie two shoes bitch of a goddess more for standing her ground than he would if she had gone along with his half-baked plan just to be pleasant, all the while resenting herself and consequently him, like hell. Life is too short to be a goodie two shoes. Speak your truth and be done with it! Love, C

My two cents: You are responsible for no one’s happiness but your own.

♥♥♥

I so love that book, Why Men Love Bitches and am going to have my teen daughter read it.  I was actually expecting something different when I started the book.  I thought it was going to be all, I am woman, hear me roar, or don’t put up with any shit from men, blah, blah, blah.  That’s what most people think when they think bitch. Bitch = martyr.

If you do something you really don’t want to do, expecting someone/that man, to do the same for you, well just be prepared to be mad, hurt, disappointed, etc.  Most men don’t do what they don’t want to do.  Most men shoot from the hip and if they don’t want to do something, guess what?  They don’t.  Most women, and I admit I am being a bit general, but I have talked to thousands of women and I am one so I know how we roll.  Most women, especially in the beginning of a relationship say yes to everything.  They go to that car show or give up their plans at the last minute because they would rather be with their man than do whatever they had planned to do.  I know I have.  So we assume that when the tables are turned and you have something you think is fun to do, and I’m talkin’ girl fun, you think that your guy is going to give up those great seats at the basketball game or whatever and go with you.  And boy, do we get our panties in a knot if he actually says he’s gonna pass.

We cry to our girls, I do it for him, I can’t believe he wouldn’t do (fill in the blank) for me. Well guess what girls, WHO ASKED YOU TO?  If you are doing something you don’t want to do, just to win brownie points or seem like the best girlfriend ever, or manipulate him in some other way, I have to say. Don’t do it.  It doesn’t work and that is when you turn into the real Bitch.

The real cool gf, and this applies to any aspect in your life, work, family, friends etc.,  is the girl who says what she means and means what she says.  Her energy lines up with her words.  She doesn’t say things in a way so that she gets the reaction she wants.  That is just manipulation and anyone can feel it.  They might not know exactly what is going on but they know it doesn’t feel right.   Everything is energy and people can feel when something is just off.  So just be you, be honest with yourself and others about how you truly feel.  Your feelings are valid and you are entitled to feel however you feel.  That was a big one for me.  xo-K

My two cents:  Being too agreeable and sticky sweet is boring and it gets old really fast.

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two a T

C and I have been friends for years.  We are so alike but so different. Different political views, different educational background, different family background, you name it.   As I have noted before we live in different states and are blogging remotely and are on the phone constantly.  Even before we started this blog, we were  working on our “stuff.” We always seemed to be kinda on a similar path, spiritually and in our relationships with men.  And at one point we even thought we were dating the same guy. . . .

So one day, C comes in to the salon and she is just glowing.  I met someone! she exclaimed.  “Wow,” I said, “That’s awesome.  I’m so excited for you!”  I had just started dating someone myself but it was still so new, I let her go first.  His name is “T,” she went into all the stats of her new beau and I felt — actually I don’t know what I felt in that moment it was so long ago –but I do remember that I too, was dating a guy named “T” and it was all sounding very familiar. Like she was talking about my guy.  So many similarities: same line of business, check; age, check; boat, check. There was one big thing that we were going to find out later on down the line.  Neither one of these handsome suitors, and yes we did eventually get them into the same room together at one point, was ever going to commit to either one of us. . . ever.

And I have to say it was not for lack of creative manipulation on both of our parts. We worked it, in every way we could. We spent a lot of time and energy talking about how elusive the little buggers were and how we were going to be so amazing and indispensable that there was no way they would ever want to let either of us go.

Thinking back on that time, we spent so much time dissecting every conversation we each had with our “T’s,” getting each others’ opinion on what the other thought he meant by that comment he made or didn’t make.  If men only knew what women really talked about when they weren’t around!  Oh my, well it’s just a good thing they don’t.  So much drama, my head hurts just thinking about it.

Instead of just living in the moment, letting whatever is supposed to happen happen and actually enjoying someone’s company, we  always have to be planning the future and every move someone makes has to have some hidden meaning, doesn’t it?  Some clue as to what is going to happen next or not happen. . . .

Years later and after hundreds of hours logged on via telephone between C and me, both of the “Ts” were history. C had her end after being left on the side of the road after a disagreement during what was supposed be a romantic getaway in Maui. As for me, I just got tired of running back and forth between two houses with a duffel bag and waiting for someone who was supposed to love me to ask me to stay in one place permanently.

They were the ones who couldn’t commit, we cried,  as we had what would be one of many pity parties.  We were there and we were ready, they were the ones with the problems, right?  We both felt so justifiably hurt and angry.  So. . . why do you think that both of these confirmed bachelors were married to the next girls they dated after we broke it off with them?  Ouch!

Maybe they were not the ones with the commitment issues after all.

To be continued…. xo-K

My two cents:  Relationships are like mirrors, what is being reflected back to you is always YOU.

♥♥♥

Okay, no one ever said this work was easy, but sometimes you have to just allow yourself to laugh about it, right??  I remember that golden day, sitting in K’s salon, having told her all about my new beau. I remember thinking it was such a funny coincidence that our two T’s were so similar.  Yeah, the cosmos has quite a sense of humor!

I met my T on my back porch. Literally. I woke up one morning, and wearing little more than an over-sized denim shirt, stumbled into my living room, and gazed out the sliding window at what looked like a Norse god. Yum. I opened the door and said, “what the hell are you doing on my porch? Tell me quick or I’m calling the cops!” Or something friendly like that. Hey! A girl living alone doesn’t take chances when strange men appear on her doorstep. Oh, wait.

Anyway, it all seemed meant to be. I mean seriously? My doorstep! The first time we kissed was like jumping into the path of a runaway train. No going back, baby. Was he The One? Oh, heck no. Did he show up in my life to teach me lessons? Big time. He was one of my biggest projects to date. And for that, a part of me will always love him for it. I’ll even love the fact that one week after he dropped me off on the side of the road in Maui, he IM’d me to tell me he was getting married. And today? I’m soooo glad I wasn’t the one he married. And I’m about 99.999 percent sure that K is over the moon she didn’t marry her T, either.

Every relationship you have is really about one person: you. So, here’s the deal. You can work on your “stuff” in a relationship, or you can work on it outside a relationship. It’s just easier when there’s two. Marianne Williamson says that relationships are like rock tumblers for the soul. They rub off all the sharp edges.

You would have thought that the T’s put us off love, but au contraire, mon amie! We still believe in the fairy tale ending. Love, C

My two cents: each relationship you have gives you exactly what you need to heal, in the moment. Bless it them all, especially the so-called bad ones.



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