best friends forever

When I was in High School my best friend D was my partner in crime.  We got ourselves into all kinds of mayhem, we could plot and scheme our way into or out of anything. Harmless stuff really. Need to borrow a car?  Who cared if we were only fifteen and didn’t have a license? Not us.  Home way past curfew?  We could talk our way out of that.  Hell, we even convinced our counselor that we needed to skip fifth  period psychology every Friday, just ‘cuz.

If we needed to figure anything out, between the two of us we could do it, and do it brilliantly.  We felt like Lucy and Ethel, and of course we always had our Rickys and Freds waiting in the wings, scratching their heads but loving every minute of it.

There is something so wonderful about having a best friend  you can totally depend on,  someone who loves you unconditionally and is always there for you.  The keeper of your secrets and dreams.  I’ve been very lucky to have many best friends throughout my life.  I am an only child, so friends are probably more precious to me since I never had a sibling.  My friends where my family.

I’ve also had my share of boyfriends.   But I’ve never had a boyfriend who was a best friend. I guess I always thought  you had your friends and then you had your dates.  How many hours did the “girls” spend trying to figure out the “boys”?  Way too many. I never considered you could have a partner who was also your best friend.

The  first time I saw an example of this was at an Abraham-Hicks workshop.  It was clear to me that Esther and Jerry Hicks had something very special.  They are partners in crime for sure and they love working together, “being” together, and it’s obvious they really enjoy each other.  I love how they are together.

Last Sunday I was watching “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,” on the Food Network.   I wasn’t really paying much attention until I saw this couple.  They were driving across the country visiting as many of the “Dives” that Guy Fieri highlighted on the show as they could.  They were so cool, it was clear that they were enjoying what they were doing, and enjoying each other.  They seemed to be having so much fun, so in sync.  Like best friends. Then it hit me,  that’s what I want in a relationship!  xo-K

My two cents:  Once you recognize what you want you start to see more and more examples of it.

♥♥♥

Yeah, friends and lovers.  Sometimes they’re the same person, sometimes they’re not. During one of my most epic break-ups, mi amor cried and said he was losing his best friend. I don’t know what was sadder: the break-up, or that I couldn’t tell him I was losing my bf, too. Ouch to the nth.

Do we expect too much from our lovers? Sometimes, I think so. We have these ideas about who and what they should be and when they show us who they really are, we’re disappointed.  But I don’t think that the way to avoid being disappointed is to stop loving. Oh, heck no.  This tattered heart of mine will continue to beat for love until I’m wearing angel wings, and then some. The answer isn’t to shut down. The answer is perhaps, to love differently.

What we expect from love has evolved over time. The notion of marriage for love is pretty  new, historically speaking. Marriages used to be a business arrangement to secure countries, farms, goats, you name it. Marriage wasn’t about love, it was a transaction. If you got love in the bargain, bonus!  Now that I have become a woman of a certain age, I might even venture to suggest that much of what could be called romantic love is biology at work. I thought I loved my first husband, but now I wonder: was it my heart that was running the show, or my ovaries? Not that I didn’t love him, I did. But maybe not for the reasons I believed.

Best friends are simple. Love is tricky. As a girl, my grandmother fell in love with a boy who lived in a nearby town, but her parents had already chosen a husband for her, my grandfather. Many years later, after Grandpa passed, Grandma looked up her old beau. By then he was widowed too, and they married. In their twilight time, they finally got to express the love they had sparked fifty years earlier. Were they bf’s? I don’t know. But I do know that the initial love they felt had survived the passage of time.

I adore my friends. If my lover also happens to be my bf, I consider myself one lucky girl. Love, C

My two cents: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your lover closest of all.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vQwrHZWWk

get real

 

It’s so nice to get to the point where you can just be yourself, your authentic self.  Just be real.  After all these years I feel like I’m finally getting close.

I work with all women, and I work in a salon. . . full of mirrors.  Ye gads, that could be a recipe for disaster,  a bunch of women, competing with each other plus seeing every imagined flaw staring back at you for eight+ hours a day.  Sounds like it could put your ego to the test, huh?

Lucky for me I work with some of the most beautiful (inside and out) women I could ever hope to work with.  These girls are real, I have worked in a lot of salons,  and I have to tell you we have an amazing, enlightened group of women and I love them all.  No competition here, everyone is so supportive of each other.  I hope they all realize how rare it is and are as thankful as I am to be a part of such an amazing group.

There are days when I don’t feel so great about myself.  It happens less and less, but it still happens.  Growing older, body changes, sometimes it’s hard to love yourself. Hell, I had a hard time loving myself when I was 25 and everything was still where it was supposed to be.  It’s sad to think about that.

  I have decided that I don’t want to be hard on myself, looking at so -called  flaws that are so not who I am.  I want to look at who I really am, a great mom, a great friend, a great stylist, a great person, but even those thing are just a small part of who I am.

We all need to remember, we are not our bodies, we are not what we do for a living, how much money we have, where we live or who we’re married to.  I am  starting to feel like who I really am, the real me, is finally starting to emerge and  I’m looking forward to all the wonderful things life has in store for me.  xo-K

My two cents:  Learn to look in the mirror and see your soul.  There is so much more to you than meets the eye.

♥♥♥

I went to the coast the other day and visited a couple of glass blowing studios. It was amazing! In order to make beautiful, fragile, transparent bowls, vases, lamps, an artist takes a blob of silica, and shoves it into a two thousand degree furnace, and fires it up, red hot. And then after working with it a while, shaping it with tools, reinserting the transforming glass back into the blazing, white hot furnace, he pulls it out of the fire and lets it cool. In the end, all that heat and stress and creative energy results in an exquisitely strong, yet breathtakingly fragile work of art.

I think we are all like that. We’ve been talking lately about our stories, and this made me wonder: what if our stories, the “things that happen” are the fire that shapes our soul into  precious works of art that we can’t even see? Wow!

Every day, we have the chance to look at ourselves and see those extra pounds, the breasts that maybe aren’t as perfect as they were when we were 2o, a few lines that weren’t there yesterday, swear! These are the fires of our shaping.

One of the things I will be forever grateful to K for is encouraging me to study esthetics.  That education not only taught me the basics of great skin care, it taught me to understand beauty, real beauty.  Sometimes beauty is perfection. Sometimes, beauty is a collection of flaws so unique, they create something completely original and fabulous.

Those who work in the beauty business know a little secret that seems to elude about 99.999% of the rest of us: we are all beautiful in our own way. Hey! There is a reason  we women love our salon time. It’s because we get to spend time surrounded by goddess energy! You have to try really hard to walk away from your monthly salon treatment feeling bad about yourself. It’s not that it can’t be done, mind you, but you have to swim upstream against the mighty waters of innate goddess beauty perfection to get there.

We are all works of art in our own way and how we get there is 100 percent a gift from the universe and my mama always taught me that when someone gives you a gift, all you have to say is: thank you. Love, C

My two cents: Just for today, I will love and appreciate the fires that have formed me.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soioqrYorq4

get real

 

It’s so nice to get to the point where you can just be yourself, your authentic self.  Just be real.  After all these years I feel like I’m finally getting close.

I work with all women, and I work in a salon. . . full of mirrors.  Ye gads, that could be a recipe for disaster,  a bunch of women, competing with each other plus seeing every imagined flaw staring back at you for eight+ hours a day.  Sounds like it could put your ego to the test, huh?

Lucky for me I work with some of the most beautiful (inside and out) women I could ever hope to work with.  These girls are real, I have worked in a lot of salons,  and I have to tell you we have an amazing, enlightened group of women and I love them all.  No competition here, everyone is so supportive of each other.  I hope they all realize how rare it is and are as thankful as I am to be a part of such an amazing group.

There are days when I don’t feel so great about myself.  It happens less and less, but it still happens.  Growing older, body changes, sometimes it’s hard to love yourself. Hell, I had a hard time loving myself when I was 25 and everything was still where it was supposed to be.  It’s sad to think about that.

  I have decided that I don’t want to be hard on myself, looking at so -called  flaws that are so not who I am.  I want to look at who I really am, a great mom, a great friend, a great stylist, a great person, but even those thing are just a small part of who I am.

We all need to remember, we are not our bodies, we are not what we do for a living, how much money we have, where we live or who we’re married to.  I am  starting to feel like who I really am, the real me, is finally starting to emerge and  I’m looking forward to all the wonderful things life has in store for me.  xo-K

My two cents:  Learn to look in the mirror and see your soul.  There is so much more to you than meets the eye.

♥♥♥

I went to the coast the other day and visited a couple of glass blowing studios. It was amazing! In order to make beautiful, fragile, transparent bowls, vases, lamps, an artist takes a blob of silica, and shoves it into a two thousand degree furnace, and fires it up, red hot. And then after working with it a while, shaping it with tools, reinserting the transforming glass back into the blazing, white hot furnace, he pulls it out of the fire and lets it cool. In the end, all that heat and stress and creative energy results in an exquisitely strong, yet breathtakingly fragile work of art.

I think we are all like that. We’ve been talking lately about our stories, and this made me wonder: what if our stories, the “things that happen” are the fire that shapes our soul into  precious works of art that we can’t even see? Wow!

Every day, we have the chance to look at ourselves and see those extra pounds, the breasts that maybe aren’t as perfect as they were when we were 2o, a few lines that weren’t there yesterday, swear! These are the fires of our shaping.

One of the things I will be forever grateful to K for is encouraging me to study esthetics.  That education not only taught me the basics of great skin care, it taught me to understand beauty, real beauty.  Sometimes beauty is perfection. Sometimes, beauty is a collection of flaws so unique, they create something completely original and fabulous.

Those who work in the beauty business know a little secret that seems to elude about 99.999% of the rest of us: we are all beautiful in our own way. Hey! There is a reason  we women love our salon time. It’s because we get to spend time surrounded by goddess energy! You have to try really hard to walk away from your monthly salon treatment feeling bad about yourself. It’s not that it can’t be done, mind you, but you have to swim upstream against the mighty waters of innate goddess beauty perfection to get there.

We are all works of art in our own way and how we get there is 100 percent a gift from the universe and my mama always taught me that when someone gives you a gift, all you have to say is: thank you. Love, C

My two cents: Just for today, I will love and appreciate the fires that have formed me.

living our blog

I have been asked so many times  if we worry we’ll run out of topics to blog about.  Are you kidding me? C and I are living our blog.  This is our lives.  We write about what going on with us, what we’re working on, what we’re observing in other people.  I don’t think we’ll ever run out of things to write about.

C and I talk at least once a day on the phone and have for many years,  it’s like our own mini therapy sessions, in the morning before work and after I drop my daughter off at school.  We talk about our lives, work, boys, money, God.   All the important stuff.  More times than not, we’ll get on a roll, and hit on something really big.  That’s a blog, one of us will say after the other has basically channeled something profound and amazing, (at least it is to us).

We write about what is important to us.  It’s sincere, we are not writing what we think people want to hear, we are not trying to push or sell anything, we are writing for ourselves, period.  And sometimes what we write about comes back to bite one of us. . . right in the ass.

Just last week while we were working on going retro, I started having problems with my computer.  Actually, the issues with the computer came first, which gave us the idea of writing about Mercury Retrograde.  It was happening simultaneously but the more I was focused of the tricks of the transit, the more glitchy my computer got.  Imagine that.

Whether you are writing a blog, writing in a journal or just talking to your friends, whatever you’re putting your attention on is getting bigger, more noticeable, or more clear.  Something pops up for one of us, and bam there’s a blog.  Start writing the blog, bam, more insight on the subject.  Just keeps getting more and more clear, which is a good thing btw. It didn’t seem good when I had to go out and buy a new computer the other day, especially when I wasn’t planning to, but it is what it is.  And I was giving my malfunctioning computer a whole lot of my attention. . . .Just sayin’.

We are here to learn and grow, and I’m not suggesting everyone start blogging, although it is tons of fun;  just be aware of where you are putting your attention.  If you are trying to figure something out, maybe you could try journaling about it.  Sitting with something and writing it down gives you huge insight, at least it does for me.  Energy flows where attention goes, and we are living proof of that.  xo-K

My two cents:  Sometimes things need to get really big so you can see them clearly.

♥♥♥

It wasn’t long after starting to write down all of the things we talk about, that K and I realized that we were living our blog. Come on! Yeah, energy is like that: be careful what you wish for! Nothing like going public with your “conversation” to make you really get that thoughts are energy, and energy creates experience. Oh, and that’s another aspect of walking a spiritual path: Source will call you on your sh*t, every single time!

Of course, we laugh about it. K and I will be talking and she’ll say, “wait, didn’t you just blog about this?” Of course, it will be something to do with walking the talk, and I’ll know I’ve just been busted. Damn!  Like, back at the beginning of our little blogging journey, we wrote “Lighten Up” about looking at your life like a movie, where you get to be the writer, director, producer, and star. Great idea, right? So then one day not long after we published that little gem, I was complaining to K about some minor annoyance that I had managed to blow up into a pretty big deal. “Honey,” she said, “Did you read what you just wrote? You’re the writer of your movie. If you don’t like it, don’t just throw popcorn at the screen. . .change the script!” Damn!

Happens all the time. K has an issue with the fam? No doubt there’s a blog waiting to be written. And I can’t tell you how many times she’ll be working out an issue, writing about it, and shazam! The answer, the Divine Whisper, the cosmic aha moment, comes washing over her and not only does she get the answer she was looking for, but she also gets a stellar blog.

