don’t get mad. . .get furious!

Grr! I had one of those days, you know? My car (leased) had a leak last spring. I live in the rain belt, and was driving around one day after a crazy end-of-times downpour and heard water sloshing around inside the car. What?  After a couple of days, the water noise persisted, so I drove into the dealership, where they discovered that a drainage tube from my sunroof had malfunctioned, and instead of draining outside the car, was pouring water into the passenger side of the car. Seriously?

Recently, I noticed a funky, spoiled milk smell in the car. So today when I delivered my car to the dealer for an oil change, I asked them to check it out. I waited all day, then called the service department to get a status report. After sitting on hold for a suspiciously long time, a guy came on and said they were “just finishing up.”  Really? “What about the leak?” I asked. More time on hold. Well, the upshot is that there is in fact, a leak and while they haven’t exactly pinpointed it, they can’t fix it today because the guy who can authorize the extra-special work is out of town. Oi.

According to the all-seeing Google, my dealership is exactly 2.1 miles from where I work. So I went to a co-worker’s office, where my boss was also hanging. “What’s up,” my boss asked. “I need a ride,” I replied. “My car got serviced today and they didn’t fix it, but I need to pick it up.” Now, I swear to God, this is what happened: the co-worker hunched his shoulders and stared even harder at his computer screen. My boss looked at me and said “wow, that’s too bad,” and walked away.

Seriously?  “Eff that,” I said to myself, and called a cab.  Then naturally, I called K. “Don’t get all spiritual about it,” K advised, “get mad!” So I did. We both blew off steam together, and it felt really good! We ended up laughing because we just kept getting more outrageous about expressing our various reasons for being royally pissed off. You know what? I’m clear now, instead of being in a stew. Thank you, stupid co-workers! Love, C

My two cents: pushing down your feelings is like pushing a beach  ball under water — they’ll just pop up again and again until you resolve them.

♥♥♥

Anger is a valid emotion.  It is in about the middle of the emotional guidance scale I mentioned a few posts back, but we all, for some reason have some issues when we or someone we know gets “angry.” Whether we think we are not entitled to being angry, or as C said before, it’s not spiritual to be angry, anger has been coming up for me and when something keeps showing up. . .there is something there for me to learn.

When you don’t own your feelings, when you don’t honor the fact that you have the right to feel however you feel,  you are doing a disservice to yourself.  If you don’t have your own back, OMG, well that’s a recipe for depression.  We all have the right to feel how we feel.  And if someone does something mean or stupid, well. . . you can be pissed about it! Then let it go.

I can tell you that is 100 percent true.  When we first started writing this post, C was dumbfounded by the complete insensitivity she experienced at work.  I on the other hand was mad at my mom.  We both kinda went off and vented big time.  It felt good, felt clear, I started writing kinda in the middle of all that and then had to go pick up kids or something so I just figured I would go back to this where I left off, but I couldn’t.  I tried twice, we even started a whole other post and I still couldn’t get back to this one, until today. . .   and it just hit me,  since I had released the anger, vented with C, it was gone.  I wasn’t angry anymore so I couldn’t call it back up and continue with the post with the same energy.

That’s the beauty of feeling your feelings, getting furious if that’s how you are feeling in the moment.  Once you get it out, it’s done.  Over.  Awesome!  Sure, you might get mad again, but you won’t go bonkers if someone cuts you off in traffic.You already let all the people from the last month or your whole lifetime, have a pass, which means you don’t have to vent now.  Wow! See? It works out for everyone.  xo-K

My two cents:  everything is energy, and everything has value, even anger.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkgEZa7lDHw

you probably think this blog is about you

Everyone loves Two Girls!!  I am shocked, amazed, awestruck, amused and most of all grateful.  C and I have always written from the heart, and we usually write about what is happening. . . right now.  That being said, everyone who comes in contact with us is potentially Two Girls material.  As much as we try to mix it up, people might come to the conclusion that  we are talking about them in our blog.  This has happen to me on more than one occasion.

Sometimes we talk about dating and relationships, and C, who btw,  in the past hadn’t  shared much of her personal info when she is dating someone new, is now much more open and lets  her dates know who she is and what she does, including the fact that she writes a blog. This is great, but sometimes  I think, don’t tell them… I want to write about them and now they will totally know we’re talking about them. That being said we  have to be a bit creative when we are telling our story as to not incriminate or hurt feelings.

I have heard from quite a few friends and fans of Two Girls when a post really resonated with them, that they were going through something and then read our most recent post and it was about just the thing they were working through.  I love when that happens.  See: we are all more alike than we are different.

We all want to love and be loved.  We all want health and prosperity for ourselves, our family, and our friends.  We have all dealt with heartache, loss, and disappointment. We have all been afraid.  Lost a job or a loved one.  Or maybe just had a crappy day.  Oh, and don’t get me started on Mercury Retrograde.  We all just want to be happy and have a joy filled life.

September has been a hard month.  There’s a lot going on energetically, it is a great time for releasing, so when stuff comes up for you (and it will), make sure you have someone to work through it with.  Oh, and if you want to be part of  Two Girls, we’d love to have you.  Leave us a comment. Maybe you have something to share that would be beneficial for others to hear.  xo-K

My two cents:  If you think this blog is about you, it is probably for you.

♥♥♥

Yeah, K and I have been working on these principles for a while.  We talk about this stuff for hours.  As time goes by it’s become more and more clear that: a) we’re kinda getting better at it even though we have a ways to go, and b) we  totally see these principles at work in our lives and the lives of those around us. Cool!

It’s so true: we need each other. Not just me and K — all of us. We need each other! Not just for sex and safety and survival, and all that primal stuff. We need each other so that we can see each other, see our own Divine spark reflected back in someone’s eyes.  My blog partner and I are mirrors for each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. . .and then we blog about it.

Yeah, if you know us, chances are that you’ll show up on the “pages” of Two Girls. Not that you will recognize yourself, because that would just not be fair. When we have written about someone without disguise, they knew about it ahead of time and agreed to it.   I have already gone on record that as a writer, my style could be called voyeur. I watch. I watch people, I observe the world.  And then I tell stories.  I know for me, the best part of camping is certainly not the bugs and the dirt . . .it’s the stories around the campfire. Well, the stories and the s’mores and the stars above.

If you think that you see yourself in one of our stories, rest assured you’re not the only one. Are we psychic? Well yeah, sure. But more to the point, we are all sharing an experience here on this groovy little planet and as much as we sometimes think we are all alone, we are not. Do you remember as a teenager, going through some terribly painful initiation on the path to “growing up,”  and thinking what a freak you were, only to hear something, read something, share your story with a trusted friend, then realize that you weren’t alone? We are not alone. We’ve never been alone.

So are we writing about you? Maybe. But more importantly, does what we write mean something to you? That’s the question. Love, C

My two cents: the Divine in me sees the Divine in you and says: Namaste.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g

get real

 

It’s so nice to get to the point where you can just be yourself, your authentic self.  Just be real.  After all these years I feel like I’m finally getting close.

I work with all women, and I work in a salon. . . full of mirrors.  Ye gads, that could be a recipe for disaster,  a bunch of women, competing with each other plus seeing every imagined flaw staring back at you for eight+ hours a day.  Sounds like it could put your ego to the test, huh?

Lucky for me I work with some of the most beautiful (inside and out) women I could ever hope to work with.  These girls are real, I have worked in a lot of salons,  and I have to tell you we have an amazing, enlightened group of women and I love them all.  No competition here, everyone is so supportive of each other.  I hope they all realize how rare it is and are as thankful as I am to be a part of such an amazing group.

There are days when I don’t feel so great about myself.  It happens less and less, but it still happens.  Growing older, body changes, sometimes it’s hard to love yourself. Hell, I had a hard time loving myself when I was 25 and everything was still where it was supposed to be.  It’s sad to think about that.

  I have decided that I don’t want to be hard on myself, looking at so -called  flaws that are so not who I am.  I want to look at who I really am, a great mom, a great friend, a great stylist, a great person, but even those thing are just a small part of who I am.

We all need to remember, we are not our bodies, we are not what we do for a living, how much money we have, where we live or who we’re married to.  I am  starting to feel like who I really am, the real me, is finally starting to emerge and  I’m looking forward to all the wonderful things life has in store for me.  xo-K

My two cents:  Learn to look in the mirror and see your soul.  There is so much more to you than meets the eye.

♥♥♥

I went to the coast the other day and visited a couple of glass blowing studios. It was amazing! In order to make beautiful, fragile, transparent bowls, vases, lamps, an artist takes a blob of silica, and shoves it into a two thousand degree furnace, and fires it up, red hot. And then after working with it a while, shaping it with tools, reinserting the transforming glass back into the blazing, white hot furnace, he pulls it out of the fire and lets it cool. In the end, all that heat and stress and creative energy results in an exquisitely strong, yet breathtakingly fragile work of art.

I think we are all like that. We’ve been talking lately about our stories, and this made me wonder: what if our stories, the “things that happen” are the fire that shapes our soul into  precious works of art that we can’t even see? Wow!

Every day, we have the chance to look at ourselves and see those extra pounds, the breasts that maybe aren’t as perfect as they were when we were 2o, a few lines that weren’t there yesterday, swear! These are the fires of our shaping.

One of the things I will be forever grateful to K for is encouraging me to study esthetics.  That education not only taught me the basics of great skin care, it taught me to understand beauty, real beauty.  Sometimes beauty is perfection. Sometimes, beauty is a collection of flaws so unique, they create something completely original and fabulous.

Those who work in the beauty business know a little secret that seems to elude about 99.999% of the rest of us: we are all beautiful in our own way. Hey! There is a reason  we women love our salon time. It’s because we get to spend time surrounded by goddess energy! You have to try really hard to walk away from your monthly salon treatment feeling bad about yourself. It’s not that it can’t be done, mind you, but you have to swim upstream against the mighty waters of innate goddess beauty perfection to get there.

We are all works of art in our own way and how we get there is 100 percent a gift from the universe and my mama always taught me that when someone gives you a gift, all you have to say is: thank you. Love, C

My two cents: Just for today, I will love and appreciate the fires that have formed me.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soioqrYorq4

get real

 

It’s so nice to get to the point where you can just be yourself, your authentic self.  Just be real.  After all these years I feel like I’m finally getting close.

I work with all women, and I work in a salon. . . full of mirrors.  Ye gads, that could be a recipe for disaster,  a bunch of women, competing with each other plus seeing every imagined flaw staring back at you for eight+ hours a day.  Sounds like it could put your ego to the test, huh?

Lucky for me I work with some of the most beautiful (inside and out) women I could ever hope to work with.  These girls are real, I have worked in a lot of salons,  and I have to tell you we have an amazing, enlightened group of women and I love them all.  No competition here, everyone is so supportive of each other.  I hope they all realize how rare it is and are as thankful as I am to be a part of such an amazing group.

There are days when I don’t feel so great about myself.  It happens less and less, but it still happens.  Growing older, body changes, sometimes it’s hard to love yourself. Hell, I had a hard time loving myself when I was 25 and everything was still where it was supposed to be.  It’s sad to think about that.

  I have decided that I don’t want to be hard on myself, looking at so -called  flaws that are so not who I am.  I want to look at who I really am, a great mom, a great friend, a great stylist, a great person, but even those thing are just a small part of who I am.

We all need to remember, we are not our bodies, we are not what we do for a living, how much money we have, where we live or who we’re married to.  I am  starting to feel like who I really am, the real me, is finally starting to emerge and  I’m looking forward to all the wonderful things life has in store for me.  xo-K

My two cents:  Learn to look in the mirror and see your soul.  There is so much more to you than meets the eye.

♥♥♥

I went to the coast the other day and visited a couple of glass blowing studios. It was amazing! In order to make beautiful, fragile, transparent bowls, vases, lamps, an artist takes a blob of silica, and shoves it into a two thousand degree furnace, and fires it up, red hot. And then after working with it a while, shaping it with tools, reinserting the transforming glass back into the blazing, white hot furnace, he pulls it out of the fire and lets it cool. In the end, all that heat and stress and creative energy results in an exquisitely strong, yet breathtakingly fragile work of art.

I think we are all like that. We’ve been talking lately about our stories, and this made me wonder: what if our stories, the “things that happen” are the fire that shapes our soul into  precious works of art that we can’t even see? Wow!

Every day, we have the chance to look at ourselves and see those extra pounds, the breasts that maybe aren’t as perfect as they were when we were 2o, a few lines that weren’t there yesterday, swear! These are the fires of our shaping.

One of the things I will be forever grateful to K for is encouraging me to study esthetics.  That education not only taught me the basics of great skin care, it taught me to understand beauty, real beauty.  Sometimes beauty is perfection. Sometimes, beauty is a collection of flaws so unique, they create something completely original and fabulous.

Those who work in the beauty business know a little secret that seems to elude about 99.999% of the rest of us: we are all beautiful in our own way. Hey! There is a reason  we women love our salon time. It’s because we get to spend time surrounded by goddess energy! You have to try really hard to walk away from your monthly salon treatment feeling bad about yourself. It’s not that it can’t be done, mind you, but you have to swim upstream against the mighty waters of innate goddess beauty perfection to get there.

We are all works of art in our own way and how we get there is 100 percent a gift from the universe and my mama always taught me that when someone gives you a gift, all you have to say is: thank you. Love, C

My two cents: Just for today, I will love and appreciate the fires that have formed me.

unreal

I love jumping feet first into something others may consider unreal. Take for instance, acupuncture. There was a time,when I lived in Pennsylvania with Amish neighbors to one side, and a Dutch tobacco trader on the other. Back then, I was experiencing both insomnia and an irregular cycle. Also maybe of significance, Haley’s comet hung in the sky, like a bridal veil in my sleepless early mornings. What else could I do? I went to an acupuncturist. She cured both the  off-cycle and the sleeplessness with tiny needles, strategically placed.

According to some sources, there is no anatomical or medical reason for acupuncture points or meridians. Some sources suggest that is is all mind over matter. But I had no agenda or belief whether or not the needles would work, they just did; my periods snapped back into sync, and I stopped waking in the night to stare at the comet. End of story. Sort of.  There are many things that work for no apparent reason. Hypnosis. Astrology. Quantum physics.

