When I was in High School my best friend D was my partner in crime. We got ourselves into all kinds of mayhem, we could plot and scheme our way into or out of anything. Harmless stuff really. Need to borrow a car? Who cared if we were only fifteen and didn’t have a license? Not us. Home way past curfew? We could talk our way out of that. Hell, we even convinced our counselor that we needed to skip fifth period psychology every Friday, just ‘cuz.
If we needed to figure anything out, between the two of us we could do it, and do it brilliantly. We felt like Lucy and Ethel, and of course we always had our Rickys and Freds waiting in the wings, scratching their heads but loving every minute of it.
There is something so wonderful about having a best friend you can totally depend on, someone who loves you unconditionally and is always there for you. The keeper of your secrets and dreams. I’ve been very lucky to have many best friends throughout my life. I am an only child, so friends are probably more precious to me since I never had a sibling. My friends where my family.
I’ve also had my share of boyfriends. But I’ve never had a boyfriend who was a best friend. I guess I always thought you had your friends and then you had your dates. How many hours did the “girls” spend trying to figure out the “boys”? Way too many. I never considered you could have a partner who was also your best friend.
The first time I saw an example of this was at an Abraham-Hicks workshop. It was clear to me that Esther and Jerry Hicks had something very special. They are partners in crime for sure and they love working together, “being” together, and it’s obvious they really enjoy each other. I love how they are together.
Last Sunday I was watching “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,” on the Food Network. I wasn’t really paying much attention until I saw this couple. They were driving across the country visiting as many of the “Dives” that Guy Fieri highlighted on the show as they could. They were so cool, it was clear that they were enjoying what they were doing, and enjoying each other. They seemed to be having so much fun, so in sync. Like best friends. Then it hit me, that’s what I want in a relationship! xo-K
My two cents: Once you recognize what you want you start to see more and more examples of it.
Yeah, friends and lovers. Sometimes they’re the same person, sometimes they’re not. During one of my most epic break-ups, mi amor cried and said he was losing his best friend. I don’t know what was sadder: the break-up, or that I couldn’t tell him I was losing my bf, too. Ouch to the nth.
Do we expect too much from our lovers? Sometimes, I think so. We have these ideas about who and what they should be and when they show us who they really are, we’re disappointed. But I don’t think that the way to avoid being disappointed is to stop loving. Oh, heck no. This tattered heart of mine will continue to beat for love until I’m wearing angel wings, and then some. The answer isn’t to shut down. The answer is perhaps, to love differently.
What we expect from love has evolved over time. The notion of marriage for love is pretty new, historically speaking. Marriages used to be a business arrangement to secure countries, farms, goats, you name it. Marriage wasn’t about love, it was a transaction. If you got love in the bargain, bonus! Now that I have become a woman of a certain age, I might even venture to suggest that much of what could be called romantic love is biology at work. I thought I loved my first husband, but now I wonder: was it my heart that was running the show, or my ovaries? Not that I didn’t love him, I did. But maybe not for the reasons I believed.
Best friends are simple. Love is tricky. As a girl, my grandmother fell in love with a boy who lived in a nearby town, but her parents had already chosen a husband for her, my grandfather. Many years later, after Grandpa passed, Grandma looked up her old beau. By then he was widowed too, and they married. In their twilight time, they finally got to express the love they had sparked fifty years earlier. Were they bf’s? I don’t know. But I do know that the initial love they felt had survived the passage of time.
I adore my friends. If my lover also happens to be my bf, I consider myself one lucky girl. Love, C
My two cents: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your lover closest of all.