Back in the beginning, we wrote mostly about love, partnerships, romance. Our vision has expanded a little since then. We’ve come to embrace all aspects of love, all aspects of relationship. Hey — technically speaking, we are all in relation to everyone else — and therefore are in relationship with everyone else. Just sayin’. . . .

So anyway, early on, K and I began to notice that the way we worked together on Two Girls was the way that we both envision a “relationship” with a soul mate, a twin flame, the One. We are in agreement that the blog (relationship) is our first concern. If an issue comes up, we decide jointly about the outcome. There is no “I want it my way” discussion. It always comes down to “what is good for the blog?” And that is the primary concern, no matter what.

When it comes to what we write about and how we do it, we work together. She helps me, I help her. It’s more than just friendship, it is about this beautiful work of art that we have created together. There is a deeply spiritual element about it and we both know that it is blessed in a way with both of our efforts, that it could never have been if we had gone at it solo. Truly, where two are more are gathered, miracles happen. Love, C

My two cents: You can live your life through ego, or you can life your life through love; only one will get you what you really want.

all you need is love

The world is in turmoil, have you noticed?  A part of me says yes, okay, the world is in turmoil and we all have something to do about it. Another part of me says, the world is not in turmoil, it is all a grand illusion constructed movie-style for our entertainment, and none of it really matters.

Or, how about this: if the world is in turmoil, and we are all one, then we are in turmoil. And if we create our world and our world is in turmoil, we created the turmoil. What if this is true? What if we created the gulf oil spill tragedy? “Not me,” you say. “I have enough on my plate without being responsible for that, too!” But this isn’t about blame. It’s about connection. It’s about healing. It’s about realizing that we all have a stake in what happens, whether it’s a hurricane or an earthquake or an oil spill of epic proportions.

Back in the day, minutes before cell phones were an everyday accessory, and when Ronald Reagan was a president not just an actor, cold wars still existed, there was a giant wall dividing one part of Germany from itself and one part of Europe from the world. The new thought movement was just beginning to pick up steam. Marianne Williamson was talking to small groups of people in Santa Monica, and Louise Hay was famous at the time for having written a book called “You Can Heal Your Life.” I received an email one day, announcing a world day of prayer to bring down the Berlin Wall peacefully. People from different time zones around the world were called to stop for a few minutes and pray for world peace.  The day came and went and then, not long after, the wall came down, uniting a country with itself.

Love had a big win that day. I remember watching the news, and feeling my heart open and connecting with all the love from around the world, watching that same news.  The official records about the fall of the wall say that it was because of a series of civil riots and political erosion, but I think it was because of the prayers for peace, united from around the world, that did it.

I think we owe it to our home planet to try to heal the Gulf of Mexico in the same way. K suggested on our fb page the other day that we all offer prayers of healing for the gulf waters.  The more I think about this, the more I think this is a holy mission. Blame and anger won’t help heal those beautiful waters, home to rare and magnificent sea life. I’m committed to offering prayers of healing for the gulf every day, for the next month. Probably more after that, but each day as I say my waking prayers, and each night as I offer my gratitude to the all that is, I will offer a prayer of blessing and healing love and gratitude to the gulf for being a messenger that once again, working together, we can heal our home planet, heal our world collectively. Love, C

My two cents: there is enough love in the world to heal every thought we think, and every thought we think is enough to heal the world.

♥♥♥

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, healing and grace vs anger and blame; interesting.  I have had this come up in my personal life recently and chose to take the high road and am well on my way to healing and grace thanks to a turn of events. Actually it was two things that seemed horrible and unfair at the time but turned out to be eye-opening and healing, even transforming, who would have known.  This afternoon I got confirmation that the choice  I made to let go of the past and of  blame was the right decision.

I was sitting in front of my daughter’s school a few minutes before the bell rang and caught the news at the top of the hour; have I not learned yet that I never feel good listening to that stuff??  They were going on and on about the oil spill and how “they” — whoever “they” are –weren’t  going to rest until whoever was responsible paid, and paid handsomely.  I do agree that whoever is at fault should take responsibility but the anger and the resentment just felt, well, not helpful.  As C mentioned earlier I posted a prayer for healing the gulf waters.  Sending loving prayers and good positive thoughts just seems more helpful and productive at this point and time.

I think many people underestimate the power of love and prayer.  They think it is fine for some things, but this is serious. Do you know how many people with life threatening, terminal illness, after they have exhausted every other avenue, been told by every doctor that there was no hope, fall to their knees and turn to the only thing that ever really works anyway?

Abraham always says it is of no use to push against what you don’t want, and Mother Teresa said, “If you hold  an anti-war rally, I shall not attend.   But if you hold a pro-peace rally, invite me.”

I believe in the power of love and prayer and meditation and  I have quoted Marianne Williamson so many times, “When two or more are gathered miracles happen.”  So put your focus on healing.  Healing broken hearts, or broken bones, childhood wounds or our beautiful planet.

The Beatles, one of the greatest bands ever sang, “All you need is love, love is all you need.”  I don’t know if I agree that it is all you need but I think it is a great place to start.  xo-K

My two cents-  Love those around you, compliment more than you criticize, and your world will change around you.

three simple things

It’s no secret that relationships require maintenance. Heck, even the best romance hits a rough patch now and then. When a dull or even sharp crisis arises, our primitive brain kicks in and we (predictably) revert back to cave girl fight or flee behavior. Our primitive brain equates conflict with a sabertooth tiger and then we say and do things that we later come to regret. Does it have to be this hard?

In a word, no. In his relationship bible called Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix has  an exercise he uses with troubled couples and it works so well he uses it in his own marriage as a daily practice. I read about this little drill last night before I went to sleep, and I dreamed about it all night. It is, quite simply, brilliant. Hendrix calls the exercise ‘three things.’

When a pair of anguished lovers come to Hendrix to help resolve their disputes, they agree on the “boundaries” of the therapy, and then they begin with the ‘three things.’  Each partner in the relationship writes down a list of ten things that they would like the other to do for them. These are pleasant things that make them feel safe, loved, secure in the lovingkindess of the other. These could be  things like ‘bring me flowers,’ or ‘rub my neck for five minutes,’  or ‘make me toast in the morning.’ Small things, elegant gestures of affection.

Once the lists are made, each partner agrees to do three things each day from the other’s list, as a gift with no strings attached. They perform the tasks as an act of love, not of negotiation or a barter for something else. Often, these are behaviors that each may have performed when they were still in the rosy courtship phase of their relationship, thoughtful things they did when their only intention was to please the other. Sometimes these are gestures that as a child made the person feel totally safe and loved in the world. Hendrix found that as the partners performed these behaviors, their attitudes and feelings began to soften, that love is able to overpower the jealousy or insecurity or anxiety that the ego had become fixated upon, and love became to most dominant feeling once again.

Sounds so simple, right? Instead of digging in, it only takes one to enter choose grace for the other to put his or her guard down long enough to feel those yummy feelings we only want to feel anyway, right? I think that in a healthy, robust relationship we tend to do things to please our partner naturally. But it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to get caught up in kids and cars and careers and yaddah. The best relationships I know are ones where two people consciously make an effort to make the other a priority. But just in case, it’s good to make three simple things a habit. Love, C

My two cents: good habits trump bad habits every time!

♥♥♥

I love this post C, and I so get it.  Abraham says, if there are nine things you like about your partner and one thing you don’t, if you focus on the one thing, the relationship won’t work, but the opposite is also true, if there are nine thing you dislike about your partner and one thing you adore and you focus on that one thing your relationship will flourish.

Sometimes when I have a new client and after I am clear about what we are doing with their hair, I try to get to know them, their life, what is important to them. Hey, I spend a lot of time with my clients and I really develop a relationship with them.  Some people are a little harder to get to know than others.  A great way to really get someone to talk and open up is to ask them about  how they met their spouse or about their  wedding.  You can’t even imagine the glow of someone who is almost time traveling back to a time when they were young and in love, and probably haven’t felt that kind of love for their significant other in I don’t even know how long.

Forget about how much their husband of 25 years just made them crazy out of their minds just this morning at breakfast, ask them about the way that man asked for their hand and he turns into price charming in the here and now.  I have done this on more than one occasion and I have to say it is quite lovely to see the change in the face of someone who just minutes before was tired, feeling old, possibly unappreciated, and not very hopeful, turn into a beautiful girl, so hopeful and full of promise before your very eyes.

I’m not talking about making someone out to be something they are not, what I am suggesting is that you look for the best in your partner, or business associate, or friend.  Focus on the best parts of them. The reasons why they are in your life in the first place.  And by the way you are not doing this for them, you are doing this for you.  When you focus on all the wonderful things about someone you love, someone you chose to spend your whole life with or someone who you pick to be your best friend or maybe your child, it just plain feels good.  Revisit why you decided to love that person in the first place. xo-K

My two cents:  Focus on what is great about the people you love, not for their benefit but just because it feels so good.

if I wasn't afraid

Woof. I just had a breakthrough that threw me for a spectacular loop.  I got an insight Saturday that I had been trying to ignore. You know the kind I’m talking about: intuition speaks up loud and clear and you jam your fingers in your ears going lalalacan’thearyou! Anyway, I spent the better part of Sunday, my favorite day of the week, moping around in a funk, letting the revelation sink in.

Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe when you learn a life lesson, you don’t beat yourself up for not knowing that thing your soul set you up to learn in the first place.  So there I was, working on myself yet again, when I picked up my journal and read through the notes on my life thus far.

I flipped through the pages and realized that the first quarter of 2010 has been amazing. Together, K and I launched a blog, which has grown into a healthy and thriving chronicle of life, love, relationships. (So cute! And popular, too!) So far, 2010 has been a rootin’ tootin’ ride.  We are living at what Abraham calls The Awakening. If you’re doing your work, things are starting to pick up speed, moving really fast.  Things are moving pretty fast if you’re not doing your work, it just isn’t as much fun. Just sayin’.

Anyway, so there is an inventory in my journal, dated Dec. 31, 2009. The inventory contains a list of all the things I accomplished last year. Impressive, if I do say so myself! What the inventory also contains, is an exercise I picked up from a rebroadcast on Hay House Radio, from Sonia Choquette. The exercise is called “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . . .”  The idea is to take a sheet of paper or a page from a journal, and write “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . .” and then as quickly as possible, without thinking about it, make a list of all the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you. It’s a very illuminating exercise, and I highly recommend it.

What are the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you? Allow love in? Take a vacation? Stand up for yourself? Love yourself more? Lose weight, take a class, make a friend, tell your mother to stop bossing you around like you were still 10?  The funny thing is, when you look at the list of all of the things you’re afraid of, you realize that there really is no monster under the bed. You’ve just pretended that by not living your life fully, you’ve somehow earned a prize for being the most well-behaved person in your PTA/office/marriage. But guess what? There is no prize for letting fear win, and it isn’t too late to decide to live life like you really mean it! Love, C

My two cents: fear is nothing more than our fragile egos wanting to be safe. . . but there really is nothing to be afraid of!

♥♥♥

If I wasn’t afraid, if I only had a brain, if I didn’t give a s**t about what people thought about me.  It’s all kinda the same thing.  If I didn’t worry so much about anything outside of myself and what others thought.  What if I just trusted, really trusted my first thought, my intuition and acted on that.  What if I didn’t really think about it at all?  What if I just went with the flow of the river and let it take me for an amazing ride without trying to control or manipulate the outcome?  Just askin’.

I have been doing alot of work on myself, hard work but so rewarding and it is starting to be fun and entertaining.  I am reflecting back on past relationships and experiences in my life, and I know they always say hindsight is 20/20, but I am really starting to see the gifts in my life and experiences pretty much immediately, I don’t have to wait 2 or 20 years to see, “Oh now I get why that had to play out the way it did.”

As C said earlier, Abraham said it is now a time of awakening, they also say that all those who are looking will  find.  That just makes me feel that all of this work has been worth it and I feel at peace and I know there is nothing to be afraid of.  We re in amazing times here guys, things are moving faster, our intuition is at an all time high, hell just look at your kids,  hand them an iPhone or a new computer game,  they just instinctively know how to do this stuff.   Amazing times, so exciting.

So, back to fear,  it does have it’s place, if danger is lurking in a dark parking lot and you get that ick feeling, listen to that.  If you are alone with someone and get an uneasy feeling, again, pay attention.  But outside of those kinds of creepy dangerous situations my motto has been for the last couple of years, don’t base your decisions on fear, period.  Don’t not do something you really want to do because of what you think might happen.  Don’t stress about that job interview because they might not hire you.  Don’t beat yourself up before a date because he might not think you are smart or pretty enough.  If a situation presents itself and you aren’t sure if you should go for it or not, ask yourself, am I not doing this because I am afraid?  If that is your answer, maybe you need to take another look at it.  xo-K

My two cents:  As one of my favorite teachers, Marianne Williamson says, “You never make your decisions based on fear, you make you decisions based on love.”

 

if I wasn’t afraid

Woof. I just had a breakthrough that threw me for a spectacular loop.  I got an insight Saturday that I had been trying to ignore. You know the kind I’m talking about: intuition speaks up loud and clear and you jam your fingers in your ears going lalalacan’thearyou! Anyway, I spent the better part of Sunday, my favorite day of the week, moping around in a funk, letting the revelation sink in.

Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe when you learn a life lesson, you don’t beat yourself up for not knowing that thing your soul set you up to learn in the first place.  So there I was, working on myself yet again, when I picked up my journal and read through the notes on my life thus far.