A couple of years ago, a friend of a friend introduced me to “this tapping craze.” Actually, it’s called Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT, or simply, Tapping. Critics call it a pseudo-science. Naysayers insist that it creates a placebo effect, “fooling” gullible people into thinking they’ve been “cured” of whatever condition they’ve imagined. Skeptics say it isn’t “real” because it can’t  be tested scientifically. Whatev. I just listened to a noted physicist say that based on new scientific evidence about the nature of matter in the universe, practically everything printed in any science books up to now, is wrong. Just sayin.’

EFT works on the same principles as acupuncture, that is, working with the body’s energy meridians, to release false beliefs that lock ideas into the body at a cellular level. So anyway, there I was, bopping around YouTube a couple of weeks ago, and discovered a guy named Brad Yates, posting little ten minute vids on various tapping topics. I really liked his style and his casual sense of humor (code: the guy doesn’t take himself too seriously), and I especially like the fact that he has worked with Joe Vitale, of The Secret, so the guy runs in crowds that I know and respect. So I started tapping. Every morning, every night. I was telling K one day that I was tapping merrily along with Bad Brad one day, and I don’t even remember the topic, but suddenly, I started to get all emotional. I hadn’t realized that I had any “stuff” around what we were tapping about, but apparently, my body knew differently.

So, does EFT “really” work? For me it does. For now. Is it a cure all? Probably not, but it is a tool, and as long as I feel I’m getting results and no one is getting hurt, I’ll be tap-tap-tapping away. Love, C

My two cents: having an open mind can take you places you never dreamed of before!

♥♥♥

Who can say what’s real and what’s not?  I am at a point where if something shows up for me,  and I notice it, there’s a reason and there is probably something in it for me.  I had never heard of “tapping” before C started talking about it a few weeks ago.  I am always game to try something new, and since there were affirmations involved I figured it must be somewhat helpful and uplifting, right?

I have to admit, the first few times I watched Tappin’ Brad on YouTube I felt kinda silly, trying to keep up with the tapping patterns felt a little like learning to line dance or something  for the first time; turning left while everyone else is turning right.  But then maybe that’s the idea. Besides hitting the meridian points while tapping, which I’m sure does something, the tapping is a distraction, or at least it is to me.  When I am repeating after Brad that I am amazing and prosperous, my mind is not screaming, “no you’re not!” I’m so busy trying to follow along with his tapping sequence, the affirmations slip right in and  my mind isn’t arguing  the point. Brilliant. Not to mention that I actually feel really good after a few minutes of tapping and affirming. And that works for me, no matter what science has to say about it.

So maybe we just need to do whatever works for us and not worry so much about what other people think or say about it.  Don’t worry that it looks silly or others think it is a bunch of hocus pocus, you might just be onto something new.  I have been telling my dad for years: “You need to learn to relax, you need to breathe, you should learn to meditate.”  My father has heart disease so stress and worry are not his friends. Not until his HMO started promoting relaxation and meditation did he start to think that there might be something to what I have been telling him.  He has always thought I was just a little too out there and that I didn’t know anything. Whatever.

So what do you believe in?  Are you open to new  ideas?  The world is transforming  fast and it’s a good thing, really it is.  I know for me, I am going to keep learning, keep expanding, and whether I am tapping, or chanting, or just being still and breathing, I am going to keep my mind open to all the good that is coming to me.  xo-K

My two cents:   “Strawberry fields, nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about.” ~The Beatles.

unreal

I love jumping feet first into something others may consider unreal. Take for instance, acupuncture. There was a time,when I lived in Pennsylvania with Amish neighbors to one side, and a Dutch tobacco trader on the other. Back then, I was experiencing both insomnia and an irregular cycle. Also maybe of significance, Haley’s comet hung in the sky, like a bridal veil in my sleepless early mornings. What else could I do? I went to an acupuncturist. She cured both the  off-cycle and the sleeplessness with tiny needles, strategically placed.

According to some sources, there is no anatomical or medical reason for acupuncture points or meridians. Some sources suggest that is is all mind over matter. But I had no agenda or belief whether or not the needles would work, they just did; my periods snapped back into sync, and I stopped waking in the night to stare at the comet. End of story. Sort of.  There are many things that work for no apparent reason. Hypnosis. Astrology. Quantum physics.

A couple of years ago, a friend of a friend introduced me to “this tapping craze.” Actually, it’s called Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT, or simply, Tapping. Critics call it a pseudo-science. Naysayers insist that it creates a placebo effect, “fooling” gullible people into thinking they’ve been “cured” of whatever condition they’ve imagined. Skeptics say it isn’t “real” because it can’t  be tested scientifically. Whatev. I just listened to a noted physicist say that based on new scientific evidence about the nature of matter in the universe, practically everything printed in any science books up to now, is wrong. Just sayin.’

EFT works on the same principles as acupuncture, that is, working with the body’s energy meridians, to release false beliefs that lock ideas into the body at a cellular level. So anyway, there I was, bopping around YouTube a couple of weeks ago, and discovered a guy named Brad Yates, posting little ten minute vids on various tapping topics. I really liked his style and his casual sense of humor (code: the guy doesn’t take himself too seriously), and I especially like the fact that he has worked with Joe Vitale, of The Secret, so the guy runs in crowds that I know and respect. So I started tapping. Every morning, every night. I was telling K one day that I was tapping merrily along with Bad Brad one day, and I don’t even remember the topic, but suddenly, I started to get all emotional. I hadn’t realized that I had any “stuff” around what we were tapping about, but apparently, my body knew differently.

So, does EFT “really” work? For me it does. For now. Is it a cure all? Probably not, but it is a tool, and as long as I feel I’m getting results and no one is getting hurt, I’ll be tap-tap-tapping away. Love, C

My two cents: having an open mind can take you places you never dreamed of before!

♥♥♥

Who can say what’s real and what’s not?  I am at a point where if something shows up for me,  and I notice it, there’s a reason and there is probably something in it for me.  I had never heard of “tapping” before C started talking about it a few weeks ago.  I am always game to try something new, and since there were affirmations involved I figured it must be somewhat helpful and uplifting, right?

I have to admit, the first few times I watched Tappin’ Brad on YouTube I felt kinda silly, trying to keep up with the tapping patterns felt a little like learning to line dance or something  for the first time; turning left while everyone else is turning right.  But then maybe that’s the idea. Besides hitting the meridian points while tapping, which I’m sure does something, the tapping is a distraction, or at least it is to me.  When I am repeating after Brad that I am amazing and prosperous, my mind is not screaming, “no you’re not!” I’m so busy trying to follow along with his tapping sequence, the affirmations slip right in and  my mind isn’t arguing  the point. Brilliant. Not to mention that I actually feel really good after a few minutes of tapping and affirming. And that works for me, no matter what science has to say about it.

So maybe we just need to do whatever works for us and not worry so much about what other people think or say about it.  Don’t worry that it looks silly or others think it is a bunch of hocus pocus, you might just be onto something new.  I have been telling my dad for years: “You need to learn to relax, you need to breathe, you should learn to meditate.”  My father has heart disease so stress and worry are not his friends. Not until his HMO started promoting relaxation and meditation did he start to think that there might be something to what I have been telling him.  He has always thought I was just a little too out there and that I didn’t know anything. Whatever.

So what do you believe in?  Are you open to new  ideas?  The world is transforming  fast and it’s a good thing, really it is.  I know for me, I am going to keep learning, keep expanding, and whether I am tapping, or chanting, or just being still and breathing, I am going to keep my mind open to all the good that is coming to me.  xo-K

My two cents:   “Strawberry fields, nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about.” ~The Beatles.

 

 

friendly, helpful people~

Isn’t it funny how you can be going merrily along, most aspects of your life are going well enough, and even though there is this one thing that isn’t perfect you just sort of limp along at less than 100 percent? And then one day, it changes and everything seems a little brighter. Love that!

When I moved into my little condo on the river, it was perfect. My unit is situated so it lets in lots of light from windows on three sides of the house, even though the actual living space isn’t huge, it feels wide open. From the living room, I can see trees and flowers planted all around, as well as the constant parade of people who come from all over to walk the shores of the river.

About nine months ago, the vertical blinds over the patio window stopped working. I noticed that the brackets that hold them up were pulling away of the wall. Being my father’s daughter, I inspected the hardware and could see that they had been installed rather sloppily. In fact, the blinds were barely holding and could break away at any time. Instead of two bolts holding each bracket, just one bolt had been drilled into the plasterboard. I stopped opening the blinds, waiting to repair them. Being rather handy and the daughter of a builder, I tried to fix them myself, but the blinds were too big and unwieldy for one person to repair alone. I told my landlord about the problem, and he came by one day. His solution: he drilled a bigger, single screw into each bracket. This didn’t really work. I told a friendly neighbor about it, and his idea was to re-engineer the whole setup, and at a price by the way, that involved a “trade” that I didn’t want to get mixed up with. I passed. Another friend took a look at it recently, and remarked that he could “probably” fix it. Come on!

Yesterday, I took a day off from work to enjoy the summer day and make a long weekend. I called my friend P, and suggested we go to lunch at a place across the river. We had a great lunch and them came back to my place. “I could fix that,” P said. I knew she could, P had built an entire house with her former husband. “When?” I replied. “Now,” she said. “You got tools?” Oh yeah, I got tools. Long story short and four hours later, I now have beautiful summer light streaming into my living room once again. As I sit writing this post, I’m looking out at my sweet little garden of potted pink geraniums and angel statues, full of joy and gratitude for the friendly, helpful people in my life. Love, C

My two cents: we’re always surrounded by angels, our work is to let them in!

♥♥♥

In the past I have had a hard time asking for help. I never asked for a ride to the airport, a lift to pick up my car from the mechanic, a run to the store when I was feeling sick. I don’t know why, maybe it was that I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, didn’t want to owe anyone, didn’t want to need anyone. I don’t want to be like that anymore. I don’t want to feel obligated if someone offers to help me. I love to help people if I can, and I never feel like I need to be paid back. So I’m not exactly sure why I felt that others would feel that way.

Everyone wants to be of service, it feels good to be able to help someone who needs help. So as important as it is to be helpful to others, I think it is just as important to allow others to be helpful to you, and to really be in appreciation when they do so. It’s a win-win.

I always tell C when she is planning a big event, “Pray for friendly helpful people.” She is always so busy running around trying to do everything herself; asking the universe to send her the right volunteers just makes things so much easier. I need to remember that in my own life too.

Being a single mom, I am so used to doing everything myself. I’m Mom, Dad, breadwinner, chauffeur, everything. I am lucky I do have a wonderful family who is there for me. But sometimes with them I feel there is a price tag attached, a debt owed that I will be forced to pay back somewhere down the road. Sometimes it seems like they want me to feel that I am ungrateful for what has been done for me so then it doesn’t seem worth it. Ever felt that way?

I know I need to give myself a break, not feel I have to do everything and be everything to everyone. I really want to get to the place where I know that all of my needs are met, everything works out the way it should, and if I need anything at all I can just pick up the phone, or say a little prayer and any assistance I need will be right there, and I will take it. xo-K

My two cents: We never have to feel guilty when we need a little help from our friends.

codependent no more!~

Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything?  Not our kids, not our spouse,  not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone?  Pinky promise?  Seriously,  are we done yet?

This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you,  a real sneaky one.  I thought I was so over care-taking,  I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own.  And I was serious.  All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.

Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this.  Really?  I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them.  Like that is even possible.

I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger.  Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?

It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in.  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is.  I can’t care-take her,  even if I want to, I can’t.  And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to.  So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing.  Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.

OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should.  I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it.  Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me.  And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.

So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in.  Do you need others to depend on you?  Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’.  xo-K

♥♥♥

If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday.  Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way.  And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.

So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.

Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a  diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!

This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there,  soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.

“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.”  In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?

“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.

So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C

My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.

0=-

codependent no more!~

Can we all just make a pact that we are no longer going to feel responsible for how anyone else feels about anything?  Not our kids, not our spouse,  not our friends, not our boss or our coworkers, not anyone?  Pinky promise?  Seriously,  are we done yet?

This is such a HUGE one for me, and I have to tell you,  a real sneaky one.  I thought I was so over care-taking,  I made a declaration when my daughter was born –yea, childbirth is a time when you get really clear –I told everyone whom I came in contact with, that anyone over five years of age was, as far as I was concerned, on their own.  And I was serious.  All my friends who had enjoyed my codependent tendencies were NOT happy with that revelation.

Well, my daughter is almost sixteen and I am still working on this.  Really?  I do work in a service profession, but, come on, I am still feeling responsible for how others feel and trying to make it better for them.  Like that is even possible.

I know that part of this is just being a woman, it’s in our DNA: woman=caretaker, but this is bigger.  Why do I feel responsible for what everyone around me feels or experiences, and why do I feel it is my responsibility to fix it?

It’s kinda weird, my daughter is away at camp this week, she has been away before so that is no big deal, but never without me being able to shoot her a text or call her if I need to check in.  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal for me but it is.  I can’t care-take her,  even if I want to, I can’t.  And by the way, in case it matters, she doesn’t need me to.  So I just got it, maybe it is more about me, this codependent thing.  Maybe it is not so much about people needing me to care for them, but me needing them to need me.

OMG, like I have said before if you don’t journal you should.  I am writing this and I had no idea what my real feelings were about this until I started writing about it.  Amazing. I started this with the intention of making a vow that I would no longer feel responsible for how others feel, and now I am seeing that I do it because there is something in it for me.  And I have to say, in almost all instances when people do things, it’s always because there is something in it for them. . .you see, it’s sneaky, but that’s a WHOLE other post.

So I am going to end this with a question, and I am going to go do some meditation and work on it myself and I will check back in.  Do you need others to depend on you?  Does it make you feel good, needed, whole, whatever, if someone needs you to fix their life/problems for them? Just sayin’.  xo-K

♥♥♥

If you’ve ready many of these posts, you know that K and I talk. Everyday.  Usually, when something is “up” for one of use, the other isn’t far behind. We’re kinda in synch that way.  And this is the thing that we’ve noticed in our “work” ~ we have become so ultra sensitive to energy, that we know when something is up, often before the other is even aware.

So anyway, one morning this week when I was still all buzzed from my Abraham workshop, and K was just beginning to catch the energetic wave of hers, we had what I consider a breakthrough healing, while talking on the phone. I was talking about my ongoing challenge at work, and she casually mentioned that wily “C” word: codependent.

Can I just say? My whole body responded to the word: my heart just sort of flowered open, and I felt a zap of Kundalini heat snake up my spine. Eureka! The behavior that was bugging me so much wasn’t my co-worker: it was me. I had jumped into an old, familiar codependent role, doing everything short of spinning on my head in a  diamond-crusted tutu in order to make the other person happy. Come on!

This all made sense in a whole new way at the Unity Service I attended this morning. Can I just say? I love Reverend Lisa! There she was, talking her talk, and I just sat there,  soaking up the wisdom, when suddenly I felt a jolt of electricity that said: pay attention.

“We live in a world of cause and effect,” she said. “But I don’t have to let your “cause” determine my “effect.”  In other words, we get to choose, at every moment what is real and true and right for us. Rev. Lisa went on to say that we are co-creators with the energy of the Universe, and that we can choose whatever effect any cause will have on us, simply by determining what is “true” for us. Hello, co-dependence? Are you listening sweetie?

“It’s all about faith,” she said. “We can choose to believe that we live in a benevolent universe, and rest our faith there. The question is,” she said, “what do you choose to have faith in?” She explained we are all spiritual creatures, and love is our nature. We can choose to take on other people’s wounds if it happens to correspond to a belief that we don’t deserve love, money, or happiness. . .or not.

So the question is: do I choose to see myself as a being expressing divine love and perfection, an active co-creator with the all that is, and therefore to allow the truth of my being, which is love, in? Or not? Yeah, big stuff. Love, C

My two cents: choosing to be codependent no more is an act so huge it can affect the spin of entire galaxies.

0=-

turn it around

You know, we Two Girls aren’t just handing out advice here like Lifesaver candies on a road trip. We’re actually doing the work, talking about it between ourselves, chatting about it some more, and then putting it out there for all to read. Fun!

One of the best tools I’ve found lately is the Turn-Around.  It’s a Readers Digest Condensed version of Byron Katie’s work, which involves a series of questions.  Katie’s work is amazing stuff. I’ve heard about it for years, and I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear it, because I only just recently picked up her book. You know how that is, right? Someone tells you about a great self-help book, and you listen to interviews, read reviews, dance all around it, but don’t actually do the actual work because that’s too scary, right? Oh, wait. Maybe that’s just me. . . .

Anyway, so Katie has this process that involves focusing on something that pushes every hot button you’ve got. And that’s where the work begins. Like a grandma, Katie says, “okay sweetheart, let’s begin.” Seems safe enough to talk to Grandma, right?

The trouble with the work for me, is that it involves a series of logical and armor-piercing questions. But when I’m in the middle of my drama, the last thing I want to do is sit down and run myself through a list of questions. So I’ve figured out a shortcut. I go right to the apex of Katie’s work: the turnaround. The turnaround works like this: whatever it is you’re blaming the other person for, you turn it around and own it. “She’s so selfish!” becomes “I am so selfish!”  Projections like “He never supports what is important to me” become “I don’t support what is important to me.”

It seems kind of crazy, but it works. When you reject a part of yourself, your little inner goddess finds it too painful to bear, and so you project it onto someone else, blame someone else. I’m not bad. . .you’re bad! It seems to fix the problem, but the problem never really goes away until you deal with it.

I recently had the chance to work this out with a co-worker who bailed on an important project just a couple of hours before I had to present it to the board of directors. I started to stew. “She’s so irresponsible!” I said to myself, feeling justified. And then I stopped, took a breath, and turned it around. “Wait,” I said to myself. “I’m so irresponsible.” It wasn’t until I said that, that I realized where I had let the project down, I hadn’t given it my best.  I immediately felt better. And you know what? My co-worker who had called in sick showed up at the office, completed her part of the project, and then went home again.

This stuff isn’t always fun, and it isn’t always pretty, but it works if you’re willing to work it! Love, C

My two cents: The world is just a mirror of our thoughts, showing us the places we still need to heal.

♥♥♥

Like I said before I haven’t read Byron Katie’s book yet but I guess since it keeps coming up, (thanks C), I better get on it. But I have been noticing the same things in my own life C is talking about.  I love how that works.

All the things that bother you, or things you simply notice are clues for you, like a cosmic treasure hunt, guiding you along your path to higher consciousness.  I have become really aware when I notice something that  someone else is doing and it really annoys me, that there is a lesson in there for me.  There is something around it that I need to work on  and instead of it just being annoyed by it, I am starting to see it as a gift.

This is new to me so I am still bumbling around with it but you have no idea how cool it is when you get to the point that no matter what is happening out there you are still okay. Or better than okay because you really get that everything that gets your attention, that you are noticing is for your benefit.

One of the things that can stress me out and get my panties in a bunch are red lights.  Sounds so silly and unimportant but don’t most people get the craziest about the simplest things.  I get irritated when I am running late for work and I hit every red light, is someone watching me and pushing a button turning those stupid lights red as I pull up?  Of course not but doesn’t it feel like that sometimes?  Grrrr.

I now know that red lights only bother me when I am running late.  The light is the same, my reaction to them is different depending on what I am doing.  If I leave the house with plenty of time I have no issue with sitting at a stoplight. And let’s face it, don’t you sometimes hope you hit a red light  because you need to look at directions or apply your lipstick ?  Just sayin’.

You can apply this way of thinking to pretty much any issue, big or small.  It’s easier to start with something seemingly small and unimportant, but sometimes those are the ones you have to biggest problem with.  Do you really care if the waitress or someone you don’t know or care about is rude to you?  Does it really matter if an anonymous driver speeds up to cut in front of you on the freeway?  Really?

Last week my daughter and I were relaxing at our pool.  There was a girl sitting near us  on the phone complaining about her life, while her kids were in the pool screaming for attention.  She repeated her “story,” over and over to each friend who came to join her at the pool.  At first I was annoyed, I wished she would just shut the hell up, then I stopped and realized how interesting it was that we were sitting in the same place by a beautiful pool, on a beautiful day and in that moment having two totally different experiences.  Does she have more problems than I do to fuss about?  Maybe, but in that moment, she wasn’t even appreciating what she had. xo-K

My two cents:  Everything that is happening out there is for your benefit, it really is.

dream on…

I have been paying attention to my dreams now for as long as I can remember.  If I am going through something and I just can’t seem to figure out exactly what is going on and what the solution is, one of the first things I do is look at my dreams.  I’m lucky, I have always had pretty good dream recall, and there is always a lot going on when I go to sleep at night, sometimes I wake up just exhausted.

If you are interested in understanding your dreams there is only one book you need, The Dream Book, by Betty Bethards, is hands down the best most clear and helpful book on the subject and it really goes into detail about exactly what is going on when we sleep.

A few weeks ago when I had that “altercation” with my dad and basically told him to get out of my home, that night or maybe the next I dreamed I had a mustache.  Not a dark peach fuzz girl mustache, a full on thick coarse man mustache.  I was figuring out how it got there and trying to shave it off.  I looked up mustache in the dream book and mustache means power to clearly communicate. Well I was really clear with my dad for the first time ever, and I have to say I have never dreamed of a mustache before.

There are six basic kinds of dreams, according to Betty Bethards, she calls these dreams, clearing house/clutter, teaching, problem solving, precognitive, prophetic or visionary, and outside interference.  It can sometimes seem that we have just as much going on while we slumber as we do when we are awake and going about our day.

I started my spiritual path in my early 20’s and I became really fascinated in dreams, reading about them, and analyzing their meaning.  This was also around the time I fell hard for a wonderful boy who lived a million miles away.  When we were together in LA I would ask him every morning when he woke up what he dreamed the night before.  He thought it was a little silly but he would indulge me, and we would discuss our dreams over coffee.  When he was back in NY he would call me every morning and wake me up, he wanted to be the first voice I heard when I woke up, so sweet.  Anyway, on one particular morning he called me right as my alarm was chiming,  he was so excited as he reported to me, ” I dreamed about you last night, you were here, in bed with me.”  I was hardly awake but stunned nonetheless, I had dreamed of him too.  As he described his dream to me, it was the same dream I had.  I didn’t tell him, it was unbelievable.

Fast forward a few weeks, I’m on a red eye to NY for a visit.  Upon arrival, we had a quick breakfast then back to his apartment.  I hadn’t slept on the plane and needed a nap. When I walked into his room I almost lost it.  His room was exactly as I had seen it in my dream: the bed, the bedding, the view out the window.  Everything.  I kept this to myself, I didn’t know exactly what that was, I still don’t,  but I know I will never forget it. xo-K

My two cents:  Dreams are just one of many tools/gifts we have to help us navigate through life.

♥♥♥

I am so glad K decided to write about this! I love dreams. I love sleeping, I adore the whole fluffy pillows, cozy bed, nocturnal journey through shadows adventure.

Back before I started studying dreams, astrology, and other esoteric topics, I had two very vivid pre-cognitive dreams. The first one was not long after I moved to Northern California. I dreamed of watching a volcano erupt, and very soon after that, Mt. St. Helens blew her top up in Washington state. A couple of years later, I dreamed of waking up in a Victorian mansion, startled by an earthquake, and vividly remember the chandelier in the room swaying from side to side. Fast forward a couple of months, and I was visiting with a beau in his apartment that was part of a Victorian mansion that had been subdivided into flats. We were dozing in his room in the afternoon, and suddenly the earth started shaking, and the chandelier in his room started to sway. That was the Coalinga earthquake, a pretty big one. I knew immediately that my premonition had not been “just a dream.”

I’ve always felt that dreams spoke a language that I wanted to understand and so when I found Betty Bethard’s dream book, it was like finding the key I had been searching for. Betty was an amazingly gifted woman, who after a near-death experience, came to realize that there is no “death” as we think of it, and she was gifted with a second sight. K and I saw her in person a couple of times, and she was amazing.  She had a gravely voice, like Sylvia Brown, and a heart as big as the moon. Betty is gone now, but her book is still in print; it’s that good.

We’ve all heard the basic explanation: “everyone in your dream is you.” But sometimes, there is more to the story. K just told me about an amazing dream she just had, involving vividly seeing a string of the number 4.  Then, there was another number, and if you know about numerology, you’re supposed to reduced all numbers down to a single number (22= 4, 33= 6, etc). Well so after the string of 4s, there was a larger, seemingly unrelated, number. As she was telling me about her dream, I quickly reduced the number down, and guess what? It was 4.  Some experts say that the number 4 means teaching/learning — and we sure are doing a lot of that, these days!

One thing for sure: dreams are never, and I mean NEVER, random my dear. So pay attention! Love, C

My two cents: What if your “dreams” are real, and “reality” is just the dream?

it ain’t over till it’s over

So many tears I’ve cried, so much pain inside, but baby it ain’t over till it’s over. . .”-Lenny Kravitz

Wow, did I get that in a big way this last past week.  We all have our stuff, family stuff, some worse than others but we all have it.  I know I’ve got mine, hell I kept dating my dad until the thought of dating at all was not even an option until I worked it out.  I have been working on it for years, and have been feeling pretty good about it, feeling healed around it. Spent time in therapy, worked it out in my romantic relationships, it has come up in this blog many times and I think that writing has been the most healing thing for me.  I felt I was good on the subject, and I was, but someone else was not.  And he was waiting for me right back where we left off 30 +years ago.

My dad, who I felt never wanted to talk about this or anything deep for that matter, had been holding onto our relationship just where we left it so many years ago when it went south.  We were never big on communication, I thought he wouldn’t be willing to go there, or maybe that was me not wanting to go there with him.  Wasn’t pleasant the first time around, thought it might be easier just doing the work by myself or with a partner who mirrored  his. . . let’s just say “energy.”

Never thought I would have the opportunity to deal with it directly with my dad, too much time had passed, where do you even start.  So you can imagine my surprise when the other day it happened, I won’t go into what lead up to this confrontation, doesn’t really matter, had nothing to do with anything but I have to say it was the perfect storm.

He came at me out of the blue or maybe out of the oblivion, and in one fell swoop tried to time-travel me back to about age 15. And guess what, I was there, but then I wasn’t.  I didn’t cower, I stood up for myself in a way I never have and didn’t think I ever could.  Granted I wish I would have cooled it on the f-bombs I sent  flying around my living room, but I was calm, I was firm and I was so in my own power it was surreal.  As I was pretty much giving him the bums-rush out my front door, I don’t know who was more shocked him or me.  All the old tricks he used to pull on me, shame, guilt, etc. didn’t work.  Under the circumstances I felt like a million bucks, and then I didn’t.

I started to feel guilty, just a little bit but it was there.  I basically told my dad to get out of my home and my life, I was done with him and his rage.   My daughter, who was not home during the altercation, later asked me, “Where are we going to have Thanksgiving?”  I told her I didn’t know, but we would figure it out.

It’s been almost a week and I haven’t spoken to either of my parents, and I don’t know what is going to happen.  I spoke to two of my spiritual advisers and I now have a new perspective on what is going on here.  This is hard work but I feel so good, like I don’t have anything to be afraid of anymore.  Now I feel I can really get on with things.  xo-K

My two cents:  You can look away, run away, even move away but things don’t go away until you deal with them.

♥♥♥

Wow, this work is so amazing. I am so awed and impressed with the work K has done these past two weeks. We keep telling each other: I’m so glad I’m doing my work because when sh*t happens, it feels really good to remain conscious and heal what has been brought up for a holy healing!  K got the big whammy of healings that led to a spiritual breakthrough, and it was like watching goddess Kali at work.