I flipped through the pages and realized that the first quarter of 2010 has been amazing. Together, K and I launched a blog, which has grown into a healthy and thriving chronicle of life, love, relationships. (So cute! And popular, too!) So far, 2010 has been a rootin’ tootin’ ride.  We are living at what Abraham calls The Awakening. If you’re doing your work, things are starting to pick up speed, moving really fast.  Things are moving pretty fast if you’re not doing your work, it just isn’t as much fun. Just sayin’.

Anyway, so there is an inventory in my journal, dated Dec. 31, 2009. The inventory contains a list of all the things I accomplished last year. Impressive, if I do say so myself! What the inventory also contains, is an exercise I picked up from a rebroadcast on Hay House Radio, from Sonia Choquette. The exercise is called “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . . .”  The idea is to take a sheet of paper or a page from a journal, and write “If I wasn’t afraid, I’d. . .” and then as quickly as possible, without thinking about it, make a list of all the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you. It’s a very illuminating exercise, and I highly recommend it.

What are the things you’d do if you didn’t let fear stop you? Allow love in? Take a vacation? Stand up for yourself? Love yourself more? Lose weight, take a class, make a friend, tell your mother to stop bossing you around like you were still 10?  The funny thing is, when you look at the list of all of the things you’re afraid of, you realize that there really is no monster under the bed. You’ve just pretended that by not living your life fully, you’ve somehow earned a prize for being the most well-behaved person in your PTA/office/marriage. But guess what? There is no prize for letting fear win, and it isn’t too late to decide to live life like you really mean it! Love, C

My two cents: fear is nothing more than our fragile egos wanting to be safe. . . but there really is nothing to be afraid of!

♥♥♥

If I wasn’t afraid, if I only had a brain, if I didn’t give a s**t about what people thought about me.  It’s all kinda the same thing.  If I didn’t worry so much about anything outside of myself and what others thought.  What if I just trusted, really trusted my first thought, my intuition and acted on that.  What if I didn’t really think about it at all?  What if I just went with the flow of the river and let it take me for an amazing ride without trying to control or manipulate the outcome?  Just askin’.

I have been doing alot of work on myself, hard work but so rewarding and it is starting to be fun and entertaining.  I am reflecting back on past relationships and experiences in my life, and I know they always say hindsight is 20/20, but I am really starting to see the gifts in my life and experiences pretty much immediately, I don’t have to wait 2 or 20 years to see, “Oh now I get why that had to play out the way it did.”

As C said earlier, Abraham said it is now a time of awakening, they also say that all those who are looking will  find.  That just makes me feel that all of this work has been worth it and I feel at peace and I know there is nothing to be afraid of.  We re in amazing times here guys, things are moving faster, our intuition is at an all time high, hell just look at your kids,  hand them an iPhone or a new computer game,  they just instinctively know how to do this stuff.   Amazing times, so exciting.

So, back to fear,  it does have it’s place, if danger is lurking in a dark parking lot and you get that ick feeling, listen to that.  If you are alone with someone and get an uneasy feeling, again, pay attention.  But outside of those kinds of creepy dangerous situations my motto has been for the last couple of years, don’t base your decisions on fear, period.  Don’t not do something you really want to do because of what you think might happen.  Don’t stress about that job interview because they might not hire you.  Don’t beat yourself up before a date because he might not think you are smart or pretty enough.  If a situation presents itself and you aren’t sure if you should go for it or not, ask yourself, am I not doing this because I am afraid?  If that is your answer, maybe you need to take another look at it.  xo-K

My two cents:  As one of my favorite teachers, Marianne Williamson says, “You never make your decisions based on fear, you make you decisions based on love.”

get ready so you can be ready

Do you know how special you are? All the amazing things about you?  When is the last time you thought about it? Have you ever thought about it?  The truth is we all have beauty, talent, and that something special that makes you, you. We can all be so hard on ourselves, notice that extra pound or five, or when you hair is not just so, but when was the last time you gave yourself props for how great you looked or how smart you are?   A year ago?  Never?

A lot of women don’t value  and appreciate themselves and then wonder why the men they end up dating don’t appreciate them.  The thing is you have to do it first.  If you put yourself on a pedestal, the man in your life will have to, or he won’t be in your life.  You want to be treated with love and respect, don’t put up with less.

You have to get there first, shift the energy. If in the past, you have put up with less than loving respectful treatment, maybe you need to take a break.  Spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want and how you want to be treated and what are your deal breakers are.  Know that you are amazing and worthy and don’t settle for less.  No more excuses. Ever.  If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either.  Not everyone is a match and not everyone needs to like you, but you need to like you.  You are the one that matters the most.

You need to get ready so you can be ready. If you want this great amazing guy and he shows up, you need to know that you are worth having someone like that.  If you feel insecure or not worthy, it’s not fun and you might do something to sabotage the relationship or just get jealous or push him away. Another thing that happens when you haven’t done your work is you just don’t meet anyone that you would even consider dating. Then you feel hopeless and disillusioned and think there are no good men out there.

A good friend of mine, G, after trying the Match thing without much luck took a little break to re-evaluate.  She really got serious about what she wanted, even made a list.  She got really clear, she was a catch and deserved a good man.  On some level she just knew that something shifted after that.  She just had a feeling that she was really close to getting what she was looking for and had this sense of peace about it.  She met her husband soon after and he was everything she was looking for and more.  He absolutely adores her and  feels he hit the jackpot finding her.  They have mutual love and respect for each other and are having the time of their lives.  I am so happy for both of them.

I have heard so many stories like this lately,  so I know it really happens. I have asked a few of my friends and clients to share their stories with me and I will be sharing them here.  It is so inspiring and really makes me feel hopeful.  I know we can all get the feeling sometimes,that it will never happen.  Like you have to settle, because nobody’s perfect right?  Don’t do that to yourself, there is someone out there who will be just what you are looking for and guess what?  They are looking for you too, and it’s going to be so worth the wait.  xo-K

My two cents:  see your beauty, know your worth and just know you are going to get exactly what you want.

♥♥♥

One of my favorite ways to get ready, or “pre-pave” in Abraham-Hick lingo, is to imagine.  Not creative, you say? I beg to differ, my darling. We are always imagining stuff. More often than not, we imagine the worst rather than the best. How do I know? You can tell how you’re thinking by the words you use. Phrases like “just my luck” or “yeah, right!” are symptoms of a negative imagination.

What if instead, we started imagining a better future instead of the same dreary, uninspired one we’ve been hauling around behind us all our lives like some kind of moth-eaten hunting trophy? Instead of feeling all boohoo, nothing good ever happens to me and then secretly hoping that something good does manage to fight its way through our defenses, we imagine something that we want, like oh, happiness?  Remember, you don’t have to figure out how to get happy all we have to do is figure out how to be happy and all the rest will follow.

One of my favorite ways to get over my own  habitual thinking, is to imagine a scenario in my mind, start pretending it’s so, and then allow the good feelings to flow. Lately, I’ve been feeling what it’s like to have my perfect partner in my life. When I’m getting ready for work, I’ll imagine that he’s in the next room, reading the paper or writing emails, planning his day.  Or, I’ll be driving, and imagine that the evening ahead is already planned: a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Or I’ll be running my Saturday errands, and imagine that he’s out running man errands, and we’ll meet up in the afternoon for a bike ride out along the river, or a movie in town. These are not full blown fantasies, they are simply small, quiet thoughts that make me feel happy.

Albert Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”  Dude knew something. I’m going with that.  Practice feeling the feeling! It costs nothing and offers big rewards. Huge. Love, C

My two cents: practice feeling how you want to feel and the universe will bend over backwards to second that emotion.

a million miles away….

C and I made a few comments on texting isn’t dating regarding long distance relationships and we got quite a few comments from people who disagreed with what we said.  Since we are just writing from our own experiences and we don’t claim to know everything about everything, it’s worth a closer look. So, naturally, we revisited the topic of long distance love.

It popped into my head just this morning that C and I are having a long distance relationship, granted it is a working relationship, and with telephone, email and texting we don’t need to be in the same place, and we rarely are.  We can both be on our blog site, bumbling through the techie part of this whole thing, and on the phone working it all out.   It’s amazing how we can figure it out being in two different states. But it is working.

What we were talking about was romantic relationships, and I know that is what the people commenting were referring to.  Neither one of us were trying so say that you can’t love someone who doesn’t live in close proximity to you, and we weren’t even implying that there wasn’t a purpose, lesson or anything else that is meaningful that happens when you fall for someone who lives across the country or even a few hours away.

I can only speak for myself, and I have had it happen to me twice. Wasn’t planned, didn’t feel I had a choice in the matter, just meeting someone and feeling swept away, like the relationship was its own separate entity that was going to have its way with you, like it or not.

Since I have had it happen to me, I know how strong it can be.  But I also know how you can think it can be more than it is and there are things that are meant to happen so you have to allow it, but when it starts looking like it’s not going to go any further, sometimes it’s better to just let it go and have some great memories. Not let it get so bad or crazy that you end up hating each other, letting something that was so beautiful become sad and ugly.  Easier said than done.

Back to our original comment dissing long distance relationships:  would I get involved now with someone who I could not get in my car and drive to see if I was missing them terribly?  No, I wouldn’t.  Been there done that and it is heartbreaking and I’m just not up for it anymore.  Do I think those things do sometimes work out?  They can, if they are meant to.  But I know there is a lot of longing and a lot of missing someone. I don’t know about you, but I am ready to be in relationship with someone who if I want to reach over and kiss them, I can, right now.  xo-K

My two cents: Enjoy every relationship that comes into your life, but not everyone needs to  last forever.

♥♥♥

K, I love this topic!  My beloved first (and so far, only) husband and I started off long distance. I lived in the beautiful California wine country, and he was the Los Angeles distributor of the winery I worked for. It was a match made in wine country heaven!  We spent hours on the phone, sending cards and letters (this was before texting — but I still think cards and letters are romantic. Just sayin’), flying back and forth. It was a whirlwind romance. Before we knew it, I had moved to LA, and that’s when the real romance began.

Of course you can love someone long distance. Or rather, you can love the idea of loving them long distance. You can feel all the giddy, dizzy, fluttery, carnival of feelings. You can spend hours on the phone and get to know the best parts of each other virtually, but you can’t really know them until you spend time in the same room.

I get it. I get how your heart beats a little faster when your caller ID illuminates his name. I get how the sound of his voice makes you melt. Hey! One of my personal rule-breakers is that my guy must have a good phone voice: I so get the appeal of a long distance lover!

I just don’t think it’s  a functioning relationship unless you share real estate, where you get to know those daily, less glamorous parts of yourselves with each other and give love a chance to experience the whole package. Celebrity marriages are notoriously fragile and I am convinced it’s because they have so many opportunities to not share living space. And how can you spontaneously and honestly share your secret, succulent, soul-shifting dreams with someone if you can’t look into their eyes and feel the heat of their skin?

The thing is, I think that we’re wired to love. I think that we’re so programmed to love and be loved in return, that we’re willing to project love where it doesn’t actually have a foundation. Don’t get me wrong: the feelings are real. Feelings are always real. But feelings can be like a plate full of whipped cream ~ they look pretty, feel pretty, taste pretty. But when you come right down to it, they’re mostly air. I’m not saying you can’t love like that, I’m just saying that there’s more to real and lasting love.

That said, I also believe that relationships need room to grow. . .they just don’t need 3,000 miles and a million frequent flyer miles to grow! Love, C

My two cents: When destiny calls, it won’t matter if your guy is half way around the world; he will show up.

the star you are

I’ve been working on developing a new super power: telepathy. After watching a video called Indigo Evolution, we all should be working on this one cause the new ones coming in have it down! Indigo, Crystal, Rainbow Children, they are the kids who enter earth school at a higher frequency, the ones who didn’t forget who they really are.

Maybe I’ve just gotten lazy, and have stopped trying to shut out the information coming my way, broadcast all around, like radio signals.  Once, I lived on a hill in a town near where all the radio and television towers were.  We couldn’t get messages on our home phone because every time the machine got switched on by an incoming call, it picked up on the strongest radio wave floating through the air and recorded that instead of a voice message. The machine was bombarded by radio signals, so it simply broadcast the strongest one when it got switched on. People are like that too. If you think of our bodies as an energetic transmitter like a radio tower, our thoughts are the messages that we are broadcasting. Carolyn Myss and Robert Ohotto both say that we spend about 95 % of our energy blocking intuitive messages. We don’t have to try to be intuitive, we have to try to not be.

When someone says something  where their words don’t match their vibration, how do you know? Rather, where do you know? Where in your body do you feel when the words someone speaks are untrue? I usually feel it in my stomach, home of the third chakra and seat of will and power. I feel it in my solar plexus when someone is trying to manipulate or be energetically deceptive.   In a microsecond, our senses record and relay information and if the data that  they send to our intuitive center (heart) don’t match, we feel it. I get a feeling in my gut, something off, something ick. Anyone can learn how to read energy.

As a cultural creative, I don’t always pick up on social cues that are obvious to others.  Yeah, I know:  I’m a geek! At first, not being able to read ordinary social cues used to mess me up, but then I stopped depending on ‘outer’ feedback from my eyes and ears, and began to develop my ‘inner’ guidance and the more I listened to it, the more it spoke to me. Now, when I have an  encounter with someone, I don’t judge the situation or try to solve it from the level of the encounter. I recognize it for what it is; I understand that I picked up their signal and if our energies aren’t in alignment,  in a split second, I can ‘read’ the other person before detaching from the signal.  I can “feel” their feelings, and “see” pieces of their life. It’s okay to have compassion but if you let yourself get randomly attached to passing ‘signals’ you can end up carrying around a lot of other people’s stuff without knowing it!