You know Kali, the goddess of destruction and regeneration. She will burn your ass up and then dust you off your wings and let you fly.  As a close observer of K’s transformation, it was like watching a perfect storm unfolding. I could see/sense the storm clouds gathering, saw the flashes of lightening. And then shazam she was deep into the hero’s journey, all on her own, fighting for her soul, and she won. All I can say is there must have been one h*ll of a flash of energetic release blasting out of K’s living room that afternoon. She healed not just herself in the here and now, but also herself across time and space. Awesome!  K connected with her soul in a way she never had and she will never be the same again.

K mentioned that to her dad, she was that same defiant teenager who told him to stuff it, just before she started off on the journey to become the fierce, holy, and fabulous goddess that she is today. All I can say is he must have been so totally dazzled by her light that it scared the crap out of him and he resorted to all of the old tricks that used to subdue the girl before she became a woman. K met her dad as a fully evolved woman, not a child, and that is a beautiful thing to behold. The apprentice became the master. It’s the hero’s journey, in case it matters. The stuff of all great legends and heroines. Stay tuned. We are almost iconic. Love, C

My two cents: we are all on a hero’s journey that takes as long as it takes.

it ain't over till it's over

So many tears I’ve cried, so much pain inside, but baby it ain’t over till it’s over. . .”-Lenny Kravitz

Wow, did I get that in a big way this last past week.  We all have our stuff, family stuff, some worse than others but we all have it.  I know I’ve got mine, hell I kept dating my dad until the thought of dating at all was not even an option until I worked it out.  I have been working on it for years, and have been feeling pretty good about it, feeling healed around it. Spent time in therapy, worked it out in my romantic relationships, it has come up in this blog many times and I think that writing has been the most healing thing for me.  I felt I was good on the subject, and I was, but someone else was not.  And he was waiting for me right back where we left off 30 +years ago.

My dad, who I felt never wanted to talk about this or anything deep for that matter, had been holding onto our relationship just where we left it so many years ago when it went south.  We were never big on communication, I thought he wouldn’t be willing to go there, or maybe that was me not wanting to go there with him.  Wasn’t pleasant the first time around, thought it might be easier just doing the work by myself or with a partner who mirrored  his. . . let’s just say “energy.”

Never thought I would have the opportunity to deal with it directly with my dad, too much time had passed, where do you even start.  So you can imagine my surprise when the other day it happened, I won’t go into what lead up to this confrontation, doesn’t really matter, had nothing to do with anything but I have to say it was the perfect storm.

He came at me out of the blue or maybe out of the oblivion, and in one fell swoop tried to time-travel me back to about age 15. And guess what, I was there, but then I wasn’t.  I didn’t cower, I stood up for myself in a way I never have and didn’t think I ever could.  Granted I wish I would have cooled it on the f-bombs I sent  flying around my living room, but I was calm, I was firm and I was so in my own power it was surreal.  As I was pretty much giving him the bums-rush out my front door, I don’t know who was more shocked him or me.  All the old tricks he used to pull on me, shame, guilt, etc. didn’t work.  Under the circumstances I felt like a million bucks, and then I didn’t.

I started to feel guilty, just a little bit but it was there.  I basically told my dad to get out of my home and my life, I was done with him and his rage.   My daughter, who was not home during the altercation, later asked me, “Where are we going to have Thanksgiving?”  I told her I didn’t know, but we would figure it out.

It’s been almost a week and I haven’t spoken to either of my parents, and I don’t know what is going to happen.  I spoke to two of my spiritual advisers and I now have a new perspective on what is going on here.  This is hard work but I feel so good, like I don’t have anything to be afraid of anymore.  Now I feel I can really get on with things.  xo-K

My two cents:  You can look away, run away, even move away but things don’t go away until you deal with them.

♥♥♥

Wow, this work is so amazing. I am so awed and impressed with the work K has done these past two weeks. We keep telling each other: I’m so glad I’m doing my work because when sh*t happens, it feels really good to remain conscious and heal what has been brought up for a holy healing!  K got the big whammy of healings that led to a spiritual breakthrough, and it was like watching goddess Kali at work.

You know Kali, the goddess of destruction and regeneration. She will burn your ass up and then dust you off your wings and let you fly.  As a close observer of K’s transformation, it was like watching a perfect storm unfolding. I could see/sense the storm clouds gathering, saw the flashes of lightening. And then shazam she was deep into the hero’s journey, all on her own, fighting for her soul, and she won. All I can say is there must have been one h*ll of a flash of energetic release blasting out of K’s living room that afternoon. She healed not just herself in the here and now, but also herself across time and space. Awesome!  K connected with her soul in a way she never had and she will never be the same again.

K mentioned that to her dad, she was that same defiant teenager who told him to stuff it, just before she started off on the journey to become the fierce, holy, and fabulous goddess that she is today. All I can say is he must have been so totally dazzled by her light that it scared the crap out of him and he resorted to all of the old tricks that used to subdue the girl before she became a woman. K met her dad as a fully evolved woman, not a child, and that is a beautiful thing to behold. The apprentice became the master. It’s the hero’s journey, in case it matters. The stuff of all great legends and heroines. Stay tuned. We are almost iconic. Love, C

My two cents: we are all on a hero’s journey that takes as long as it takes.

sacred space

When I think of sacred spaces, I think of churches, temples, beautiful places in nature. But the truth of the matter is, that the most sacred space you can occupy is the present moment. The god you seek isn’t in your worries about tomorrow, in your regrets of yesterday. Your god is in the Now, your inspired thought is in the Now. Actually, the only time there is, is Now. The sacred space we keep in our town or our national park or in our home is a reminder to bring us back. . .body, spirit and mind. . .to Now.

I was raised Catholic, which probably explains a lot about me. . .and even though I do not participate in that tradition any longer for a variety of reasons, there are some aspects of it that I find beautiful and comforting. Many of the rituals adopted by the church are steeped in even more ancient and sacred mysteries: candles, incense, and chanting, to name a few.

Many rituals have changed over time, but in their core, at their essence, they are still, to me, pure and beautiful. Also, there is no disputing the beautiful art that the church has inspired over time. I mean, seriously. Have you been to Notre Dame in Paris? Or even the local cathedral in your hometown? Churches used to be these grand, epic affairs, with spires and towers that literally raised your eyes to heaven. Entire generations of families devoted their lives to creating these sacred spaces, and it’s difficult not to feel a small measure of awe when you enter them and at the same time, feel your heart expand.

Every religious tradition has maintained the importance of a sacred space. Siddartha sat beneath a bodhi tree until he attained enlightenment and became the Buddha. Jesus went into the desert to meditate. Where is your sacred space?

I try to meditate each morning before I start my day. Much to my chagrin, those times when I feel especially rushed or pressured or stressed, are the times when I’m most likely to feel that I “don’t have time” and skip my morning meditation ritual. You know where I’m going with this, right? When my life stops running smoothly and things start to glunk up, I only have to reflect for a moment and realized that I’ve neglected one of my most important self-care regimens: I’ve neglected to spend time in my sacred space.

Meditation is like working out. The more you do it, the better the benefits. It calms you, it restores a sense of peace, balance, a connection to the divine Now. In case it matters. Meditation stops the chattering mind that will distract you from a million and one things until you forget who you really are.

I have an altar in my living room, that contains statues and chimes and candles to help create my holy ground. A sacred space doesn’t have to be an entire room, it can be a shelf, or a table, just some place where you can place crystals, pictures, statues of those things you find beautiful and comforting.

Once you have created a sacred space, it’s an easy step to meditating. There are tons of resources for learning to meditate, all you need is a willingness to surrender, and trade all the self-chatter for inner-peace. Namaste! Love, C

My two cents: surrendering to meditation feels like shedding a coat on a sunny day; it makes you feel lighter.

♥♥♥

I am so with C on this one.  There is nothing like starting your day connecting with Spirit.  I start every day with meditation, and I go through a long list of things I appreciate before I go to sleep at night and as soon as I wake up in the morning.  The more you see to appreciate the more you will have to appreciate and I can attest to that!  It is amazing how things keep getting better and better when you actually see and acknowledge them.

I have quite a few sacred spaces in my home,  I love my little reminders that spirit is always with me.  Makes me feel happy and I don’t feel that I am at this whole thing all by myself.   I think we all need to be reminded of this from time to time.

There are so many ways you can feel your connection to your Source, or the Divine.  If you don’t like to meditate, and some people are not into sitting and just breathing, go outside, take a hike or a run, and commune with Mother Nature.  Same thing.  Whatever gets you out of your head and connected to something bigger than yourself is all that matters.   But I would always show gratitude or appreciation for all the things that you have everyday.  That really is an easy one and boy, does it really change things in a big way.

My friend T and I try to meet every Tuesday for coffee,  we are on a similar path and we spend an hour or so talking about what has gone on with us and our families and our stuff during the past week.  We end up really doing some great work and it’s amazing how similar the lessons we have are.  We always seem to get to some really big work when we meet.  I consider wherever it is that we meet a sacred space.  Spirit is present and we are both really open to working things out and open to divine guidance.  

T’s son has this thing with FedEx trucks, sees them everywhere, all the time.  I am the same way with bright yellow cars.  It is so funny that it seems wherever we are having our Tuesday coffee,  and we have a big aha moment, it never fails we either see a FedEx truck or a bright yellow car.  I think it is a sign that we are on the right track. xo-K 

My two cents:  Keep things around you that remind you of Spirit and anywhere can be a sacred space.

sacred space

When I think of sacred spaces, I think of churches, temples, beautiful places in nature. But the truth of the matter is, that the most sacred space you can occupy is the present moment. Actually, the only time there is, is Now. The sacred spaces we set aside in our towns or our national parks or in our homes is a reminder of the sacred Now, all around us.

I was raised Catholic, which probably explains a lot about me. . .and even though I do not participate in that tradition any longer, there are some aspects of it that I find beautiful and comforting. Many of the rituals adopted by the church are steeped in even more ancient and sacred mysteries: candles, incense, and chanting, to name a few.

Many rituals have changed over time, but in their core, at their essence, they are still, to me, pure and beautiful. Also, there is no disputing the amazing art that the church has inspired over time. I mean, seriously. Have you been to Notre Dame in Paris? Or even the local cathedral in your hometown? Churches used to be these grand, epic affairs, with spires and towers that literally raised your eyes to heaven. Entire generations of families devoted their lives to creating these sacred spaces, and it’s difficult not to feel a small measure of awe when you enter them and at the same time, feel your heart expand.

Every religious tradition has maintained the importance of a sacred space. Siddhartha sat beneath a bodhi tree until he attained enlightenment and became the Buddha. Jesus went into the desert to meditate. Where is your sacred space?

I try to meditate each morning before I start my day. Much to my chagrin, those times when I feel especially rushed or pressured or stressed, are the times when I’m most likely to feel that I “don’t have time” and skip my morning meditation ritual. You know where I’m going with this, right? When my life stops running smoothly and things start to glunk up, I only have to reflect for a moment and realized that I’ve neglected one of my most important self-care regimens: I’ve neglected to spend time in my sacred space.

Meditation is like working out. The more you do it, the better the benefits. It calms you, it restores a sense of peace, balance, a connection to the divine Now. When I have trouble shutting out the chatter, I listen to a guided mediation. There are so many to choose from!

I have an altar in my living room, that contains statues and chimes and candles to help create my holy ground. A sacred space doesn’t have to be an entire room, it can be a shelf, or a table, just some place where you can place crystals, pictures, statues of those things you find beautiful and comforting.

Once you have created a sacred space, it’s an easy step to meditating. There are tons of resources for learning to meditate, all you need is a willingness to surrender, and trade all the self-chatter for inner-peace. Namaste! Love, C

My two cents: surrendering to meditation feels like shedding a coat on a sunny day; it makes you feel lighter.

♥♥♥

I am so with C on this one.  There is nothing like starting your day connecting with Spirit.  I start every day with meditation, and I go through a long list of things I appreciate before I go to sleep at night and as soon as I wake up in the morning.  The more you see to appreciate the more you will have to appreciate.  It is amazing how things keep getting better and better when you actually see and acknowledge them.

I have quite a few sacred spaces in my home,  I love my little reminders that Spirit is always with me.  Makes me feel happy and I don’t feel that I am at this whole thing all by myself.   I think we all need to be reminded of this from time to time.

There are so many ways you can feel your connection to your Source, or the Divine.  If you don’t like to meditate, and some people are not into sitting and just breathing, go outside, take a hike or a run, and commune with Mother Nature.  Same thing.  Whatever gets you out of your head and connected to something bigger than yourself is all that matters.   But I would always show gratitude or appreciation for all the things that you have everyday.  That really is an easy one and boy, does it really change things in a big way.

My friend T and I try to meet every Tuesday for coffee,  we are on a similar path and we spend an hour or so talking about what has gone on with us and our families and our stuff during the past week.  We end up really doing some great work and it’s amazing how similar the lessons we have are.  We always seem to get to some really big work when we meet.  I consider wherever it is that we meet a sacred space.  Spirit is present and we are both really open to working things out and open to divine guidance.

T’s son has this thing with FedEx trucks, sees them everywhere, all the time.  I am the same way with bright yellow cars.  It is so funny that it seems wherever we are having our Tuesday coffee,  and we have a big aha moment, it never fails we either see a FedEx truck or a bright yellow car.  I think it is a sign that we are on the right track. xo-K

My two cents:  Keep things around you that remind you of Spirit and anywhere can be a sacred space.

the star you are

I’ve been working on developing a new super power: telepathy. After watching a video called Indigo Evolution, we all should be working on this one cause the new ones coming in have it down! Indigo, Crystal, Rainbow Children, they are the kids who enter earth school at a higher frequency, the ones who didn’t forget who they really are.

Maybe I’ve just gotten lazy, and have stopped trying to shut out the information coming my way, broadcast all around, like radio signals.  Once, I lived on a hill in a town near where all the radio and television towers were.  We couldn’t get messages on our home phone because every time the machine got switched on by an incoming call, it picked up on the strongest radio wave floating through the air and recorded that instead of a voice message. The machine was bombarded by radio signals, so it simply broadcast the strongest one when it got switched on. People are like that too. If you think of our bodies as an energetic transmitter like a radio tower, our thoughts are the messages that we are broadcasting. Carolyn Myss and Robert Ohotto both say that we spend about 95 % of our energy blocking intuitive messages. We don’t have to try to be intuitive, we have to try to not be.

When someone says something  where their words don’t match their vibration, how do you know? Rather, where do you know? Where in your body do you feel when the words someone speaks are untrue? I usually feel it in my stomach, home of the third chakra and seat of will and power. I feel it in my solar plexus when someone is trying to manipulate or be energetically deceptive.   In a microsecond, our senses record and relay information and if the data that  they send to our intuitive center (heart) don’t match, we feel it. I get a feeling in my gut, something off, something ick. Anyone can learn how to read energy.

As a cultural creative, I don’t always pick up on social cues that are obvious to others.  Yeah, I know:  I’m a geek! At first, not being able to read ordinary social cues used to mess me up, but then I stopped depending on ‘outer’ feedback from my eyes and ears, and began to develop my ‘inner’ guidance and the more I listened to it, the more it spoke to me. Now, when I have an  encounter with someone, I don’t judge the situation or try to solve it from the level of the encounter. I recognize it for what it is; I understand that I picked up their signal and if our energies aren’t in alignment,  in a split second, I can ‘read’ the other person before detaching from the signal.  I can “feel” their feelings, and “see” pieces of their life. It’s okay to have compassion but if you let yourself get randomly attached to passing ‘signals’ you can end up carrying around a lot of other people’s stuff without knowing it!

It’s a new superpower and is anything but consistent, but I’m working on it. Love, C

My two cents: when you are aware of you own energy it becomes easier to be aware of others.

♥♥♥

I love that C, it is so true! The more you practice this stuff the better you get at it and it really does seem like magic.

I actually just got to experience the whole energy thing first hand, right now, as we speak.  I just got off the phone with a really good friend of mine who has been battling a business associate in court.  What used to be a great partnership initially (or now that she really looks at it was never really good), has turned rather unbearable and they can’t seem to come to an agreement on anything.  They are fighting about money, who gets what, who’s right, who’s wrong, and neither one is willing to let go.  It just keeps going, on and on, no ending in sight.  Something that should have been resolved years ago is still going, still costing money in legal fees, not to mention my friend’s time, her emotional well being, and the worst part: her ENERGY.

She has really been trying to let it go, trying not to talk about it, not answering the scathing e-mails, trying to stay focused on her new business and her family, but guess what?  She is still holding the energy and when she was filling me in on what happened the last time they went to court, I could feel it,  she is still so connected to the whole thing and that is a big part of why it is still going on.  Is she justified?  Oh, yeah she is. Does she have every right to be furious and really want to win in court?  Oh hell yeah. Is her energy contributing to it staying stuck and never ending?  Sorry, but it is.

I could feel the power of the energy behind this whole thing.  I was just on the phone listening to her and it gave me a knot in my stomach and a pain in my back. That’s how powerful this stuff is guys! I know I am not the only one who has experienced something like this.

I was once involved in a business lawsuit for nine years that started as something so simple it should have and could have been resolved in one visit to a courtroom if that. But there where a lot of people, myself included, at the time who pretty much gave their undivided  attention to the matter  and that is all it took to give it wings.  What a waste. . . but it also shows how powerful we are.

You can’t put your energy on something unwanted and get what you want.  You just can’t, they are two very different vibrations.  Energy flows where attention goes, and it doesn’t matter what a judge thinks or doesn’t think about it.  This is a hard lesson for my friend, but I know when she gets it, she will really get it. Hey, it has taken me a while and I am still working on it, but boy does it feel great when you line up with it. Even for a moment.  xo-K

My two cents:  Practice putting your attention on what you want  and not what you don‘t want every single day.

unpretty

The topic of bitches seems to have ignited some controversy. Maybe  it’s hit something at the core of our being. We love the bitch, and we hate her. She is the killer and the healer. She is the seer and the truth-speaker. She is the seducer, the power broker, the bad ass. She is a dangerous beautiful one, and she’s in every one of us. She may be part of us, but in some of us she’s a sleeping beauty, and that’s too bad.

Some of my favorite movie heroines are the ones who have fallen under the spell of believing there is something wrong with them, and that ultimately, they are “not pretty” enough to deserve the love they crave.  These are characters like Michelle Pfiffer in Frankie and Johnny, or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And without doubt, these are women who have been rode hard and put up wet, women who were probably damaged in some way along the line when they were young, and as adults, they’ve carried that “not good-enough-ness” around with them and called it a life.

As an aside, can I just say? Michelle and Julia are not what I would consider classic beauties. Their unusual features probably got them teased quite a bit as kids. As a result they probably developed their inner bitch a little bit, learned how to get what they want. I don’t know either of these ladies, I’m just sayin’.

Anyway back to our sad leading ladies (and we’re all the leading lady in the movies of our lives, right?). We have to assume that someone, somewhere along the line told them that they were bad, or unloveable, or dumb, or not pretty or (fill in the blank)_______________. And then they believed it. Then they started making bad choices in life and in men, all which served to reinforce their barely-there self esteem, and it became first a habit, then a way of life. Sad.

Fortunately for our girls, they had a couple of hot leading men (Al Pacino and Richard Gere) to convince them that they were worthy and noble and brave, so they too, began to believe.  Of course it would have been much better if our girls had  come to those conclusions on their own, but sometimes we need a little help from our friends and we’re really lucky when that kind of love comes around. You know the kind, the love that sees you for the radiant goddess that you are. But if you’re waiting for Prince Darling to come along and declare you whole and healed and ready for the great love of your life, well then sister, you better bitch up. Say yes to what’s good for you. Draw boundaries. Say no to what you don’t want to do. Say goodbye to the people and other habits in your life that don’t fit the inner bitch.  Become a strong, confident, un-clingy, bodacious, healthy woman, the kind the man you want would be with.

Because energy matches energy, until you start respecting yourself, you”ll keep attracting the ones who are less than the One, because you’re behaving like less than the One’s One and it has nothing to do with “pretty.” Love, C

My two cents: embrace your inner bitch and she’ll embrace you back!

♥♥♥

I just love Frankie and Johnnie, you have to take a moment and click on the link.  That is of my favorite scenes, good find C.  It is so obvious that Al is crazy about Michelle but she just can’t believe it or accept it, so sad.  Whether someone who was supposed to love you as a child didn’t, or maybe someone from school or that first boyfriend made you feel bad, unpretty, unlovable or just not good enough.  Probably had nothing to do with you, but it sure can do a number on your head.

It really is wonderful when someone who can really see your beauty comes along like Al Pacino in Frankie and Johnnie, but if you don’t feel worthy, and you don’t believe it,  you can let it get away.  Most of the time what happens is that you attract people who treat you the way you think you should be treated, how people from your past treated you.  It just affirms what you have always thought, all men are bad, they cheat, love hurts, or whatever the old tapes that you play in your head say.

Water does rise to it’s own level but it also rises to it’s own illusion.  If you think you are unworthy you will attract to that level.  Even when it’s nowhere near the truth.  I was talking to a friend the other day, great girl, beautiful, funny, but she is surrounded by people who are full of drama and treat her poorly.  Does she deserve it?  Hell no, but she is attracting it, so I think she needs to take a break and think about why people in her life think it’s okay to dump on her, and why she even thinks that these people are her friends.  I guess if this has been a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life, it seems your only options are crappy friends or no friends.  Cheating, lowdown bf or being alone.

Those are not your only choices but you need to know that.  Start looking for and noticing things that you like about yourself, start really seeing your beauty, know how worthy you are.  You deserve the best, so know it, own it and draw it in. xo-K

My two cents:  You get to pick who you allow to be in your life.  So be choosy.

 

 

 

 

the good in goodbye

Sometimes goodbye is a nasty wrench of the heart, an oozing ache that feels like it will swallow you up. Sometimes it is the cavalry come to cut you loose just in time. But if you believe that everything always works out (and it does), if you let go of your resistance, goodbye can be a good thing. It’s cleansing, liberating, and sometimes even energizing. Even though you may be unwilling to accept the change that goodbye implies, it is really an opportunity for growth you didn’t even realize.

Cleaning out the psychic and emotional debris of accumulated stuff is the good kind of goodbye. First, we’re born with no stuff. Then slowly but surely, we start accumulating things. Balls. Dolls. Four leaf clovers. Then after a while we collect more stuff. Books. Barrettes. Sweaters. Then on to the big stuff: chairs. Candle holders. Newspapers printed on the day of every significant event in your adult life. Without even noticing it, you’ve begun to create such a collection of  stuff, that it starts to pile up. Have you ever noticed?

I moved back to the Pacific Northwest after years of exploring horizons and chasing adventure. Never thought it would happen, but there you go. . .I’m baaack!  Life is funny that way. You think you know how everything is going to turn out, and then suddenly: the great cosmic switching station in the sky shoots you off in another direction. But anyway, my point is: stuff. Before I moved, I got rid of a lot of stuff. And still, I’m surrounded by it.

I don’t even consider myself much of a collector of things. I clean out my closets regularly, sweeping out the old, making room for the new. Oh, sure, I have friends who are virtual pack rats. They never throw out free pen from the Hilton Hotel. Makes me claustrophobic just thinking about it. My fabulous former boyfriend collected all kinds of stuff: cars, fine art, houses. Cool, right? Ooh, and he also had a warehouse full of the stuff from his former marriage that he couldn’t bring himself to part with, even suits 20 years old he would never wear again. Yeah, there were warning signs that I did everything in my power to ignore.

But back to me and my stuff. So when I moved back to the PNW, I not only rented a condo to house me, but I rented a storage unit to house stuff I wasn’t ready to deal with. Come on! Well, I’ve come to my senses and am finally ready to start letting go of the past that I was in denial about carrying around. This week alone, I’ve hauled six boxes of paperwork, old letters, documents, magazines, you name it — out of storage and shredded it. Ffft! Gone. Can I tell you how good that feels?  I think of the old movie A Christmas Carol, where the ghost of Marley, Scrooge’s old partner shows up, hauling chains and chests of all the stuff he create in life, and dragging it around in the ever-after. Let me be perfectly honest here. Anything that distracts you from being fully present in this red hot moment right now, is holding you back.  And since the power to create your future is always in the present moment, would you rather be five or ten or fifteen years ago, or right now?

What can I say? It’s a process. I’m on a mission to get down to what is really important. I’m willing and able to release the weight of a past that is nothing more than a collection of memories. I am ready to free up the energy locked into the care of things. Love, C

My two cents: say good bye to all the old ideas and thought forms that hold you back from creating your most spectacular, future you.

♥♥♥

I have always traveled light.  Never got too attached to things, could just pick up at a moments notice and move.  I’ve never been that interested in stuff,  even certain people have been easy to say goodbye to, or maybe just leave without a proper goodbye.  Actually, when I think about it, I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

As far as the stuff goes, I think I am fine with that, but people, well they’re something else.  I think it would have been better for me to commit to getting attached to someone who could really be something to me instead of the same old guys. You know, the bad boys that I knew were never going to be anything to me.  I have had so many traumatic, dramatic, goodbyes with the bad boys of my past. I made myself crazy. I thought I would never love anyone again as much as I loved that one, blah, blah, blah. I know I’m not alone in this, right?

When C and I were talking about this post, what it was going to be about and the title, I suggested, there’s no good in goodbye. I really wanted to talk about how hard it is to leave when you know the  relationship is over but you don’t want it to be over.  It’s like the relationship knows it’s done before you do.  And it’s hard! Trust me, I have left more men than I care to think about when I really didn’t want to go but knew I couldn’t stay.  It was over and in that moment, or next few months I didn’t see anything good about it.

But time does pass and things do get better.  You can look back and maybe recognize all the good that was there. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be forever, but did you grow?  Did you learn something about yourself?  Are you a better person for it? And don’t you have some good memories?  Well then, I guess there is some good in goodbye then.  xo–K

My two cents:  Let go of what is no longer needed so you can make room for new and wonderful things to come in.

what goes around comes around

Abraham has this thing they tell people, when they are just not getting it: “Don’t worry, it will get bigger.”  That is the good news and the bad news.  If there is something that you are truly not getting a handle on that you want to, it will become clearer, that’s helpful.  If there is a lesson that you need to learn that you are not getting, it can be like a cosmic 2×4 across your head.  Hurts, but hopefully you can move on now.

Like it or not we are all here in the earth school to learn lessons.  And you really can’t move on to third grade until you graduate from second.  We have to get what we came here to learn and there really is no time limit.  Trust me I know  it can be so annoying when we keep being put in the same position over and over again.  You wouldn’t be there if you got it, so there is a reason.

The great thing or maybe not so great thing about this, hey everything is perspective, right? is that there are clues out there all around you. Colette Baron-Reid calls these signs Cledons.  She explains that a  cledon is a message from spirit that’s delivered to you from someone or something else.

I actually heard a great story just this morning about a Cledon. A friend was over this morning picking up a few things before I left for work and she was telling me about going in for some test on her back.  She was having an MRI and was a bit nervous.  To make a longish story short, she said when she came out and went to gather her things she saw a penny on the floor.  She knew it was not there when she went in.  She and her husband have a thing that when they see money on the ground they call it Buddha money.  She knew when she saw that penny that everything was going to be okay, that she didn’t need to worry, and she was grateful for the sign.

How cool is that? We’ll get into the Cledons a bit more later, it is really interesting and they are so much fun when you see them. See the Universe really does want you to get it, and there is so much help for you out there.  Just look for it.

You also have your own built in guidance, call it intuition, gut feeling, woman’s intuition, you know what I’m talking about. It’s there for a reason, so take advantage of it. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

Let’s face it though, sometimes we don’t want to know things.  We don’t want to see that the guy that we are really into is no how, no WAY going to be the one.  All our friends see it, all the signs are there but we just really don’t want it to be true.  We don’t want to start all over with someone new, we don’t want it to be over, so we ignore the signs.  You can do that if you want it is a free will zone, but you can’t make something be what it is not.  No matter how hard you try.  I know it doesn’t seem fair sometimes, but actually, it is.  And the sooner you get it and see things clearly, the sooner you do finally get what you want.  xo-K

My two cents:  Invite spirit into your life, look for the signs that are all around you and let your life flow.