It’s a new superpower and is anything but consistent, but I’m working on it. Love, C

My two cents: when you are aware of you own energy it becomes easier to be aware of others.

♥♥♥

I love that C, it is so true! The more you practice this stuff the better you get at it and it really does seem like magic.

I actually just got to experience the whole energy thing first hand, right now, as we speak.  I just got off the phone with a really good friend of mine who has been battling a business associate in court.  What used to be a great partnership initially (or now that she really looks at it was never really good), has turned rather unbearable and they can’t seem to come to an agreement on anything.  They are fighting about money, who gets what, who’s right, who’s wrong, and neither one is willing to let go.  It just keeps going, on and on, no ending in sight.  Something that should have been resolved years ago is still going, still costing money in legal fees, not to mention my friend’s time, her emotional well being, and the worst part: her ENERGY.

She has really been trying to let it go, trying not to talk about it, not answering the scathing e-mails, trying to stay focused on her new business and her family, but guess what?  She is still holding the energy and when she was filling me in on what happened the last time they went to court, I could feel it,  she is still so connected to the whole thing and that is a big part of why it is still going on.  Is she justified?  Oh, yeah she is. Does she have every right to be furious and really want to win in court?  Oh hell yeah. Is her energy contributing to it staying stuck and never ending?  Sorry, but it is.

I could feel the power of the energy behind this whole thing.  I was just on the phone listening to her and it gave me a knot in my stomach and a pain in my back. That’s how powerful this stuff is guys! I know I am not the only one who has experienced something like this.

I was once involved in a business lawsuit for nine years that started as something so simple it should have and could have been resolved in one visit to a courtroom if that. But there where a lot of people, myself included, at the time who pretty much gave their undivided  attention to the matter  and that is all it took to give it wings.  What a waste. . . but it also shows how powerful we are.

You can’t put your energy on something unwanted and get what you want.  You just can’t, they are two very different vibrations.  Energy flows where attention goes, and it doesn’t matter what a judge thinks or doesn’t think about it.  This is a hard lesson for my friend, but I know when she gets it, she will really get it. Hey, it has taken me a while and I am still working on it, but boy does it feel great when you line up with it. Even for a moment.  xo-K

My two cents:  Practice putting your attention on what you want  and not what you don‘t want every single day.

what goes around comes around

Abraham has this thing they tell people, when they are just not getting it: “Don’t worry, it will get bigger.”  That is the good news and the bad news.  If there is something that you are truly not getting a handle on that you want to, it will become clearer, that’s helpful.  If there is a lesson that you need to learn that you are not getting, it can be like a cosmic 2×4 across your head.  Hurts, but hopefully you can move on now.

Like it or not we are all here in the earth school to learn lessons.  And you really can’t move on to third grade until you graduate from second.  We have to get what we came here to learn and there really is no time limit.  Trust me I know  it can be so annoying when we keep being put in the same position over and over again.  You wouldn’t be there if you got it, so there is a reason.

The great thing or maybe not so great thing about this, hey everything is perspective, right? is that there are clues out there all around you. Colette Baron-Reid calls these signs Cledons.  She explains that a  cledon is a message from spirit that’s delivered to you from someone or something else.

I actually heard a great story just this morning about a Cledon. A friend was over this morning picking up a few things before I left for work and she was telling me about going in for some test on her back.  She was having an MRI and was a bit nervous.  To make a longish story short, she said when she came out and went to gather her things she saw a penny on the floor.  She knew it was not there when she went in.  She and her husband have a thing that when they see money on the ground they call it Buddha money.  She knew when she saw that penny that everything was going to be okay, that she didn’t need to worry, and she was grateful for the sign.

How cool is that? We’ll get into the Cledons a bit more later, it is really interesting and they are so much fun when you see them. See the Universe really does want you to get it, and there is so much help for you out there.  Just look for it.

You also have your own built in guidance, call it intuition, gut feeling, woman’s intuition, you know what I’m talking about. It’s there for a reason, so take advantage of it. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

Let’s face it though, sometimes we don’t want to know things.  We don’t want to see that the guy that we are really into is no how, no WAY going to be the one.  All our friends see it, all the signs are there but we just really don’t want it to be true.  We don’t want to start all over with someone new, we don’t want it to be over, so we ignore the signs.  You can do that if you want it is a free will zone, but you can’t make something be what it is not.  No matter how hard you try.  I know it doesn’t seem fair sometimes, but actually, it is.  And the sooner you get it and see things clearly, the sooner you do finally get what you want.  xo-K

My two cents:  Invite spirit into your life, look for the signs that are all around you and let your life flow.

♥♥♥

I love that K and I have almost completely different schedules, it keeps things stirred up. So I was just getting out of a meeting today and was heading home so I jumped on my cell to check in with her. We got to talking about magic. How can people not get it? we laughed. I mean seriously? How can they not get that everything is connected as if by “magic”?

The first time I heard about this concept was when I read Richard Bach’s amazing novel, Illusions. That’s when I started to think that yeah, maybe the world really is magical. I mean, I always loved the idea of magic as a kid. What kid doesn’t naturally believe in  fairies and wizards and pixie dust?  I adored Samantha Stevens, her goofy Aunt Clara and wacky cousin Serena. Something about magic has always just seemed so. . .natural to me.

Imagine my delight when I started to realize just how magic our world really is. We are all connected. Our thoughts are things. Energy flows where attention goes. We are, as Edgar Allen Poe said, living “a dream within a dream.” Cool!

Cledons are a sort of magic. They are a sign “from beyond” (wherever that is) that we’re on the right track. You listen to Sylvia Browne or John Holland, or Doreen Virtue, and they’ll tell you that those feathers you keep finding, or pennies, or yellow cars that keep turning up are something to pay attention to. Pshaw! you may say. But haven’t you ever had an experience that you can’t simply rationalize away? Be honest. Never? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I knew a woman once, at a Unity Church that I attended in Tustin, CA. Wonderful woman, rational and practical as the day is long. One day we were talking about angels, and how they just appear when they’re needed and then vanish. “I had one,” she said.  I was sooo envious. “Tell me about it,” I said. “Well,” she continued. “I was driving and was stopped at a busy street and was about to pull out to turn right. I looked left, and didn’t see anything and was about to accelerate when I looked to my right, there was an angel sitting in the passenger seat of my car.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but if an angel shows up in my car, I’m going to listen to what (s)he has to say. Angels don’t mess around. They don’t show up unless they’re on the business end of a mission from you-know-who. “Stop,” the angel said. My friend was so shocked to be given driving directions by an angel that she sat there stunned. Just then, a car that she hadn’t seen before, came screaming by at a dangerous speed. If she had pulled out, she would have been t-boned and seriously injured or even killed. It wasn’t her time, and her angel dropped in for a little practical guidance.

Angels are great allies to have around. They don’t generally show up unless you ask for them. But if you ask for them sincerely, they will show up. Or they’ll drop a penny or a feather or maneuver a bright yellow VW Beetle in your path to remind you know you’re not alone, you’re never alone. Love, C

My two cents: you’re never too old to believe in magic.

good girls & bad boys

A lot of people were shocked to hear about the whole Sandra Bullock/Jesse James scandal, I was not surprised at all.  Maybe it’s because I’ve had my share of bad boys and I know how the whole thing plays out.  I am just now working on for my own benefit, and for anyone who cares to read this, why bad boys are so dang appealing.

I have to take that back, I actually know why bad boys are so appealing, they tend to be more fun, it’s kind of a challenge to rope one in, they keep you on your toes, all the girls want them.  I could go on. . . .  The real question is why do we, I say we, cause I am 99.999% sure I am not alone on this one, try to change the bad boy into a good boy when it is clear we are truly not ready for someone good.  Why don’t we just enjoy the ride that the bb shows us? Doesn’t all the trouble start when we fall in love with the little buggers and try to clean them up and make them presentable?  Just askin’.

I personally have always loved a challenge, and getting the lead singer or the confirmed bachelor to fall for me, well isn’t that the ultimate challenge?  But doesn’t that also seem like a lot of work?  Is love supposed to be so hard? Is easy boring?  There is something so exciting about waiting-hoping for that phone call that you aren’t 100% sure is going to come,  it’s like a rush. It just feels different when  someone says they are going to call at 6:00 and they do, right on the button, every time. What’s fun about that?  Where is the drama, the mystery?  Therein lies my problem: why is someone showing up for me boring?  Arrrr, this is gonna be interesting!

Maybe for me  I have felt that if I date down the guy will be so happy to have me that he won’t leave.  Yeah, well that doesn’t work because what if the guy I’m dating doesn’t make as much money as me, doesn’t feel successful  or feels inferior in one way or another.  For many guys, if they feel insecure or threatened in some way, they tend to get mean, or cheat or try to bring me down.  And none of those things feel good.

I have a dear friend, who has a successful dental practice, she is dating a man she loves but he is a total bb.  He is a currently unemployed mechanic.  I have not met him personally since they don’t live in town so all I have to go on is what she says.  She has told me she doesn’t feel comfortable bringing him to any of her work functions, and he has no desire to go.  She hates being around his “low life” friends, her words not mine.  They seem to be in love and are discussing the idea of getting married.  I don’t see how this is going to work out and I think she is feeling the same way at some level.   She has said she feels a little embarrassed about him and she thinks he feels a little insecure around her.  I wish them the best in figuring it out.

As much as I can appreciate a bb and the fun they bring to the party, I am looking forward to being able to appreciate a good guy even more. xo-K

My two cents: Enjoy where you are, appreciate everyone in your life for who and what they are.  Maybe they are there for a reason.

♥♥♥

Holy heartbreak, Batman! Is there anything more tempting to a good girl than a bad boy? I don’t care how sophisticated you are, how many PhD’s you hold, how many empires you rule, bad boys are the kryptonite of good girls everywhere.

And I’m not just talking Sandra and Jesse here! Although may I just say, how much more obvious a bad boy can he be than if he is the direct descendant of an infamous outlaw and was once married to a porn star. Hello? Universe calling America’s girl next door: there’s a cosmic 2X4 engraved with your initials headed your way! Eep.

But Sandra’s not the first and she sooo won’t be the last. I’m a huge fan of the whole Anne Boleyn saga (yeah, yeah, I’m a geek). You know Anne: ambitious young tart who convinced bloated Henry VIII to divorce his Castilian wife, divorce Rome, set up his own little religious dynasty. In the end, she married the old goat, then lost her head when she couldn’t give him a baby boy. Tsk.

Then, one of my personal favorites, one of the most passionate/wrong couples of all time: Freida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. Rivera was a big old macho cheater terrified of his wife’s painting talent, which he feared would eclipse his own. Okay, maybe Freida had issues. She survived a streetcar accident that skewered her like a shish kabob, only to fall in love with Diego. The streetcar wasn’t her undoing, it was Diego. She survived the streetcar; she never got over the man.

I could go on. I’ve had my share of the bb’s, too.  How can you tell if the guy you’re over the moon for is a bb?  Do your friends like him? Does he like your friends — you know, the ones who love you with such fierce intensity he’d melt like wax in their presence? No?  He’s a bb. Have you ever caught him in a lie, especially one that made him twist and shimmy like a worm on a hook until he finally hit a magic combination of words that made you doubt your own sanity? Big bb. I know you. You’re just like me. And no matter what your story or where you’ve been, you deserve better, I totally guarantee it. Love, C

My two cents: Nice guys are not boring, boring guys are boring. Don’t confuse them!

two a T

C and I have been friends for years.  We are so alike but so different. Different political views, different educational background, different family background, you name it.   As I have noted before we live in different states and are blogging remotely and are on the phone constantly.  Even before we started this blog, we were  working on our “stuff.” We always seemed to be kinda on a similar path, spiritually and in our relationships with men.  And at one point we even thought we were dating the same guy. . . .

So one day, C comes in to the salon and she is just glowing.  I met someone! she exclaimed.  “Wow,” I said, “That’s awesome.  I’m so excited for you!”  I had just started dating someone myself but it was still so new, I let her go first.  His name is “T,” she went into all the stats of her new beau and I felt — actually I don’t know what I felt in that moment it was so long ago –but I do remember that I too, was dating a guy named “T” and it was all sounding very familiar. Like she was talking about my guy.  So many similarities: same line of business, check; age, check; boat, check. There was one big thing that we were going to find out later on down the line.  Neither one of these handsome suitors, and yes we did eventually get them into the same room together at one point, was ever going to commit to either one of us. . . ever.

And I have to say it was not for lack of creative manipulation on both of our parts. We worked it, in every way we could. We spent a lot of time and energy talking about how elusive the little buggers were and how we were going to be so amazing and indispensable that there was no way they would ever want to let either of us go.

Thinking back on that time, we spent so much time dissecting every conversation we each had with our “T’s,” getting each others’ opinion on what the other thought he meant by that comment he made or didn’t make.  If men only knew what women really talked about when they weren’t around!  Oh my, well it’s just a good thing they don’t.  So much drama, my head hurts just thinking about it.

Instead of just living in the moment, letting whatever is supposed to happen happen and actually enjoying someone’s company, we  always have to be planning the future and every move someone makes has to have some hidden meaning, doesn’t it?  Some clue as to what is going to happen next or not happen. . . .

Years later and after hundreds of hours logged on via telephone between C and me, both of the “Ts” were history. C had her end after being left on the side of the road after a disagreement during what was supposed be a romantic getaway in Maui. As for me, I just got tired of running back and forth between two houses with a duffel bag and waiting for someone who was supposed to love me to ask me to stay in one place permanently.

They were the ones who couldn’t commit, we cried,  as we had what would be one of many pity parties.  We were there and we were ready, they were the ones with the problems, right?  We both felt so justifiably hurt and angry.  So. . . why do you think that both of these confirmed bachelors were married to the next girls they dated after we broke it off with them?  Ouch!

Maybe they were not the ones with the commitment issues after all.

To be continued…. xo-K

My two cents:  Relationships are like mirrors, what is being reflected back to you is always YOU.

♥♥♥

Okay, no one ever said this work was easy, but sometimes you have to just allow yourself to laugh about it, right??  I remember that golden day, sitting in K’s salon, having told her all about my new beau. I remember thinking it was such a funny coincidence that our two T’s were so similar.  Yeah, the cosmos has quite a sense of humor!

I met my T on my back porch. Literally. I woke up one morning, and wearing little more than an over-sized denim shirt, stumbled into my living room, and gazed out the sliding window at what looked like a Norse god. Yum. I opened the door and said, “what the hell are you doing on my porch? Tell me quick or I’m calling the cops!” Or something friendly like that. Hey! A girl living alone doesn’t take chances when strange men appear on her doorstep. Oh, wait.

Anyway, it all seemed meant to be. I mean seriously? My doorstep! The first time we kissed was like jumping into the path of a runaway train. No going back, baby. Was he The One? Oh, heck no. Did he show up in my life to teach me lessons? Big time. He was one of my biggest projects to date. And for that, a part of me will always love him for it. I’ll even love the fact that one week after he dropped me off on the side of the road in Maui, he IM’d me to tell me he was getting married. And today? I’m soooo glad I wasn’t the one he married. And I’m about 99.999 percent sure that K is over the moon she didn’t marry her T, either.

Every relationship you have is really about one person: you. So, here’s the deal. You can work on your “stuff” in a relationship, or you can work on it outside a relationship. It’s just easier when there’s two. Marianne Williamson says that relationships are like rock tumblers for the soul. They rub off all the sharp edges.

You would have thought that the T’s put us off love, but au contraire, mon amie! We still believe in the fairy tale ending. Love, C

My two cents: each relationship you have gives you exactly what you need to heal, in the moment. Bless it them all, especially the so-called bad ones.

partner or project?

Once upon a time I worked in the tasting room of a beautiful little California winery. It was a fun job and we cellar rats got pretty good at predicting which tourists would come in and say they wanted a “dry” wine when that wasn’t what they wanted at all. Sure enough, they’d say ‘dry,’ we’d pour them a fruity, slightly sweet taste, and their eyes would light up. “Perfect!”

According to Robert Ohotto, we say we want a partner, but sometimes, we’re looking for a project.  However, actions speak louder than words. If you’re currently single, look at the last several people you dated that somehow, mysteriously, didn’t work out.  They all seemed so good, they had so much potential, right? Except for that one little annoying thing. . .and you’re sure that if you’d had enough time, you could have figured out how to fix it. True or false? Come on!

Right, and you married girls are not off the hook, either. Fess up: how long did it take to train the mister in the ways of your world? Weeks, months, never? It’s not a judgment, just an observation. I’m just sayin’ we say partner but think project.

Back in the day, the Temptations teamed up with the fabulous Supremes and released a song called “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me.” Lalala,  it sounded romantic enough, but it was wrong. You can’t make someone love you. You can fool them for a while, you can manipulate them, be a doormat, a sex goddess, a race car mechanic; make yourself available, twist yourself into whatever shape you think will trick him into loving you, but you can’t fool the universe, and manipulation always backfires. Always!

Oh sure, it may work for a while, years even. But what do you do when the project is done, when you finally fall down exhausted from all the effort it takes to work at it, and surrender?

I had the realization that I’ve been guilty of project-ing this morning while talking to K and driving to work.  When it dawned on me that I’ve been a Project Proletariat, I almost drove off the road. (Yeah, even though I drive hands free, it’s still roulette. Kids, don’t try this at home!) I can say without a shred of doubt that the last line up of candidates for my affection were flawed and in the back of my Princess and the Pea brain, I was thinking, ‘oh, he’s just wrong about (choose one): a) me, b) him, c) us, d) all of the above. I’ll bring him around, I just know it.  Sheesh.

But I’m not alone, and that’s some consolation. And as they say, when two or more are gathered, miracles occur. So can we be done with the project, already? It’s simply exhausting, the tug-of-war of it all. Let’s allow ourselves to choose someone who wants the same things we do, someone who wants to paddle the canoe in the same direction we do. Sounds nice, right? Love, C

My two cents: if it’s a struggle, it’s a project.

♥♥♥

So how can we tell if a new guy is a  potential partner or a project? Well I think first off we have to stay in the moment and really pay attention. Second,  I don’t know about you but at this point in the game I have a list of negotiable and non-negotiable things that I am really trying to stick to.  From little things like “must be employed” to  “must live nearby” to so I can actually, physically date him.  I have had boyfriends in the past who lived across the country and the thought of us being in the same place was, well, a project.  Too hard, didn’t seem like it could really happen except in our fantasies.  Sweet and romantic, but not realistic.

I have to say, and I am not proud of this fact but it is a fact that I have been known to take on a project or 5 in my time.  I have actually been  fond of the project in the past; it felt like a challenge to me. . . and I am, make that was, always up for a challenge. Ugh, exhausting, and so not worth the effort. I know it might seem fun when you see someone has potential to get in there and help him be better or help him get that job or help him realize he can’t live without you or. . . I am finished trying to convince someone how great they are or how great I am for them.

Let’s just spell it out plain and simple. When you meet the perfect guy for you, and I am not saying there is any perfect guy, cause that would be silly, wouldn’t it? But, when you meet the perfect guy for YOU, take note here. . . pay attention. . . it is going to be easy.

When things are right, they are right.  When things line up, they line up.  When things are meant to be. . . you know where I am going with this.  You have to learn to trust. Trust your guidance, trust your intuition, damn, read your freakin’ horoscope.  The Universe is conspiring for your good. And you need to just go with that.  If it starts getting to complicated, it’s a project, if it’s too hard, project,  as cute as he is, sorry probably not going to happen.

It is so great when you finally get it, it really is.  Just the other day C and I were working on a design project, after throwing around a few ideas and we agreed on one that we though was perfect.  Welllll, we could not get the image to upload to save our lives.  I never claimed to be a computer genius but, come on? It isn’t that hard.  We tried and tried and couldn’t make it happen.  It didn’t take us too long to get that there was something else out there, even though, we really liked our idea, that was way better.

As soon as we realized that, we found the perfect design.  And we both knew it when we saw it.  xo-K

My two cents:  If something seems too hard and it’s not flowing,  there is something better out there for you, and you will just know it when you see it.

close enough is not good enough

I was talking to one of my clients last month; “L” is a great girl, beautiful, smart, funny, really got her life going on.  Also, she is single and really ready to meet someone special.  She had just started to use one of the online services to wrangle up some introductions and encountered a few misses and then one that she thought would possibly be a hit.

L told me as I worked my magic on her hair, that she had met someone who seemed great. They had shared a few playful, witty e-mail exchanges, then a phone call or two, then some  texting back and forth.  Although there were a few slight red flags (hey, who doesn’t have a few faults, right?), she decided to meet him live and in person.  They had a great time and she was kind of excited about the prospect of exploring something new.  She liked his energy, got a good feeling about him, and although it was just one face to face meeting, she was open to getting to know if there could possibly be anything there.  She was not projecting or planning a future with some guy who she hardly knew. No, she was just open to it. And it seemed to her that the feeling was mutual.

So imagine her surprise when she didn’t get more than a few follow up e-mails but no interest in seeing her again.  Man, there seems to be a lot of that going around these days!

L was a little disappointed and since she didn’t even know this guy, it really wasn’t about him per se, but the idea of someone like him.  She was feeling a bit defeated, thinking possibly that she was never going to meet someone she really liked that felt the same way about her.  I had to remind her that she was getting really close.  This guy seemed to have a lot of the the aspects she was looking for in a partner but he had a few big ones that she was NOT.  He had some financial issues and another big one: he was not really ready for a relationship.  And after discussing what happened with him, L knew that was the case.  So really, close enough is not good enough.  We all need to remember that.  The universe has someone so perfect for you that you couldn’t plan it if you tried.

So then, C and I were talking about this very thing this morning.  We have been friends for years and have known that we wanted to do some sort of project or work together in some capacity.  She even talked to the owner of the salon I work at while she was on hiatus from non-profit work and had on her esthetician’s hat.  It just didn’t work out.  Wasn’t the right thing, wasn’t the right time.  We could have never in a million years predicted that we would, years later, be writing together. Never.

So, I guess what I am reminding you and myself as well, and I do need to be reminded… all the time.  You ‘ve just got to put it out there and have faith in something, anything, that what you want  is coming to you.  And so much better than you could have ever imagined!  xo-K

My two cents:  Dream big, but don’t be attached to how it will come. Just allow.

♥♥♥

I adore the movie Shakespeare in Love. It’s fun, funny, Joseph Fiennes is delish, and the irony of a guy who can’t seem to get love right, writing about love about kills me.  I too, am a fan of ironic plots, just not when it comes to my love life. Oh, wait –.

Well anyway, back to Shakespeare and his problems with romance. Young Will is a hot mess. Rosalind has cut him off, he’s got writer’s block, he owes some very nasty men a large sum of money, and he wonders aloud if everything will turn out all right. Oh, sure it will, a friend tells him.  But, how? a doubtful Will insists. “Dunno,” the man replies. “It’s a mystery.”

We always know that things will work out, because they always do. But that doesn’t stop us from getting our stockings in a knot when things don’t go exactly the way we think they should, does it? Trust is a funny thing. It seems like the times that you need it the most, are the times when you’re most likely to shove it aside and go for immediate gratification. “Trust? What trust? I want it my way and I want it now!” or “I’ve been hurt and will never trust again!” Wow, really? Because never is a really, really long time. If I were superstitious, I’d go so far as to say that simply invoking the word ‘trust’ is begging the cosmos to challenge you to an immediate duel and you might as well give up because there’s just no winning that one.

Anyway, the Course in Miracles states that you cannot trust and doubt at the same time. Just like you can’t love and hate at the same time. They are opposites and can’t occupy the same space in your heart or mind. You have to pick one or the other. But we do that, don’t we? We say we trust and then when the first bump in the road to happiness appears, we go all to pieces, fretting and plotting and manipulating for the shortcut back to Happyville — or at least our idea of Happyville.  It isn’t the thing itself so much as it is our idea of what we think the thing can do for us, how it can make us feel. The thing itself is almost irrelevant — we’re really just invested in the idea.

Love is the trickiest challenge of all. We’re bombarded by it in the media, we’re surrounded by blissfully paired people as we go about our daily lives, and we’ve all known someone who settled, gave in to less than they’re worthy of, just bowed out of the race because the finish line just seemed too far away and required too much work, and “good enough” was standing right there with nothing better to do but hook up. “At least they’re not alone,” right? Wrong! I can’t think of a more lonely fate than to be hitched to someone who doesn’t shift my gravitational pull by walking in a room. There is nothing sadder than being lonely and not actually being alone. Egads, girls! ‘Close enough’ are not words of surrender.  Close enough, means hold on chickie, you’re almost there! As one of our fav teachers says, don’t give up two minutes before the miracle arrives. Love, C

My two cents: know your value, know your worth, and commit your heart to at least one good friend who will remind you of it if you temporarily forget!

family matters

I had a great bonding session with my brother last weekend.  Our “big” sister has moved Mom and Pop in with her so she can take better care of them. After a lifetime of independent living, they’re finally reaching a stage where they need a little assistance, and we are grateful our sister is there for them.

In the meantime, said sister has put the parent’s house on the market. For the past 20 years, they’ve lived in a small resort community in a modest little waterfront home. Last Friday, my brother called me and said that he was driving up the coast to paint the parental unit’s home, a long-0verdue task. Being no stranger to home improvements, and having volunteered for the assignment in a generous moment, my brother phoned and called my bluff.

“B” and I are the youngest two of five children and even though we had the shared experience of growing up in the same family, we haven’t been close for years. This weekend was a rare chance for us to spend time together as grown up people.

I love my brother. That said, we could not be more different. He’s a good husband, a great dad to two amazing boys, and is a rigidly conservative Christian. On the other hand, I am divorced, the closest I’ve come to mothering is owning pets, and have been known to dance naked under a pagan moon. The thing is, we’re family. No matter how different we are, there’s a sameness that there’s no escaping. We have a shared past, a genetic bond that counts.

So this weekend, we painted. We told jokes, shared insights, drank good coffee and avoided the really touchy subjects of God, religion, politics, because that’s just asking for trouble. We were on a mission of peace, and worked under the flag of detente.

At one point however, we had a disagreement. We both shared our differing opinions like adults, and then he went ahead and did it his way, anyway. FOOM!  I went from zero to bitch in about six seconds. But, what did I do? I stuffed it (I know, I know, I’m learnin’ here!). But he wasn’t fooled for a minute. “Are you mad at me?” he asked. And then Hurricane C let loose. Oh, hells yeah, I was mad. And being the darling man he is, B listened while I vented. He didn’t fight back, he just listened until I felt heard and ran out of steam, and then we moved on to another topic. Before long, we were laughing and joking, working side by side again.

He doesn’t know it, but B gave me a huge gift. By letting me use him for communication practice, I got a little better with feeling safe about sharing my feelings. Big deal? Huge. Love ya, B! Love, C

My two cents: good relationships take practice. Appreciate the people who let you use your training wheels!