♥♥♥

I love that K and I have almost completely different schedules, it keeps things stirred up. So I was just getting out of a meeting today and was heading home so I jumped on my cell to check in with her. We got to talking about magic. How can people not get it? we laughed. I mean seriously? How can they not get that everything is connected as if by “magic”?

The first time I heard about this concept was when I read Richard Bach’s amazing novel, Illusions. That’s when I started to think that yeah, maybe the world really is magical. I mean, I always loved the idea of magic as a kid. What kid doesn’t naturally believe in  fairies and wizards and pixie dust?  I adored Samantha Stevens, her goofy Aunt Clara and wacky cousin Serena. Something about magic has always just seemed so. . .natural to me.

Imagine my delight when I started to realize just how magic our world really is. We are all connected. Our thoughts are things. Energy flows where attention goes. We are, as Edgar Allen Poe said, living “a dream within a dream.” Cool!

Cledons are a sort of magic. They are a sign “from beyond” (wherever that is) that we’re on the right track. You listen to Sylvia Browne or John Holland, or Doreen Virtue, and they’ll tell you that those feathers you keep finding, or pennies, or yellow cars that keep turning up are something to pay attention to. Pshaw! you may say. But haven’t you ever had an experience that you can’t simply rationalize away? Be honest. Never? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I knew a woman once, at a Unity Church that I attended in Tustin, CA. Wonderful woman, rational and practical as the day is long. One day we were talking about angels, and how they just appear when they’re needed and then vanish. “I had one,” she said.  I was sooo envious. “Tell me about it,” I said. “Well,” she continued. “I was driving and was stopped at a busy street and was about to pull out to turn right. I looked left, and didn’t see anything and was about to accelerate when I looked to my right, there was an angel sitting in the passenger seat of my car.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but if an angel shows up in my car, I’m going to listen to what (s)he has to say. Angels don’t mess around. They don’t show up unless they’re on the business end of a mission from you-know-who. “Stop,” the angel said. My friend was so shocked to be given driving directions by an angel that she sat there stunned. Just then, a car that she hadn’t seen before, came screaming by at a dangerous speed. If she had pulled out, she would have been t-boned and seriously injured or even killed. It wasn’t her time, and her angel dropped in for a little practical guidance.

Angels are great allies to have around. They don’t generally show up unless you ask for them. But if you ask for them sincerely, they will show up. Or they’ll drop a penny or a feather or maneuver a bright yellow VW Beetle in your path to remind you know you’re not alone, you’re never alone. Love, C

My two cents: you’re never too old to believe in magic.

mirror mirror in my hand

Don’t you love how the universe is always showing you to yourself? When I first starting studying metaphysics and learning that we literally create our world with our thoughts, it changed everything I understood to be true. Seriously! I felt like Alice down the Rabbit hole. “But if everything I thought was true really isn’t, then what is true?” Great question!

Once, I knew a girl who had been diabetic since she was 12 years old. Man, that is rough. Being a teenager is tough enough, what with all those simmering hormones swelling up and crashing through your bloodstream, but imagine having to stop and measure your blood sugar too? And learning how to give yourself shots? It’s amazing what we sign up for on the other side before we jump into Earth School!

Anyway, so after reading Louise Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life” — which I totally recommend keeping on a shelf in your home at all times — I casually asked my friend one day, “so, your pancreas stopped working when you were 12 years old, right?” Warily, my friend who was only just beginning to study metaphysics and the mind/body connection, said, “yes.”

According to Louise Hay, the body never lies. Even if we can convince ourselves that we don’t feel smothered and that asthma is just a random condition, or that the mutant carcinoma cells in our colon have nothing to do with our inability to let go of past hurts, our body isn’t fooled and is holding a mirror up to us at all times to let us know how our thoughts are literally creating our world. Its subtle messages are saying, “pay attention to this symptom! This whisper is the cosmic calling card that arrives before the cosmic two-by-four!” Or something like that. Deep stuff.

So back to my friend. I said, “didn’t your parents divorce when you were 12? Is that when the sweetness went out of your life?” My friend, “B” thought I was blaming her for her condition. “How can you say that!” She cried. “I have a disease! It’s not my fault!”

I wasn’t blaming B for her diabetes. I was trying to connect the dots between her emotional happiness and her health. According to the Laws of Attraction, if you can create illness, you can create health. Oh, oh. This means that there is no victim. Ever. We create the conditions of our lives, and we can change them. Easier said than done. Have you ever tried to change your mind about something you thought you believed? Well, you can’t always believe everything you think.

If something is showing up in your life, you have to admit that its there because of a thought you hold. If you don’t have enough money, maybe you don’t believe you’re worthy. If  you have an illness, maybe there’s an underlying belief that if you’re sick, you don’t have to be accountable for your life.

Have I got this down? Oh, heck no. But I do know this: the mirror in my hand is held by me, me, nobody else but me. It’s all about me! Love, C

My two cents: dear God, please don’t change the conditions of my life, help me change my mind about them. Amen.

♥♥♥

Wow, that can seem a bit rough, telling someone who is really sick or hurting that  you create your own reality by your thoughts. That can feel like a slap in the face when you don’t understand the laws of the Universe.  It’s not that we do these things to ourselves on purpose, it really is just sloppy thinking, or being around less than positive thinking people or just wanting to be right and digging your heals in.

A few hours ago I stopped by the store for a few things, I was in the quick checkout line  and it was not moving quickly at all.  I glanced over at a People magazine and on the cover was Elizabeth Edwards.  She has been on a few covers lately, so it wasn’t really her that caught my eye but the headline Elizabeth Edwards, How Much More Can She Take? What came to mind for me as I was looking at is was: how much more is it going to take?

I don’t know her and really don’t have any judgment about her or her husband one way or another but it seems to me that she is getting so many signs that she is supposed to make some huge changes regarding her life and possibly her marriage, she seems to be getting a cosmic 2×4 across her head.  Does she deserve it, no, nobody deserves to be kicked again and again when they are down.  Does she need it?  Maybe she does.  I think sometimes people want their way so bad and want to be right that they are going to hold their ground no matter what. I wonder how that’s working for her?

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know it doesn’t work for me anymore, if it ever did in the first place.  I am getting more clear, seeing more clearly into the mirror that is me and not pushing against what I don’t want anymore.  I am no longer using what happened to me when I was a child, or what happened to me last week as my excuse to not be happy.  I don’t need to be right all the time, and when things are not going the way that is best  for me I really try to look and see what I am doing or thinking that might be contributing to the issue.

A few weeks ago, I had a bladder infection that was quite persistent.  I got a prescription, hey that’s what you do right? Well it didn’t work so I called the doctor and got another one.  Still nothing.  Now I know this stuff so it only took me two weeks to consider that maybe there was something about this that I needed to look at.  Sure enough, I looked it up in You Can Heal Your Life, and what do you know,  under bladder infection it said, Anxiety, holding on to old ideas, fear of letting go and  something or someone is “pissing you off.” There is was, that was it.  There was an issue with someone at work that I hadn’t dealt with and I knew as soon as I read it that I had some work to do. xo-K

My two cents:  Taking responsibility for your part in whatever is going on in your life isn’t blaming you, it is giving you back your power to make your life the way you want it.

two a T

C and I have been friends for years.  We are so alike but so different. Different political views, different educational background, different family background, you name it.   As I have noted before we live in different states and are blogging remotely and are on the phone constantly.  Even before we started this blog, we were  working on our “stuff.” We always seemed to be kinda on a similar path, spiritually and in our relationships with men.  And at one point we even thought we were dating the same guy. . . .

So one day, C comes in to the salon and she is just glowing.  I met someone! she exclaimed.  “Wow,” I said, “That’s awesome.  I’m so excited for you!”  I had just started dating someone myself but it was still so new, I let her go first.  His name is “T,” she went into all the stats of her new beau and I felt — actually I don’t know what I felt in that moment it was so long ago –but I do remember that I too, was dating a guy named “T” and it was all sounding very familiar. Like she was talking about my guy.  So many similarities: same line of business, check; age, check; boat, check. There was one big thing that we were going to find out later on down the line.  Neither one of these handsome suitors, and yes we did eventually get them into the same room together at one point, was ever going to commit to either one of us. . . ever.

And I have to say it was not for lack of creative manipulation on both of our parts. We worked it, in every way we could. We spent a lot of time and energy talking about how elusive the little buggers were and how we were going to be so amazing and indispensable that there was no way they would ever want to let either of us go.

Thinking back on that time, we spent so much time dissecting every conversation we each had with our “T’s,” getting each others’ opinion on what the other thought he meant by that comment he made or didn’t make.  If men only knew what women really talked about when they weren’t around!  Oh my, well it’s just a good thing they don’t.  So much drama, my head hurts just thinking about it.

Instead of just living in the moment, letting whatever is supposed to happen happen and actually enjoying someone’s company, we  always have to be planning the future and every move someone makes has to have some hidden meaning, doesn’t it?  Some clue as to what is going to happen next or not happen. . . .

Years later and after hundreds of hours logged on via telephone between C and me, both of the “Ts” were history. C had her end after being left on the side of the road after a disagreement during what was supposed be a romantic getaway in Maui. As for me, I just got tired of running back and forth between two houses with a duffel bag and waiting for someone who was supposed to love me to ask me to stay in one place permanently.

They were the ones who couldn’t commit, we cried,  as we had what would be one of many pity parties.  We were there and we were ready, they were the ones with the problems, right?  We both felt so justifiably hurt and angry.  So. . . why do you think that both of these confirmed bachelors were married to the next girls they dated after we broke it off with them?  Ouch!

Maybe they were not the ones with the commitment issues after all.

To be continued…. xo-K

My two cents:  Relationships are like mirrors, what is being reflected back to you is always YOU.

♥♥♥

Okay, no one ever said this work was easy, but sometimes you have to just allow yourself to laugh about it, right??  I remember that golden day, sitting in K’s salon, having told her all about my new beau. I remember thinking it was such a funny coincidence that our two T’s were so similar.  Yeah, the cosmos has quite a sense of humor!

I met my T on my back porch. Literally. I woke up one morning, and wearing little more than an over-sized denim shirt, stumbled into my living room, and gazed out the sliding window at what looked like a Norse god. Yum. I opened the door and said, “what the hell are you doing on my porch? Tell me quick or I’m calling the cops!” Or something friendly like that. Hey! A girl living alone doesn’t take chances when strange men appear on her doorstep. Oh, wait.

Anyway, it all seemed meant to be. I mean seriously? My doorstep! The first time we kissed was like jumping into the path of a runaway train. No going back, baby. Was he The One? Oh, heck no. Did he show up in my life to teach me lessons? Big time. He was one of my biggest projects to date. And for that, a part of me will always love him for it. I’ll even love the fact that one week after he dropped me off on the side of the road in Maui, he IM’d me to tell me he was getting married. And today? I’m soooo glad I wasn’t the one he married. And I’m about 99.999 percent sure that K is over the moon she didn’t marry her T, either.

Every relationship you have is really about one person: you. So, here’s the deal. You can work on your “stuff” in a relationship, or you can work on it outside a relationship. It’s just easier when there’s two. Marianne Williamson says that relationships are like rock tumblers for the soul. They rub off all the sharp edges.

You would have thought that the T’s put us off love, but au contraire, mon amie! We still believe in the fairy tale ending. Love, C

My two cents: each relationship you have gives you exactly what you need to heal, in the moment. Bless it them all, especially the so-called bad ones.

close enough is not good enough

I was talking to one of my clients last month; “L” is a great girl, beautiful, smart, funny, really got her life going on.  Also, she is single and really ready to meet someone special.  She had just started to use one of the online services to wrangle up some introductions and encountered a few misses and then one that she thought would possibly be a hit.

L told me as I worked my magic on her hair, that she had met someone who seemed great. They had shared a few playful, witty e-mail exchanges, then a phone call or two, then some  texting back and forth.  Although there were a few slight red flags (hey, who doesn’t have a few faults, right?), she decided to meet him live and in person.  They had a great time and she was kind of excited about the prospect of exploring something new.  She liked his energy, got a good feeling about him, and although it was just one face to face meeting, she was open to getting to know if there could possibly be anything there.  She was not projecting or planning a future with some guy who she hardly knew. No, she was just open to it. And it seemed to her that the feeling was mutual.

So imagine her surprise when she didn’t get more than a few follow up e-mails but no interest in seeing her again.  Man, there seems to be a lot of that going around these days!

L was a little disappointed and since she didn’t even know this guy, it really wasn’t about him per se, but the idea of someone like him.  She was feeling a bit defeated, thinking possibly that she was never going to meet someone she really liked that felt the same way about her.  I had to remind her that she was getting really close.  This guy seemed to have a lot of the the aspects she was looking for in a partner but he had a few big ones that she was NOT.  He had some financial issues and another big one: he was not really ready for a relationship.  And after discussing what happened with him, L knew that was the case.  So really, close enough is not good enough.  We all need to remember that.  The universe has someone so perfect for you that you couldn’t plan it if you tried.

So then, C and I were talking about this very thing this morning.  We have been friends for years and have known that we wanted to do some sort of project or work together in some capacity.  She even talked to the owner of the salon I work at while she was on hiatus from non-profit work and had on her esthetician’s hat.  It just didn’t work out.  Wasn’t the right thing, wasn’t the right time.  We could have never in a million years predicted that we would, years later, be writing together. Never.

So, I guess what I am reminding you and myself as well, and I do need to be reminded… all the time.  You ‘ve just got to put it out there and have faith in something, anything, that what you want  is coming to you.  And so much better than you could have ever imagined!  xo-K

My two cents:  Dream big, but don’t be attached to how it will come. Just allow.

♥♥♥

I adore the movie Shakespeare in Love. It’s fun, funny, Joseph Fiennes is delish, and the irony of a guy who can’t seem to get love right, writing about love about kills me.  I too, am a fan of ironic plots, just not when it comes to my love life. Oh, wait –.

Well anyway, back to Shakespeare and his problems with romance. Young Will is a hot mess. Rosalind has cut him off, he’s got writer’s block, he owes some very nasty men a large sum of money, and he wonders aloud if everything will turn out all right. Oh, sure it will, a friend tells him.  But, how? a doubtful Will insists. “Dunno,” the man replies. “It’s a mystery.”

We always know that things will work out, because they always do. But that doesn’t stop us from getting our stockings in a knot when things don’t go exactly the way we think they should, does it? Trust is a funny thing. It seems like the times that you need it the most, are the times when you’re most likely to shove it aside and go for immediate gratification. “Trust? What trust? I want it my way and I want it now!” or “I’ve been hurt and will never trust again!” Wow, really? Because never is a really, really long time. If I were superstitious, I’d go so far as to say that simply invoking the word ‘trust’ is begging the cosmos to challenge you to an immediate duel and you might as well give up because there’s just no winning that one.

Anyway, the Course in Miracles states that you cannot trust and doubt at the same time. Just like you can’t love and hate at the same time. They are opposites and can’t occupy the same space in your heart or mind. You have to pick one or the other. But we do that, don’t we? We say we trust and then when the first bump in the road to happiness appears, we go all to pieces, fretting and plotting and manipulating for the shortcut back to Happyville — or at least our idea of Happyville.  It isn’t the thing itself so much as it is our idea of what we think the thing can do for us, how it can make us feel. The thing itself is almost irrelevant — we’re really just invested in the idea.

Love is the trickiest challenge of all. We’re bombarded by it in the media, we’re surrounded by blissfully paired people as we go about our daily lives, and we’ve all known someone who settled, gave in to less than they’re worthy of, just bowed out of the race because the finish line just seemed too far away and required too much work, and “good enough” was standing right there with nothing better to do but hook up. “At least they’re not alone,” right? Wrong! I can’t think of a more lonely fate than to be hitched to someone who doesn’t shift my gravitational pull by walking in a room. There is nothing sadder than being lonely and not actually being alone. Egads, girls! ‘Close enough’ are not words of surrender.  Close enough, means hold on chickie, you’re almost there! As one of our fav teachers says, don’t give up two minutes before the miracle arrives. Love, C

My two cents: know your value, know your worth, and commit your heart to at least one good friend who will remind you of it if you temporarily forget!

grace notes~

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I want a little something to get my day started with grace, and I discovered a really nice way to do just that. Cheryl Richarson is a Hay House author and has a program on Hay House Radio (don’t you just love the Internet?!).

Cheryl is a life coach, intuitive, and all around beautiful human being. She’s devised a set of oracle cards that you can pull when you feel like receiving a special message of love and encouragement, and like the fabulous goddess that she is, Cheryl offers free sample readings online. The artwork on the cards is elegant, and the messages. . .well, let me just say that the cards are inspired.  All you have to do is go to Cheryl’s website, click on “A Touch of Grace” and follow the instructions to get your own personal message. Give it a try, and get your day started with a grace note! Love, C & K

My two cents: a day that starts with grace is a gift to the world.

♥♥♥

scared of happy?

I was listening to happiness guru, Robert Holden, on Hay House Radio this morning, and he made such an interesting statement, I had to put everything aside and write the idea down. He said that most people are afraid to be happy.  Wow! Is that true?

I think there’s something to this, and it might be related to Colette Baron Reid’s Goblin exercise we recently shared. You might say, “not me! I want to be happy! My life is all about the happy!”  But is that true, or is it just story you tell yourself each day so that you can get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and do the things you need to do to take care of your family, yourself?

Well, no one’s really, happy, you might say. It’s not possible to be really happy, you might say. But is that true? Or do you hold a belief that says you’re not worthy of happiness, or something bad might happen if you got truly happy?

I was raised a good Catholic girl, and when Lent came around, we were instructed to give up something we really liked. We usually chose something like ice cream, chocolate, gumballs, and thought we were earning extra Easter brownie points. But recently, I heard about another way to observe Lent: give up a thought or belief that no longer serves you. Wow! Radical idea! How about giving up the idea that being happy is a crime against nature. How about giving up the idea that by being happy, you steal the chance to be happy from someone else.  Cool ideas, right?

Back to beliefs we have about happiness. . .what thought or belief would you have to give up to be really happy? Would you have to give up the idea that everything has to be perfect before you can “earn” the right to be happy? Would you have to give up the belief that you have to suffer to “earn” the right to be happy? Could you allow yourself to be happy right now?

Marci Shimoff has a wonderful book called Happy for No Reason. In it, she shares the stories of different people and their decision to be happy, regardless of what life tosses their way. Shimoff asserts that true happiness does not depend on conditions, but on choice.

So maybe you could try the Goblin exercise again. Maybe you could ask your goblin if (s)he’s afraid to be happy, and why. It just might be the most interesting conversation of the day! Love, C

My two cents: happiness is a minute-by-minute choice.

♥♥♥

I totally agree with C, I think some people really feel they don’t deserve to be happy or feel guilty if they feel happy.  If someone else is suffering you might feel that how can you be happy when they feel so bad?   Well as Abraham-Hicks says, “you can’t feel bad enough to make someone who feels bad feel better.” So it really doesn’t help anyway.

I  know for me, a big one is the whole this economy thing.  A lot of people are worrying and stressed, even people whose lives are exactly the same, seem to have been brainwashed by the media about ‘how bad it is.’  Granted, some are suffering, maybe even you, but, again with Abraham (sorry but I have mad love for them),  “You can be broke and be depressed or you can be broke and be hopeful.”  I choose hopeful, every time now.  And when you do that you can be happy No matter what.

I have adopted the mantra that I thrive in any economy.  I love it and say it every time someone asks me how my business is doing.  I must say that I’ve felt some people are a little put off by this and it amazes me.   How dare I be happy –well guess what? I do dare to be happy and you should too!

I’m tired of being sad and depressed about things I have no control over.  Been there done that, and done with that.  You can look around as you are driving to work, or walking down the street or in the mall. Notice how many thing there are to notice, do you tend to zero in on things that annoy you or do you tend to see beauty around you?  Most people don’t even realize how much there is to see everywhere.  Even walking to the market across the parking lot from the salon where I work,  two people could walk that short distance and if you asked them both to list ten things they saw along the way I bet they would each list ten different things.

Anyway, back to C’s question about being scared of happy.  I think when you know that you have control over how you feel no matter what is going on out there, feeling happy isn’t so scary.  You no longer have to worry about being disappointed if something doesn’t work out because you know if something isn’t working out there is a good reason for it and you are thankful.  You trust the universe and your own intuition.  You no longer think that if you really want something to make you happy, you will jinx it if you really want it. You know things always work out for you.

Always, be in appreciation for all you have, even if it’s not a lot.  Appreciation and focusing on the good in  your life always makes you happy! When I see someone who has something I would love to have, I don’t look at them with envy and resentment, I say,”Good for you, and that’s for me.”   I know if it’s possible for them to have or achieve something then I can too!  xo-K

My two cents:  There are so many things to be happy about and there is nothing to be scared of.

a different kind of love story

Gonna mix it up a bit today.  A dear friend forwarded me this story, it’s her story, and I had to share it.  There are all kinds of love and this just proves how much love is out there.  Love you, “T”!

“Angus”

So it is a typical Wednesday evening and I am driving home from the grocery store with a whole host of items including frozen yogurt, Boca Burgers and the rest in my reusable bags. For some unknown  reason the box boy can never figure out to use the insulated bag for the cold items….

I have chosen to drive down my favorite neighborhood street in Tustin, which is lined with the most beautiful king palms and always makes me happy.  Driving along at dusk I notice this medium sized adorable black dog with no dog walker, I think uh oh, who does he belong to?  I am reluctant to stop as I have been accused of having milk bones and net in my car from previous dog rescues…. So I pull up next to two men who are walking dogs and I say, “Hey, do you guys know that black dog back there?” They reply, “No, but you should go get him because he matches your car.” I thank them and drive off slowly and tentatively….I check my rear view mirror one last time and I see the little guy cross the busy street and think, that’s it, I gotta go get him.

Thoughts jump into my head like he isn’t going to make it; it’s getting dark and since he is black he will not be seen.  I have two black pets and am well aware of how hard it is to see them at night.  So I turn around and park and get out and slowly walk over to this bear cub looking dog and say, “Hi boy, are you lost?”  He looks back over at me as if to say, “Hi lady, do I know you? You seem friendly.”  Firstly, I notice he is an older boy and likely a pit bull mix and has the first signs of cataracts, so now I’m really thinking okay, it’s dark he can’t see and also can’t be seen….a lethal combo for survival of an older boy who is clearly lost. While he looks quite menacing I can see in his beautiful older eyes he really is a love bug.  I check for a collar and see none; so I coax him to my car and he willingly hops into the driver’s seat and then over to the passenger seat and looks over at me with this loving look of okay take me home. He’s in the car now what?

Next thought is, I wonder if he is chipped and I am hoping that I can get him “scanned” in time before the local vet shuts for the day, I make my way over to Newport Animal Hospital and leave him in the car where he patiently waits. It occurs to me this is likely not his vet as he doesn’t seem anxious in the least.  I grab a blue temporary leash for my new friend and take him into the vet’s office.    So the gal at the office wands him only to find my new BFFF (Best Fury Friend Forever) has no chip….so the other gal calls the local shelter and they inform her they are shutting in 15 minutes and I will have to take this lovable beast to the police department to sleep there and then animal control will haul his butt over to the shelter in the morning, where he will wait and hopefully be picked up by his owner.  I just can’t bear the thought of it all and I start to pray for a little divine intervention that I can get this adorable old boy home.

I am now having a conversation with my new BFFF and asking where he lives?  I decide that I will at least go back to where I found him and walk around with him on the blue leash and see if anyone recognizes the boy. On the ride over I ask several bike riders and dog walkers about my passenger and they all sadly say they don’t know him.  By now I think oh well, screw the frozen yogurt I probably don’t need it anyway…I’m sure the Bocas will bounce back.

I get back over to my favorite street and park up near where I found him and get him back out of the car and on the leash and I hear a bark and I think hmm, a dog owner will likely know the hood and neighboring dogs, so I knock on the beautiful ranch style house door and the nicest family is getting ready to go somewhere and all come out to admire my new BFFF. Unfortunately, they don’t know the little guy and continue on with their evening plans.

Another dead end.  I get the boy back into the car and really do not want to go to the police station and I think, wait he crossed the street right over there, I’ll try one more street and see if I get anywhere.  As I make the right turn onto the cul-de-sac I notice a white Range Rover to the left with a bike rack, the guy in the drivers seat is not really parked but more like pulled to the side of the road.   Defeated by now, I roll down my window and say to the guy, “Hey, are you looking for a dog?”  To my amazement he lights up and says, YES! I almost start crying I am so happy.  He shouts for me to follow him whilst he reverses down the cul-de-sac into his driveway and say this is where we live!  This is Angus! And I am K.C. and you are Angus’ God Mother. We visit for a brief moment and he holds Angus with all his love and tells me that Angus is an English full bred beast and he is an eleven year old.  K.C. also tells me that the dog has two homes; this one we are at and one near by; Angus thinks he can come and go to both whenever he likes.  So Angus knows the hood but somehow escaped without his collar and was just chilling around the streets.  Right before I am back out of the driveway K.C. gives me back the blue leash and with a broad smile says; please keep this for the future in case you see Angus again.

My two cents:  There is always an opportunity to love, be open to it!

pity party

Back in my early 20’s my bff had been dating this guy for about two years.   Near the end, they were off and on and fighting.  Early one Sunday morning I got the call. She was crying hysterically.  “It’s over,” she said, “really over.”

So, in my sweats, with a bottle of Stoli in one hand and cranberry juice in the other, I showed up at her door.  Call me psychic, but I had a feeling that beverages were going to be needed for this one.

After I mixed up a few morning Cape Cod cocktails, hey she’s hurting here… she proceeded to fill me in on the events leading up to the final break-up.   She cried, she screamed, she cursed.  I listened, I agreed, I listened some more.  Before I knew it we were sitting is a sea of pictures of the two of them on the floor, scissors in hand. “Cut his head out of all these shots,” she said. ” I want him gone.”  So we proceeded to do it.  Hundreds of pictures, the two of them happy, at dinners, on vacation, backyard bar-b-ques, weddings, there she stood with a man with no head.

She started to feel better. I don’t know if it is the delirium of no sleep from the night before, the vodka or the fact that we had a big pile of goofy, smiling heads off to the side.  Then we got, or rather she got really crazy and started gluing his head to other people’s bodies.

By the end of the day, and yes we did spend a good part of the day on this, she really felt better about the whole thing. She had purged. Was she completely done being sad and ready to move on that day? No, but I really think she got over him a lot faster than if she would have just held it in and just been sad all by herself.

There are many reasons to have a pity party, and many ways to have one.  Left your boyfriend/husband, lost your job, even a blow-up with your mom or your bff,  you need to get your feelings out so you can process them and get on with things.

Some of the ways that have worked in the past for me and my friends have been:

• Movie marathon of every tear jerking sappy love story you can get your hands on, that’s right girl, cry your eyes out.  You will feel light and cleansed.
• Call on the troops, get your girls over, have cocktails, if that is your thing, pizza, and just vent,  get all of your feelings out about the dude you can until you have nothing else to say about him or the relationship.
• One of my personal favorites is to write him a letter, really let him have it.  Everything you ever wanted to say to him but held inside, everything you are feeling now, just go for it.  Call him out.  Write until you can’t write anymore, then when you are sure you are finished go outside with a bucket or bowl and burn it.  Please be safe with this, don’t want to burn the house down.  And no you are not going to send the letter.  This was for your benefit not his.

Another one for me is music, Mary J.  Blige, “No More Drama,” got me through a bad break-up.  Seal has also been helpful in this respect for many years.