♥♥♥

See, it just goes to show you that just because we are  writing this stuff doesn’t mean we have it all figured out.  Far from it.  The practice of writing this blog is helping us grow and learn in such  a huge way it is absolutely amazing.  I have become so hyper-aware of stuff when it comes up, if I am talking to C on the phone –and in case you didn’t know, C and I are rarely in the same place at the same time.  We live a state apart sharing these lovely thoughts with y’all, so most of our interaction is on speaker phone, with one of us taking notes. If  she starts going out (ie. unconscious, or as Abraham calls it  out of the Vortex), I stop her in her tracks and tell her, “You gotta blog about this, NOW, while it is still fresh.”  And she does, and she works her stuff out and is on to the next thing.  How did we live before we started this?

Even doing this on a daily basis, we still can get caught up in stuff as it is going on.  I think we have all been doing it so long, it’s just what we do.  Stuff it down, justify, get our panties in a bunch, pretty much anything but just deal with whatever is going on right when it’s going on.  Seems kinda silly when you look at it that way, but everyone seems to do the same thing when it comes to conflict.  Even minor conflict.

I don’t have a huge family. I am an only child and we didn’t have a lot of religion growing up, but I think my dad still thinks I am kind of odd with my positive spin to life. . . like it’s a bad thing.  I’ve spent most of my life just not speaking up to my parents if they upset me.  I just stayed away from them until I was over it.  Yea,   that is what I used to do. Now, I speak up when I’m upset  and I think it really has brought us closer.

Anyway, it can be challenging to break old patterns, especially ones you’ve been practicing all your life. But seriously? You can do it, and right now is a great time to start! xo-K

My two cents:  Practice with the people who are close to you, especially family, where there’s a bit of a built in safety net, but you probably won’t need one.

grace notes~

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I want a little something to get my day started with grace, and I discovered a really nice way to do just that. Cheryl Richarson is a Hay House author and has a program on Hay House Radio (don’t you just love the Internet?!).

Cheryl is a life coach, intuitive, and all around beautiful human being. She’s devised a set of oracle cards that you can pull when you feel like receiving a special message of love and encouragement, and like the fabulous goddess that she is, Cheryl offers free sample readings online. The artwork on the cards is elegant, and the messages. . .well, let me just say that the cards are inspired.  All you have to do is go to Cheryl’s website, click on “A Touch of Grace” and follow the instructions to get your own personal message. Give it a try, and get your day started with a grace note! Love, C & K

My two cents: a day that starts with grace is a gift to the world.

♥♥♥

go there but don't stay there

I used to feel when I first started doing this work, being more positive,  following Abraham, law of attraction, focusing on what I want not on what I don’t want, etc. that once I got it I would never see or have anything that I don’t want happen.  People wouldn’t cut me off in traffic, I wouldn’t have bad stuff happen and life would be yippee skippy all the time. . .wrong!

Well much to my surprise, doing my work and practicing my spirituality on a daily basis, does make my life a million times better than I could have ever imagined, but, sometimes things just bug the crap out of me.  People at work get on my nerves, my daughter pushes my buttons, I wake up in a cranky mood that I can’t shake.

Wait. . . I thought once I got to a place where I was working on my stuff as it came up, not waiting for it to get so big it was like being hit by a cosmic 2×4 upside my head, that bad stuff  wouldn’t happen to me anymore.  Come ON,  I don’t have to keep learning my lessons the hard way, do I?  Why is this happening to Meeeee?

What I finally got or am getting is you can’t control what is going on out there, but you can control how you react to it and sometime the reaction is irritation, or anger or fear.  I used to think I was doing something wrong or bad if I had those feeling, like I was slipping back or going unconscious. Nope, sometimes stuff out there is just plain irritating.  We talked about this in pity party; sometimes you gotta feel your feelings and then get over it.

Your feelings are there for a reason, they are indicators, like the gas gauge on your car.  You kinda need to know if you are on E, it indicates that you need to fuel up!  Don’t need to lose you mind over it, just fill up the tank.  Then what happens when you start dealing with your feelings on a moment by moment basis, is you don’t hold things in for days or weeks or a lifetime so they cause you to just snap, leave your job or your relationship or get really sick.

If someone says something that hurts your feelings, don’t just let it slide, telling yourself, “It’s okay, I am being too sensitive,” then holding onto it with resentment.  Tell you friend or co worker or whoever, that what they said hurt you. Deal with it and then let it go.  It feels so amazing and powerful.  People really do appreciate honesty and respect you for standing up for yourself.

If you don’t do it, you know what happens?  It will happen again, at some point and then you are really irritated and resentful.  That’s no way to live, that’s exactly what most people do. Oh, and by the way, you are not fooling anyone when you say you are fine, “No, I’m not mad”, when you really are.  Besides, I don’t know about you but I am done pretending! xo-K

My two cents:  Life really does work out a lot better when you are honest with others and with yourself.

♥♥♥

There is a wonderful saying that I like to remind myself of, every once in a while. It goes like this: “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” Being all Zen doesn’t magically make your world better. Being all Zen makes you feel better about your world, no matter what shows up.

Instead, we tend to think that enlightenment is a magic bullet.  We think, Oh, when I get my act together, when I (choose one): fall in love, win the lottery, get the job promotion, graduate from college, publish my book, figure out my life’s purpose, everything will be perfect, and then I can chillax and be happy.  It’s a nice story, but sorry Pooky, that whole line of reasoning is just an illusion created by our snarky little egos to keep us off balance, because we’ll never, ever, reach that place if reaching it depends on outside circumstances to change.

K and I used to have little snit fit sessions we called “yelling at our angels.” When things didn’t go as we thought they should, or a bf let us down, or the traffic cop caught us on his radar, when a string of “bad” things would start piling up, we’d go into a rant that ended up with one or both of us shaking our fists at heaven and giving our angels an earful. It didn’t change much, but we did feel a whole lot better!

There are some in the new thought movement who insist that you be all light and fluffy all the time, but that’s just crazy talk. We’re always striving toward enlightenment, but sometimes, things happen, and we have an emotional reaction to them. It’s okay to feel mad, sad, or bad. It’s okay to express our feelings. The trick is to recognize when enough is enough, and then stop. Because after that, it’s just self-indulgent, and from there it’s a short trip to annoying.

And the opposite doesn’t work, either. When you ignore or stuff your feelings, you still feel all witchy and resentful and if you think your vibes aren’t sending out daggers, sister, we have to talk! Spoken language is less than 5 percent of how we communicate with other people. This means that 95 percent of what we have to “say” isn’t conveyed with words at all!

Have you ever known when someone was deliberately lying to you? How did you know, without actually knowing? You sensed it. And if you can sense other people’s feelings, they can sense yours, too. Call it sixth sense, womans’ intuition, what ev. It’s real, and you might as well use it to your advantage. But first, you have to own it, and then practice, practice, practice. Pretty soon, it will be second nature! Love, C

My two cents: when it comes to feelings, honesty is the best policy.

let me be your angel

I have a dear client, Celia, a single mom, special ed teacher, who among other things traveled to Africa to build homes for the Bead for Life Foundation. She made her transition last week, and she was an angel.

What does it take to be an angel?  Well, my dear friend was a good role model who led by example,  but it can be easier to make a difference than you think.  It is so easy to make eye contact and give someone a smile, allow someone to merge into traffic in front of you with a wave, just letting someone know, I see you. Some people never feel that they are really seen.  Do that little extra, give a compliment, a bit of encouragement to a friend. Even sending good thoughts to someone, a little blessing.  Tell your kids or your partner how much you love and appreciate them every day. Never miss an opportunity to spread the love.

Even being happy yourself can really rub off on someone and make them feel a little bit better.

A few years ago my sweet grandma made her transition.  I was there with her when she went, and I cried my eyes out.  After she was gone, I realized that I would never be able to talk to her, laugh with her, see her beautiful face, again.  I saw her pretty regularly, as she lived with my parents and my daughter spent time there while I was at work. As much as I saw her though, I did have some regret that I was always in such a hurry and didn’t just slow down, maybe stop and put my freaking purse down for a minute and sit to visit a bit with my Grandma. Why was I always in such a hurry, anyway?

So, I guess what I am trying to say is be kind to the people around you, give a smile to a stranger. It takes so little effort and feels so good.  Tell the people in your life that you love them. Spend time and enjoy your life, because you never know. . . .

I dedicate this little post to Celia, I always looked forward to seeing your smiling face.  xo-K

My two cents:  Open your heart and just love!

♥♥♥

One of my favorite movies is City of Angels. I love so much about it, but especially the idea that there are Angels. Everywhere.  I was introduced to the idea of Angels as a fact of life by a friend who entered my life about 20 years ago, stayed around for a while and then like an Angel, left when her assignment was complete.  Angels bring me comfort, and they bring me joy, and they remind me that I too, can be an emissary of the Divine. A couple of years ago, I had a friend who after a heroic battle with cancer, made her transition. She was an Angel in every way and when I think of her now, I recall the photo of her displayed at her memorial. In it, she is hiking a mountain trail, looking into the camera with a big grin and a splay-fingered wave. So full of joy, so full of love. I can recall another Angel in action: a couple of years ago, when K’s grandma was still here, I spent the night at K’s house, and so too, had her grandma because K’s parents were out of town. In the morning, I watched the sweet interaction between K and and Grandma A as K made her breakfast. The connection between them was a thing of beauty. Angels. They’re everywhere. Love, C

My two cents: each act of love is the act of a generous heart. Try as you might, you can’t give it all away.

a different kind of love story

Gonna mix it up a bit today.  A dear friend forwarded me this story, it’s her story, and I had to share it.  There are all kinds of love and this just proves how much love is out there.  Love you, “T”!

“Angus”

So it is a typical Wednesday evening and I am driving home from the grocery store with a whole host of items including frozen yogurt, Boca Burgers and the rest in my reusable bags. For some unknown  reason the box boy can never figure out to use the insulated bag for the cold items….

I have chosen to drive down my favorite neighborhood street in Tustin, which is lined with the most beautiful king palms and always makes me happy.  Driving along at dusk I notice this medium sized adorable black dog with no dog walker, I think uh oh, who does he belong to?  I am reluctant to stop as I have been accused of having milk bones and net in my car from previous dog rescues…. So I pull up next to two men who are walking dogs and I say, “Hey, do you guys know that black dog back there?” They reply, “No, but you should go get him because he matches your car.” I thank them and drive off slowly and tentatively….I check my rear view mirror one last time and I see the little guy cross the busy street and think, that’s it, I gotta go get him.

Thoughts jump into my head like he isn’t going to make it; it’s getting dark and since he is black he will not be seen.  I have two black pets and am well aware of how hard it is to see them at night.  So I turn around and park and get out and slowly walk over to this bear cub looking dog and say, “Hi boy, are you lost?”  He looks back over at me as if to say, “Hi lady, do I know you? You seem friendly.”  Firstly, I notice he is an older boy and likely a pit bull mix and has the first signs of cataracts, so now I’m really thinking okay, it’s dark he can’t see and also can’t be seen….a lethal combo for survival of an older boy who is clearly lost. While he looks quite menacing I can see in his beautiful older eyes he really is a love bug.  I check for a collar and see none; so I coax him to my car and he willingly hops into the driver’s seat and then over to the passenger seat and looks over at me with this loving look of okay take me home. He’s in the car now what?

Next thought is, I wonder if he is chipped and I am hoping that I can get him “scanned” in time before the local vet shuts for the day, I make my way over to Newport Animal Hospital and leave him in the car where he patiently waits. It occurs to me this is likely not his vet as he doesn’t seem anxious in the least.  I grab a blue temporary leash for my new friend and take him into the vet’s office.    So the gal at the office wands him only to find my new BFFF (Best Fury Friend Forever) has no chip….so the other gal calls the local shelter and they inform her they are shutting in 15 minutes and I will have to take this lovable beast to the police department to sleep there and then animal control will haul his butt over to the shelter in the morning, where he will wait and hopefully be picked up by his owner.  I just can’t bear the thought of it all and I start to pray for a little divine intervention that I can get this adorable old boy home.

I am now having a conversation with my new BFFF and asking where he lives?  I decide that I will at least go back to where I found him and walk around with him on the blue leash and see if anyone recognizes the boy. On the ride over I ask several bike riders and dog walkers about my passenger and they all sadly say they don’t know him.  By now I think oh well, screw the frozen yogurt I probably don’t need it anyway…I’m sure the Bocas will bounce back.

I get back over to my favorite street and park up near where I found him and get him back out of the car and on the leash and I hear a bark and I think hmm, a dog owner will likely know the hood and neighboring dogs, so I knock on the beautiful ranch style house door and the nicest family is getting ready to go somewhere and all come out to admire my new BFFF. Unfortunately, they don’t know the little guy and continue on with their evening plans.

Another dead end.  I get the boy back into the car and really do not want to go to the police station and I think, wait he crossed the street right over there, I’ll try one more street and see if I get anywhere.  As I make the right turn onto the cul-de-sac I notice a white Range Rover to the left with a bike rack, the guy in the drivers seat is not really parked but more like pulled to the side of the road.   Defeated by now, I roll down my window and say to the guy, “Hey, are you looking for a dog?”  To my amazement he lights up and says, YES! I almost start crying I am so happy.  He shouts for me to follow him whilst he reverses down the cul-de-sac into his driveway and say this is where we live!  This is Angus! And I am K.C. and you are Angus’ God Mother. We visit for a brief moment and he holds Angus with all his love and tells me that Angus is an English full bred beast and he is an eleven year old.  K.C. also tells me that the dog has two homes; this one we are at and one near by; Angus thinks he can come and go to both whenever he likes.  So Angus knows the hood but somehow escaped without his collar and was just chilling around the streets.  Right before I am back out of the driveway K.C. gives me back the blue leash and with a broad smile says; please keep this for the future in case you see Angus again.