The point here is, have a pity party. You are hurt, you need to acknowledge it, feel it, process it and then get over it.  When you don’t, feelings stay with you, filed away in your body waiting for the next time they get triggered.  I don’t know about you, but I am done not dealing with my feelings and then when I meet someone new, projecting all the old stuff on to the new guy, who as of yet hasn’t done anything wrong.

Do your work girls, feel your feelings, they are there for a reason. Oh, and BTW, the next guy my friend dated was her future husband. I’m just sayin.’ xo-K

My two cents: Sometime you have to go through it to get over it.

♥ ♥ ♥

This is exactly why I love K. She’ll be the first to call you on your sh*t, and she’s also the one who will show up on your door to help you throw the best damn pity party this side of the Heartbreak Hotel. Girlfriend gets it.

Back when I was going through the big D, my then-bff called me in a rage one day. “You can’t do this!” she said. “You need to make up with him!” I was all like, “honey, you’re my friend. You need to have my back. There’s nothing more to say. I’m hanging up now, okay?” There may have been anti-depressants involved, and not a little fear for her own shaky marriage. After several more calls along the line of “You’re making the mistake of your life!” and “You have no right to be so selfish!”, I told her that we couldn’t be friends anymore.

I’m not generally a “my way or the highway” kind of gal. I set very few rules in stone. But I know this: life is complicated. Girl rules are not. Sisters gotta have your back, period. It’s part of the code. Just like the code allows a full-on weeping and gnashing of teeth, chocolate binging, an extreme cry-till-you-puke sob fest. And then it’s over. Because really? The extended pity party is not attractive. The weeks on end How-could-he-do-this-to-meeee refrain gets tired. And it gives away all your power, in case that matters. Own your part in the break-up, and see if you can find the gift in it because no matter how bad it sucks at the time, I can absolutely promise you that a few weeks or months or years down the line? You see that what he gave you was a gift beyond price. Things always work out, no matter what. Love, C

My two cents: every “disaster” is a gift in disguise.

loving your inner goblin~

This is a fun meditation/exercise from our girl Colette Baron-Reid She is an amazing intuitive, author, and singer; plus she has a weekly show on Hayhouseradio.com

This meditation is great because it really helps to show you  how your ego can do a number on you. It’s fun and kinda funny.  Gives you a totally different perspective on things.  I have gotten tons of insight from doing this meditation. You can do it right at your computer. It short, just under 7 minutes and really helpful.  Give it a try.  xo-K

My two cents:  You gotta get in there and clean out the closet to allow new wonderful things to come in.

♥♥♥

Oh, heck yeah!  It sounds kinda crazy and more than slightly out there. . .but do the exercise and prepare to be amazed at what your inner goblin has to say to you. Have you ever had the experience of something really great coming into your life after you mucked through your closets and got rid of a lot of old, outdated stuff that you don’t use anymore? Think of the goblin like that. At one time, the little you got ignored or shoved to the side, felt bad, and turned into a goblin in order to feel safe.  Let’s all embrace our goblins, let them go, and get on with it! Love, C

My two cents: like a little kid throwing a tantrum, all your goblin really wants is love.

texting isn’t dating

Dating in the digital age is not for the faint of heart, is it? There are so many more options today than ever before in the history of this crazy little blue marble rolling around in space.

One of my dear new friends in my new home town met the love of her life before the digital dating phenom got rolling. She and her gal pals were sharing dinner out one night lamenting the single life (as women have been doing since the dawn of time), and one thing led to another. Before the night ended, these smart, sexy, sassy women all made a pact to run a post in one of the local weekly papers known for concert reviews, leftist political views, and explicit and not-so-explicit classified personal ads.

My friend ran her ad and got several responses. She made such an impression on one guy she met for coffee that he canceled the date he had with another lady he’d connected with from the classifieds. Throughout their courtship, my friend’s sweetheart wooed her by writing her one romantic letter a month for 36 months. At then end of the third year of love letters, he proposed. omg! Such a love story.

Fast forward to 2010: now we have online dating services and cell phones and text messages. We are dating in a digital age no one ever dreamed of. People still meet in the produce aisle, at church picnics, on the bus.  They also meet in cyberspace with photos and bios and various fictional versions of their their life stories.  Since venturing into the cyber-classifieds, I’ve taken the necessary precautions to avoid cyber-creeps. But I’ve always said you can meet a creep at an ice-cream social, so caveat emptor is the motto of  dating adults everywhere.

So recently, I found myself exchanging emails and text messages with a person of interest.  Yes, we met online, so the email and texting are not entirely unrelated to the whole e-dating process.  The thing is, we’ve met in-person. Clear and mutual interest was expressed by both parties. We even touched lips,  swapped spit. . . And yet? No forward movement. I figured, he’s just not that into me and was prepared to move on. Then we started up with the texts and flirty emails again. It was fun, but no hints about meeting up. Started to feel weird. Of course, K and I talked about it. The radar started to pingpingping. It’s not natural to meet someone you like and not want to spend time together. Unless. . .unless. Okay, girls. We all know what that “unless” means.  Something’s not on the up and up. The story isn’t holding together. We’ve all been in that place where our intuition started to warn us off and we ignored it, haven’t we? Can we all agree to not do that anymore?

The truth is, texting is not dating. Emails are not a relationship. Romance at a distance is the safety valve for someone who isn’t really ready for love. Not that any one of these things is wrong. Unless you want an authentic relationship, which every goddess is worthy of, btw.  I’m just sayin.’ Love, C

My two cents: be willing to walk away and never  settle for less than you really want!

♥♥♥

As I have mentioned before, I have been on dating hiatus for a while and don’t have experience with digital dating, but I do know a thing or10 about signs and when actions and words don’t jive.  So when C filled me in on what was going on with Mr. e-mailer/texter, something definitely was feeling a little off to me.  I totally understand emailing and such in the beginning of online dating, it’s fun, flirty and relatively safe.  Who hasn’t experienced the giddy feeling of opening up your inbox in the morning to a fun little note from a boy you are interested in.  That can go on for as long or short a period as the two people involved feel comfortable with.  For me and my experience with blind dating, I would rather get right to it.  Physical attraction is a big thing and I think a lot gets lost in translation when your only communication is email and text. So when I meet someone new for a coffee or a glass of wine I usually get a pretty good read if I am going to be interested in moving forward right away.  It is usually a, oh yea, yippee, he looks cool, or, there is no way in hell.

I am not being superficial and I am not talking about just the way someone looks, it’s more than that.  It is their vibe, the feeling you get when you are face to face with someone that as flirty as a text is it’s just never the same.

So back to said dilemma, what if there seems to be mutual interest between you and Mr. blind date/online guy and things go back to just texting and e-mailing?  I can’t say that that has ever happened to me but it doesn’t sound like something I would spend a lot of time with. . . but hey that’s me.  I guess maybe sometimes people want to take things slow but come on!!!

I guess it all goes back to knowing what exactly it is that you want and holding out for it.  I know for me no where on my list of things I want in a man is someone who is afraid of getting hurt so much  they have to move in reverse, nor am I looking for someone who doesn’t trust his own judgment.  But that’s my thing.  xo-K

My two cents:  Be true to yourself, know what you want in a relationship and never settle.

what are you so afraid of?

You say you want a relationship, a good one, one that is the real deal, the last forever kind.  So… why do you think it hasn’t shown up yet?

What if someone came up to you right here, right now, and told you your perfect match, your soulmate, the love of your life, was going to be here next week, say Thursday night at 8:00.  Quick- what is the first thought or feeling that comes up?   Excitement?  Happiness?  Anticipation?  Fear?  Mine was: Wait, I’m not ready!  What? Are you kidding me?  I have been waiting my whole life for this and now I’m not ready?

Not your reaction?  Are you sure about that?  Most people who don’t have fears or issues or something like that and really want a great relationship have one, plain and simple. And if you’re already there you’re probably not reading a blog about finding love.  So, here we are.  Just sayin’…

I just finished listening to an online seminar with Robert Ohotto, if you are not familiar with him I highly recommend  checking him out.  The webinar was titled “Soul Connections-Cultivating Intimacy within a New Relationship Paradigm.”  And it was nothing short of amazing.

This was a four hour e-seminar,and man was it info packed.  He touched on too many ideas to cover in this short little post, but I so feel better.  Having fear is normal; it’s one of the roles we play.  He talks about all of the archetypes in relationships and I recognized a few that I’ve done, many that I’ve done, and many that I’m done with.

My head is spinning with all the new information. I’ve listened to the  download of the webinar twice,  and I am still processing.  If I had to comment on anything at this point it would be that  I still have a lot of fears, and it is okay.  I am right on track for what I want and all is well.

I feel so blessed that  for each step I take, the next thing I need is right there waiting for me.  I’m baby steppin’, but I’m doing it.  Everything is happening right as it should, in perfect timing.  I am doing this, facing all the things that seem so scary: abandonment, betrayal, and, what if my “soulmate” shows up and he doesn’t like me??  Yikes, sounds crazy when I write it out loud, but I actually thought that for a minute.  Okay well, gotta process all of this.  xo-K

My two cents:  Everything you need will be there for you right when you need it.

***

I haven’t listened to Ohotto’s webinar yet — but plan to devote serious time to it, based on K’s review. I listen to him on Hay House Radio on a weekly basis. Robert is crazy smart, spooky intuitive, and has an uncanny ability to tell it like it is. Intuitively,  I like his style, I like his perspective, and I really like his insights into life. He’s a student of Carolyn Myss, and he has a knack for making you laugh even as he’s making a really important point.  He’s a genius, but that’s another story.

What really interests me is the idea of Fear. I’m not talking about the kind of fear that comes plugging in a DVD of Silence of the Lambs at home in a big country house, alone, at night. Or jumping off a bridge over a river with giant, elastic bands wrapped around your ankles. Or having a big dog lunge at you before he reaches the end of his chain.  This is about the small fears. It’s about the accumulated mountain of little fears that keep you from reaching your potential, everyday, for years and years on end. It’s the fear that whispers, “Don’t try that; you’ve never done it before.” or “What if you’re not thin enough?” or “You failed at love once before, what if you die alone?”

Fear is the great motivator that keeps us doing or not doing the things that can push us to fulfilling our destiny. It keeps us safe, because if we don’t try, then there’s no failure, and if there’s no failure, then we’re okay, right? Fear can define us. Or, if we are willing to risk the ordeal of facing it, fear can liberate us. Each fear is like life saying, “Are you ready to take this on? Are you willing to reach your potential?”

According to Marianne Williamson, the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s fear. She goes on to say that nothing is real but love, so the fear is illusion. But that’s another story, too. Let’s just stick with fear. This kind of work requires brutal, total, self-honesty. Can you do that?

So, here are a few questions to help you identify your fears. The trick is, to answer without thinking about it.  Just say the first thing that pops up. Ready? Okay, answer these questions:

• Assuming you played a role in the end of your last relationship (because you did), what fear motivated your actions?
• If the love of your life came knocking on the door, what would make you afraid to open it? (Fear of abandonment? Fear of failure? Fear of success?)
• Assuming you could have the love/success you desire, which fear would you be willing to exchange for it? (If you’re totally honest, you have to admit to at least one. No cheating!)

There are no right or wrong answers. This weekend, at a family reunion, my brother and I tried to find an old landmark from our shared past. A few years had come and gone, and nothing was as we remembered. And yet, everything fell in to place as we took one step, and then another. This is the thing: if you trust that things will work out, they generally do.  Love, C

My two cents: follow your heart instead of your fear; you heart knows what it’s talking about.

 

losing yourself in love

Relationships are all about balance, you know? Give too little, and they wither on the vine. Give too much, and you run the risk of losing your sense of self. Oh, yeah. . .been there, done that, bought the whole truckload of tee shirts!

Why do we give ourselves away so easily after we’ve worked so hard to become the bright, radiant, sassy, sexy, capable goddesses that we are? I don’t think it’s because we’re flawed. I think it’s because we are so amazing, that we care so completely. Our well of compassion is so full and so deep, it feels like we have an endless supply to give to those we love. We have so much love to give that it seems impossible to give too much. Unfortunately, we’re also conditioned to put ourselves at the end of that people-to-love, list so that after we’re done doing for others and doing for others and doing for others, our well runs dry and we snap like on old dry twig. It’s easy to get lost in love. Thank goodness, we have our girlfriends, our sisters,  our daughters, to remind us to ‘put our own oxygen mask on first.’

Here’s the thing about goals: they have a way to completing themselves when you write them down. Like magic! I suggest that you make three goals for self care and that you share them with your best friend, who will monitor your progress and help you celebrate when you achieve them.

1. Take time for yourself each day. Even if it’s only five minutes locked in the bathroom, listening to your favorite music on your iPod. Do it.

2. Do one nice thing for yourself each month. Get a pedi. Take a bubblebath. Go for high tea at the Four Seasons. Do it.

3. Once a year, get away. Plan a girls weekend. Go on a retreat. Take a seminar. Do it.

This isn’t about indulgence. Okay, maybe it is. But the point is this: make you the focus of you once in a while. Give yourself some of that sweet lovin’ you rain on everyone around you. Nurture yourself. Love yourself. You’ll be a better person for it. Love, C

My two cents: remember, you are a goddess! Treat yourself like one.

***

I was just having three hour coffee with my dear friend discussing this very subject.  I have been dealing with resistance and working through that.  I feel as if I have made some headway, and this was a big one for me.  When I am single, I have no problem filling myself up, and taking time for me.  I have my weekly massage, and a pedi once a month, got that down no problem.  Even being a mom, I make time for me.  I think that is being a good role model for my daughter, take care of you, then give to others.  Makes sense, right?  I was just  having a little anxiety around still taking care of me, doing the things I like to do and not putting myself last when I have a man in my life.  I have lost myself before, but you know what?  I know now, that I will consciously care for myself.  Between chatting with my friend for hours around this and now reading C’s post, I know that I can stay me even when I become a we.

Maybe, just to be safe I will print this out and post it on my bathroom mirror as a reminder.  xo-K

My two cents:  Be true to you!