My two cents:  There is always an opportunity to love, be open to it!

pity party

Back in my early 20’s my bff had been dating this guy for about two years.   Near the end, they were off and on and fighting.  Early one Sunday morning I got the call. She was crying hysterically.  “It’s over,” she said, “really over.”

So, in my sweats, with a bottle of Stoli in one hand and cranberry juice in the other, I showed up at her door.  Call me psychic, but I had a feeling that beverages were going to be needed for this one.

After I mixed up a few morning Cape Cod cocktails, hey she’s hurting here… she proceeded to fill me in on the events leading up to the final break-up.   She cried, she screamed, she cursed.  I listened, I agreed, I listened some more.  Before I knew it we were sitting is a sea of pictures of the two of them on the floor, scissors in hand. “Cut his head out of all these shots,” she said. ” I want him gone.”  So we proceeded to do it.  Hundreds of pictures, the two of them happy, at dinners, on vacation, backyard bar-b-ques, weddings, there she stood with a man with no head.

She started to feel better. I don’t know if it is the delirium of no sleep from the night before, the vodka or the fact that we had a big pile of goofy, smiling heads off to the side.  Then we got, or rather she got really crazy and started gluing his head to other people’s bodies.

By the end of the day, and yes we did spend a good part of the day on this, she really felt better about the whole thing. She had purged. Was she completely done being sad and ready to move on that day? No, but I really think she got over him a lot faster than if she would have just held it in and just been sad all by herself.

There are many reasons to have a pity party, and many ways to have one.  Left your boyfriend/husband, lost your job, even a blow-up with your mom or your bff,  you need to get your feelings out so you can process them and get on with things.

Some of the ways that have worked in the past for me and my friends have been:

• Movie marathon of every tear jerking sappy love story you can get your hands on, that’s right girl, cry your eyes out.  You will feel light and cleansed.
• Call on the troops, get your girls over, have cocktails, if that is your thing, pizza, and just vent,  get all of your feelings out about the dude you can until you have nothing else to say about him or the relationship.
• One of my personal favorites is to write him a letter, really let him have it.  Everything you ever wanted to say to him but held inside, everything you are feeling now, just go for it.  Call him out.  Write until you can’t write anymore, then when you are sure you are finished go outside with a bucket or bowl and burn it.  Please be safe with this, don’t want to burn the house down.  And no you are not going to send the letter.  This was for your benefit not his.

Another one for me is music, Mary J.  Blige, “No More Drama,” got me through a bad break-up.  Seal has also been helpful in this respect for many years.

The point here is, have a pity party. You are hurt, you need to acknowledge it, feel it, process it and then get over it.  When you don’t, feelings stay with you, filed away in your body waiting for the next time they get triggered.  I don’t know about you, but I am done not dealing with my feelings and then when I meet someone new, projecting all the old stuff on to the new guy, who as of yet hasn’t done anything wrong.

Do your work girls, feel your feelings, they are there for a reason. Oh, and BTW, the next guy my friend dated was her future husband. I’m just sayin.’ xo-K

My two cents: Sometime you have to go through it to get over it.

♥ ♥ ♥

This is exactly why I love K. She’ll be the first to call you on your sh*t, and she’s also the one who will show up on your door to help you throw the best damn pity party this side of the Heartbreak Hotel. Girlfriend gets it.

Back when I was going through the big D, my then-bff called me in a rage one day. “You can’t do this!” she said. “You need to make up with him!” I was all like, “honey, you’re my friend. You need to have my back. There’s nothing more to say. I’m hanging up now, okay?” There may have been anti-depressants involved, and not a little fear for her own shaky marriage. After several more calls along the line of “You’re making the mistake of your life!” and “You have no right to be so selfish!”, I told her that we couldn’t be friends anymore.

I’m not generally a “my way or the highway” kind of gal. I set very few rules in stone. But I know this: life is complicated. Girl rules are not. Sisters gotta have your back, period. It’s part of the code. Just like the code allows a full-on weeping and gnashing of teeth, chocolate binging, an extreme cry-till-you-puke sob fest. And then it’s over. Because really? The extended pity party is not attractive. The weeks on end How-could-he-do-this-to-meeee refrain gets tired. And it gives away all your power, in case that matters. Own your part in the break-up, and see if you can find the gift in it because no matter how bad it sucks at the time, I can absolutely promise you that a few weeks or months or years down the line? You see that what he gave you was a gift beyond price. Things always work out, no matter what. Love, C

My two cents: every “disaster” is a gift in disguise.

loving your inner goblin~

This is a fun meditation/exercise from our girl Colette Baron-Reid She is an amazing intuitive, author, and singer; plus she has a weekly show on Hayhouseradio.com

This meditation is great because it really helps to show you  how your ego can do a number on you. It’s fun and kinda funny.  Gives you a totally different perspective on things.  I have gotten tons of insight from doing this meditation. You can do it right at your computer. It short, just under 7 minutes and really helpful.  Give it a try.  xo-K

My two cents:  You gotta get in there and clean out the closet to allow new wonderful things to come in.

♥♥♥

Oh, heck yeah!  It sounds kinda crazy and more than slightly out there. . .but do the exercise and prepare to be amazed at what your inner goblin has to say to you. Have you ever had the experience of something really great coming into your life after you mucked through your closets and got rid of a lot of old, outdated stuff that you don’t use anymore? Think of the goblin like that. At one time, the little you got ignored or shoved to the side, felt bad, and turned into a goblin in order to feel safe.  Let’s all embrace our goblins, let them go, and get on with it! Love, C

My two cents: like a little kid throwing a tantrum, all your goblin really wants is love.

texting isn’t dating

Dating in the digital age is not for the faint of heart, is it? There are so many more options today than ever before in the history of this crazy little blue marble rolling around in space.

One of my dear new friends in my new home town met the love of her life before the digital dating phenom got rolling. She and her gal pals were sharing dinner out one night lamenting the single life (as women have been doing since the dawn of time), and one thing led to another. Before the night ended, these smart, sexy, sassy women all made a pact to run a post in one of the local weekly papers known for concert reviews, leftist political views, and explicit and not-so-explicit classified personal ads.

My friend ran her ad and got several responses. She made such an impression on one guy she met for coffee that he canceled the date he had with another lady he’d connected with from the classifieds. Throughout their courtship, my friend’s sweetheart wooed her by writing her one romantic letter a month for 36 months. At then end of the third year of love letters, he proposed. omg! Such a love story.

Fast forward to 2010: now we have online dating services and cell phones and text messages. We are dating in a digital age no one ever dreamed of. People still meet in the produce aisle, at church picnics, on the bus.  They also meet in cyberspace with photos and bios and various fictional versions of their their life stories.  Since venturing into the cyber-classifieds, I’ve taken the necessary precautions to avoid cyber-creeps. But I’ve always said you can meet a creep at an ice-cream social, so caveat emptor is the motto of  dating adults everywhere.

So recently, I found myself exchanging emails and text messages with a person of interest.  Yes, we met online, so the email and texting are not entirely unrelated to the whole e-dating process.  The thing is, we’ve met in-person. Clear and mutual interest was expressed by both parties. We even touched lips,  swapped spit. . . And yet? No forward movement. I figured, he’s just not that into me and was prepared to move on. Then we started up with the texts and flirty emails again. It was fun, but no hints about meeting up. Started to feel weird. Of course, K and I talked about it. The radar started to pingpingping. It’s not natural to meet someone you like and not want to spend time together. Unless. . .unless. Okay, girls. We all know what that “unless” means.  Something’s not on the up and up. The story isn’t holding together. We’ve all been in that place where our intuition started to warn us off and we ignored it, haven’t we? Can we all agree to not do that anymore?

The truth is, texting is not dating. Emails are not a relationship. Romance at a distance is the safety valve for someone who isn’t really ready for love. Not that any one of these things is wrong. Unless you want an authentic relationship, which every goddess is worthy of, btw.  I’m just sayin.’ Love, C

My two cents: be willing to walk away and never  settle for less than you really want!

♥♥♥

As I have mentioned before, I have been on dating hiatus for a while and don’t have experience with digital dating, but I do know a thing or10 about signs and when actions and words don’t jive.  So when C filled me in on what was going on with Mr. e-mailer/texter, something definitely was feeling a little off to me.  I totally understand emailing and such in the beginning of online dating, it’s fun, flirty and relatively safe.  Who hasn’t experienced the giddy feeling of opening up your inbox in the morning to a fun little note from a boy you are interested in.  That can go on for as long or short a period as the two people involved feel comfortable with.  For me and my experience with blind dating, I would rather get right to it.  Physical attraction is a big thing and I think a lot gets lost in translation when your only communication is email and text. So when I meet someone new for a coffee or a glass of wine I usually get a pretty good read if I am going to be interested in moving forward right away.  It is usually a, oh yea, yippee, he looks cool, or, there is no way in hell.

I am not being superficial and I am not talking about just the way someone looks, it’s more than that.  It is their vibe, the feeling you get when you are face to face with someone that as flirty as a text is it’s just never the same.

So back to said dilemma, what if there seems to be mutual interest between you and Mr. blind date/online guy and things go back to just texting and e-mailing?  I can’t say that that has ever happened to me but it doesn’t sound like something I would spend a lot of time with. . . but hey that’s me.  I guess maybe sometimes people want to take things slow but come on!!!

I guess it all goes back to knowing what exactly it is that you want and holding out for it.  I know for me no where on my list of things I want in a man is someone who is afraid of getting hurt so much  they have to move in reverse, nor am I looking for someone who doesn’t trust his own judgment.  But that’s my thing.  xo-K

My two cents:  Be true to yourself, know what you want in a relationship and never settle.

and nothing but the truth~

As little girls, we’re trained to be pleasers.  Be a good girl, a pretty girl, a well-behaved girl, and we get the reward, right?

For a long time, maybe forever, I’ve kept my mouth shut. I thought I was being the supreme diplomat, letting others have their say and only offering an opinion if asked, point-blank. Really? While on the outside I was all shiny, competent, confident, my dark little goblin primitive brain was saying, “be careful, be quiet. Mind your manners or you’ll blow it!” Blow what? The job, the date, the contest, what ev. Cultivate a little mystery, the advice goes, say nothing. Leave them wondering, “they” say, don’t give it all away. This is pretty good advice if you’re negotiating for a major deal, but what about when it comes to relationships?

After my personal version of Carrie Bradshaw’s Mr. Big relationship ended, I realized that my Mr. Man actually knew nothing about me, beyond the fact that coffee first thing in the morning is not negotiable, that I may or may not be an actual witch, and that I adore fluffly, yippy, pint-sized dogs. My course of study in college? My favorite magazine? The name of my former spouse? He couldn’t tell you if you held a pistol to his head. No sirree, he could not, and it isn’t entirely his fault. I was the doting, supporting, appropriately attractive girlfriend to the man-in-charge. We threw great parties (for his friends). We took fabulous vacations (to destinations of his choice). I don’t mean to imply that we didn’t have a great romance. We did. We just mainly did it on his terms. Robert Ohotto would say that my prostitute archetype was in charge of that phase of my love life. What? Not the damsel? Not the princess? Well maybe the girls in the chorus all played a part, but the leading role was the one who traded her soul for the role.

I have a new policy now: full disclosure. I’m working on my stuff and writing a blog for goodness sake! It’s all pretty much out there. When I get a ‘hit’ on my online dating page, the first thing I do is direct them to twogirlstakeonlove.com. I mean seriously? You want to know what I think and opinions I may or may not hold? It’s all pretty much here. Or will be soon. We’ve only just started, but it doesn’t look like we’re going to run out of material any time in the near future.

Have I totally got it down? Some areas yes, some not so much. All in all, I’m a work in progress, and that’s okay! Love, C

My two cents: the truth will set you free.

***

Perfect girl, don’t we all play that role?  I know I do or rather did. For some reason I always felt I had to be perfect, have it all together, have all the answers.  Totally competent, that’s me.  I don’t think it came from my parents, I think they always thought I was from Mars or something.  No, this one came from me.

On some level I always felt I knew more than most people.  I’m not talking book smart, I’m not even talking street smart, which I was.  I’m talking intuition.  So, yeah, I did feel I had to be perfect because I knew better.

I always had that little voice inside telling me, better go there, or do  this and when I didn’t listen I really did a number on myself.  Don’t know why I couldn’t just give myself a break and just bumble along learning my lessons along the way like other people did, but no, not me, gotta be perfect  — as if that is even possible.

So there I was feeling like I had things all figured out, yeah try that when you are dating;  so doesn’t work.  Never truly being myself, being what I thought this one or that one wanted me to be.  That was exhausting, and come to find out not at all cute or sexy.  I don’t need you for your money, I make my own money.  I don’t need your help moving, or problem solving or with the freaking crossword puzzle.  I can do it all by myself. Then guess what, you are by yourself while the man you are interested in is dating the girl who doesn’t have the great job, who is a train wreck or super high maintenance and needs lots of help.  Yeah, he went to her because, hey, you didn’t seem to need him.

Well, the truth was I did need him, a lot.  I just wasn’t being honest with myself, or showing him me. I put on the bright and shiny, totally self-sufficient me. I needed and wanted love and I was so not perfect.

Oh gosh, can’t believe I spent so much time doing that number on myself. So from now on with me, just like C, full disclosure.  I do me better than I can do anyone else so that is what it is gonna be from now on.  With all my little quirks, and likes and dislikes, just me.

And, isn’t that what you want to show the world so you attract people into your life who like  what you like instead of trying to be what you think they want and then once you get in there trying to change them?  Just askin’. . . xo-K

My two cents:  Be your quirky, silly, wonderful self!

crash into me

One of my all-time favorite romantic comedies is Bull Durham. In it, Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon), is about to seduce young-hunky-dumb Ebbie Calvin LaLoosh (Tim Robbins), the new up and coming star of the minor leagues. In the wings, veteran ball player Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) has been kicked from the Majors back down to the Minors and quietly waits to finish his career and maybe to dazzle Annie.

Crash finally gets Annie’s attention after she has told the two men that they are competing with each other for her affection. It is then Costner delivers one of the greatest romantic comedy lines of all time: “Well,” he tells her before walking out the door. “I believe in. . .the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot. . .opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

Annie can only reply, “Oh, my.” I mean, seriously? There is only one thing to do with the guy that can deliver a line like that: take him home. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.

Of course, Annie did not do this right away. She was teaching the young punk with a 90 mph arm how to harness his thoughts, how to discipline his focus. The fact that she did this by convincing him to wear a garter belt and breathe through his eyeballs was just pure bonus. He was a punk and he sort of deserved it, but also, Annie had a mission. She was like Aphrodite, training the novice love warrior in the art of irony and the way of devotion. But even as she was spending her time with the young no-hitter, she secretly knew that Crash Davis was more compelling, more interesting, far deeper, and more capable of the long, slow burn. One of the things that made Crash so attractive is that he had some miles on him. He had cultivated humility, had earned every gray hair, every sly move.  He had been around the block, knew who he was, and was infinitely more interesting for it.

Back to the great speech: no pun intended, but in those few sentences, Crash manages to cover all the bases as follows:  reverence for women, the grace of a well placed move, the importance of health, the non-negotiable of pleasure, an ability to see beyond appearances, political free-thinking, honor for excellence, an appreciation for perfection, and respect for tradition. . .not to mention an off-the-chart hot-o-meter. Let us not forget, he started his soliloquy with reverence for the goddess, a quality never to be underestimated. Cheers, girls! Love, C

My two cents: You can star in the movie of your life or you can sit in the audience  and watch it all go by.

***

I love how C uses movies for metaphors and I love music reference.  I don’t really remember Bull Duhram, I mean I remember parts but nothing I could quote.  But now that my memory is refreshed, (thanks C), I remember loving the messages in that movie.  One in particular, men love a little healthy competition regarding the ladies, especially those jock types. And what girl doesn’t love two cute boys fighting over her?  Nothing makes a girl feel sexier than feeling wanted.

I don’t know about you but I can’t think of anything that makes me happier than someone I adore looking at me with his head cocked to the side.  You know the look, that  “Awwww, I am just crazy about you” head cock.  Simple, doesn’t cost any money, and you can’t fake it.  Yea, there is nothing like a good old fashioned love fest. Sitting around, doing nothing special  but staring into each other’s eyes, and adoring each other.  Sickening but sweet to the innocent bystander but it doesn’t matter to you.  Not that you even realize there was anyone even there in the room with you!

So just for fun, let’s go back come on you know you’ve got one, that one fav boyfriend, the one who knocked your socks off and made you believe in love for the first time (or believe in love again).  Go back, what was going on? What was your favorite song at the time?  What did you do and where did you go? Go back and remember every delicious detail.  If you haven’t yet had that feeling yet, find a movie relationship that feels close to how you would love to feel and relish that for a bit.

There is a reason for this, the more you recognize what makes you happy and feel good, the easier it will be to recognize it when it comes.  I still love my go-to, good feeling, fav boyfriend, and even though we didn’t last, all I have to do is think of him and it makes me happy.  Oh, and my go-to song to get me feeling great? “More than a Feeling” by Boston.  It’s a sure thing.  xo-K

My two cents:  Have a go-to, feel good, something.

love you!

“Once you believe in yourself and see your soul as divine and precious, you will automatically become a being who can create a miracle.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

my funny Valentine~

I spent some time with my two sisters this Valentine’s Day. Naturally, they wanted to know what crazy thing I was up to, so I told them I was writing a blog about love, and they both kind of looked at me like ‘but why?’ I could barely explain, and then my darling sister from Oklahoma (we were born three years and a day apart) shared a voicemail with me that she received from her husband of 25+ years and I was reduced to a sappy love puddle and said see? This is what I’m talkin’ about! Mind you, we were near Vancouver, BC, and he was back home in their big, beautiful home on the plains two time zones away, and he called to leave this message in his gruff man voice: “I love you, and I miss you. Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.”  Seriously, the love in his voice about killed me. Also, it totally inspired me. Just thought I’d share. Love, C&K

what are you so afraid of?

You say you want a relationship, a good one, one that is the real deal, the last forever kind.  So… why do you think it hasn’t shown up yet?

What if someone came up to you right here, right now, and told you your perfect match, your soulmate, the love of your life, was going to be here next week, say Thursday night at 8:00.  Quick- what is the first thought or feeling that comes up?   Excitement?  Happiness?  Anticipation?  Fear?  Mine was: Wait, I’m not ready!  What? Are you kidding me?  I have been waiting my whole life for this and now I’m not ready?

Not your reaction?  Are you sure about that?  Most people who don’t have fears or issues or something like that and really want a great relationship have one, plain and simple. And if you’re already there you’re probably not reading a blog about finding love.  So, here we are.  Just sayin’…

I just finished listening to an online seminar with Robert Ohotto, if you are not familiar with him I highly recommend  checking him out.  The webinar was titled “Soul Connections-Cultivating Intimacy within a New Relationship Paradigm.”  And it was nothing short of amazing.

This was a four hour e-seminar,and man was it info packed.  He touched on too many ideas to cover in this short little post, but I so feel better.  Having fear is normal; it’s one of the roles we play.  He talks about all of the archetypes in relationships and I recognized a few that I’ve done, many that I’ve done, and many that I’m done with.

My head is spinning with all the new information. I’ve listened to the  download of the webinar twice,  and I am still processing.  If I had to comment on anything at this point it would be that  I still have a lot of fears, and it is okay.  I am right on track for what I want and all is well.

I feel so blessed that  for each step I take, the next thing I need is right there waiting for me.  I’m baby steppin’, but I’m doing it.  Everything is happening right as it should, in perfect timing.  I am doing this, facing all the things that seem so scary: abandonment, betrayal, and, what if my “soulmate” shows up and he doesn’t like me??  Yikes, sounds crazy when I write it out loud, but I actually thought that for a minute.  Okay well, gotta process all of this.  xo-K

My two cents:  Everything you need will be there for you right when you need it.

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I haven’t listened to Ohotto’s webinar yet — but plan to devote serious time to it, based on K’s review. I listen to him on Hay House Radio on a weekly basis. Robert is crazy smart, spooky intuitive, and has an uncanny ability to tell it like it is. Intuitively,  I like his style, I like his perspective, and I really like his insights into life. He’s a student of Carolyn Myss, and he has a knack for making you laugh even as he’s making a really important point.  He’s a genius, but that’s another story.

What really interests me is the idea of Fear. I’m not talking about the kind of fear that comes plugging in a DVD of Silence of the Lambs at home in a big country house, alone, at night. Or jumping off a bridge over a river with giant, elastic bands wrapped around your ankles. Or having a big dog lunge at you before he reaches the end of his chain.  This is about the small fears. It’s about the accumulated mountain of little fears that keep you from reaching your potential, everyday, for years and years on end. It’s the fear that whispers, “Don’t try that; you’ve never done it before.” or “What if you’re not thin enough?” or “You failed at love once before, what if you die alone?”

Fear is the great motivator that keeps us doing or not doing the things that can push us to fulfilling our destiny. It keeps us safe, because if we don’t try, then there’s no failure, and if there’s no failure, then we’re okay, right? Fear can define us. Or, if we are willing to risk the ordeal of facing it, fear can liberate us. Each fear is like life saying, “Are you ready to take this on? Are you willing to reach your potential?”

According to Marianne Williamson, the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s fear. She goes on to say that nothing is real but love, so the fear is illusion. But that’s another story, too. Let’s just stick with fear. This kind of work requires brutal, total, self-honesty. Can you do that?

So, here are a few questions to help you identify your fears. The trick is, to answer without thinking about it.  Just say the first thing that pops up. Ready? Okay, answer these questions:

• Assuming you played a role in the end of your last relationship (because you did), what fear motivated your actions?
• If the love of your life came knocking on the door, what would make you afraid to open it? (Fear of abandonment? Fear of failure? Fear of success?)
• Assuming you could have the love/success you desire, which fear would you be willing to exchange for it? (If you’re totally honest, you have to admit to at least one. No cheating!)

There are no right or wrong answers. This weekend, at a family reunion, my brother and I tried to find an old landmark from our shared past. A few years had come and gone, and nothing was as we remembered. And yet, everything fell in to place as we took one step, and then another. This is the thing: if you trust that things will work out, they generally do.  Love, C

My two cents: follow your heart instead of your fear; you heart knows what it’s talking about.

 

what were you THINKING?

You spend a lot of time traveling around in your head.  Uh-huh, that’s right. You know what I mean. Forget about going to Paris or Tahiti. You’re traveling around in your head so much, you’re anywhere but here. You probably log in more travel miles in five minutes that you spent on your actual vacation last year! You’re not alone. We all do it. It’s neither good nor bad, it’s just not an effective way to live. In case it matters.

Now. No matter where we are or what we’re doing, we’re always thinking about something that happened six years ago or something someone said yesterday or what we wish we said when that happened or what we’re afraid might happen tomorrow. Sound familiar? We’re almost never fully present where we are, right now. It gets even more complicated, when you start listing the ideas that really matter to you. Take love, for instance. Where are you with that? The last guy, the one before him? Your first crush? Chances are, on this one topic, you’re anywhere but here. Now.

Please. I am so not perfect. I just bring it up because it’s what I’m working on.

Our teacher, Abraham-Hicks says that focusing your thoughts for 68 seconds is enough to begin attracting the object of your attention into your world. Cool! Scary!

As much as I try to work on being present in the moment, I catch myself doing one thing and thinking something else. What’s wrong with that, you say. Isn’t multi-tasking a good thing, you say? It depends. If thoughts are like dollars, and you get what you “invest” your thoughts in but toss out pennies for every passing idea that floats by that space behind your eyes, you’re not really placing any value, or focused thought, on any one thing. Nothing wrong with that. Unless there’s something you’d like to change about your life, or bring in, or have. This takes practice. But like any new skill, you can achieve single-minded focus with practice. If it’s true that you create your future by your thoughts now, you gotta pay attention to your thoughts minute by minute.

I know, I know, easier said than done. I have a favorite new online guru. Stephen Russell goes by the name Barefoot Doctor and has lots of Zen wisdom to share. He’s also a music producer, so he offers these amazing online meditation pods that are crazy-transcendent. Anyway, as much as I sit down and plug in with the intention of listening placidly to one of the good Doctor’s guided meditations, I inevitably catch myself wandering around in my head. Darn! There I am, working on getting all Zen and yummy and grounded, and there I am, re-running a conversation from last week. Gah! Makes me wonder how much time any of us spend right here, right NOW. I’m working on it, baby! Love, C

My two cents: You want a future relationship? Pay attention to what you’re thinking NOW.

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So, what the heck are you thinking?  In The Secret, Michael Beckwith says,”Thoughts Are Things.”  Abraham-hicks says, “You get what you think about whether you want it or not, AND what manifests is always a perfect  indication of what you’ve had going vibrationally.” Wait, what??

For the last few years I have been really staying conscious of my thoughts, where they are going and what ends up manifesting, and I can tell you this advice is spot on.  Plus, the more you are aware of it, the faster it seems to happen.  Sometimes when I am working with a client, doing their hair, I almost feel like a psychic.  I can listen to how they are talking and know, what they will be telling me when they come back in 4 or 6 weeks just by what they are putting out there right now.  They will go on and on about what they don’t want, and guess what?  Next time I see them that is exactly what has happened.

So for me, I practice thinking the thought that I want.  When my mind goes off to a problem, and it does from time to time,  it is so obvious to me that if I want to go there, I will get results I don’t want.

This is so funny: as I’m writing this, my Blackberry is buzzing.  I just got an e-mail from The Secret Daily Teachings, I get those every month or so, and what it says is “Whatever feelings you have within you are attracting your tomorrow.  Worry attracts more worry.   Anxiety attracts more anxiety.  Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness.  Dissatisfaction attracts more dissatisfaction. AND… Joy attracts more joy. Happiness attracts more happiness.  Peace attracts more peace.  Gratitude attracts more gratitude. Love attracts more love”.  It goes on and on.  The point being: focus on what you want and it will come in, whether you like it or not.  So seek out things/thoughts, that bring you joy.  Focus on what you love and let the worry and problems take care of themselves.

Things always work out in the end, they really do.  You just get to choose whether you worry and stress out and they work out, or you relax, have fun, be in joy, and they work out.  Your choice.  Remember, life is supposed to be fun!  xo-K

My two cents:   Regarding relationships or anything else you want in life, If you have the wherewithal to want it, the Universe has the wherewithal to bring it to you.